The Plus Size Issue!

We've moved!

2010-11-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

If you've been wondering why there haven't been many recent "posts", it's because we've moved!

We are now at: http://rosemarysnotebook.com

Please visit and become a regular "follower". We'll make you very welcome.

Getting ready for the beach/pool

2010-10-03T16:51:00.000-07:00

It's getting a bit warmer, well Spring is taking it's time in arriving, but the sun when it does come out gives us a fair indication that our Summer is going to be a hot one! Quite hot!

So perhaps it's about time we thought of how we see ourselves when it comes to dressing for the beach or the pool. Because too often we get all "het" up and talk ourselves out of enjoying summer as much as we could, all because we feel we have to hide behind voluminous garments that hide our figures.

In dressing appropriately for the beach or pool, is it too much to expect that we, the plus sizers, should be free to wear what we choose, within reason of course, without being subjected to all sorts of rude comments? It's not as though we go around pointing the finger at slimmer women and discriminating against them. So why should others do that to us?

You know, there's no reason whatsoever. It's about time we realised that it's not our problem, it's theirs!

The sooner we get to the point of being comfortable with our figures and size, and enjoying life which includes sunning ourselves as well as swimming during the warmer months, then the happier we'll be. And when we're happier, then we'll be more confident. It's a natural progression of steps in gaining self esteem.

First Spring Shopping Day!

2010-09-29T16:31:00.001-07:00

The weather may not be quite as we would like it, but then Springtime is never known to be quite what it supposedly should be! The sun peeped out behind the clouds back on Father's Day (3rd September) only to hide again and since that time we've had plenty of Spring rains. Lovely for the gardens, and quite lovely for the opportunity of spending more time in the kitchen or the local coffee shop. Who needs an excuse to meet up with a girl friend or two and have coffee 'n cake?

Three of us ventured out last week to visit the local store/showroom of Kita Ku. Many of you will recall we've mentioned this lovely place a number of times through our newsletters. Well, we weren't disappointed in our visit this time either - they had lots (and we mean lots) of beautiful, wearable, trendy, affordable clothes. Many of last seasons were going out at "petty-cash" costs (such as $5). We all bought up for our "first Spring shopping spree of the year".

So why not visit Kita Ku's website yourself and see what they have. Also get onto their mailing list for news of their special sales and events. This is a beaut way of spending a lovely afternoon with friends. http://www.kitaku-australia.com/

Comfort food!

2010-09-24T12:26:00.001-07:00

There's "comfort food" and then there's "comfort food". And all of us, from the Prime Minister down to the old gentleman who lives down the street, has our favourites. Even people like Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson.

One that comes to mind easily is Sausages and Mashed Potatoes, or as it is more commonly or popularly known, "Bangers and Mash". I see where it has become the all out favourite in Britain particularly during the economic down-turn.

And whatever you may think, (and I can hear some of you say, yuk when you look at the photos), it is a delicious and filling meal. That is, if it is cooked properly and if it is presented properly. Why even my dear old Mum was able to throw a couple of snags (sausages) on the plate with a dollop of mashed potato, and we kids would be straining at the bit ti get stuck into "dinner".

I can't think of when I've been disappointed at a serving. Until I had a spot of lunch at Stallions yesterday. There it was on the menu (for kids alas, but I've heard that anyone can ask for whatever's on the menu as an adult serving and expect to be served), so I figured, yes, it's bangers and mash for me today. Even if it's just a teeny tiny serve!

Well it fronted up, and if I'd served this to my kids, they would have thrown the plate at me. The above photos tell a story and even though the first four have come from the internet (with full acknowledgement to the owners of the photo copyrights) they also tell it how it is when it comes to serving up simple tucker like bangers and mash. Or how it should be. But take a good look at the fourth (bottom) photo - this is a photograph of the ACTUAL meal I was served. And before I go any further, please take note that this was an "ADULT" serving!

You'll see what I mean by "you don't always get what you expect" even though you pay for it. This meal cost me $12 - so what? There are local places and I'm certainly not talking about McDonalds or KFC where you can buy a good meal (even 2 course, either soup and mains or mains and sweets) for $12 in nice surroundings, accompanied by table linen, a house wine (on the house) for $12. Why didn't I go to one of those? Simply because it's nice to try out something new. But again back to the photo. You can even see the "grease"or "fat" that the sausages had been cooked in, smeared across the plate (to the right). This serving and plate presentation, did not endear me to the restaurant at all.

And what's this got to do with being a blog on a plus size site? Everything. Because all of us have to eat. It matters not that we are size zero or size 20. And sometimes we need a bit of "comfort food". But not greasy food (even the mash was sitting in grease!) thrown on a plate and served up as though it were part of King Henry VIII's banquet!

We think we'll regularly re-visit the subject of food and "comfort food" a bit more often within this blog. There's nothing quite as good as a bit of constructive criticism!

Bright and Flashy!

2010-09-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

Strolling through the local shopping mall this morning I couldn't resist stopping and having a look at s rack of "inexpensive" jersey garments in all sizes. From what I've seen around the place, younger women are wearing these as part of a layered look - you know the sort of thing, pants, shirt or tee shirt and then the coloured short garment on top. Those that I saw this morning were sleeveless, with a deep round neck but a nice amount of fluid "give" in the garment itself (in other words it sits over the tummy rather than constricts it!). When I say short I mean if it were worn without the pants, then it would come above the knees.

But everyone seems to be wearing these garments at the moment. And I've got to say they're quite attractive. They're young at heart for the older woman, and she can get away with wearing them just as easily as her daughter or even grand-daughter. I think in the case of this mode of clothing that it's one style for all. No one looks out of place.

And that's good for us - the curavaceous girls/women of today's world. Feeling as though we're the same as other women.

Curves on the catwalk!

2010-09-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

At last! There are some of us who thought it'd never happen. But it has - and where else but the Big Apple?

Last week New York hosted a fashion show! So what you might ask. Well, included in this fashion show were fabulous frocks, fripperies, fanciful feminine garments and everything in between, for the plus size woman. The major host OneStopPlus.com showed some of their beautiful garments on girls with curves.

A few examples above.

Now all we have to do it get the Australian fashion industry "on side" and realise that curvaceous women not only want beautiful fashion, but we deserve it!

LOVE without ATTACHMENT

2010-09-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

A lot of my friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell me that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of themselves, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece I have repeated and reproduced over many years through my newsletters and small booklets. I hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

Love without attachment!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear

with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build you life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

Sunday afternoon 'n cake

2010-09-13T00:09:00.000-07:00

"Interested in going to a cake tasting?" My girlfriend asked.

She must have known even without asking that I would be all for it! The fact that the funds were to go to two special charities was an added incentive.

So we drove up further into the lovely Dandenong Ranges hills (lovely one day and perfect the next! whatever the season) to a small hamlet called Kallista (the meaning of which is "most beautiful"). The small mechanics hall had a large sign outside "The Cake Committee". On entering we were greeted by lots of happy faces, a number of tables with pretty vases of spring flowers (camellias, daffodils and daphne) and ladies in the kitchen already to serve cups of tea and coffee - all in readiness for guests to sit and taste some of the lovely delights and enjoy a cuppa.

Interspersed along the major front trestle table were and interspersed with lots (and I mean lots) of the most delicious, cholesterol laden, cakes. Chocolate, lemon, tirimasu, banana, Black Forest, lemon curd, lemon meringue, strawberry roulade, and tiny bite sized strawberry meringue/macaroons. Ladies wielding sharp knives quickly set about cutting slices and guests very quickly took advantage of some of their favourites.

As my girl-friend said, "what a very sensible way to spend a Sunday afternoon!" I couldn't agree more.

Travelling in comfort for the plus-size person

2010-09-05T21:02:00.001-07:00

I've just returned from a quick visit to Sydney. A surprise visit to share in my brother's birthday celebrations! I had a wonderful time, even though I only spent two days in Sydney. While I had left Melbourne having grey skies and rain, I arrived in Sydney to find even more grey skies, rain and bitterly cold. But that certainly didn't dampen my spirits!

But I thought you'd like to know something about air travel today. In the past even travelling by the more expensive airline Qantas I've had to request a seat belt extender. In fact a number of longer trips I've done to the West I was most uncomfortable with Qantas - it was almost as though the seating had shrunk from the previous time I'd flown with them!

But on other occasions I travelled with Virgin Blue and found the seating comfortable and the seat belts were sufficiently long enough to enfold my ample curves!

The same this time. I did request a seat belt extender as I entered the plane, but I found to my delight that when seated, the seat belt once again fitted! I was ecstatic!

I'm a great observer of people and situations, as you probably are aware by now, and I saw many business men of ample size and sort-of-ample sizes who fitted in comfortably to the Virgin Blue seats. Suffice to say I've heard from many other businessmen that they have had a few difficulties when travelling with Qantas over time too.

Is it that Virgin Blue have realised their seating is required for slightly wider, taller and heavier passengers these days? Whatever the answer, I have to say the trip to Sydney and back was great! (Even taking into account the fact we flew through storms both ways).

Photograph from Bug.co.uk, on the internet

Spring is here!

2010-08-31T16:28:00.000-07:00

Spring is here the grass is 'ris
I wonders where the flowers is!
(a little rhyme that we used to sing when we were kids).

Today is the first day of our Spring (here in Australia). The gardens are a picture, with flaming blooms on camellias, magnolias, the Australian wattles (so many different ones). Cuddled into the soil and breaking forth are the hyacinths, the snowbells, the jonquils and daffodils and the absolutely lovely tulips of every colour. I see also where the clematis are trying valiantly to break their buds and burst forth (I don't know the colour of this creeper as yet as I only moved here earlier this year, entering into Winter) but it is enticing me. The prunus and early blossom trees are out and pronouncing that they are a force to contend with.

But Spring always and also reminds me that it's time for the plus-sizers or the curvaceous ones, to burst forth from their dreary and dull winter colours and to shout to the world, hey look at me, I'm beautiful too!

We claim the right to look as attractive as any other woman (of every other size), given that we can actually buy lovely coloured clothing, (or should I say that it is actually available). So come on suppliers of plus-size clothing, get with the colour palettes and give us some fantastic choices. Even if we wear them with basic black pants and jackets. Let the jewels shine!

Plus-size clothing for young-at-heart-women

2010-08-20T03:39:00.000-07:00

Further to my most recent blog, I've discovered another Australian supplier of plus size clothing, and the clothing of this company WRAP goes up to 36!

This company is situated in Mentone, Victoria, and certainly seems to cover a wide variety of garments - just what we need!

Visit their site and see for yourselves. http://www.plussizedclothing.com.au/

Have you noticed?

2010-08-08T21:36:00.000-07:00

What do you think about the design and variety of clothes for the plus size woman?

I'm particularly interested in the perspective from an Australian point of view. Each season my hopes build up that we're going to see some really good styles, good colours and good fabrics. And each year, I have to admit I experience disappointment. Not that everything on sale is bad, but the majority I have to say lacks imagination.

Even some of the better labels seem to be undergoing a shrinkage phase. By that I mean shirts and tops are no longer tunic length or knee length or even mid-thigh length. They're back up around the waist or four inches lower. Now these may look good in photos, especially when they're modelled by women who have a nice figure (and let's face it, many plus size women do have nice figures and even dare I say it, flat tummies). But for the rest of us, there comes a time when a "saddle" appears. It sits nicely between the waist and the thighs and it can range from being a "bit" to a darn LOT.

This means that the shirts and tops might sit nicely around the bustline and even the waist, but .............. The lower your eyes take in the reflection of the garment in a long mirror, it's obvious to all and sundry that this saddle is protruding under and beyond the shape of the top or shirt. How many plus size women look at the profile or side view in the dressing room mirrors at stores these days? How many plus size women look at the rear view reflection in the dressing room mirrors these days? Come on, be honest. A lot of women we know NEVER look at the side or rear view.

Not doing so has a couple of consequences. They don't see themselves as others see them. And they do a dis-service to themselves by not being aware of how the garment looks. Because I think it's about time we showed the courage of our convictions and made stores and retailers aware that we're NOT happy with garments that they sell, and which are NOT made according to most of our needs.

As a postscript to this post, I'd also like to add my comment relative to the fabric we see everywhere today. There's something called "mesh" which is being sold through the small discount outlets in shopping malls, and this fabric is seen in the much more expensive lines being sold through the major retailers. It's used as tops, and as a top layer in skirts and pants. It may well be a practical fabric, but it certainly is not an attractive fabric. It looks what it is - a second class stretchy fabric that pretends to be a good quality material. It really isn't. It stretches - sure. But it also goes out of shape. It also tears easily, and a number of women associated with our newsletters have complained that inadvertently they've managed to tear holes in this mesh fabric even by putting the garment on. I don't know where this fabric is "made" but it sure doesn't appear to be made locally. For a country known around the world as the grower and supplier of beautiful cottons, linens and fine wools, we're subjected to some mighty awful fabrics here.

I'd like to hear what ladies in other countries think.

Those dratted scales!

2010-07-30T00:43:00.000-07:00

No I'm not talking about music scales,
but the dratted weighing machines

If you're anything like me, you've probably thrown out your bathroom scales years ago - they're certainly not our friends and will take great delight in belittling us and our "feelings".

But I'm talking about when you do to the Doctors, or even more importantly, if you have need to go to hospital for any reason. That might be from getting an eyelash taken from the corner of your eye, to major surgery. They will at some time during the admission process, weigh you.

Now, don't get me wrong. I realise they need to know your weight, if only for the reason of how much anaesthetic to give you, should you need surgery. But I don't like the way many nurses seem to find enjoyment in loudly repeating your weight as they take notes. It's not as though everyone in the hospital is deaf, surely.

I'm sure you can tell many stories about inconsiderate hospital staff. I've had nurses very quietly look at the scales and make a note, and I've had strident nurses bellow once if not twice my weight as they write it down. Do I sense a fiendish satisfaction in their faces as they do their best to embarrass me?

I've been caught up with the obnoxious BMI debate and I'll not go into that at the moment, but the way in which plus size women are treated by a lot of hospital and clinic staff is no longer tolerable, in my opinion. It's time for us to stand up for who and what we believe in - ourselves, and actually say what we think - without being militant or nasty, that is.

So I've composed a short letter - constructive criticism I call it - that I attach to my medical details whenever I have to change clinics, or attend hospitals for checkups and so forth. I set out the fact that I am an adult woman, larger than some and smaller than others, and that my weight is very personal. I point out that I have learned to live with my weight, and that should it be necessary for staff to check/recheck my weight, then could they please give me the courtesy of doing it quietly. That would prevent me becoming embarrassed, not by my weight but by their rudeness, and it would allow them to do their job competently and efficiently. They'd have the numbers or figures they need, and there'd be two happy people. Me and them (the nurse and the hospital).

Updating some of your favourite garments

2010-07-29T23:45:00.000-07:00

For to our blog on getting your favourite clothes "altered" to fit your ever changing body shapes, here are a few tips.

1. Find someone who has expert knowledge and is competent in all aspects of sewing, not just hems and simple quick fix solutions.

2. Find clothes from within your own wardrobe that can be brought up to date by doing the hem, taking it in or re-shaping the shoulders. Subtle alterations can make clothes look more "fashionable".

3. Don't personally do complicated alterations unless you're confident in your skills. However even if you try and can't finish the work, hand it over to a professional.

4. Before you alter new cotton clothing or a pair of jeans, wash or dry-clean them first according to the label to allow for shrinkage.

5. When you hem, pin both legs as one leg can be shorter than the other. Get someone else to pin your clothes.

6. Look into getting something tailor made for your size and shape. It may not be as expensive as you think.

For those of us who ARE plus-size, the advice in point 6 is really wise. Too often we spend time and energy in searching for something that we have a good idea on what we really want, only to take on second best. And even then it may need alterations.

Therefore if you have nice fabric and even a pattern (not necessarily in your size), take it along and have a chat with someone who you've seen or heard recommended. Talk to them about what you'd like as far as a tailored garment to suit YOUR body and shape.

We know it sometimes takes a while to find someone who "understands" the more curvaceous figure, but a really good dressmaker is worth more than her weight in gold.

(Hints 1 through 6 copyright Knox Leader, July 20, 2010)

Fashion Make-Over

2010-07-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

Do you have clothing in your wardrobe that you've grown out of? Or perhaps find some of them to be too big?

There's no doubt our bodies change shape over the years, and while we may not actually "lose" weight, often we will notice that our clothes don't quite fit the way they used to, or should do. Following pregnancy and the birth of a baby quite a few clothes need to be altered too, and this can help the budget especially when the garments are favourites.

While it's expensive to have your own personal dressmaker, a lot of women have taken up the challenge and now offer "alteration services". These range from sewing hems on jeans, pants, skirts as well as putting new elastic around the waistlines. However, a lot of these people actually do dressmaking and have found a valuable market in providing their services to the every-day woman who wants to upgrade her wardrobe without having to buy new clothes.

As a very proficient, qualified dressmaker said recently, "knowing someone's body and shape is the key to doing good alterations work". A good alteration expert can tell if the shoulder is dropped and the hip is high and remake garments taking into account all the important aspects of a good fitting garment.

Suggestions may range from changing a hemline by not merely following the fashion, but looking at the vertical line of their height and to judge according to the hemline, and that good tailoring makes it more fashionable. Adding darts can make all the difference from a dowdy looking garment to a smart, stylish fitted garment - even if you are plus size!

Above all, tailoring to YOUR body can better the look of the garment, making it appear superior in quality and cut.

"It doesn't have to be Chanel - it can be Target. But if it fits well, you look good and you feel good.", says Frances Le-Caria of Camberwell, Victoria.

Are there foods that turn fat into energy?

2010-07-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

You may be surprised at some of the foods
that govern how quickly you turn calories into energy.

We know that our body uses energy and burns fat when we are doing physical activity and digesting your food, but do you also realise you continue to burn fat even while you're at rest? And there are a some foods that can actually speed up metabolism that have additional benefits.

* Grapefruit lowers insulin levels that trigger fat storage. It is also rich in fibre and your body burns extra calories breaking it down.

* Green tea contains a powerful antioxidant (EGCG) not present in black tea. It stimulates the brain and nervous system to burn more calories.

* Yoghurt contains high levels of protein and requires a lot of energy for processing.

* Almonds contain essential fatty acids which help metabolism - in moderation.

* Coffee has caffeine, which does give you a boost. Just ensure you don't exceed two or three cups a day, or you risk a host of side effects, including irritability and jitters.

* Turkey meat is protein rich, builds lean muscle and causes the body to burn extra calories.

* Apples are high in fibre, low in calories. Apples help you stay full for longer so you eat less.

* Spinach is a great source of antioxidants, magnesium, potassium, iron and vitamin C.

* Beans, low in fat and packed with protein and fibre, keep you full for ages.

* Capsicums and peppers contain capsaicin which causes the body to burn calories for hours after ingestion, pepping up the heart rate and metabolism.

* Broccoli contains a highly effective metabolism boosting team of nutrients; calcium and vitamin C.

* Oatmeal fibre takes a long time to break down, lowers your body's insulin level and speeds up your metabolism as a result.

* Soy milk is loaded with calcium, which helps boost your metabolism. (Stay away from the sweetened varieties though).

* Curry like capsicum, increases the amount of calories your body burns.

* Cinnamon helps your body metabolise sugars more effectively and maintain steadier blood sugar levels. It can also help lower your cholesterol.

This information has been provided by Nutrition Australia (www.nutritionaustralia.org)

Dressing to suit the season

2010-07-27T03:40:00.000-07:00

OK, it's sometimes difficult to find clothes for the plus-size and shoes/boots for the wider foot.

One source of clothing that quite often gets missed is that of direct marketing. One of my personal favourites is Innovations at www.innovations.com.au

The latest catalogue has a couple of items that might take your eye. They've certainly appealed to me.

First of all, a lovely reversible cape.

The next item are warm cuddly shower proof boots.

Visit their website and have a look through their catalogue.

So just what does size zero really mean?

2010-07-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.pro-thinspo.com/size0.html

If you've been wondering like me, just what size zero is, then I've found the answer (well half an answer) - from a reputable source.

A US size zero model is equivalent to a UK size 4. This is where things get a bit "iffy" though - some think that the UK size 4 is equivalent to a size 6 in Australia while others disagree?

Have you got any ideas?

Aiming for "perfection"!!

2010-07-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

When is thin TOO thin!

According to Australian psychologist Professor Jane Usher, women's health expert from the University of Western Sydney, women should stop striving for so-called physical perfection because even those who have it, aren't happy.

56 models and 53 non-models were questioned by London's City University. The results showed that models felt their lives were out of their control, and that their bodies were there only aspect they have power over. This resulted in unhealthy physical obsessions and low self-esteem.

Professor Usher said, "they suffer incredible anxiety because they can't stop trying to control their bodies with dieting exercise and purging."

So here's the rub. Most of us think that models feel really good themselves. That doesn't seem to be the case after all.

(Photograph from the Internet)

Curb your cravings

2010-07-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

The advertisement reads: "Purchase the Hoodia Weight Loss Patch" Lose your tummy in four weeks! Four weeks? Four WEEKS?

Yoiks. I'm very fond of my tummy, thank you very much. Losing it would be as Oscar Wilde said in the Importance of Being Earnest", "to lose a (tummy) may be regarded as a misfortune". (With apologies to Oscar).

These advertisements use words indiscriminately. Losing a tummy is not as simple as it sounds. There are people who unfortunately have lost theirs, through surgery or illness or as a result of accidents. This is just not funny!

And whoever thought up a weight loss patch has to be dreaming. Obviously there's a huge (excuse the pun!) lot of money to be made from gullible people buying these patches.

Then there the other ad: Lose 2-24 inches in ONE HOUR 100% satisfaction guaranteed! Free special report reveals all! Do they really think we're stupid?

Lose 2 to 14 INCHES in one hour! Obviously there's a lot more to this ad than meets the eye, but they've got you "hooked" immediately decide to go into the site and read the "revealing report"!

These people are NOT ethical! They're out to make money and that's it.

Fat Jibes

2010-07-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I read with interest an article dealing with "fat jibes", by authors Rebecca Puhl and Kelly Brownell, both from Yale.

It seems research has found that making people feel bad about their size and/or weight is not the way to go. It's counter-productive. There is a wide-spread belief that making people feel bad about themselves (i.e. attaching your fat photograph on the frig) is an acceptable and effective form of motivation. It isn't.

Victimisation (for that's what it is) amongst youngster creates a no-win situation for them. This type of stigma doesn't work, and most of us know some of the consequences of being treated this way.

I bet most of us can confirm derogatory comments whether in the family, amongst our (so-called) friends and at work. Think of job discrimination. Do we get the promotion without having to undergo rigorous processes when many younger and slimmer people get into the short-list quickly and easily and it's NOT always that they're better at the job. Oh no! Even physical aggression. now, this is one of those "hidden" things that go on, but most of us again, will confirm that we've been subjected to this sort of treatment. We know all this because most of us have gone through this sort of unreasonable behaviour by others.

But the article quoted: "the personal stories we've collected in our studies are heartbreaking; a mother joking in a crowded room that she takes her child to a tentmaker to buy back-to-school clothes; a doctor telling a patient that she is too fat to interest her husband sexually; a teacher announcing to a classroom that an absent child 'probably stayed home to eat'".

These stories reflect a viciousness long ago shunned in matters of race or gender. Here, though, is a perverse twist. People inflicting the stigma are often convinced they are actually helping the victim.

The authors say, "We all need to change and the first step is simple. We must recognise that weight stigma is harmful, that it may well be contributing to obesity, and that it is not legitimate."

Health care professionals including doctors and nurses, dietitians and nutritionists and others within the health arena are very often the perpetrators of this stigma.

What I found of particular interest in this article was the statement, If even the health care system is unwelcoming, where can the obese turn for help?"

Where? Well a lot of us find help and encouragement (in verbal terms) from other people who are in the same predicament as us. It's by joining forces that we can find companionship and understanding.

Honestly!

2010-07-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

Having to do a spot of shopping, a couple of us stopped and enjoyed a cup of tea (Earl Grey of course!) at a nice little coffee/tea shop in one of the arcades that are sprinkled around our small town.

We do this regularly - it not only keeps us up to date with all our gossip, but it also enables us to share a gripe or two, while at the same time indulging in a chosen special cake to accompany our tea. We're all big girls, so there's never any problem of one or two of them attacking any of the others for spoiling ourselves with a cream cake occasionally.

Why was this morning any different? I stood at the counter casually deciding which cake to choose, when a very small, smartly dressed woman came and stood beside me. I turned and smiled. She glowered at me and said, "you shouldn't even be thinking of eating anything like that - you're so fat. You should be using your willpower"

So I did what any well-mannered, well-balanced plus-size lady would do. I looked down at my ample bust, leaned over and looked at my tummy, and turned back to her and said "Yes, you're right, I believe I AM fat. But I'm not rude to people I don't know. And might I say I certainly don't need any will power. Perhaps occasionally I might need a little bit of "wont-power" but not today. Which cake do you think I should choose? Ah yes, that beautiful fresh cream French slice. Don't you agree". She glared at me as though I had just flown in from Mars, mumbled and trotted off to a far table.

The rest of my group were seated by this time, waiting for their morning tea to arrive. The girls behind the counter were trying to hide their laughs and were in quite a twitter. After the snobby lady had left, the proprietor came across to me and said, "you know, that woman upsets so many of our customers with her rudeness and we've never been game to say anything. Thanks for saying what we've often thought and felt. You've made our day."

And yes, we all enjoyed our morning tea - VERY MUCH.

When it comes to walking down the aisle

2010-07-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

Don't you find it astonishing that providers of plus-size clothing don't always live up to that claim?

I recently contacted a Bridal store (no, I'm not getting married! ha), but I wanted to see for myself what was being offered to young women who were planning to walk down the aisle. Their advertisements (in large print) throughout local and national newspapers and magazines said, "Are you a plus-size planning to get married?" Further in the ads I read that the collection designed by an award winning UK designer, goes from sizes 18-30.

But when I actually got to the point of asking to "see" some of the bridal gowns, I was given a beautifully presented colour brochure. Sorry, I can't imagine what a garment will look like on a curvaceous young girl/woman or even an older woman. What I want to see are some actual examples of bridal wear.

How frustrating and disappointing for the young women who eagerly walk through the doors of this boutique store in the hope they'll be able to touch and see some lovely bridal gowns, only to be given a brochure.

Is this good enough?

Did you realise?

2010-07-07T19:59:00.000-07:00

According to the Australia Koala Foundation, www.empowher.com, 1 in 3 teenage girls have starved themselves or refused to eat in an effort to shed kilos.

It's bad enough the discrimination shown towards adults, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong, that our teens feel they HAVE to be slim, if not downright skinny, to meet the media's expectations.

In today's world when it is (supposedly) illegal to discriminate against gender, culture, faith, and disability, why is it still permitted to discriminate against the plus-size and the aging. No-one seems to be bothered about confronting this, except of course for the plus-size and the aging. And when we do say something, we're told we're whinging and whining and complaining.

I say, let's complain loudly and often. Perhaps someone with clout will stand up for us, and with us, and be counted!

* And I question this ridiculous measurement of "plus-size" or overweight or "obese" (a hateful word and should never be used against another person - it's soul destroying). None of us are identical in height, weight, width, and shape, and yet we're all supposed to fit into an "ideal". Who was it that worked out what "ideal" is? Obviously someone who thought they were the perfection upon which we should all aspire to. What nonsense.

Plus-size garments

2010-07-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

Garments should flow over and around the body
rather than restrict and suffocate it

SERENDIPITY - PART II

2010-07-01T00:16:00.000-07:00

Tracey E continues her "Serendipity":

"Because my body was always inclined to be fully shaped, and then overly shaped as I entered puberty, I became more withdrawn and shy. I was fearful of going to places where there were people and I was terrified of spending my life unloved.

The thought of marriage and children were high in my hopes. I had left school in my early teens, and with a determination that surprised me, I set out on a learning expedition. My inclusion with girlfriends in outings and going to the films or dances was near enough to zero. I was the odd one out - overlooked by some of the family and certainly never shown any spontaneous affection from aunts and uncles. The pretty little blond cousins were adored, but the big, brown eyed girl was not. I never gave a thought to the possibility that there may have been other reasons over which I had no control whatsoever - it always seemed to me that it as because I was stupid and/or fat.

My low self-esteem, I have now discovered to my absolute delight, was based on nothing more than negative thoughts implanted in my fertile brain at a tender young age, by people around me, including some of my family.

As I grew older I started to look at how this same attitude had effected and impacted on other women within my family, forcing them to hide behind a veil of shyness and timidity, afraid to stand up for what they thought was right, and buckling under the hard rule of the supposed "adults".

This timidity however, once released, as these women became aware of how discriminatory the attitudes of many of the family were, showed the world what a tower of strength and resilience they had become. And in tearing through the veil, they showed me quite literally and clearly, how to do likewise!"

SERENDIPITY - Part I

2010-06-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tracey E writes:

"There's no doubt that women everywhere suffer from varying degrees of low self-esteem. It doesn't matter if you are an African tribeswoman or a member of the European upper-crust; if you're an up and coming Olympian swimmer or just the kid around the corner, low self-esteem will hit you at sometimes. And for the Australian woman it is no different. She may be financially independent, she may be holding down a satisfying and well rewarding job, she may be young, she may be older, she may even be thin or fat. Low self-esteem will impact upon her life, and influence how she feels about herself and how she sees herself in the big picture. As a woman well endowed with size and shape, I had for many years foolishly thought my low self-esteem was because I was: (a) stupid and (b) I was fat. I questioned myself for years, and I still came to the conclusion that I must be stupid because I hadn't any friends. As an adult and based on a more adult perspective of life, this belief lived with me and was reinforced in my self feelings. "I must be stupid because I had a bad marriage, and I must be stupid because I'm not happy." I tended to be a "loner" mainly because people overlooked me or treated me as a bit of a puzzle or even a joke."

To be continued ....

What was it that Pavarotti said?

2010-06-28T22:16:00.001-07:00

"The reason fat people are happy is because their nerves are protected!"

SARONG (SAR-wrong?) SAR-right!

2010-06-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

What is the one piece of clothing most backpackers carry when they travel? If you guessed a sarong, you're right.

What is so useful about a piece of rectangular fabric? For the uninitiated, the sarong has many uses.

As a piece of clothing, it is versatile. As a dress, simply tie it at the front and above the chest. As a skirt, it can be fastened around the waist. It is especially convenient as a cover when returning from the beach or as a bathrobe when going to or from a shower. For those with some skill, the sarong can be converted into a pair of shorts and a top.

Even if you are not wearing the sarong during a day's sightseeing, keep it in your bag. Many religious sites require visitors to cover their arms/legs. Simply pull it out of your bag, wrap it around the body, and you will save any embarrassment for yourself and the officials of the religious site.

Travellers have been finding many other practical uses for the sarong. One is to use it as a towel. (Not that I'd suggest you use one if you are travelling or visiting the snowfields!) They are a great replacement for towels on the beach or even in general showering. Normal towels are heavy, take a long while to dry, and take up precious space in a pack.

The sarong is lightweight, dries in a short time and can be rolled down into a tiny bundle.

The sarong is great for the beach as it also acts as a sun protector. I tend to use it as a shawl when my shoulders start to get pink from the sun. It's light fabric protects from the harsh rays but allows your skin to breathe.

As an item to be used in your bedroom, the sarong has myriad uses. Put a sarong over a window to block out the morning sun or the lights shining on. If you are visiting, and have to spend a night on a sofa, the sarong makes a great sheet.

Other practical uses include that of tablecloth, picnic rug or a makeshift bag. A little creativity on your part will most probably come up with some additional uses in an emergency.

This simple piece of clothing, which can be bought for a few dollars (after all it is only a straight length of fabric!) is one of travellings essential items. Don't leave without it.

Sarongs are one of the most under-rated garments for the size 6 plus. It's practical, it's comfortable, it looks good, it can be worn dressed up or dressed down. If you want a garment to "disguise" your body, it's perfect, if you want to show off your figure, it's just as perfect.

It's an all season garment - NOT merely for the warmer months. If you haven't tried one, then do so, and you'll most certainly be hooked.

daydreaming .......

2010-06-12T04:03:00.001-07:00

I'm at long last finding time to spend by myself and I'm being surprised every day with the knowledge there are times when I like solitude.

Let me hasten to say though, that in no way do I enjoy being "lonely" and sometimes it happens - but I mean choosing to be "alone" is quite nice when you want it to be.

For those of you who know me a little through my various columns, you will already know that my career curve has taken another one - curve I mean! I'm loving the freedom that this choice is giving me, in doing the things that I want to do, when I want to do them, and with who I want to do them. And I'm saying nothing further in that regard - well, not at the moment anyway.

This morning has been one of those bleak cold and grey mornings, and while sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee - with cream! - I found that I was suddenly transported away on imaginings and my thoughts were falling all over each other in their scramble to form a sensible pattern. I realised that I was day-dreaming, and when I thought more seriously about it, I realised I hadn't had time to daydream for years, being heavily committed to business activities and travelling, and then having to run the home as well before my CDC - "career direction change".

I remembered as a child - especially in the classroom, when I would dabble in daydreaming - of course neither the teacher nor my parents found it amusing, and told me I was wasting valuable time and expense in doing so.

But you know, I've found in my adulthood that being able to daydream occasionally rounds off some of the harsh edges that life creates for us. Being able to put day-0dreams into action plays a big part in our abilities to take on new challenges, to set new goals and to undertake new adventures.

I don't know about you, but I find daydreams very valuable stuff - without them I think that life would be sadly lacking in some of the romance and fantasy areas that we all need at some time during our lives.

That's not to say that we should spend the whole day daydreaming but occasionally it can do us good. As a matter of fact just like chocolates - did you read the other day that chocolates can be VERY good for us, if eaten sensibly and moderately?

That's great, because I've decided to take advantage of daydreaming when I want to and enjoying chocolates when I want to. Perhaps I can combine the two together!

Because I reckon I'll be all the happier - knowing that there's no suggestion of "having to go without" because that to me, WOULD be a waste of time.

.....© Leonie Stevens

Shortened days - longer nights!

2010-06-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

Officially it's Winter. Chillier mornings and evenings.   It gets darker earlier of an evening - street lights come on in anticipation of the greyness that embraces everything.   Here we're experiencing some early fogs, and most of us are rummaging around in our wardrobe to find the warmest, the favourite winter woolie.   It may be coat, jacket, jumper, sweater, vest, tunic, pants, long skirt, and/or fleecy lined boots (if you're fortunate enough to be able to buy them to fit!), and around the house our well-worn but worn--well snuggly slippers to keep our toes warm together with faux fur rug to tug in around our legs finds it way to our sofa.

Some of us in this group have even found out our knitting needs and crochet hooks ready for the cooler nights. Watching TV (who can resist Jethro Gibbs? - please don't tell us he's leaving NCIS!) and the upcoming Poirot/Miss Marple series about to start soon on the ABC, there's nothing better (and easier to do) than to sit and knit.   What a wonderful array of knitting yarns there are about these days - chenille, feather, ribbon, fuzzy, bubbly, bobbly - and so many more.   We've found these textured yarns don't even need to be done in plain and purl - just plain!   'Cos the end result is what you're seeking in the long run, anyway.

Why can't we buy nice, attractive garments in wool for the winter months?   There are plenty of fleecy lined garments (made in China - where else?) but it's almost impossible to find knitted or woven garments that are flattering to the plus-size woman.   Yet just today we saw some "felted" garments - vests - short and long=line, which are attractive in multi colours, as well as some lovely tunics in light wool.

Something not many of us do in the colder months (or the warmer seasons either for that matter) is to "layer".   Is it because we've come to the conclusion that it's because most "winter" clothes are bulky and therefore we look more like a fuzzy bear all bundled up, rather than an attractive plus-size women wearing sensible and flattering clothing.   So if you have favourite light-wight clothing in your wardrobe, get them out and have a think about co-ordinating and "layering".    Quite honestly you might be surprised at how effective light-weight clothing can be in keeping you warm!

Do "fat" people actually choose to be fat?

2010-05-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of us here in the office have just read an article in one of Australia's leading women's magazines, "Womans Day", that we found interesting. Interesting in that someone is actually putting forward theories that we've been saying for decades.   Being overweight, even a little or a lot, does not necessarily mean being lazing and eating too much!

Yeaaay!    Dr John Dixon (Melbourne obesity "expert") recently said: "Many people are overweight through genetic predisposition and/or environmental factors"   We'd also like to add here that "economic factors" combined with genetic predisposition, have something to do with it too!

But then Dr Dixon goes on, "Studies show that if you feed two people on a high-fat diet, some will get fat and others will not. So certainly what we need here is understanding, not vilification."

How can we get "the powers that be" within the media, including advertisers, to see size as merely one aspect of a total human being, and to treat everyone fairly and equally within their pages? What escapes a lot of people's common sense, and this particularly applies to advertisers, is that large people buy their products in the same quantities as slim people.

They're doing a disservice to society at large, as well as to their own profit-lines by denying the plus-size to participate (by way of being included within advertisements as a positive representation of "customers" rather than being made fun of) as well as recognising that plus size people do their bit to keep those businesses going.

The "movement" towards size acceptance continues to gain momentum

2010-05-27T21:31:00.000-07:00

Women of size, all around the world, are discovering what it is to be in control of their lives and to face out-of-date attitudes. Taking control is definitely NOT "losing" control though. Self confidence combined with self-assurance and the knowing that we really do know what is best for us, can empower us to tread lightly but firmly on the path of total self and size acceptance.

For some, it's a daily struggle to maintain a "positive" attitude in a society that feeds upon blame and guilt associated with those who are deemed plus-size. The media is blatantly discriminatory but will never admit to it. Excuses abound and you and I are no longer persuaded to see their point of view.

Here in Victoria, Australia, which is the only State so far to have introduced legislation against physical discrimination, there have been 365 cases of discrimination on the basis of physical features (including those based on a person's weight) in the past five years. ("Woman's Day, April 19, 2010). This does not, of course, take into account the many thousands of cases that never come out into the open.

It is not legal to be turned away from a job, told you are too fat to shop in a particular outlet, denied a promotion, knocked back from a club or bar or suffer humiliation because you don't measure up to someone else's ideal of what you should look like (Victorian Equal Opportunity Rights Commissioner)

But that doesn't make sense because in real life, people ARE turned away from jobs, they are MADE to feel out of place in specific shopping outlets, they ARE denied promotions, they ARE subjected to humiliation - by innuendo, jokes or straight out verbal abuse (and they're not being over-sensitive in claiming that it's because of their weight). It happens too often and to too many for it to be simple imagination!

There is bias in our society, and it's about time that we were judged less and understood more.

The first step is up to us. To discover our own worth and value; to live by and with those values; and to believe in ourselves. Then it's up to others to accept us as we are. If they can't or don't want to, then that is their problem, not ours, and even though it might be hard to do, we may have to turn away from those people (even if they are family or so-called friends) and find other ways and means of handling our lives.

We should never become puppets to a society that dislikes the plus-size so much.

Size and Colour Do Matter!

2010-05-21T21:55:00.000-07:00

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20-22 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

Beyond the Curve!

2010-05-20T23:46:00.000-07:00

I can recall as a youngster, that Grandmothers used to pat us on the head and say to one another, "Isn't she a bonny wee one". Aunts would chuck us under the chin and smile and say, "A lovely, chubby, cuddly one."

Was my family so different to others? Or was I fortunate in knowing that to all the important women in my family, I was seen as "one of them", albeit in miniature. To the other one person in the family, my Dad, to whom I passionately wanted to be seen as "precious", alas this was not to be as he could never tolerate anyone who was "fat".

But then I started to grow up and went to school. Lots of the other children used to poke fun at me, laugh about my lack of co-ordination in many things (particularly running and PE, which meant doing exercises - ooooh, the memories of those sports bloomers!), and tease me mercilessly about buttons that popped open as my breasts formed; knees that were fatter than theirs, and tummy and hips that wobbled and just sat there like a mound of jelly.

I started to feel bad about myself. I told myself I'd never be any good at school, I'd never get a good job, I'd never find a boyfriend, I'd never get married, I'd never have children, and I'd grow old all by myself because no one would want me.

Many years passed and all of them were filled with guilt especially if I ate something that I really liked. People would look at me sideways and tell me that I shouldn't. I started at about ten years of age to seriously diet. That didn't do any good either, because I felt constantly hungry and worthless. All the time I put on more weight and grew fatter. The fact that I was growing taller as well didn't seem to occur to anyone! Coupled with that the fact that my Mum, Grandmas and Aunts were all fat too, didn't seem to connect with my lack of self-esteem.

It took me far too long to come to terms with the realisation that I was bigger than many others, but also I was much smaller than a lot of people, at the same age.

But it saddens me to see little girls of 5 years up, now thinking and talking about being "too fat" and that they should diet. I'm with those other women who are asking, hoping that someone will give us a rational answer, as to just where these little girls are getting this notion from?

Magazines and TV are two areas that I believe (with many others) should be made more responsible for their attitudes. They simply will not accept the fact that what they say and what they show, has an impact on the fertile minds of our young people. "No" they say, "readers or viewers can make up their own minds. We're not doing anything wrong." Excuse me!

Children are not getting this message from books they read or lessons they have at school. They certainly should not be getting the message from their Mums (though sadly this is often the case when Mum herself is in the body-self-loathing syndrome). We've got to stop this nonsense. Otherwise our children will suffer - not only physically but also emotionally.

Look at the film "Shrek". A fatter than ideal heroine, and a large, fat and to some, ungainly hero. But they accept each other as they are - not as they wish each other to be. They not only accept each other, but they love each other.

Isn't there a lesson here for all of us?

© 2010, Morgana

2010-05-20T23:39:00.000-07:00

Having it All!

You'll often hear someone say this. Whether it's in conversation, or else in your favourite women's magazine. And they usually add, "and you too can have it all, all you have to do is ..........." The list is endless - you know the sort of thing. Lose weight. Do something with your hair. Why not have some liposuction? Botox, my dear, that's the answer. You shouldn't eat this particular food. You're not bringing your children up the right way. Do this, do that, and do everything we say, and then "you can have it all!"

Have you ever wondered whether these people know what they're saying? Or what they're telling us to do? And who are "they"? Have you ever met them? What gives "them" the right to tell us how to lead our lives, and what we do and how we do it?

Sub-consciously many of us have "listened" to these words that run around in our heads. We've agreed that we should do as "they" say, because then we WILL be accepted, we will be seen as being important or valuable, and we WILL have it all!

But do you truly believe that this is the answer? Why have we wasted time listening to propaganda that is based on untruths?

Let's start at the beginning. Most, if not all, the people who tell us what to do and how to live our lives are women. Right? Doesn't that strike you as strange? And when you think about it a little deeper, doesn't it make you wonder why women have this "thing" about telling other women where they're wrong? Are their own lives so perfect?

I'm one of many who foolishly "listened" to these apparent knowledgeable women, and journalists and features editors of women's magazines over the years, until ....... One day I realised that I'd probably had more experience than they had; I'd gained more knowledge on the same subjects that they tackled; and I'd learned how to cope and adapt to changing circumstances within my life, that they wouldn't even know about. And because of that I had insights and the ability to know what is best for me. Even to how I look, what I wear and what I eat.

What a discovery. From that day I've been able to read women's magazines and listen to women expounding on how everyone else should lead their lives, and wonder (and ask them when possible) have they successfully found contentment within themselves? Have they done everything they've been told to do by others? Have they not been true to themselves, but allowed others to manipulate them into being and living as someone who they are not?

The lesson for me was this. As a child I sought education. I used that education in the pursuit of knowledge. With the gaining of knowledge and experience, I can share with other women. I will not tell them that I what I know and what I have learned are the answers for them. But I can assure them that in sharing what I do know, I am allowing them the opportunity of searching for answers for themselves.

For we need to be the captains of our own ships. Women today, especially younger ones, have higher education and career opportunities than women of 50 years ago. Women in many areas of society are treated equally and expect to be independent including financially secure. But there are still many who are held back by the thought that they are not seen as being "equal" or "accepted" by other women.

I'm told that women have never had it so good. Why do I complain? Why don't I just sit still and accept the fact that things are as good as they'll get? I'll tell you why. Because women aren't getting as good as they deserve. Not at all. And unfortunately our worst enemies are more often than not, other women.

Why should we believe we're asking for more than we deserve? Surely every one of us deserves to be treated with utmost respect and courtesy, from everyone we come in contact with.

"Having it All" is a little too ambitious; it's probably impossible. Having "enough" is more to the point. Because then you're not striving to get more than you need, which in turn could make you pompous and arrogant. And anyway, "having it all" means that there's nothing to aim for, no goals to set, no dreams to be fulfilled. How boring!

© 2010 Morgana

Bare Arms!

2010-05-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked at a dress in a store window and said to yourself, "I'd love to be able to wear that!" It's not that it isn't available in your size, or in the colour you love, it's simply that it is "sleeveless".

And let's face it, the plus size (or curvaceous woman) doesn't really like to bare her arms too often, even in the summer months. Our arms, especially our upper arms (like a lot of other parts of our bodies) seem to do what they like, and often remind us of pelicans spreading their wings. They flop and flap away regardless of how much we try to keep them under control. And when a woman is entering the "growing older" phase then her arms become a limb that needs to be "hidden".

So we go without sleeveless dresses - afraid to take the risk because then we'll find ourselves not ever wearing that dress for fear of someone laughing at our arms.

Curvaceous women have a lot to contend with. And these feelings of, dare I say it, embarrassment because our bodies aren't trim and taut, affect our self confidence and in turn affect our lives. Because we go without such a lot, when we really needn't.

I like this particular dress from North Style - the styling is nice, the length is great and the flow of the dress is becoming and flattering. The only thing against it is, yes, it's sleeveless.

But wait a minute. Just because we're plus size, does that mean we can't do a little bit of disguising, if we want? Shrugs are not only for the tiny person, they're for all of us. For those who don't quite know what a shrug is, it's a sort of "bolero". And boleros are very attractive. Choose a colour co-ordinated shrug with the colour of your shoes and handbag, wear it over a jewel coloured dress, and you've got a great outfit.

I've seen "boleros" worn by women who are size 2, 6, 18, 24, and 30 and they all looked terrific.

We have to look outside the "blinkers" that we put in place, thinking that they will protect us, when in fact what they're doing is tieing us up in knots.

Aging Outrageously! - More on aches and pains, moans and groans

2010-05-19T05:06:00.001-07:00

On the serious side though.

In many of my newsletters I push the idea that women of all ages should pamper themselves occasionally. I don’t think that aging makes any difference to this notion. Women love going to the hairdresser, having their nails polished, having a facial, and even a massage. Head massages are wonderful beauty treatments, and if you walk out of the therapists rooms feeling like a million dollars, then you have every right to do so.

I’ve heard of women being told by their families "why waste the money?" Well let me say to them - where’s the waste? And whose money is it, anyway? They’re most likely only jealous, when it comes down to it.

But what does a “growing older” woman do when she is told she has an unexplained lump somewhere on or in her body? What does she do when she’s told that a certain surgical procedure has high risks for her. Does she keep all this to herself, working herself up into a lather of worry and anxiety, because there’s no one to talk to?
Too often that’s exactly what happens. And that sort of situation is not good - not good at all. Worrying about things like this leads to deep anxiety, and deep anxiety can lead to depression. And depression can lead to a whole lot of other awful scenerios.

Women need women to talk to. And if your family or even friends don’t and won’t listen to you, why not ask someone at your local church or neighborhood house for a referral to a reputable person known to them who will act as a counsellor. Not everyone can afford to pay counsellors, but there’s always the chance of finding someone who does it at “no charge” (even professional counsellors). I speak from experience here.

Then there’s word of mouth. Come on girls, growing older does NOT mean that you hide behind a veil of timidity. You’ve got to step out and help yourself. Even if you’ve always been terribly shy, you’ve just got to step out of the background and ask questions. Networking is one of those things that women find essential over the years - the “growing older” years even moreso. And it’s surprising where you can find out about things - not just from the internet, but from a local point of view, just talking to someone in a coffee shop (share a table occasionally and you’ll get to know someone new as well as find out things!). Talk to one of the shop keepers, especially those that are not rushed about or trying to get you to buy something and to then leave the store. Think - your favourite bookshop proprietor- they know heaps about the local community and local people.

Whatever way you deal with your “growing older” aches and pains and moans and groans, I trust that you will experience the feeling that you are not alone, and that others understand with a personal knowledge, of what you’re going through.

© 2010 R.M.

Aging Outrageously! - Aches and Pains, Moans and Groans

2010-05-19T05:02:00.000-07:00

It's not only the slim and trim woman who has health issues as she grows older. The plus size woman too, even has some issues that the slimmer woman doesn't. But here's what it's like growing older for young women to look forward to.

You get to around 70 and things start to fall apart. Bits and pieces you never even knew you had begin to hurt. You try and walk to the letter box and before you know it you’re huffing and puffing like a traction engine. Your face goes red; your varicose veins start throbbing and you’re sure you have a headache coming on.

The arthritis slows you down and before you know it, someone is suggesting that a walking stick might help, dear. There are times when I would willingly swipe someone over the head with my walking stick - they’re so damn patronising.

You have to get up almost every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom - then the Dr asks do you have interrupted sleep? What’s he talking about? I have ongoing interruptions, I hardly have any sleep! But if and when I do drop off, my damned restless legs take over and I’m throwing myself around the bed, tossing the duvet off because I’m overheated. The next minute I’m scrambling around trying to find that same duvet to pull up around me, because I’m shivering. Nobody told me that the hot flushes went on forever.

You get up early to take your morning pills, and by the time you’ve taken them you need to have another visit to the bathroom because there are so many pills that you have to drink half a gallon of water to get them down. I reckon I rattle when I walk - if not, then I hate to think what that is I hear every time I take a step.

If you’re unfortunate enough to go into hospital even for an ingrown toenail removal, they ask you what prosthetics you wear.Well to start off, there are the dentures; then the hearing aids. They tell you to remove the teeth, and you’re so gummy you can’t even make sense of what you’re saying let alone expect the nurses to know! Your tongue fills your mouth and you start salivating and you sound just like a baby learning to talk.Of course it doesn’t help having to remove your hearing aids either, because then you can’t hear what anyone is saying and you can’t even hear what you’re saying! They then remove your glasses and you can’t see a thing. What are you supposed to do? They ask you to sign the document and you can’t even see the flamin’ document, let alone know where to sign it.

The hospitals in Australia have limited administration staff in most departments. This means you’re expected to fill out your entire admission papers (usually anything up to 10 pages), and list (the most recent to the earliest) all the operations (big and little) you’ve had over the years. Yikes I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, let alone the fact I had a haemorroidectomy, - oh, gosh when was that? The list of medications, including the dosage you’re on, the exact spelling of the tablet or capsule, and when you take it and how often, and more than an hour has gone by. And it doesn’t matter even if your visit to the hospital is a “repeat” visit - the same damn documents and the same damn lists.

You supply your pension card and medicare card and are told this is out of date, where’s your new one? Honestly, it’s enough to give you high blood pressure (that is, if you didn’t already have it!).

And these are only a few of the things that irritate you as you grow older. This is where things become really weird. People ask you how are you today? Do they really want to hear all about your aches and pains? Do they simply mouth the words, without ever intending to listen to you. Or are they just humouring you, giving you the impression they’re interested, when they really couldn’t care less.

It’s not only friends or neighbours who do this - it’s family too. Gosh, what is it about me that these people waste my time in even asking me? I decided some years ago that if they asked me, I’d look them in the eye and tell them “fine”. Even when I looked and felt lousy. I’m beginning to wonder if they really wanted to know how I was feeling in the first place. They didn’t notice how I looked, they just smiled and went on with what they were talking about. I started doing likewise to a lot of them, and they didn’t even notice I’d turned off and was talking about something else. They just went on raving about how they felt.

I think asking about a person’s health should be relegated to the same “don’t do” file of mentioning religion, football or politics, unless it’s made plain to you that people really do want to know. Otherwise it only gets you into an argument, and I can get myself into one of those without the help of other people - thank you very much!

If you're growing older, and know from personal experience what it's all about - those aches and pains and moans and groans, why not write about them so we can share them by reprinting them? Come on - I bet you have some interesting stories.

© 2010 R.M.

The "growing older" plus size woman's wardrobe

2010-05-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a great observer of women and how they dress. While I'd like to shop at some of the better boutiques, it's not always possible. And the same goes for many thousands of growing older women.

Spending budgets seem to shrink over the years for many women. And this is borne out by the clothing you see in your own local community worn by ladies of greying years. It's not that they're no longer adventurous when it comes to choosing clothing, it's just that for some reason they feel less confident in choosing things that won't make them look like "mutton dressed up as lamb."

Which is a shame really. Because if you look around the traps, at your local shopping mall, at your chain stores (such as K Mart, Target etc) and even some of the spicy little "younger" focussed fashion stores springing up, you're sure to find something that will look on you, regardless of your age. Very often the cost is affordable and if you choose wisely, that garment may well fit in with your life-style for many seasons, not just the one.

What seems to happen is that the clothes in the wardrobe "will do"; and quite often they will, but many times with a little bit of courage, the older woman can look twice as spectacular by extending her horizon beyond thinking that "I'm old, therefore I might as well wear old women's clothes".

And I question the idea of OLD women's clothes. There is no such thing. Just as there is no such thing as a 26 year old's dress, or a 42 year old's dress. Let's leave the number out of the equation and look at the clothing as women's clothing, nothing else.

When we can look at things in the right perspective, a whole new world opens up. Instead of just wearing well-loved and well-worn track suits when going shopping or even meeting up with the "girls", try a little flair. Wear your favourite pants or jeans but dress them up with something really lovely such as the shirt shown above. Tie a white or blue silk or chiffon scarf around your neck, choose a favourite matching tote bag and off you go. Enjoy your "growing older" years by enhancing your knowledge of what you will look good in and feel good in wearing. Age has nothing to do with enjoying life, just as being plus size is irrelevant.

(The above blue shirt is from North Style.com Have a look at their website).

Accessories - they're so versatile!

2010-05-17T03:05:00.000-07:00

A lot of plus-size women (read - curvaceous) find it hard, for one reason or another, to stretch their budget when it comes to adding new clothes, unless they attend "sales" for plus size clothes. And this sort of sale doesn't come around often even then.

The feature on this season's fashion colours - bright jewel colours, brought quite a few responses.

Some of the ladies mentioned that they could ill afford to spend big money on keeping up with the trends, and wondered how they could add to their wardrobe, without going into debt!

The easiest way, and the most inexpensive way, is to accessorise. Purchase a length of fabric in your favourite, brightest colour - even satin and/or chiffon, and make a scarf. Long enough to go around your neck and hang to the length of your winter jacket. Long enough to wind around your neck a couple of times. If it's sheer enough, long enough to tie in a big pussycat bow that sits on your chest. We believe that if you are fortunate in having a chest, then promote your advantages! If you've a waist, then a length of brightly coloured satin will make a wonderful cummerbund, and brighten up a dark coloured garment. Even a length of the mock sequin fabric will make a fantastic "belt" - who says you have to have a tiny waist?

Then purchase a pair of handbag handles (i.e. cane) from your craft shop (Spotlight over here) and sew yourself a matching handbag. This is as easy as cutting two rectangles, sewing along the bottom and up the side; inserting the cane handles along the top and sewing (by hand) a seam enclosing the handles. There are lots of patterns around for simple projects like this, and they can make a difference to your wardrobe for little, and sometimes no cost. (Be like Jane in the previous post, who bought herself a beautiful emerald green satin evening gown from her local charity shop, and by using the full skirt was able to make herself a cocktail dress. All for the cost of a couple of cups of coffee!)

The colours of Autumn/Winter

2010-05-17T02:39:00.001-07:00

It's a funny old world. As the temperatures drop, why is it that for some reason we start wearing dull and bland coloured clothes? It's not only overcoats or pant/skirt suits, it's also shirts and tops. There seem to be two distinct "uniforms" these days - jeans and tee shirts or everything in black. Now the girls in our group all love black, we all have many pieces in our wardrobes that are black, which we use as a basic to "dress up". But as the weather turns colder, we're like hibernating animals in shrugging ourselves into our blacks, dark browns and dark navy blues. Is it because we want to hide or are we perhaps a bit too timid to let our hair down and dazzle everyone around us with bright, blinding, vivid, intense colour.

Colour that shouts, "hey look at me." Colour that says, "don't ignore me 'cos I'm making a statement." Colour that says, "ignore me at your peril!"

This season is a season of fashion colour. Jewel colours - the deep lush greens, the dazzling ruby reds, the fascinating sapphire blues, the amazing amethyst mauves/purples. And embellishing beautiful blacks and charcoal greys, we have sequins and lurex.

Honestly, if you don't join in and get yourself something outrageous and wear it with aplomb and panache, then you'll be missing out on a lot of fireworks.

Just because many of us are deemed to be curvaceous beyond the thin catwalk waif, don't be afraid to highlight those curves and to express your femininity with lots of razzle-dazzle.

Jane is part of our group - a brunette with lovely dark cascading hair. She has the most exquisite green eyes and is the envy of many. Jane visited a local charity shop last week and bought herself a 1950s luscious emerald green satin evening gown. The skirt of the gown was a double full circle. Jane has made herself a cocktail dress, calf length, with a plunging neckline and is the talk of the town - her town!

It only takes a little imagination.

Going shopping!

2010-05-14T20:58:00.001-07:00

I went shopping with a girl-friend on Thursday. So what, I hear you ask? Well, it's been a while between spending sprees - I think you'll get the idea.

We drove to a place in Clarice Road, Box Hill South (Victoria) by the name of Kita Ku (visit their website at www.kitaku.com.au). The shop we visited had a sale going on, and we both blew our budgets! And what a great deal of pleasure we had in doing it.

Now I've been known to complain about the dullness and boring-ness of plus-size garments here in Australia, for a long time. But I had to eat my words when I saw what Kita Ku had to offer. Their garments are absolutely beautiful.

I just called in to say hello to my girl-friend and she's wearing a stunning multi-coloured greenish/black top, decorated here and there with a tiny sequin, and a geometric/assymetrical style, that she purchased from Kita Ku. She looks fantastic.

"Slinky" Leggings!

2010-05-10T20:15:00.001-07:00

What is it with women that they think they'll look terrific in every new fad that comes along. Come on girls, if we're serious (those of us who are deemed plus-size) about looking as good as we possibly can, then surely some "fad" items don't even warrant a second though.

This latest fad of slinky shiny tight tights/leggings (think Olivia Newton John in "Grease") is enough to upset even a novice in fashion watching.

When it comes to girls sizes 24-30 and beyond strutting their stuff in shopping malls in the tightest slinkies then I start to wonder - where will it all end?

Because it's obvious even if these women check their reflections in the bathroom mirror (head and chest) and the shop windows (side view), they certainly can't check the lower front or"back-views". Even my grand-daughter about a size 8 won't even contemplate wearing these things - "Nan - they show 'everything' - you may as well be naked!"

Well, yes, my friends, that's what a lot of big girls should be aware of - we've curves and our bodies may be firm but not as taut as slinkies demand. Not from the front view - under the saddle - or the back view - our bottoms!

If you're going to wear them though, whatever I and others might say, then cover them a little, somehow. (See "Woman of Substance - Woman of Distinction"- sewing hints May 2010 - for an idea or two. This is an interesting little newsletter that covers a multitude of topics for the plus-size woman of today. Contact rosemarypb@aapt.net.au to add your name to the mailing list.

Mother's Day

2010-05-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, it was Mother's Day yesterday (Sunday 9th May) here in Australia.

I came across this "Stages of Motherhood" (author unknown) and thought I'd share it. Maybe you've seen it before, with some different words here and there, but we can all relate to it, I'm sure.

4 years of age - my Mummy can do anything
8 years of age - my Mum knows a lot
12 years of age - my Mother doesn't really know quite everything
14 years of age - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either
16 years of age - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned
18 years of age - That old woman? She's way out of date
25 years of age - Well, she might know a bit about it
35 years of age - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion
45 years of age - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it
65 years of age - Wish I could talk it over with Mum.

Inappropriate attitudes!

2010-05-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

Adele Horin wrote in the Sydney Morning Herald this week "Love Handle with care: the danger of being a meaty miss".

We think of journalists as being ethical (most of the time!) Over the years I've come to doubt this somewhat; most of the time they're not 100% respectful either.

Reading the article it would seem Adele Horin has some issues (as does her so-called friend who she mentions in the first line) relative to size. It's this sort of journalism that does very little to improve the inappropriate attitudes of women towards their sisters.

Some of what Adele Horin says could be seen as being "positive" but, without being sensitive about it, I can't see she is any different to any other journalist who attempts to put-down women who have more weight than the journalist herself.

To begin with - how is a title "Love Handle with care: the danger of being a meaty miss" presenting us in the right light? Then her statement, "we are two thin women, careful to a fault about food and exercise. We've just eaten fish for dinner, no dessert, and with our herbal tea are treating ourselves to an almond biscuit". Whoa, back up a bit, Adele. Thousands upon thousands of larger women eat fish for dinner, no dessert and drink herbal tea, and who don't even go to the luxury of having an almond biscuit. Their diet is seen to be extremely healthy. And this isn't just a one-day event - they eat sensibly all the time. And surprise, surprise, they exercise regularly too.

Adele Horin then goes on to say she sees "big girls everywhere". In Sydney? Then obviously she and her friend are looking through skewed spectacles. She's focussing on big girls rather than seeing the real world around her. Does she take umbrage about the fact that many of Sydney's young women are killing themselves with eating disorders?

As far as I can ascertain Naomi Wolf's presence in Sydney was to attend the Happiness Conference and while body image and obesity might fall under that category as far as self-esteem is concerned, I don't believe she is concentrating only on size!

Expressions by Horin such as "danger of being a meaty miss" as well as "hefty thighs" and "flaunting the flesh" is demeaning to any woman, not only larger women.

I am offended by any journalist jumping on the bandwagon and putting women down based on their size and looks, when the attitudes of those same journalists are based on prejudice and bias which needs to be confronted and explained. Personally I, and many of my friends in the media, will not stoop to denigrate and demean women of any size, and I include very thin women here. We need to bolster self-esteem in our sisters - not tear each other down. I really got riled up about this one!!!

What is personal fashion "style"?

2010-05-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

So many women have a natural ability to create their own distinctive style without too much fuss and bother. It's almost as though they were born with the knowledge.

Others, like me, take years to discover the basics of good dressing. It like a light goes on in our head, and we yell, yes, as though we've just discovered gold at the end of the rainbow.

And finding that you have the intelligence to formulate your own style comes as another surprise, because if you're like me, people have laughed at you and told you you don't even know the first thing about dressing properly.

I find it increasingly annoying that it is women who make these remarks, it's almost as though they enjoy seeing you cringe. And if we're told often enough that we don't know the first thing about mixing and matching or co-ordinating, that we begin to believe them. And that's a foolish thing to do, because they then think their opinion is better than ours. And that's not the case, because from what I've learned over the years, we already have the knowledge sitting in the deep recesses of the mind, and it's only a matter of reading, studying and then applying what seems to make a lot of sense to the way we dress and choose our clothes, for us to find our own personal "style".

Following a number of requests, I'm drawing up a small supplement, "50 Classic Fashion Items" for the readers of RoseMary's NoteBook© This together with the supplement "Making Fashion Work for You", will give you a great basis towards finding your personal style.

......© Rosemary Parry-Brock

Fantastic Women!

2010-05-02T22:02:00.001-07:00

I'm privileged to know some absolutely fantastic women. Women who are at the top of their fields in their career, their profession and indeed their personal and community lives.

Today I'd like to say a little about my friend Valerie Parv. A romance writer of excellence. Read what Valerie's webpage (profile) says about her and then visit her site. Check out her book list page and get to know her better.

VALERIE PARV
romancebookswritingnonfictionpresenterideas

With 25 million copies of her books sold internationally, including many Waldenbooks bestsellers, it’s no wonder Valerie Parv is known as Australia’s queen of romance and is recognised as the media spokesperson for all things romantic.

Already a successful writer of non-fiction, Valerie has made love and romance a career, with over 60 novels to her name.

Valerie’s short fiction is also regularly featured in national magazines

A qualified trainer and counsellor, Valerie conducts seminars and workshops on creativity and all aspects of the writing craft based on her best-selling guides for writers: Heart and Craft, (Allen & Unwin, 2009) How do I Love Thee (Valerie Parv editor, Allen & Unwin, December 2009) , The Art of Romance Writing (Allen & Unwin 1993, 2004) and The Idea Factory (Allen & Unwin 1995).

Valerie held Australia’s first romance writing workshop in 1988, which led to the founding of Romance Writers of Australia, and she has been a member ever since.

In 1994 the State Library of New South Wales, Australia, began to acquire Valerie’s papers for their collection and continues to acquire material from her.

"These papers detail the author’s career as one of Australia’s most successful writers in the romance genre and include manuscripts of her works and correspondence." [The State Library Collection, Annual Report]

Valerie lives in Australia's capital city, Canberra, where she is a volunteer guide at the National Zoo & Aquarium. She draws on this and other aspects of her life for many of her novels, having spent almost 38 years happily married to her romantic hero, Paul, a former crocodile hunter in Australia’s tropical north, later a cartoonist and illustrator of many of Valerie's nonfiction books

Valerie continues to write her page-turning novels because they affirm her belief in love and happy endings. As she says ...

"Love gives you wings, romance helps you fly".

© Valerie Parv, www.valerieparv.com/

A change in direction!

2010-05-01T16:23:00.000-07:00

Just as a change in direction is important in life, so sometimes is a change of location. Maybe that particular change is a result of getting a promotion in your job; wanting to be nearer family - either parents or family; just choosing to go somewhere you've fallen in love with; or maybe even you've fallen in love with someone who lives somewhere other than where you are!

It can be challenging, and it can be hectic and it can be fun, and it can be tiring.

I've just done another "house-move". Renting a home means a lot of things, and apart from settling into new surroundings, making new (or reconnecting with old) friends, and establishing a new daily routine, it also means lots of costs - those quite obvious and those that are hidden!

Even though I've done a fair few house-moves over the past few decades, I still find it all so exciting. And being able to work out what I really need and what I don't need means that I'm constantly cleaning out! Which is good, not only because I find new ways of enjoying my life, but also the Charity shops win out too!

Spending time wisely!

2010-05-01T04:07:00.000-07:00

Everyone tells us that we should be doing this, doing that or the other. They even tell us how we should be doing this, that or the other, and we should be doing this, that or the other.

Quite frankly it seems some people want me to become their puppet and to do as I'm told, when I'm told and how I'm told as though I were a small child and not able to think for myself.

Even as a child I had the cheek to sometimes question what adults were telling me to do, especially if I didn't feel comfortable in doing it, and more especially if it didn't feel right. If they explained the reasons and I could sense their concern for my safety or my wellbeing, then I'd fit in with what they said.

When we're adults we feel much more in control. And so it goes - the decades pass and suddenly, we're staring "growing older" in the face. And what happens? Yep, you've guessed it - people start telling us what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

This is the time when we have to stand up for ourselves. To state what we want, and how we intend to achieve it, and when we want to do it.

I took my adult children aside last week, sat them down and told them exactly how their demands and insistance on how I behave and live my life, make me feel superfluous. You should have seen their faces and listened to their excuses.

It seems they hadn't even thought about how I feel about things. What they saw was the fact that yes, I'm growing older, and they felt threatened by the fact they'd have to become more responsible for and to me. I've been independent for many decades, but there's always the possibility and probability that I'll have to call on them for more assistance as time goes by. But should that really impact upon my importance not only to them but to me too?

And should that mean I have to lose my ability to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Definitely not!

.....© 2010 Morgana

Down Memory Lane!

2010-04-12T17:03:00.000-07:00

You'll not get me admitting my age - unless you insist, but lately (as a result of moving house - once again), I found myself going through some old photograph albums and loose photos.

As as aside I often wonder what the present generation is going to do in seeking photos of their forebears and relations (other than going via the internet) without the advantage of old photos. There are people who are transferring all this information to their iPhoto files I admit, but can you fit them all in, and surely there must be hundreds that are missed, in the process.

However, I digress.

I discovered a funny thing. Although I was told, repeatedly, during my growing up years that I was "fat" and more to the point unacceptable, within the family to some extent as well as to society as a whole, I look at some of my photos and I can't believe I ever took upon myself the "guilt" associated with believing I was excessively over-weight! And it's a mighty burden to bear. Not the weight, but the guilt!

Because I'm astounded to see in those photos that yes, I'm a generously endowed girl/woman, but I'm not fat. And certainly not "obese" as I was described so many times.

Negative words, cruel words, scathing words, scalding words, inappropriate words such as "obese" and now "morbidly obese" do nothing for the person who does not fit the mould of "petite" or thin. Those negative words break down whatever self-esteem or confidence that person has, and can debilitate them into becoming disillusioned, confused, insecure people. And those feelings can last a life-time and can have irreparable consequences.

So only yesterday when I was visiting my Dr (he had previously been my Doctor before I moved up-country two years ago), he re-affirmed my feelings of self-worth by telling me, you're not obese, only perhaps a bit overweight.

So that brings me to the point of my topic today. Sometimes it's a matter of walking down memory lane and remembering things and people and circumstances and happy times and even sad times with a mind that also balances the idea that "hey, I'm a very special person as I am,regardless of my age, size and shape! Just as I am - right now!" We have to allow ourselves the freedom of seeing ourselves as special and valuable to ourselves.

Want to get in shape?

2010-04-10T04:05:00.000-07:00

Find yourself a new lover, says an Italian research team.

The "heady" feeling (all to due to chemicals in our brain and our body) of romance has been found to have the same effects as chocolate and other sugary treats on the body!

I guess it all depends on what you really need. Are you satisfied with the lover you have? If not then perhaps all you need to do is to replace him with chocolate. Dark chocolate is best, because it has many benefits to the human body and brain!

If you want to eat chocolate as well as enjoy a lover, and you're not satisfied with your present one, then finding a new one (and keeping him!) might do the trick.

Don't get "needs" mixed up with "wants" though! You can always overdo things, as we all know!

Silk, Silk, Silk

2010-04-09T00:54:00.000-07:00

There are literally hundreds of thousands of websites that hold an interest for each one of us. I don't think I've even touched upon a quarter per cent, in fact I'm sure I haven't.

But this blog of mine is to give you bits and pieces of information, gossip and trivia. Some serious, some humourous, some general information and some that will make you want to make further enquiries and to even establish new interests and hobbies.

I'd like you to visit Teena Hughes blog at http://abfab-art-studio.blogspot.com/2010/02/maharajahs-purple-elephant.html

If you love painting on silk and you can be tempted into joining Teena and a group of ladies in Paris, on a Fantastique French Textile Retreat, then read further.

Paris is tantalising, tempting and hard to resist, and is the superb backdrop for Teena Hughes' week-long textile adventure encompassing silk painting workshops and exploring the hidden arrondissements (districts) far from the tourist crowds.

Handpainted silk habotai with French dyes by Teena Hughes
If you've always wanted to learn how to paint on silk, and have dreamed of visiting Paris and being captured by her spells, then this is the adventure of your dreams.

The first evening will be spent enjoying a Champagne Cruise on the River Seine, followed by dinner in a delightfully typical French bistro.

Morning workshops are held in a private studio, and afternoons are spent meandering through ancient cobblestoned streets to find little treasures, drinking coffee or wine in sidewalk cafés, and getting to know the locals. A visit to a textile museum and a fashion parades also form part of the package, which includes accommodation (full details on the webpage).

The next annual Silk Painting Adventure in Paris hosted by Teena Hughes is from 27th June to 4th July, 2010.

Teena's Handpainted Silk Clothing Collection and Interior Design Collection are well-known for their vibrant colours and sumptuous silks. When website visitors and clients comment on the abundance of vibrant colour, Teena explains she learnt to paint on silk in Paris many years ago, and continues to use the ancient techniques to ensure the quality of her textile designs.

During the week Teena shows you the Paris she has come to love over the past 30 years, and before you know it you'll feel like a local. (One-Day Adventures are also available.) Join Teena to explore and discover the hidden Paris, and have lots of fun and laughter along the way. For more information please sign up at http://www.a-night-in-paris.com/silk-painting-france.html - or - http://abfabdesigns.com/adventures.html

Teena Hughes is a silk artist, textile designer and fashion designer who creates stunning unique wearable art and interior design collections. Teena creates gorgeous fashion in bright colours and bold designs. Please visit http://AbfabDesigns.com - Teena fell in love with Paris 30 years ago and continues to write about the city she loves - http://www.a-night-in-paris.com

And here’s another idea to think about - for those readers in Melbourne, Sydney and Perth.
Teena has been in discussions about hosting the Plus Size Fashion Adventure in Sydney and Melbourne. Both a one day or two day event and a week long event. Maybe even Perth, if there are plenty of plus size stores there.

Now, here’s a challenge and a wonderful opportunity. I can’t recall anyone at any time organising such adventure tours (although it has been something badly needed for too long), and I’d encourage you to think about joining Teena and friends if you are able for the one or two day adventures. Visit her websites and read up the details and then contact Teena direct. I know she’ll love hearing from you.

Been out of touch!

2010-04-09T00:28:00.001-07:00

Did anyone miss me? Be honest. It's not as though my blog is up there with the "greatest", but to me it's special.

To cut a long story short, many things took up my time and concentration over recent months. Not the least a few health issues, and then having to pack up to move house again. Then of course there are all sorts of things going on with any of us at any one time, and so time flies by. But I think I'm back on track again, so here goes.

When I tell people I have to "re-locate", I am usually met with lots of quizzical looks. Being a "renter" means a person has to chase rentals that are affordable and can offer as many conveniences as possible. Which is getting harder and harder to find - you've probably found this yourself in recent years.

And when you see one advertised that you like and you think will like you, it's a matter of being available to "view" the house (which can be difficult if it's hundreds of kilometres away and you are only advised that the viewing day is 24 hours away). Then you're never sure whether you'll be the fortunate one to get the house, as there are inevitably lots of other hopeful rentees eager to get in before you.

Now this is a interesting fact I found in my most recent searches for a rental house. And I'll tell you another little story about finding a house a little later. But getting back to the facts, over decades I've been faced with a few instances of "discrimination" (not that anyone will admit to being discriminatory, oh, no) in such a not-so-subtle way. Property Managers often look at a plus-size person as being "not quite the person we'd like to take up residence in our client's property". Have you ever been faced with this? There's not much you can do about it but smile at the silly excuses or explanations why you don't meet the criteria, and get on with looking elsewhere.

This time it was different. And I think one of the reasons might be that the lovely Property Manager is a lass with a nicely rounded figure. She's adorable, approachable, likeable, and has a great personality.

I don't think I'm imaging things, but it would be interesting to hear what some of you feel about how you're treated by "professional" people in your community. Do you have any problems at all?

A few things to remember!

2009-12-23T01:09:00.000-08:00

Eleanor Roosevelt said some fine and pertinent things:

• You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

• Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

In the Mirror!

2009-12-16T23:23:00.000-08:00

Just what do we see when we look in the mirror? Do we see the woman we are, and delight in that reflection, or do we mourn the loss of youth? Do we see the lines around the eyes and mouth as part of growing older, and the wisdom that we’ve gained from experiences. Or do we contemplate cosmetic surgery to tighten the loosening skin, to erase the wrinkles, and to lift the sagging skin? As we take in the rest of our body from the neck down, do we turn away from our curves and tell ourselves we’re no longer attractive to anyone, even to ourselves.

Always yearning for that which is not practical, or sensible, or affordable, is a waste of precious time. What does “wishing” gain? Let’s start “accepting”, “being” and “doing”. Let’s have a more “positive” outlook.

See our curves (and added weight); the wrinkles, the greying hair, the gravitational changes that our bodies have undergone, as uniquely ours.

The years are a blessing, we have learned from them and in that learning we have the ability and the capability of mentoring younger women in the art of “acceptance”.

A little bit of this! And a bargain at the price.

2009-11-24T02:03:00.000-08:00

Funny thing, the price of clothes quite often is beyond our means. Our financial means, that is. Yet we know we want something a bit different, but don't quite know where to get it.

I found a remnant piece of fabric today at the local fabric store. A large carton of off-cuts was sitting there, with a placard stating "50 cents a piece". I casually looked at the carton while walking through to store back to the office after lunch, and then stopped and went back.

Here was just what I wanted. A piece of material in a lovely silky taffeta. I unfolded it, and saw that it was ample for a number of projects. It could be used for a waistcoat; a cami; a cummerbund or even (and this is what I really wanted it for) a sarong.

The girls at the office had been talking all morning about what they were planning to wear at a Christmas get-together. Some had even put new clothes on lay-by and had been paying them off for months.

But me? I'm going to ask a girl friend who does alterations and sewing just to sew up the side seam and hem and make a waistband through which she can thread a drawstring, and I'll have a sarong to sing about!

For 50 cents!!!

.....Autumn Parry

The state of the weather!

2009-11-21T17:15:00.000-08:00

I realised this morning that a few weeks have passed by since posting. I can't say I wasn't aware that our blog had been ignored for a little while, but certainly not this long.

I can't recall when I've heard so many people speaking about the one subject. Not only here but through our networks of women overseas. People are of course always concerned with the basics of life - the economic downturn; the health and welfare, the education and the safety of our peoples together with more personal things like the bills we have to pay; and more likely than not "the weather" comes in for some discussion.

During the past couple of months however, conversations have included the plight of those people in Asia (Vietnam and the Philippines and Indonesia) affected by the adverse flooding and tornadoes; then the tsunami which hit Samoa and American Samoa, Tonga and other islands in the Pacific. Those references haven't only been for a day or two, but they've continued.

Now this past week has brought a deluge (literally) of flooding to England, Scotland and Wales. "Inclimate weather" is how they describe it. On this side of the world, bushfires have already appeared and are still burning in three States. The fact that we haven't even begun our summer season seems irrelevant.

But young and old are talking about the "global warming" - as if coming to a conclusion will enable the powers-that-be to right the situation overnight. That's impossible. Making any one country (and it's people) feel guilty about the fact that the world is affected by global warming (and there's plenty of debate on this particular angle) isn't fair or warranted. You can't insist that one country putting into place guidelines and penalties for not only industry or big business but also the ordinary person (you and me) and to then sit back believing that the problem is solved. It's not that easy - it has to be a concerted effort by everyone.

Scientists are not all in agreement as to what is happening, nor why it is happening. If any reasonable person looks att history, they'll see that this sort of thing has been cuclic since ttime began. Many scientists are even claiming we're entering into an Ice Age and that the out of proportion heatwaves and droughts are merely attempts by the planet to set the situation right. And there are always "conspiracy theories".

But whatever, there is plenty of debate, and plenty of talk, and plenty of scare tactics, making people confused and unsure of what is going on around them and with their lives.

..... Leonie Stevens

Looking outside the Square!

2009-10-31T19:35:00.001-07:00

There's a "trendy" saying at the moment to look outside the square! It doesn't take much to work out what this is saying - let's stop having tunnel vision particularly as it relates to age, size and shape, and to recognise everyone for who and what they are, not what they look like.

While we all agree on this point, Casey surprised us all by her suggestion that looking outside the square also applies to plus-size fashion.

Eagerly waiting for her to go on, she explained that she had just spent the day before visiting all the local Op Shops in the area nearest her home. In all she managed to go to seven, and because she had planned the day and allocated herself a budget to spend, she went with the attitude that if she saw something she liked and it fitted her, that she'd buy, without any guilt feelings. Apart from clothing, Casey had invested in a beautiful Queen Anne dressing table which cost her $50 as well as a Queen Anne china cabinet which cost $35. As you can tell she loves old-fashioned things and these two items especially will grace her house with pride.

So during a lull in the office, we gathered around Casey's desk while she opened up a number of bags and bought out among other things, some snazzy long-line summer dresses (ankle length) two of which were reversible giving her options in different colour schemes (what a great idea - why don't we see this idea more often?); slim pants, a number of silk shirts, and an exquisite jacket heavily embroidered, with purple lining. Each of the girls in the office expressed oohs and aahs when they saw these garments had top-brand labels still with price tags still attached.

It was almost impossible to believe that the clothes Casey had bought were new and had never been worn while those which were pre-loved were in excellent condition and would quite easily have passed as having just come off the production line.

What was incredible however was that not one piece of the clothing Casey bought cost her more than $10. No, not even the embroidered jacket.

There's been too much hype of "stigma" from many women who shout about the indignity of going into Op Shops to buy clothes - this is stupid because unless as Casey says, we look outside the square how can we find absolute bargains like this, at affordable prices? Casey had set herself a budget of $200 and she came home with change after buying furniture which she has been wanting for a long time and a new wardrobe of clothes that will see her set for her upcoming holidays, when it is thought she will be meeting her future in-laws! She'll certainly make a statement!

Sweet Violets!

2009-10-30T13:24:00.000-07:00

It's a matter of fact that everyone associated with our group is not young, slim, trim and thin! We're individuals and we're all ages, shapes and sizes, and we delight in our uniqueness. From size 6 through to size 30! That gives you a fair idea of our differences. And that's good because we have a great respect for each other and can talk about all manner of things, without any undue feelings of treading on each other's feet or feelings! We all share an enjoyment in things of mutual pleasure, including food.

During a short break yesterday afternoon,we got talking about old-fashioned recipes. Not that we all potter around in the kitchen when we go home of an evening after hard days work on the keyboard, but most of us enjoy eating or drinking special meals and treats served up by those who do. Yes, we meet and mingle after hours too!

Autumn mentioned recipes containing flowers and this created a lot of interest with the younger members of the team who expressed surprise as they didn't know that flowers could be eaten or be ingredients in drinks and other confectionery as well as beauty preparations. There's a lot of trading of information going on among us. We all have a lot to learn from each other and enjoy doing so.

One of Autumn's favourite drinks is Violet Lemonade. Here's her recipe, passed down through her mother from her grandmother, and no doubt passed down to her from other women in the family.

Violet Lemonade

1 cup violets sugar to taste
juice of 6 lemons crushed ice and fresh violet flowers, to garnish
1-1/4 pints mineral water (750 mls)

Place violets in a china bowl, with lemon juice and put in the refrigerator overnight. Juice will become pink. Strain off the violets and add juice to jug of chilled sparkling mineral water. Add sugar (or more lemon juice) to taste, stir through crushed ice. Before serving, add a few violets on top.

As soon as lemonade was mentioned, Dawn suggested we begin a habit of making some simple old-fashioned recipes up to share with our morning/afternoon tea breaks. When Autumn was mentioning the name of the Violet Lemonade, Dawn raised her eyebrows and laughingly said she'd bring in some Lemonade Scones for tomorrow's treat.

Will let you know how these go down!!!

Good manners - are they disappearing too quickly?

2009-10-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

Leonie arrived back from her doctor's appointment for morning coffee with the team here. She was furious. Not because she was running late and not because she couldn't find a parking spot.

She sat down, ordered her favourite latté (the one that "bounces") and then told us about her appointment. Acknowledging the fact that doctors lists seem endless, and appointments have to be made at six weeks in advance, this in no way excused the treatment and attitude of the doctor when Leonie at last was called into his rooms, a matter of an hour and a half after when her appointment was scheduled.

Leonie is organised, so much so that everywhere she goes she writes herself lists and ensures that everything on that list is attended to before attending to other matters, like visiting the Body Shop and buying all sorts of lovely beauty treatments as a special treat (which she does quite often!), or doing some window-shopping or taking sandwiches down to the local park to watch the ducks on the lake.

So we were most surprised when she regaled what had happened this morning.

Let her explain: The Dr was in a bad mood and this was quite obvious from his first comments, "well what do you want today?" I had my short list and told him I needed a repeat prescription, as well as wanting to know the results of some blood tests he had arranged for me a fortnight ago. Yet it was the request for a referral document to a specialist that really got him going and following a tirade which lasted about 8 minutes, I was so stunned that I began to shake and was near to tears. I quickly quelled that feeling. His reason for the tirade? Completing the documents took him too long and he felt I was asking too much! When I explained that the specialist had asked for this paperwork, he mumbled and grumbled and slapped his keyboard in time with his deep and exasperated sighs.

I couldn't believe it when he asked me why I visited the specialist in the first place (it was at his own direction); and demanded to know why I was visiting him to do my paperwork and to get my BP reading as well as write out a new prescription for a tablet he put me on a matter of six months ago. He sat back in his chair and loudly said "I'm not your Doctor so why am I in the picture?"

It took me only 5 minutes to prove that he had accepted me as a patient more than 8 months ago, when another Dr at the same practice had left, and that I had been to see him every six weeks during that time (at his request) He went through the records and had to admit I was right.

I then said to him, "Dr, I know you're busy and by the same reasoning I know that I need a referral. You've made me feel a nuisance and I would hate to think that after all this time that it is not my size that is affecting your attitude towards me today. It's not something that bothers me usually, but this morning you've shown annoyance with me beyond just your being busy."

The doctor then stood up, opened the door and almost pushed me out into the corridor. I smiled sweetly and said, as I walked towards the exit, "I do hope you have a good day and are much nicer to your next patient".

This sort of story is repeated day in and day out, for countless thousands of women. Leonie doesn't jump to conclusions or make assumptions about people and their attitudes, but as she spoke this morning, each of us wondered whether size had come into the equation. Or was that simply imagination?

Why is everyone so intent on telling us ...........

2009-10-28T04:26:00.000-07:00

If you're a "mad" collector of books, like me, then in amongst all your bookcase shelves, you're bound to have some cookery books. There'll be favourites that bear the imprint of spills and dogeared corners, and there'll be those that look as though they've just come home from your bookstore.

In my case those that still look new, even though some of them are more than 40 years old, are much more than a guide to creating and making special meals, whipping up a favourite cake or even just throwing some ingredients together to form a "comfort food" need. They have become favourite picture books that I take down from the bookshelves when I feel a little low in spirits, and I can quite happily become engrossed for hours on end, merely looking at the photos, appreciating the recipes themselves, and realising that the photos in themselves provide me with pleasure. I may wish that I will use the recipe to recreate what appears in the photo, and I may not. I find that indulging in day-dreaming is sometimes nice too.

Most of my "old" cookbooks don't have pictures though, and this is where imagination takes over, as well as memories of the fun and joy of cooking and baking for my family. A number of my books were published during and after the second world war, and while the ingredients were in many cases hard to find, the main staples formed the basis of much cooking. Surprisingly, one was able to easily change a basic recipe with a little forethought, and the usage and combination of many spices that gave flavours and textures to the food cooked and prepared that today seem boring and uninteresting. But this is where food retains its individuality and its appeal. I even remember I had a recipe book that gave 365 recipes for minced steak (when minced steak was almost the cheapest meat to buy), and they were all different. I know, for when things were tight during a recession back in the early 1960s, I made every one of those 365 recipes, and they were definitely not boring.

I've noticed lately that restaurants quite often include some of the "old-fashioned" meals. Take for instance - steak and kidney pie; lamb shanks; roast and yorkshire pudding. Then there's bread and butter custard; junket; golden syrup pudding served with custard. I even saw on the menu last week at a local "pub", brains. I've got to admit I've never eaten them, but it certainly looked as though a lot of people were eager to try.

But why is everyone so intent on telling us that we shouldn't eat this and shouldn't eat that? Food is something personal, and while I can accept the fact that "healthy" food is what we should be aiming for, this doesn't take away the fact that there are times when we need "comfort food". Just watch some of the Nigella Lawson tapes or DVD's and you'll see what I mean. Go back a bit further and watch the 2 Fat Ladies - well, yes, I have to agree that some of the meals prepared in duck fat and such wouldn't meet my own individual taste,but there were lots of recipes that I felt (and I'm sure other viewers felt as well) I'd like to taste. Go back further still to our very own Margaret Fulton who made, and continues to make, a big impression on our food and how we prepare and serve it.

But we don't need to go back to find recipes that fulfill all our expectations and needs. My favourite at the moment is David Herbert - he even quotes many of his recipes as being handed down from his mother, and aunts. I know there are countless cooks and chefs who write books that when published are big and heavy (and are priced accordingly), but sometimes I think it's the simple little newspaper cutting from the 1930s or 1940s that give me such pleasure in producing in my own kitchen.

And speaking of cookery books, I have two absolutely favourites. Both are scrapbooks - one which my mother started in the early 1930s, and my own which I began in the 1950s (and I have to admit I still add to it whenever I find a tempting recipe).

The Tongue Patch or should that be tongue in cheek?

2009-10-12T17:50:00.000-07:00

Is the world going mad, or what?

I read today that "the award for the most ridiculous "weight loss treatment" goes to the Chugay Tongue Patch, a tiny patch of mesh surgically attached to the tongue to make eating painful, which is taking Southern California by storm." (From the Weekend Australian 10/11 Oct 2009).

Perhaps the reporter was actually talking with tongue in cheek?

Being Manipulated!

2009-10-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

It comes as no surprise to plus-size women to realise that they are being "manipulated". Whether it is through the media, or the clothing that is for sale through the shops, or people who are supposed to be concerned with our health and our looks, or the marketing/advertising agencies. The thrust of this manipulation is simple - plus size people are out of control; you're a plus size person and therefore you must be punished.

This is crazy and is unwarranted and is discriminatory and it's downright wrong.

There's talk that plus-size people will be taxed a special "fat" tax on foods; on train/bus/tram travel; on travel bookings; on ambulance annual subscription premiums, insurance premiums, workplace insurances and more. There's already a tendency for many hospitals to refuse plus-size people (patients) who are above a certain BMI - has anyone taken the opportunity of figuring out exactly what this is all about - because everyone is different - height, width, bone structure; genetically and more. And is the BMI measurement system being updated as we grow taller and bigger - a known factor in today's populations? Will it get to the stage that if you have blue eyes, a Dr won't attend you? And what about plus-size doctors and nurses - hey, don't tell me they've all gone on the latest Jenny Craig diet and lost all their excess weight or had WLS and been a "success"! 'Cos there are still plenty of plus-size people in the health industry around - even if my little neck of the woods!

Children are in the firing line as well, being threatened with a "food police" management arrangement to ensure that they eat the "correct" foods (who makes the decision as to what is correct, I ask?); and parents are being threatened that they'll be charged with "abuse" if they don't toe the line about what they serve and feed their children. Where are parent's rights? Where are an individual's rights? Has anyone any rights any more?

A very insidious thing is occurring on our television screens again - plus-size people are being treated as idiots with almost a suggestion that they don't deserve to have their own space on this planet!

There's a lot of talk about the animal kingdom and the terrible loss of many species from the world as we know it. Every animal deserves its place and space. And we all deserve our space and place too. Because if the so-called experts have their way, the curvaceous, healthy, beautiful-bodied, fully rounded person could become an endangered species if we don't watch out.

dependence VERSUS interdependence

2009-09-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

It’s my honest opinion, based on many decades of conversation and observation as well as counselling, that women very often do themselves a disservice by neglecting their female friends, once they enter into a relationship with a man. When that relationship becomes stable and long-term, too often excuses are made to even to even continue a close association with friends who most probably have proved themselves over and over again during the earlier years. This presents as the “couple” being two people solely caught up in their own personal world and time and space, which let me say here, can be absolutely beautiful. But let’s look at things rationally and sensibly here.

If you depend long-time upon your partner for EVERYTHING, and expect to spend every single second with him, and expect him to depend on you with the same intensity, then unless he is a “perfect man” then sadly, both of you are going to trip up and it won’t take too long to happen.

You’ll make excuses as to why you can’t meet up with your girl friends (even your parents and siblings) for a cup of coffee; to go to a show together; to spend a weekend together with other friends; to share an evening meal together; to go shopping together; to go for a drive together; to visit venues that cater to a shared taste such as art galleries, fashion parades, a beautician for manicure and pedicure. The list goes on and on.

Your man will demand all of your time, and you’ll willingly sacrifice your own personal space and time to meet those demands. This is not healthy.

Let me say here however that I am not talking about couples where one HAS to depend on the other for personal care and wellbeing. This is quite outside of the picture I’m presenting here. I’m talking about one personality losing themselves within their partner’s until such time as they no longer have any will of their own. Come the time that this relationship may break down or some other reason, the person left feels abandoned, adrift and alone. It’s very difficult to pick up the pieces of friendship with her previous girl-friends, because they’ve moved on and enhanced their own lives by extending their circle of female friends.

There’s another aspect here too. The number of times you’ll hear or read about a couple who “appear” to have a perfect relationship suddenly breaking down for no apparent reason, makes you wonder how this could happen. Believe me when I say it’s hard to accept that usually the man gets sick and tired of his partner being a “yes” person all the time (even though that is what he has demanded throughout the relationship) and moves on to another woman or women who have a bit more feistiness in them. It’s a contradiction but it’s a fact.

It comes down to a couple of things. Women may feel so grateful for a man’s attention that they’ll turn themselves inside out to be “there” and to “do” everything for their man, thinking this is what will keep him interested. A relationship must be built on more than being “grateful” someone takes an interest in you.

Another thing is that a woman often feels she HAS to have a man to be fulfilled as a woman. She’ll often choose the wrong man in this process, and becomes every more frustrated and unfilled. She’ll quite often become bitter and angry along the way too.

First Impressions!

2009-09-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

Louise B was told about Francesca, an Italian lady, living in the Hills area. Francesca holds special, simple and basic Italian cooking classes, for both men and women.

Louise imagined Francesca's lifestyle, basing it on what she heard about Francesca's home, the car she drove, and other "gossip" that made its way around the local community. Taking into account the number of classes she took in a year. Louise's mind concentrated on the financial benefits and the fact that Francesca must be "well off".

She enrolled for a class herself. Upon meeting Francesca she was amazed at the beauty that radiated from this lady, a woman in her 50s with grey hair and many stories to tell from her lovely face. Francesca is also a big woman, well aware of her size, and completely aware of her own "self". Being paralysed from the waist down and in wheelchair, navigating around her kitchen as though it were a simple matter, Francesca is a fully rounded and self-accepting woman. Louise's opinion of Francesca changed from being envious of her and her "money", into admiration for a woman who rose above any pain and discomfort, and made life enjoyable and pleasant for other people.

Louise gained insights into "first impressions" following that class. I think we all need to step back at times and analyse just what our thoughts and assumptions may be, and whether they are fair and balanced.

Comparing Yourself to Others

2009-09-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

"Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about"

It's a negative emotion and a waste of energy and it's selfish.

We spend far too much time in comparing ourselves to others. Whether it's their looks, their size, their possessions, their career, their homes, their families, and even their holidays. There used to be an old saying "keeping up with the Jones'" and though most of us didn't fall into that trap, there are times when we could quite easily do so. It's called envy.

As with most things in life though, there are always allowable exceptions. To be envious that a woman has undergone cosmetic surgery and come out of it looking twenty years younger, with a figure that even Elle McPherson would pay squillions for, has to be ridiculous. If someone has the money, and the determination to do likewise under the surgeon's knife, then that's their decision, but we who are not so much concerned with being the same or copying what the first woman did, are probably much more contented with our lot. And this shows in our life-style, our behaviour (to others and to ourselves), and frankly in our facial looks.

We're told we should be beautiful - but story-book sketches are not what beauty is about. A lovely woman with a smutty tongue is not beautiful. Beauty has to be the whole woman, not just the bits you see. Look around you and carefully study older women - serene, no wrinkles, beautiful complexions, happy dispositions, and laughter. Yet, listen to their stories and you'll be surprised and inspired by stories of battles, wars, illnesses, losses, pain, suffering. And still they live, love and laugh.

Comparing your age, your looks, your size and your shape is counter-productive. The other person is the other person. You are you. And you need to come to terms with who "you" are, not waste time in trying to emulate another person, who's nature and personality will always be an unknown to you.

"Oh, she's got this, and she's got that". How often do you hear this, and have you even said it yourself? Turn this around and ask yourself, "what have I got?" And you'll be surprised at the list of positive things that will grow as you think about them.

CLOTHES with a purpose!

2009-09-05T02:55:00.000-07:00

Recently K Mart had a big sale of clothing - men’s, women’s and childrens. Katie D of Monbulk went shopping.

“There was a lot on sale, but nothing I really wanted. So I went through to the Men’s section, thinking I’d look for something for my boyfriend. I noticed a couple of racks of Big Mens Wear - lovely big over-shirts; sweaters; and underwear.

I chose three big shirts, not for my boyfriend but for me, because I do a lot of bushwalking and even find larger clothes more comfortable when sitting in the car driving long distances. I then bought three Bonds men’s singlets. They’re low in the neckline, and roomy and long in the trunk. Under the big shirts they look just like a woman’s cami. I’ve cold-dyed one a lovely bright red. I also splashed out and bought a great v neck merino wool jumper.

Even bearing in mind they were all on sale, I have no doubt I came out of the shop with a lot more money left in my wallet than had they been women’s clothes. The shirts each cost $12 and the singlets were $6.99 while the jumper was $15.

Having planned a camping trip down at Wilson’s Promontory which is starting to rejuvenate following the bad bushfires earlier in the year, I’ve got my entire wardrobe for around $72, and I know they’ll last a lot longer than women’s clothing.

Another thing. They are made much better than many clothes I’ve bought from the women’s section - the sewing is stronger and the seams more generous and importantly the underarms of the shirts are ample for my big arms.”

It's a matter of having an open mind - too often we miss out on real bargains because we tell ourselves men's clothing are only for me. Another friend Mel from Sydney actually buys men's shirts when they're on "special" at David Jones - she always has compliments and is asked where does she buy them from? She even combines them with smart men's ties and wears them with smart, well fitting pants and lovely leather boots. You'd never think she is in her 70s - she always looks at least 20 years younger. And she's never had any botox either!

Things are really getting out of hand!

2009-08-15T03:51:00.000-07:00

It seems that governments are intent on dismissing the importance of human beings who are deemed to be "larger" than the accepted norm. Now what the norm is, or should be, is very debatable and no one seems inclined to actually face up to the problem and the discrimination that abounds within society as a whole.

Denying people the right to be healthy at whatever size they may be, by pressuring them to become thinner at whatever cost (whether financial, emotional or physical) is downright wrong. The larger person is becoming larger for many reasons, and certainly not all of those reasons relate to eating too much or even to not exercising enough. The controversy continues as to what is in the food that we are eating or being provided with, and until such time as someone with any nous does some serious research, then we'll be none the wiser.

But that doesn't get away from the fact that "serious" papers and scientific research are being published that really stretch the concept of common sense. The latest research deals with the alleged assumption that "fat" people are less intelligent than thin people. Some countries are extending this hatred towards "bigger" people to extremes.

The suggestion is that fat people will be charged more for: train/tram/bus fares (they already are made to abide by airline rules that two seats have to be purchased and paid for before a larger person can travel). We already have health agencies and hospitals refusing to treat or even admit people who are over a designed BMI (even though in many cases those BMIs were acceptable as recently as three months ago). Larger pregnant women are being refused admittance into local or nearby hospitals for the birth of their babies. There's more suggestions - fat people should pay more for food (in other words does this suggestion imply that "food police" will be on the staff of all supermarkets and will go through your trolley before you enter the cashier area, and they'll mark the items that have to have a special tax on them?). Larger people already pay a lot extra for clothes and shoes.

Then there are the restrictions being put upon children. A small 3 year old (confirmed by the Baby Welfare Sister as being well within the weight limits set, and certainly not fat) was recently ostracised at a childcare agency. The mother was asked to put the child on a diet, otherwise she would not be accepted at the centre. The mother took the case to the media, and with substantiated documentation from doctors, the welfare department and the health department in her hands, the mother took the child from the centre, and enrolled her in another in the same suburb. The publicity the initial centre received was certainly not good. But think about how the little 3 year felt - already being subjected to discrimination and unjustified hostility because of her chubbiness. In fact as a result of the media publicity the little one was chosen to become the "face" of children's wear for a leading Australian department store and appears in all their publicity modelling the babies/toddlers clothes.

School tuck shops have been warned that they must only sell food that the government decrees. "School police" (obviously teachers who will be chosen by the school principal) will check all the children's lunch boxes to see they don't have food that is not "on the list of acceptable food". Surely this is going too far?

Food, food, glorious food

2009-07-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

When I visited a favourite little cafe in Guildford recently, I chose some venison skewers served on 'cos lettuce and with pita bread, a small vegetable sausage cut in two, a small bowl of low fat yoghurt and some spicy no-sugar chutney. I reckon I did well. This was my main meal for the day, and apart from a small breakfast serving, I ate fruit throughout the day, with plenty of water.

With all the publicity about "obesity" and being told we're eating the wrong food and eating too much of the wrong food, it comes as a little bit of a surprise to hear that in a recent survey here in Australia, it's been found that one in five households are eating what everyone tells us we SHOULD be eating. That doesn't sound too different to people's choices of a decade or so ago, when you think about it.

Going further into the survey, meat and three vegetables is still the favourite meal. Well, we're told we should be eating more vegies but doesn't this contradict the theory that none of us are eating the preferred requirements?

Salads or vegetables are served as an accompaniment to meat, fish and chicken dishes. Salads go with lasagna and pasta meals. Stir frys are a regular weekly event and spaghetti bolognaise join stir frys as favourites. Many families eat fish at least three times a week. Chicken at least two.

Am I reading this all wrong or what? Because to me this sounds like what we should be eating.

Across the board however, the survey, carried out by Westinghouse (Australia?), found the following:

Top 10 home-cooked meals

1. Steak or chops with vegetables or salad
2. Roast/baked dinner
3. Spaghetti Bolognaise
4. Stir Fry
5. Seafood with vegetables or salad
6. Chicken pieces pan fried with sauce
7. Casserole
8. Barbeque
9. Schnitzel
10. Ready-made meals.

What the survey doesn't say, is that number 10 - ready-made meals are very often meals prepared by the person doing the cooking in the home (usually Mum) at the weekend in preparation of the week, and frozen in readiness to re-heat.
Quite often too, the ready-made meals are actually the remainders of the other meals, when too much has been cooked, and then frozen.

The re-emergency of home-cooking is taking everyone by storm. And it doesn't take much to see that people, even when pressed for time, and pressed for money (with the economic downturn) will return to their mothers and grand-mothers cooking books and hints and tips.

Another thing that I'm hearing all the time is this. Most people have taken note of the "obesity" obsession with the media and the government and done something positive about their own sizings of meals. The number of women I've spoken to who have willingly reduced the plate size from a "mains" to a side plate, have to be taken seriously. Yet, as they, and I've found, this has no effect on body weight (by this I mean losing weight). In other words people are NOT over-eating, and they're eating what they consider to be good food, and what the experts tell us we should be eating.

I can't remember when I last heard anyone saying they had "sweets" or "desserts" following their main meal of the day. People have cut these out. The sales of fruit confirm this, as almost everyone now has bowls of fruit readily available for both the kids and adults.

Oh, my gosh!

2009-07-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

I looked at my blog this morning, and was surprised to see that it's so long since I posted. Yet when I try to think back and work out what I've been doing, I can't work it out! I know I've been busy, but doing what?

The subject currently on every body's lips (and hips) is "obesity". What an absolutely horrid word - degrading, disdainful, demeaning. I'm old enough to remember when people used such words as "homely", "natural", "chubby", "generously endowed", "well proportioned" and so on. I can even recall a Doctor back then trying to tell me, without offending me, that I was a "little overweight". And in among hundreds of other doctors and specialists that I've visited during the years in between, I've been called a lot of names, and "obese" is among those words. I do not like the word, in fact I loathe it. And I will not admit to being "obese" - I am a "fully-rounded" woman!

Blame is being piled on parents of beautifully formed and healthy children; they're being told their children are "obese" and they've got to do something about it - immediately! Just look at the media and the government pushing the idea of "food police" to check on children's lunch boxes; just look at parents being threatened with "abuse" if they don't feed their children food that the so-called experts (and the government departments involved) demand they have; putting children onto crash diets and extreme exercise regimes (all costing a lot of money to parents of course), and on it goes. Blame, blame, blame, and parents are taking upon themselves all sorts of guilt trips.

Yet I come back to the same argument I've been promoting for the past twenty years or more. Maybe it's NOT the food or the quantity of food that we're eating - maybe it's what's IN the food that we're eating.

On two separate shows last week, one the "Cook and the Chef" on the ABC which is a very entertaining, and informative and enjoyable show showing cooking tips and hints, with easy-medium-hard recipes, and the second "The Food Investigators" on SBS, this very subject was raised. And it justified what I've been saying (and what others of my kind have been saying) for decades.

For instance. Bread. Bread that is baked today no longer resembles the bread of "yesterday" - and I'm talking about 20-30-40 years ago. The ingredients are different - the quantities of salt and sugar are different - the additives are different; the food colourings and chemicals are different. You're beginning to see where I'm coming from?

Now we come to the nitty-gritty. Most of the grains that make up breads are genetically modified. OK, we're being told over and over again that there's nothing wrong with genetically modified foods (and in fact they're "good" for us - haaa). No one knows for sure. And no one will know for sure until at least another two generations. Because if we have food such as bread which is made to "look" fresh without being so, then something is happening and we're being drawn into the trap of believing something that is not true nor good for us.

What I mean by this is simple. We used to buy bread that if it became stale, we'd be aware of it. If it became mouldy, we'd be aware of it. If it started to "smell, we'd be aware of it. It usually went out to the chooks in the back yard, long before it even got to the mouldy stage. But today? Because of being genetically modified, it no longer goes stale, it no longer smells, it no longer goes mouldy. And anyone in the health and nutrition profession will tell you that eating bread that is mouldy is putting toxins into the body, which are not only harmful but deadly. Yet because we can't "see" or "smell" that the bread of going "off", we eat it merrily thinking that it is good for us! We're being "conned".

Oh yes another thing. We're told now that we shouldn't "freeze" bread. We should store it in a wooden (for preference) or plastic bread bin. Sounds like by Grandma talking!

The other items which were referred to in the Cook and the Chef were dairy products. Again, it is was pointed out that many of the natural ingredients of milk (and subsequently in cream, cheese and yoghurt) were removed from the milk, only to be replaced by additives, chemicals and colourings. So if the cows are eating grass in fields of genetically modified grasses, then who knows what's actually going into or happening to the milk. Oh, yes, another thing. Years ago, dairy farmers always washed their milking machines in an iodine wash - it acted as an antiseptic and cleanser, and would you believe it, because it then fitted over the cow's teats at milking time, that iodine found itself in the milk. And that was good for us! So what now? The farmers wash the milking machines with flouride, which means no more iodine. Now the government says, the farmer has to add iodine to the milk he's producing from his cows. Take something out, add something else, and then reconstitute food stuffs to suit the current "thought" of the day.

And a simple question. How do insects, birds and wildlife know they're in a genetically modified field, before travelling int into another which the farmer (or his neighbour) has done everything to maintain as genetically free. Do insects and birds and wildlife read little notices telling them - "Beware - this is a genetically modified field (or paddock) - tread carefully! And who translates for them?

This is a serious problem. And I believe it has a bearing on the so-called "obesity" epidemic. Every food that we eat has been tampered with. Even, if we plant seeds ourselves, we don't know what contaminants have been fed into the soil in our backyard, and we don't know whether the seeds have come from genetically modified parents or not.

A lot of serious and intelligent discussion is required, by ordinary everyday people.

Plus-price for plus-size and Plus-sized jeans - plus-sized price?

2009-07-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Plus-sized clothing has been getting more than its fair share of press lately - and here's another piece of plus-sized news.

UK chain store New Look is under fire for charging £2 more for its range of plus-sized jeans (size 18 and above). The store explained its price rise, saying that while it normally absorbed the extra cost, occasionally it had to pass on the cost to consumers. The price increase echoes that of Marks and Spencer, another UK store, which last month agreed to waive a £2 surcharge for DD bras.

Our comments:

Let’s get things into perspective. Why do these retail/chain stores feel they have the right to charge women who are beyond a certain size range, more for their garments? I’ve heard every sort of excuse for more than a quarter of a century, and I still don’t believe them.

ALL women need clothes - the tiny slim and pert young woman KNOWS she can get all manner of garments to fit at low and reasonable prices, because of the huge turnover (claimed by retailers). The plus size has been persuaded over the years that she should pay extra. And she has paid extra for decade after decade. Yet the quality of her garment, the design and style of her garment, the colours available in her garments, and the workmanship of her garment is NOTHING in comparison to the young, hip, trendy and faddish garment.

Simple question. Why not amortise (the word is freely and loosely used, but you get the idea) the costs of designing and making up and retailing womens clothing across the whole size range? Use the best quality fabric; the best and flattering styles, and then charge the same price for the same/similar garment to all women, of all ages, and all shapes and sizes.

Don’t treat me, a plus sizer, as a person who must and should be discriminated against and charged extra because of who and what I am.

Would the commercial/retail world consider charging small and slim women an extra charge, because they’re too small? Let’s confront the issue, not hide behind all sorts of excuses. The world is made up of all kinds of shapes and sizes, and the sooner we come to terms with the fact that women’s fashion should be for ALL women (just as all women’s magazines should be for ALL women), then the sooner self-acceptance will become a fact of life.

The fashion industry and the media are playing games with us, and with our minds. They should be brought to task.

How do we see ourselves?

2009-06-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Look at yourself!

We do. Many times a day when passing a mirror or the reflections in shop windows. So often though we shy away from actually "looking" at ourselves because we fear being reminded that we are not exactly perfect or meet society's perception of what is ideal.

But if we are serious about changing attitudes, and perceptions, we have to make ourselves vulnerable to our own inspections. We have to expose our real personality and character from behind all those layers of protection we wear. Many of these layers are quite invisible and forgotten but have to be shed just as though they were fabric.

Next time you shower or bathe, take time out and actually look at yourself in the mirror. The whole you. Don't just look at the double chin, the drooping boobs, the fat sloppy tummy, the thick thighs, the bulging knees, and the thick ankles. Ankles? you ask - do I have any? Yes, they're there just as you have a waistline, and just as you have a decollete.

Take note of what you see. Thrust away any ideas of comparisons. In other words when you do look at yourself, don't see a fat and ungainly edition of Angelina Jolie or Nicole Kidman. See and appreciate the special limited edition of you! There is no other. You cannot be copied, or cloned. You are you, and you are unique. Even if you are a large, economy size!

And don't make excuses and don't feel guilty. Your body has a certain shape and size for very good reasons. Only one of those reasons MAY be because of the wrong diet or lack of moderation. We have to throw out these archaic ideas that just because we are taller, heavier, wider and broader than the so-called "ideal" women (who are after all in the main genetic freaks - not my words but womens clothing manufacturers. commentators and even some fashion writers), then it is because we over-eat. That's what we've been told for far too long, and unfortunately that's what we come to believe.

Stuff and nonsense! Let's get things into perspective. There are very good reasons why we sometimes eat food that is supposed to be bad for us. There are very good reasons why sometimes we eat too large meal or snack. But those reasons are not because we are undisciplined, it is because our body and yes our mind, tell us that this is the way we can handle situations, or people, and it gives us comfort combined with the incentive to move on from those particular situations and people. Psychologists give us all sorts of technical and chemical reasons, but we know what happens when we feel down, stressed, out of sorts, when we feel sad, and/or feel unloved or unappreciated. "Professional" people treat the chemical person, we live as a physical and spiritual person.

There's a lot of discussion recently about whether a fat person does in fact eat too much! This subject crops up every decade or so, and nothing ever changes in the attitudes of society or people who could make a difference in the public's perception and acceptance of the plus size (such as journalists, editors of women's magazines, as well as the fashion industry itself). And why don't things change? Because it's too darned easy to blame someone for their inappropriate attitude - they'd have to change policies within their industries and that wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all! Because as a consequence they'd have to admit they were wrong.

Learn to like what you see. Let the female form be seen for what it is - it was created for procreation, and it was created for pleasure. Not lustful pleasure but personal pride. Something which is uniquely yours, and which you can enhance in so many wondrous ways - particularly if your imagination allows you the freedom to do so.

Taking control!

2009-06-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

Focussing on "positive" and "feel-good" feelings means having to direct one's thoughts constantly from the negative. Because the negative comes upon us when least expected and can make for a very bad day.

Let's aspire to setting our own goals and dreams; choosing the path we want to follow. We don't have to follow the crowd; we don't have to be the same as everyone else; we don't have to look like everyone else and we can have fun in pursuing whatever it is we want to pursue (whether a career, a hob by, or even a man if that's the way you want to go!).

We have the choice to do things at our own pace and in our own space.

We don't have to make excuses; we don't have to accept feelings of guilt (gee, you have put on weight, haven't you?); we don't have to accept discrimination or indifference or ignorance or arrogance.

Being fat could be helpful for heart patients?

2009-06-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

This news item caught our attention.

In a review in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, it was suggested that being fat can be useful for heart patients.

Overweight heart attack victims should stay fat as they are more likely to live longer, say the researchers. The controversial claim goes against conventional advice to patients that they should lose weight.

"Obese patients with heart disease respond well to treatment and have paradoxically better outcomes and survival than thinner patients," said author Dr Carl Lavie, medical director of Cardiac Rehabilitation and Prevention at the Ochsner medical Centre.

Dr Lavie said it was possible extra weight might help because patients had more reserves to fight disease.

Plus-Size!

2009-06-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

You and I have been told, and been made to believe, that we are what is commonly and rudely termed - “plus size”. What that means exactly no one has been able to satisfactorily explain to me in a rational and intelligent way - if you know, then please enlighten me.

Being “plus size” has meant, for me, that I have had to combat bad manners and inappropriate attitudes from other people, since my childhood. It remains so today. For to too many people "plus-size" means being out of control and fat. Look around you, you'll see plenty of plus-size women who are NOT fat. They are perfectly proportioned regardless of their size.

I’m told that discrimination is no longer legal or acceptable. however no one has told the legislators that discrimination based on size has not even been confronted let alone dispensed with. It may not be legal but it certainly is allowed.

And by whom? You name it. Manufacturers, designers and retailers of clothing. The media - and this includes newspapers, magazines, and publishers of books - how many novels have you read lately with a buxom plus size female as it’s heroine? Editors and features writers, television current affairs anchor people as well as journalists, television drams and sit-coms take delight in making fun or being objectionable to people who do not have the "ideal" figure or looks. If the "worm turned", and suddenly thin or skeletal was considered to be "unacceptable" you'd be deafened by the screams of those thinner women. Yet, we're expected to accept their inappropriate and bad behaviour without a murmur.

Then we come to health professionals. Many GPs are fast coming to the notion that patients are people, thank goodness, and that fat people are just as worthy of respect as smaller people with the same needs and wants. It hasn’t always been so. But when it comes to health sports clubs or fitness centres, then the only way they will look at you is if you are a potential client eager to lose weight. Try and tell them that all you want to do is get fit, not necessarily lose weight, and they’ll give you a horrified look. They really don’t want to know you. Yet you'd think they'd be eager for you to join their clubs in order to prove that being healthy and fit is desirous. But no, they "see" the size and looks of the plus-sizer, and make their own assumptions. The sooner health clubs have classes at which plus-sizers are not only welcomed but sought, the sooner we'll find opportunities to enjoy better fitness without having to go through embarrassing moments in the presence of smaller and more petite women.

As plus-sizers, we deserve the right to enjoy life and that includes fitness, without being harrassed into undergoing weight loss within that goal.

Dressing to suit your Figure!

2009-06-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

Wrap dresses are terrific for women with round tummies. The draping is attractive and the wrap dress allows you to define your waistline - even if you thought you didn't have one!

While colours give a lot of variation, black or solid colours will always be stand-outs.

Has anyone seen any Wrap dresses for the plus-size here in Australia - I've been looking around for a while now and I can't find any - so far.

While talking about flattering styles, I thoroughly recommend the Marilyn Convertible dress from Monif C (USA). This garment allows you to change the styling in countless ways, and Monif even has a number of videos on YouTube showing various ways of wearing this particular dress.

Visit Monif C on www.monifc.com

The BOLD Shoulder is back!

2009-06-03T01:12:00.000-07:00

Do you recall your mother saying, "what goes around comes around?" She wasn't necessarily talking about the washing machine. Most likely it was in relation to fashion.

Yes, fashion. That "thing" that the media and the fashion industry tell us we must obey and wear what they say, when they say, where they say and how they say. And like good little girls, we take notice and as often as not take their demands as "advice" and follow the rules they set down.

Well the latest news is going to please some of us, and dismay others. Because whether you want to believe it or not, the shoulder pad is back! With a vengeance. It's bigger than even back in the 80s- who can remember "Dynasty" and sultry Joan Collins with her wardrobe of magnificent obsessional clothes?

In my humble opinion excessive shoulder pads can make a slim woman look totally top heavy. Because with shoulders that are wider than her hips and thighs combined, she's more like to topple over than to carry herself with grace and ease. (With we plus sizers can do, with style and panache.)

Am I being critical? I guess so. But as a plus size woman, with plenty of amplitude, spread proportionately (and in some places a little disproportionately) over and around my body, I've always loved shoulder pads.

I find that shoulder pads (not the tiny little things that look like a cotton wool face freshener, but a decent sized, padded pad) lift the garment nicely so that my bosoms and cleavage are displayed with more curvature than just plonked on. I'm talking about the garment being plonked on, not the cleavage!

Seriously though, if you tend to read the women's magazines and features pages as well as the odd page of "Style" in your local weekend newspaper, look at which is shown on the catwalk, and then get out some photos of your Mum (or even yourself if you liked the shoulder pads back in the 80s) and get ahold of some magazines or even books from the library depicting fashion where shoulder pads were worn, and see for yourself the many benefits and advantages and enhancements that are available with the humble shoulder pad. Don't necessarily go overboard, but have fun!

Contradictions!

2009-05-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

An article in the Melbourne Sun-Herald on May 20th was headed: Fat Patients Thrive

Gosh - I had to read that one. Most news items in the newspapers, magazines and television current affairs all deal with the fact that being "fat" is a bad thing. Here's one that goes against conventional advice.

I'll quote the article:

"Overweight heart attack victims should stay fat as they are more likely to live longer, say researchers. The controversial claim goes against conventional advice to patients that they should lose weight.

Evidence from a review in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology suggests being fat can be useful for heart patients.

"Obese patients with heart disease respond well to treatment and have paradoxically better outcomes and survival than thinner patients," said author Dr Carl Lavie, medical director of Cardiac Rehabilitation and Prevention at the Ochsner Medical Centre.

Dr Lavie said it was possible extra weight might help because patients had more reserves to fight disease."

Reading - you never know what you'll learn

2009-05-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

I love reading. Ever since I was a tiny tot. Before I could say the alphabet or knew what it meant, I would sit for hours looking at picture books (which were few and far between in those days - mostly handed down from cousins or other families) or the occasional "word" book. Even though I had no understanding that the dots on the page were actually words I would make up my own stories by turning over the pages like the grownups.

So I've grown up with books - they are my friends. Some I have had since childhood, others I've collected over the years.

You can gather from this therefore that I enjoy reading - a lot. I love the pictures that words conjure up in my mind. When I read I inhabit other worlds, both imaginary and real. I gain knowledge, I can easily fall in love with a hero or dislike intensely a rogue (even vice versa). I can laugh and I can cry.

At the moment I'm re-reading my series of Precious Ramotswe books. Written by Alexander McCall Smith who has a deep love and understanding of Botswana and it's people, Precious is a woman of our time. Independent, morally strong, valuing good manners, kindness, a love of her country (even though she recognises some faults in both the country and its people). Her intuition and instinctiveness to see behind untruths and pretenses reveals to us many of our own characteristics.

But what I love about Precious Ramotswe is her self-awareness. She is under no illusion that to be happy and to be a contented woman she has to be thin. Quite the opposite. She describes herself and is proud to be spoken of as being "traditionally built". She finds no reason to even think about her weight as a negative within her life. She is fat.

Let me quote from "Morality for Beautiful Girls".

"She finished her tea and then ate a large meat sandwich which Rose had prepared for her lunch. Mma Ramotswe had got out of the habit of a cooked lunch, except at weekends, and was happy with a snack or a glass of milk. She had a taste for sugar, however, and this meant that a doughnut or a cake might follow the sandwich.

She was a traditionally built lady, after all, and she did not have to worry about dress size, like those poor, neurotic people who were always looking in mirrors and thinking that they were too big. What was too big, anyway? Who was to tell another person what size they should be? It was a form of dictatorship, by the thin, and she was not having any of it. If these thin people became any more insistent, then the more generously sized people would just have to sit on them. Yes, that would teach them! Hah!"

I couldn't have said it better!

Even for a self confident woman, there are times ......

2009-05-05T19:12:00.001-07:00

All the women in this group have been through times of anguish, despair, fear, rejection, emotional abuse, discrimination in all its forms. I'm glad to say that we've all "come through" these times, and we sit happily and healthily (in the main) quite aware of our sense of self, and confident in how we feel and how we look. We've accepted our bodies.

So it came as a bolt out of the blue the other day when one of our team went in for a cataract operation earlier this week. She has been on the "waiting list" for more than 4 years, so she was somewhat excited about the whole thing.

All the preliminary tests had been carried out, including measurements for the eyes a few months ago. Those tests also included height, weight and other matters relating to any allergies, and a list of medications that she is on. The usual procedure in fact. She was told all she had to do was "front up" at the day surgery section at the hospital at a certain time on a certain day, and the operation would be performed.

Simple.

Oh, yes? No.

Because when she had undressed and given a hospital gown, processed through confirmation of details,re-weighed and her height confirmed, the nurse came out with the words, "sorry, we can't operate on you, your BMI is too high". How can this be, when she had even lost some weight between the initial visit and the day for admission?

Well, it seems the hospital had put in place "considerations" to reduce the BMI acceptable for any sort of operation a month ago. Without notifying scheduled patients for our out-patient procedures, this means that there would be many patients attending the hospital only to be told that their operations cannot be performed.

In this case, it wasn't the surgeon who refused to operate, and after all it was a local anaesthetic not a general one, but the hospital staff.

So this means the patient now has to be put onto a waiting list of another city hospital who MAY accept a higher BMI - what this means in anyone's guess.

So it is a little understandable that this patient felt disappointed. Because in amongst everything else, she was rudely reminded that "size" is still a no-no and that acceptance which is taking a long, long time, is most probably a long way off. (And we're not naturally pessimistic - usually!)

But as an aside, this means that this particular hospital (and there must be thousands that have similar policies) will not do cataract operations, colonoscopies or other procedures which up until this time were considered to fall within the acceptable operations performed on a regular basis if the BMI is above a certain figure. We wonder what the policy is with women are BELOW the acceptable BMI, because there's a lot of talk at the moment about women who are considered to be malnourished with BMI's in the vicinity of 15, but who the medias and the fashion industry think are "ideal".

Another aside too, we've since learned that the Victorian Government have decided to withdraw many of their subsidies for visiting specialists from Melbourne to outer country hospitals, which means patients will have to travel into Melbourne (one train a day), probably stay overnight (more expense), have a procedure, and then return. The costs and time involved will be high. Especially when it comes to the elderly.

Bullying and Abuse!

2009-04-30T20:35:00.000-07:00

THE KNIVES ARE OUT ...... and it’s not nice

The Sun-Herald, Melbourne, Australia has had some very controversial articles in recent days. One in particular dealt with the inappropriate and unacceptable statements made by the judges in the "Australia's Next Top Model" contest.

One judge has been forced to apologise for his caustic and scathing comments about some of the contestants. Judges are supposedly chosen as they represent the top of their field and experts in fashion and modelling. But these judges, and sadly they included two women, were hypocritical and discriminatory. Let's face it, plus sizers have been fighting this type of "bad" behaviour by people in the press and the fashion industry - now they're turning their attention and anger towards the young and hopeful models of the future. Quite apart from the girls who are receiving a lot of flak due to their being "too skinny" (one lass has a BMI of 15.1 and weighs 49 kg), these other girls are what we would loosely term "typical" and "average' if not "normal". But judges such as these on the show are our (women's) worst enemies and appear to think they are a law unto themselves. They take their arrogance and criticisms far beyond the bounds of decency.

Here are a view of the comments made about the model contestants:

(1) ‘‘I'm loving her. Slightly psycho, slightly beauty pageant-looking. OK, she's like a murderous beauty-pageant queen.''

(2) ‘‘Eyes slightly too close together and could knife you in the back - she's good.''

(3) ‘‘She's got no top lip. She's got a blockhead.''

(4) ‘‘She's the one you said looked like Frankenstein.''

(5) ‘‘She looks like a wild pig. What a lump - a moose.''

(6) ‘‘You may be a bogan, but don't be a bogan on this show.''

Comments of encouragement are occasionally directed at the contestants, but Melbourne psychologist Dr Janet Hall worries about the impact of put-downs. Hall believes the experience of being dismissed and immediately sent home from a reality show has the potential to leave contestants feeling ‘‘depressed, used and invalidated''.

‘‘They are making hostile judgments based on superficial visuals,'' Hall says of some of the judges' comments.

‘‘I spend my life as a psychologist trying to build people's self-esteem after they have been criticised about their looks by their peers and even their parents - fathers in particular.''

As I said, it’s not nice. We’ve had a overwhelming dose of this type of discrimination based on our plus size, and now younger women are being bullied in the same way. And there's supposed to be a law against discrimination relating to size - surely that means ALL sizes?

How to Live with Yourself

2009-04-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

Trying to change the unchangeable leads only to misery

Every year sizeable fortunes are made by people who peddle impossible dreams to millions of over-optimistic individuals.

Whenever people buy an anti-aging face cream, a slimming food, or a breast developer, they are falling for the con trick that they can use a gimmick to improve their appearance. They can't, yet people still try, because they just don't stop to think about the realities of their situation.

Learning how to know yourself takes a long time and most of us don't achieve such understanding until we're well on in life. The basic skill in such self-understanding is sorting out the changeable from the unchangeable and then deciding whether you want to put yourself through the effort of making such changes.

We can think of four main areas where people need to assess themselves and their abilities. Once they've done that, they can decide whether they want to alter anything that is susceptible to correction and then settle down contentedly with what's left. The real self ...

Two of these areas are:

SIZE

This is the area where vast numbers of people suffer a great deal of unnecessary misery. We are all bombarded constantly by advice on how to be thin and there is a widespread notion that to be thin is to be right, and to be anything else is to be ugly or shameful. So people who are normal spend much of their time obsessed with their size.

We are all born with basically different constitutions. Some of us are programmed to have small breasts, heavy thighs, long torsos or blue eyes, and to see such people falling for the blandishments of 'spot reduction' diets or 'permanent weight loss' diets is distressing. Particularly when they don't work, otherwise the world would be filled with slim, trim, beautifully toned bodies, and the "diet industry" wouldn't be needed any more, and they'd go out of business!

The hard fact is that for some people the only way they can fit into what is currently regarded as a fashionable size is by self-starvation, which brings with it constant hunger and reduced health. Another possibility is cosmetic surgery, which is usually costly and sometimes risky. In fact riskier than the so-called marketers and peddlers within this industry will admit. And even after it is done, many people remain dissatisfied with the results.

There's nothing quite as sad as seeing people we know (whether personally, or through television or even film) to suddenly appear as though their skin is perfect without any blemish or sign or fine wrinkles. That's usually the first step because within a couple of years, looking at their photos or even face to face, we'll begin to doubt whether they are the same person we remember. Their faces take on a plastic, immovable look and many unfortunately begin to look less human. Have they gone under the knife for health or medical reasons? Or have they done this to protect and deny aging. Sadly many become victims of amusement among the ordinary every-day person's perspective of how a person should deal with wrinkles and greying hair associated with aging.

and AGING

So we come to aging. Age is inescapable - and why should or would we want to deny it anyway? Of course the alternative doesn't hold any attraction at all. There are many societies around the world where wrinkles are revered, not despised.

Yet we in the 'sophisticated' West seem to have the extraordinary notion that the only worthwhile people are aged 22 or so, and admitting to any birthday after the 29th is social suicide.

To use light makeup to enhance the face you have or wear attractive clothes to make you look as agreeable as you want to look is perfectly reasonable. But to mourn because you don't look the same as you did 20-30 years ago can be self-destructive - and expensive.

(Photo - copyright Dove) Full permission from "Accentuate the Positive - Now" -an address to High School Students and Size 16 Plus Groups, WA, 2002 ©RP-B Australia

Discrimination!

2009-04-21T17:29:00.001-07:00

Not only do we (collectively, in our group) have a file of upsetting experiences to describe what we've been through after having to go for medical tests and such thing, but we know of lots of women who have received even more appalling treatment than us.

While many of these women are of 'normal' weight and 'average' weight (whatever normal or average really means!), it is when speaking with women of size, that we discover time and time again episodes of petty discriminative attitudes in insensitive and arrogant people (mainly women it seems!). It is expected we should accept intolerable behaviour without question, merely because we're plus-size.

A woman (or anyone for that matter) being sent for tests of innumerable varieties - x-rays, mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, "pushes and prods" here there and everywhere, externally as well as internally, obviously is stressed to some degree before even entering the Dr's or pathology rooms. It come face to face with hostility, impatience, exasperation and downright rudeness is another "reminder" that our size is a problem! To them. Because they haven't come to terms with their own arrogance.

Anne Marie J of Ashfield, NSW, phoned into our office yesterday. We put her on open speaker (at her request). She had just arrived home shortly before calling us, embarrassed, humiliated, dejected, angry, unhappy and in tears of despair. She had attended a Specialist's rooms to be weighed and "talked at" (talked down to more like it), about her weight and possible problems associated with it, and more or less told "there's nothing we can do for you, unless you lose weight. It's your own responsibility." What that meant is anybody's guess, but it sounds a little like a threat of some sort.

She was then told to give an urine sample. No problem. But ...... She was handed a coffee mug. When Anne-Marie told us this, we couldn't help raising our eyebrows and had to stop from giggling - was she having us on? Definitely not! She'd asked the Nurse/Receptionist (of whatever title she goes under) why she wasn't given a small sterile container in a brown paper bag (like most rooms). No answer - merely "give sample and return to the desk". A coffee mug!!!!

Are these people for real or have we been blasted into a cyber "hole" where common sense no longer plays any part? Not to mention good manners.

You think that was bad enough? There was more to come. "While you're here, you can have some blood tests". "Yes, of course". Enter the "Path Nurse". Small bustling, busy, energetic, in-a-hurry. "Come on, come on". Anne-Marie tried to explain for blood tests it's best from inside elbow, left arm. "I''m not interested in what other people have told you," is the response. Jag, dig, jag, dig. What happened? The needle broke, that's what happened. Yes, it must have taken some force to do that.

She removed the broken needle - no apologies, then tried the other arm. No luck. "Look", said Anne-Marie, "I'll go to my usual place they never have any trouble". "I think you'd better because I can't waste any more time with you". Anne-Marie returned to her usual Path Lab Rooms, had the blood taken with no problems, and she went home.

This is where she fell in a heap. It wasn't only the coffee mug, it wasn't only the broken needle, it was the attitude of people. People who should be efficient and proficient at what they do; people who should have "people skills"; people who should have communication skills and who should have good manners.

Anne-Marie's husband arrived home a little later. Saw the condition of Anne-Marie's arm (from the broken needle), became incensed when he heard about the coffee mug and he immediately telephoned the Specialist's Rooms and complained. Received all sorts of blustery explanations but no apology. He has since taken this matter up with the Administrator of the Pathology Clinic Rooms.

What does this say to us? It says quite plainly that things are not as they should be. Discriminatory attitudes still play a big part in today's world. And it's about time that perpetrators understood the ramifications.

Because. In the national press as far back as September 2000, a small article appeared which stated: "A treaty to protect women from discrimination will become international law despite Australia's decision not to sign. as part of its protest at the United Nations' Committee system. Numerous countries ratified the protocol to the convention on the ELIMINATION OF ALL FORMS OF DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN, meaning it will pass into law. A new committee will hear the women's complaints." And this was back in 2000!!!! Has Australia seen fit to sign the treaty since that time? We wonder?

Surely, everyday forms of discrimination should come under the scrutiny of us all. And we have the power and the responsibility to make sure that blatant disregard for these laws are made known, not only to the organisations/people who display that disregard, but even people within the government. The old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword is still relevant today! It's up to us to remind those who treat individuals unfairly and with inappropriate behaviour and attitudes that they are breaking the law! And that we DO have rights!

Aging Outrageously! - Part II

2009-04-19T03:37:00.001-07:00

Zuzu continues HER essay on "Aging Outrageously!"

"But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with all the changes that we see in the mirror, and feel in our body? Is it all impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if alone, are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence. Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as “can’t do”?

I’m reminded time & time again of a little story we were told as children. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (I think of him as “she”), felt failure, she wasn’t sure of herself, she’d lost all confidence and thought she’d never, ever ever, reach the top. But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of “can’t do” became “I can do”. I often use the words myself when self-doubt attacks me: “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I know I can” The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed and pulled herself to the top of the hill.

We’re like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just “can’t” reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can’t “see” that we have the power to turn the “can’t” into a “can do”.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Because it darn well isn’t. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to “keep focus”. Focus on what’s important in the whole picture. You, and me, and our life, and how we see it and how we want to live it, for us as well as our family. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don’t know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to “now”. No wasting time!

The here and now is what it’s about. YOURS and MINE. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence than almost anything else. We KNOW that we’ll be a better person once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes; she will smile more often; she will let us see our “good” points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we’ll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully & graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

Leonie Stevens: Having a Sensible Doctor!

2009-04-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

The newspapers scream "women are TOO fat". Television current affairs night after night show women to be scraggly or plump, but always with camera angles that are derogatory and demeaning!

Inevitably the anchorwoman of the show is a young and healthy, beautiful and slim woman who has the added advantage of flattering and expensive clothing and her hair and makeup carefully applied by, I suspect, television station beauticians. Well, after all, she does represent the television station and programme as well as portraying what all women should look and dress like! Well, that's the inference anyway! I accept that point.

But I get angry when special stories are promoted highlighting excessive weight losses by women, to the detriment of those of us who can't lose the weight we're told we should do, in order that we too might be seen to be acceptable. There were years when I was an avid "dieter" but I quickly came to the conclusion that I am UNABLE to shed the kilos and keep them off, without going to utmost extremes.

As far as my Dr and various Specialists I've attended over the years tell me, I am doing myself untold physical and emotional damage each time I abuse my body by stressing it out with "diets" and exercise regimes which are entirely inappropriate.

Now I am not for one moment saying I don't believe in "sensible" eating or regular light exercise, I do and am very disciplined in this regard. But I'm referring to those attending a gym every day and having a personal trainer who will take me through the steps and ensure that I come out the other end, fit, slim, slender, sexy and the whole bit. But who can afford a personal trainer anyway?

So when my Dr sat me down the other day and gave me a good talking to, I sat up and took notice. (That's not a contradiction, I did sit down and I did sit up!)

Would you believe it? He talked about things like hereditary body shape, things like comfort foods especially as they relate to our childhood and early years and times when we need to recall the feelings of "comfort"; things like stress (either work related or relationship related!); and the fact that, wait for it, some foods react differently to others depending upon a lot of chemical and psychological things within any one person's body. He added that because of medications many women take, we must never assume that they're not having some effect on our bodies or even the food we eat, or vice versa.

What he said newly blew my mind. I thought to myself. "So this is why my best girl friend Helga can eat ANYTHING she likes, in WHATEVER quantity she likes, WHENEVER she likes, prepared and cooked in WHATEVER way she likes, without adding a gram of weight". Sometimes when Helga is in her "creative" mood (she's an artist and artists are allowed to behave any way they like!), she will snack ALL DAY!

I broke down and cried when my Dr explained this to me. But then he added, "it's not so much what you put in your mouth or how much you're putting in your mouth, but perhaps it's the food itself!".

I'd heard this said before. Because I belong to a group of professional ladies all with interests in self-esteem motivation and the like, this suggestion had been spoken about many times over the years. Even today though there's not much research into what is IN the food we're eating, so hearing my Dr put forward the same theory, made me realise there's got to be something in the notion.

I'm shocked to find even in my small research into the subject, that there are already many problems with genetically modified foods; foods that have preservatives and additives, chemicals and colourings; and the unexplained dramatic increase in allergies, even in small children. There are too many excuses being made in this regard obviously by people who have a vested interest in the whole concept, but with no-one giving reliable and honest reasons or answers.

But I've learned a valuable lesson. My curves are ME! They are bigger than some, and smaller than others. But my curves are NOT to be seen as evidence that I am out of control in any way. They merely show that I am fully-rounded like any self-respecting intelligent woman should be!

The fact that my partner sees my body as "pleasing" to him and who has NEVER caused me to think about my size, should have assured me, I know. But it took a caring Dr who took a few extra minutes of his time to explain things so that I could understand, from a medical standpoint, that have made me realise I had fallen into the habit of not reinforcing my own self-worth, but rather had been putting myself down!

No more.

Aging Outrageously! Another look at wrinkles! Part One

2009-04-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

Following yesterday's blog, Zuzu has a few words she'd like to say, about aging. Zuzu only having a few words to say? What a laugh - she's usually got a lot to say, but we have to admit what she says makes a lot of sense!

It’s all in the mind dear, all in the mind!

Whether it’s “positive thinking” or determination, or a matter of downright stubbornness, there’s a lot to be said for living life outrageously, especially as we grow older!

Keeping focus

Let’s start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the “seasons” of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it’s difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Life-experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits including hobbies, and “retire”. When I think about it (and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago), “retire” is such a negative word! It’s really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn’t it better to “rest” when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we decide to?

As so often happens when a woman “retires” she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn’t it?

And what also happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to “want” to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university? Even buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring. Even, dare I say it, take a lover? Don’t get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It’s a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can’t make it, you can’t copy it, you can’t replace it. It’s a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

In my travels and dealings with women I have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have during most of the seasons of their life, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things).

Now this is not an un-natural or unusual occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ........ As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us. Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn’t have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about!); our partners may need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what’s going on with their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was “firm” and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we’ve fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deja vu. But now we’re older, and we’re much more tired.

Then the “woman in the mirror” tells us we’re no longer important. We’ve let ourselves go; we’ve lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we’re in a heap. Lines show in our face; our hair is thin and grey; our figure - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn’t it? So we’re worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

TGBTG

Aging Outrageously!

2009-04-16T20:49:00.001-07:00

I'm a "late bloomer". It's taken me more than half a century to realise I'm a delightful, delicious, sensual and sexy woman. The fact that I'm plus size, and the fact that I'm growing older, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with who I am, what I am, what I can become, my abilities, my capabilities, my strengths.

You see I grew up in an era where little girls were supposed to sit in a corner, to be quiet, and not to be loud or noisy, or a nuisance, or in fact to be anything other than a little mouse. I didn't always see "why" I should be like this, but I didn't dare open my mouth and question things.

Maybe I should have. Because there were lots of things that I needed to know. That I should have been taught and had explained to me. I grew up with much innocence, and with many thousands of other little girls, grew up in strict households, and didn't see anything wrong with that. Because we were all in the same situation.

So I think I was most fortunate in falling into a lot of deep holes as I grew up. Others did, and many never did scramble up out of those holes. Innocence can so easily so mistaken for ignorance, and ignorance can be disastrous if it occurs in changing of influencing a young girls life.

With never ending encouragement from my mother, and I see now much protection (from the world and what was in it) I soon came to the conclusion that I could do something with my life, if I applied myself, if I worked hard and smart, and never lost my focus. If I was always kind and sensitive to other people's feelings and listened to other people's opinions, but there was to be no yielding if I felt they were wrong. Yes, there were times when I told myself I would never get to where I wanted, and then the stubbornness would set in, and I'd push myself beyond what I thought were my limits. This worked so many times, that it became second nature.

This knowledge and experience I soon found could be shared. Women wanted to know HOW to achieve self confidence, HOW to bring about changes in their attitudes towards themselves, and HOW to live contented, although at times difficult, lives. It opened up yet another challenge for me in being able to share what I knew, what I had learned, and many of the hints and strategies that had helped and protected me during my growing up and maturing years.

You might think that I've become conceited in my older age. Not so. I've become more aware of myself. I've become confident. I've become my own "advocate" riding a white charger to fiercely take on anyone who does me wrong. I've become more pleased with how I think and how I live and how I act and interact with other people. I'm spontaneous but I'm genuine.

And I've met thousands of women just like me. Ordinary everyday women who because of many different circumstances never found the opportunity to discover themselves. Not until they were greying, and becoming wrinkled. And the liberation from feelings of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not intelligent enough" were life-changing.

We don't have to stay in the cocoon of self-doubt; we don't have to believe everything that people say about us to us and to outsiders; we are articulate, intelligent, unique human beings. We're able to feel secure in the knowledge that we know what is best, for us, without any interference from well-meaning but so often very wrong intentions of others. We don't tolerate inappropriate behaviours or attitudes. We know what's what, and we know what we need.

So if that means aging outrageously, because we have the audacity of saying what we think, and explaining what we need, then so be it.

It's a great adventure.

The Way We Were!

2009-04-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

Models and actresses in the 1950s and 1960s were, in the main, curvy and even voluptuous.

Even women sighed with a little touch of envy when Sophia Loren, Anna Magnani, Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell and Gina Lollobrigida graced the cinema screen. The men, of course, were almost panting and fainting with imaginations!

Busts were "in", bottoms were "in", hips were "in". Graceful figures, graceful women.

Even though we, as young women of the time knew that we would never, but never, meet the same "perfection" as we saw it expressed in these lovely women, we did however manager to feel like real women ourselves, because our figures were full, and rounded and curvaceous. It was a pleasure to dress our bodies, and if we didn't have the wardrobes of the current stars of the screen, then that didn't really upset us too much.

Of course there were always those people around us who made fun of us, who subjected us to ridicule, but on the whole we were satisfied were ourselves.

But then strange things started happening. All of a sudden it wasn't alright to have a bit of flesh, it wasn't OK to have big bosums and as far as hips and tummy were concerned, then we really missed the boat. We were no longer seen as being "feminine" let alone womanly. But did you notice that the those screen stars didn't adapt themselves to meet the media's demands? How often did we see (and still do) photos in our international women's magazines with rude and abusive texts devoted to decrying their expression of "womanhood" of Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, and dare I say it, if Marilyn Monroe were alive today, then she surely would be subjected to a tirade of ridicule and abuse. Let's look more recently and see how the media demanded that Kate Winslet and Drew Barrymore transform themselves.

And why? Because these women (and us too) have had the audacity and temerity to change shape and size over the years without their permission!

Without being biased and discriminatory about women who are naturally slim, even skinny, I wonder how it is that society as a whole has become so obsessed with not only shouting "down with curves", but actually denigrating and demeaning the plus size of this world? How have we allowed this to happen?

The media, and the fashion industry, I believe have a lot to answer for. Designers refuse to create flattering garments for women with curves and width; retailers and boutiques may carry a token number of garments for larger sizes, but nothing of any great value or quality. Yet the media particularly refuses to accept any blame for the lowering of self-esteem of their readers, girls, teens, young and older women. Having photos of garish, skeletal models strutting down the catwalks with scowls and glaring eyes, in garments that hardly seem to be holding together, does nothing for the real woman who wants clothing to make her look attractive. And for her to feel good when she is wearing those garments.

If today's media wants to carry on its "war against women" (that that's what it is if you think about it, because slim women are influenced as well), then let it go ahead. But don't for one minute imagine that the larger women of Australia and for that matter the smaller women too, are going to put up with it much longer. I can almost hear my counterparts in the USA and Europe saying: Neither are we!

Let me put this proposition to you. Women's magazines are supposedly for women - right? All women - right? Women of all ages - right? Women of all shapes and sizes - right. No. WRONG! Having a special page supplement of "what to wear when you're fat" is not the way to treat the plus size woman, and we should never have to feel "grateful" for such a supplement.

Women need "positive" pictures and photos; "positive" messages and "positive stories" about women who are women. Just like us, you and me. We don't need the so-called "experts" who don't really know what they are talking about, telling us that unless we're size 6-8 then we're not photogenic and certainly we should never expect to be taken seriously, about anything!

Editors, journalists, features writers, photographers, advertisers and the like need to know that they are displaying blatant discrimination in its rudest form, and it's about time they realised that there is no room for that sort of attitude today.

Let's go ahead, you and me, and the women in your family and groups of friends, and the woman next door, with ATTITUDE! No matter what our age, size or shape.

Beyond the Curve - FAT in a thin society ... Part II

2009-04-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

At a time when we're increasingly sensitive about insulting other minorities, fat people are still fair game.

In the real world (our world) it seems that it's OK to discriminate against the fat (even though we are told that "discrimination is now illegal - oh, yes? just who is kidding who?)

Studies in USA, Europe and Australia have found that fat people earn less money than others. They are less likely to be hired or promoted. They routinely face ridicule from their doctors and health facilitators (still!)

We've invested weight with so many meanings
that numbers on the scale have become a shorthand for self-worth.

We're told that:

"slenderness is not just beautiful - it proclaims that you;re feminine, self-disciplined, well-adjusted and sexy" "fat, on the other hand, reveals that you're sloppy and self-indulgent, out of control and out of the running as a sexual being"

It's a disastrous combination. Our ideal of thinness is unrealistic for most of the population, yet we all buy the idea that there's something seriously wrong with us if we deviate from it.

There is however, another value that we attach to overweight that may be even more powerful than a sense of sin. We see fat as "low-class". Our culture equates slenderness with sexiness and even intelligence.

And who, in the main, keeps this body myth alive? Women, yes women. There seems to be a clear connection between the gains women have made in the outside world - bringing confusing and conflicting choices about roles - and our growing hysteria about our own bodies. It's as if keeping the body on a tight rein, or not letting our lapses show, is a way of re-assuring ourselves and the world that our desires aren't voracious, that our needs aren't bottomless, that despite our own uncertainty, we are in control.

However, it's not enough to understand this obsession intellectually. The battle for self acceptance involved unlearning a lot of entrenched ideas. It also involves a lot of pain.

If you've spent most of your life starving yourself without success, it hurts to recognise that all that deprivation was a waste.

That's why a lot of women cling to the promise that thin equals happy. In many cases they want dieting to be a magical way of becoming another person.

It takes great courage to accept yourself in a world that values thinness above all else. The miracle is, that some people manage it.

You can too. If that's really what you want to do.

Beyond the Curve - FAT in a thin society ... Part I

2009-04-15T02:46:00.001-07:00

Whether we like it or not society says, "if you're thin then you're sexy, self-disciplined and well-adjusted". On the other hand, "if you're fat, then you're out of control, sloppy and self-indulgent".

Let's confront this issue full on, and blast the myths dealing with size and our acceptance by society based on that size, out of the window, right now!

At least 50% of all women are obsessed with a real or imaginary 5-7-1/2 kilos of fat. For a woman who knows she is 20 kilos overweight if not more, then this can become not just an obsession but despair. But in many cases, they're the only ones who can even see that extra weight over and above what they think they should look like. Yet it can keep them from buying clothes, going for a swim, doing anything physical. An inner voice tells them they have to wait until they're thinner.

Women in past years have spent hours debating the "fors" and "againsts" the Scarsdale diet, the Atkins diet, appetite suppressants, carbohydrate diets, grapefruit diets, egg diets, the water, the pasta diets, the Israeli diet, the Mediterranean diet, and even the beer diet. Now we seem to be going through another tunnel of discovery (or denial,whichever) in that many women take pains to explain that they are no longer "hung-up" about weight, size and shape and that they've come to accept themselves as they are. And yet, these women are seen to be popping the latest "diet" shake or nibbling the diet-cracker and attending the gym for fast-loss fitness, or visiting weight-loss "weekends away" at health farms and resorts, including B&B's right around Australia (not to mention Europe and the USA).

In many ways our obsession with thinness has never made less sense than it does today. We know now that body weight has as much to do with heredity as willpower, that permanent weight loss is far more complicated than we once believed. We've learned that the old standards for our ideal weights were set unrealistically low and we know that the starvation diets of the past are counter productive and potentially dangerous.

But for many of us, the message hasn't sunk in. There seems to be a huge gap between what we know in our minds and how we actually feel about ourselves.

Believe it or not, but our preference for almost fleshless bodies is fairly rare in historical and cultural terms. Even in the recent past, large breasts and flaring hips padded with flesh were seem to be acceptable if not preferable. The Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat and overweight today, yet she was seen to be the symbol of sensual and seductiveness in the mid 60s (and to some of us she remains that way). In no way can you compare her curves with today's models and actresses.

Plump women are prized in countries like Sierra Leone and many of the Pacific Islands. Chunky matrons carry themselves with a jaunty confidence in their own worth and desirability. On the other hand, today we regard fat with horror, similar to the attitude held by the Victorians in relation to "sex".

Today is Easter Sunday

2009-04-12T01:13:00.000-07:00

To all my Christian friends, I wish them all a very Happy Easter Day.

To all my friends from other faiths (and no faiths), I wish them all a safe, and fulfilling Easter Day.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part III

2009-04-09T04:03:00.001-07:00

You've finished the quiz and beginning to wonder what it's all about. Well, here are the answers.

So what is your "Season"?

Mostly (a) Spring

You have all the beauty and healthy living ideas for a Spring Beauty. You're romantic, enthusiastic, outgoing, positive. To suit your nature-loving spirit, you need a look that goes well with the outdoor life.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (b) Summer

You're a sun-loving, fun-loving person who's in her element in summer. You enjoy easy, outdoor living - but preferably somewhere warm. You want to tan, but realise that too much sun can age the skin.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (c) Autumn

This is the season when you are most nostalgic - and beautiful. You have (or should have) a sensitive nature. Unfortunately your skin is so sensitive that it burns easily and you have to be careful about which makeup you use.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (d) Winter

Winter is when you look your best - however cold it may be outside. You cast a magic spell. You have sensitive skin, haunting eyes, and a fondness for sophisticated indoor pursuits like eating out, watching foreign films, tango-ing the night away at glitzy nightspots. (Given the chance!).

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

*A mixture of two? Read both seasonal beauty guides carefully because you'll find you can fit in and mix-match within both.

Given your favourite fragrances, makeup, and favourite colours you can quickly see that often you will gravitate naturally to your own seasonal colours. It's a matter of focussing and then defining your own natural instincts.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part II

2009-04-06T01:13:00.000-07:00

I hope you didn't give up with the first part of this Quiz. Because it's fun and it's well worth finishing. So we're now at:

6. Which of these cars would you love to own?

(c) Racy Red Ferrari
(a) Old Bentley
(d) White Rolls Royce
(b) Land Rover or beach buggy

7. Which of these fragrances do you prefer?

(a) Chanel No 5
(b) Opium by YSL
(d) Poison by Christian Dior
(b) White Linen by Estee Lauder

8. What kind of makeup do you prefer?

(d) Dramatic, with well defined lips, stunning eyes, pale complexion
(a) Natural, with pale pink lips, the merest trace of eye makeup and natural roses in your cheeks
(b) Sunny, with glowing gold and yellows to play up a tan, lip gloss, green or blue eye colour
(c) Glowing, with peach or red lips, beige foundation, greenish golds and blues on your eyelids

9. Some makeup items are simply indispensable - which is your most vital cosmetic aid?

(b) Waterproof mascara
(c) Lipstick
(d) Face powder or compact
(a) Fresh air

10. If these four TV programmes were all being screened at the same time, which would you choose to watch (no videoing allowed)

(d) CSI
(a) CSI Miami
(b) Close to Home
(c) The Closure

11. What's your favourite fashion standby?

(a) Your classic jacket
(c) Classic coat or slacks
(b) Blue jeans
(d) Sexy underwear

12. What are your favourite colours?

(b) White and dazzling brights like yellow, green, orange
(a) Florals and earthy browns, leafy greens
(c) Gold, berry reds, orangey browns, beige, cream
(d) Black with primaries like red, purple, emerald, blue for contrast.

12A. Which meal would give you the most pleasure, socially as well as on the tastebuds?

(b) A beach BBQ cooked over charcoal, wonderful salads, local wine or beer
(c) A candlelit dinner at home with an aromatic roast, lively conversation and lots of laughs
(d) An elegant dinner for two, perfect cuisine and a suave escort
(a) Lunch at a country pub, home-made pate, superb cheese, fresh fruit tart, lashings of cream.

So what is YOUR "Season"?

Coming up on the next post.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part I

2009-04-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

A little bit of fun
and you'll learn something about yourself at the same time!

If you have a problem working out what your "colours" are, this is a great little way of finding out. You'll also find out a lot more about yourself that maybe you didn't already know.

Answer each question by nominating (a), (b), (c) or (d) - then check your Beauty Season.

1. Which of the following lines of poetry do you find most evocative?

(c) "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness ..."
(b) "Strawberries swimming in the cream, and schoolboys playing in the stream"
(d) "When icicles hang by the wall, and Dick the shepherd calls his sheep"
(a) "Lambs frisk and play, the shepherds pipe all day ..."

2. How would you describe your skin?

(b) Well-behaved, although a bit oily sometimes, tans easily
(a) Clear, but sensitive, with the occasional spot
(c) Fine, delicate, perhaps freckled, reacts badly to some products, burns easily
(d) Dry, flaky, although clear looking and needs lots of moisturiser

3. What's your favourite kind of leisure activity?

(b) Swimming, water-skiing, surfing, lazing on a beach - anything so long as it's outdoors in sunshine
(d) Skiing, ice-skating or playing back-gammon in a cosy mountain chalet
(a) Exploring the countryside with a favourite friend, dog or horse
(c) Watching a team of husky men play rugby, soccer or football, then retiring to the pub with the winners

4. What's your favourite hair colour?

(d) Dark brown, black or greying
(c) Red or auburn, or brown with reddish highlights
(a) Blonde or mouse
(b) Light Brown

5. If you could pack your suitcase and fly away, which of the following holidays would you choose?

(b) Three weeks of sunning and beach-combing in the Maldives
(a) A month in the country staying in an old farmhouse, with kids, bicycles and rustic food
(d) A two-week shopping and sight seeing trip to New York
(c) A late-summer break on an island - just you, your partner and a pile of books

More of the quiz next posting!

This is a re-print from "Big Solutions", written by the same author. Copyright asserted.

Trinny and Susannah

2009-04-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

Well folks, they've landed in Australia. Together with their sometimes embarrassingly candid comments about women's bodies and clothing styles. But you've got to admit it, most of the time, even though they say what they think and we sometimes cringe, it's usually spot on!

I've watched their TV shows over a number of years, I've read a lot about what they think, and their advice to women to dress more in line with their body shapes. They've had responses ranging from absolute ecstasy to tears and tantrums. But you've got to give it to them, they say what they mean, and what they say makes sense - most of the time.

But there's one aspect of their philosophy that I come back to again and again and again. Both Sussanah and Trinny are obsessed with the fact that women don't wear the correct bras for their shape or their size. I agree wholeheartedly. In fact I'll stand up on their soapbox with them, because I've been saying this same thing for decades. But this is where the whole thing unravels.

You see, here in Australia at any rate, a plus-size woman does NOT have the same options of beautiful bras and cami sets that we see on television in make-overs - whether it be Susannah and Trinny or Carson Kressley or any other make-over specialist. The selection is sparse to say the least. We now have bras that go up to H fitting, but only in small sizes! What a contradiction. Women with small breasts seem to have deeper breasts nowdays. And their market must be catered to. But honestly, why are the big breasted women still waiting for beautiful bras and cami sets to be made available here? I recall Intimate Attitudes lingerie, of which I purchased a great many through Australian agents, but I can't even find anyone here in Australia who still deals with this brand. They used to go up to size 4X which was a generous sizing in any one's language. Anyone know of a local agent?

But back to the point. When I speak about plus size, I am not only speaking of size 14-16 (Aust size) which according to the media and fashion industry is "large"; I'm referring to the woman who is size 24, 26 28. She can, with the help of a good dressmaker or by buying clothing from overseas, look stunning. But her bra lets her down. Literally.

Heavy, restrictive, bulky contraptions made from fabric which should have gone out of fashion decades ago. Nothing lacy, ribbony, embroidered, satiny, velevety even. Oh no, they're for the small and trim and slim. Please don't get me wrong, they deserve to have beautiful bras. But then so do we. Fair's fair after all, and aren't we supposed to be equal?

For those of you interested in some of the "Rules" of dressing (according to Trinny and Susannah) go to their website at www.trinnyandsusannah.com.rules

I wish my bust was .......

2009-03-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

It doesn’t matter what age size, women are, we all need the same TLC as far as our emotions and feelings are concerned. We need to know, and to be told, that we are special human beings just as we are, right now. Not when we’ve shed a 100 lbs, or had a face-lift or regular botox applications or WLS or lapband surgery.

When women get together you can hear some strange things. When you have women of all ages, shapes and sizes, you hear some incredible and outlandish things. When women let their hair down (particularly the shy ones) and confide one to the other, you’re going to learn a lot of things about life, including sex. But occasionally you hear something that makes you stop and say, “hey, this is getting serious.”

Such was the case at a small group meeting of women the other day. The subject got around to sizes. No, not the sizes in clothing. But the sizes of busts.

It’s not uncommon for most of us to talk about our anatomy. We see our bodies in the mirror, we see them in the shop windows as we walk by, we sometimes “see” them in the eyes of our family and friends, when they mistakenly try to convince us that we’ve got to change and lose weight. We may be completely happy with the size we are; there may be some of us who would like to lose a little weight to feel more comfortable, and there may be women who want to lose lots. But discussions quite often go deeper than that. Of course I’ll not use real names but the stories are true, believe me.

Deb stood up at her table and said to all and sundry. “I wish my had bigger boobs. I look like a school boy. Neville’s always making comments, especially now I’m in my 50s.” Laughter went around the room. Glenda piped up: “so what are you going to do about it or them?” Deb smiled and said, “absolutely nothing. I’ll just spend more of Neville’s money and buy clothes that make me look sexy, just like the stick-thin models on the catwalk. Anyway I know Don likes me this way. He’s always suggesting we got for a midnight swim, in the bare.” Then Jenny stood up and said, “Deb you’re a fool - get some breast implants. Flaunt yourself.”

Then Emme took the flow. “Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I wish I had smaller breasts, in fact I wouldn’t mind not having any at all. They just get in the way. I’ve already had breast reductions and I’m waiting to have a further procedure.”

I wasn’t sure where this was leading, but I had a slight clue. My friend Helen, a beautiful young woman in her early 40s, who dresses elegantly and stylishly, then said quietly, “ I realise most of the talk about busts has been lighthearted, but why do women feel as though they’re not feminine if they’re small and boyish or big and heavy in the bust? If you’re healthy, and you see yourself as a lovely woman whether you’re small or big, then why not be truly satisfied.”

She went on, “is surgery really the answer? Because I’d like you to think about this. I have no breasts. They’ve been surgically and radically removed because of cancer. Implants aren't recommended, I don’t have an option of getting enhancements or of having reductions.. When I hear women complain about the size of their breasts and whether they’re drooping or sagging, or look like little boys, I think to myself if only .....”

Helen continued, “But when I stand in front of the mirror I no longer look the scars and think again of the the wishful dreams of having a sexy looking torso. I look at myself and say, 'I am everything a woman needs to be.' My husband agrees”.

She sat down to a stunning silence and then one after another of the woman started clapping their hands. They surrounded Helen asking all sorts of questions about her surgery and following treatment. They wanted to know how she coped with feelings of loss and what kept her going. They learned a lot that day.

It takes a moment of thought to focus on what we really want from life. Will we sacrifice aging and wrinkles, and sagging and droopy bodies, merely for the thrill of having a Barbie like appearance, when that is not reality at all? Wrinkles and aging lines and busts that have travelled lengthy journeys and carried us through all sorts of life-experiences should be acknowledged and seen to be unique possessions.

Second-Hand-Roses!

2009-03-28T15:26:00.000-07:00

There's a lot to be said for having a wardrobe full of clothes. Yet if some of those clothes just sit there year after year, never being taken out and worn, then really what good are they to you?

For the plus size woman, this is a real problem. If she is fortunate enough to find something that looks good on her and she feels good wearing it, she will often try to buy two of the same garment. Not because she's greedy, but simply because she may not find anything else later on that will do the same for you and make her feel happy in having something special to wear.

Then we come to the problem that many, if not most, plus size women find. They change shape as they grow older! It's not intentional, and often it just happens. (The consequences of surgery and certain medications have a lot to do with this as well.) So a woman who may have been "busty" in her youth finds to her dismay that most of that bountifulness moves "south" and sits around her tummy and hips. From an "hour-glass" figure, she becomes a "pear" shape, if not a "bell". As far as clothes go, then anything fitted becomes obsolete. On the other hand, she does not want to have to wear misshapen huge, concealing tents. She wants to look good, regardless of her shape.

I find countless women turn to a simple way of dressing while still retaining their own personal "style". Its not necessarily a disguise; it's using common sense and interesting tactics to achieve an acceptable end.

While many women resort to wearing tee shirts or shirts that sit on the hip, there are those brave enough to wear flowing, longer line tunics or jackets. These may not "cover" many sites of figure problems, but they certainly do give an illusion of slimness as far as the wearer is concerned. And that's the main thing. Because it doesn't really matter what other people think, if a plus size woman feels as though she looks good, then she feels good, and if she feels good, then her attitude and her self esteem are happy and healthy.

This where purchasing pre-loved clothes comes into it's own. Now I'm not exactly a fan of buying on eBay, although I can see the many advantages to hundreds of thousands of people. But I've heard of so many "bad" transactions. I'd like to be able to sell pre-loved garments direct, one person to another, with payment being a simple transfer of money to a bank account. Of course these would have to be based on a code of ethics and trust from both sides. But I'd appreciate your thoughts on this one. Take for instance the beautiful almost see-through calf length chiffony jacket pictured; it's never been worn. I'd like to find a new home for it. It deserves to be worn on special occasions by a special woman. Interested?

What is self esteem - the pressure to have WLS

2009-03-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

This subject causes much debate and division between individuals and families and partners. When WLS is offered as a last resort to resolve your personal problems, by Specialists who you trust and have faith in, then of course you must follow your heart and your head. You, and only you, can make the decision to go ahead or not, and that responsibility cannot, and should not, be overridden by anyone else.

But I’m talking about people who use underhand tactics to undermine your self esteem by suggesting, and even demanding, that you should do something quite radical in order to meet THEIR criteria of acceptability.

Subtle and not so subtle references come out in conversations as to the benefits of Weight Loss Surgery. Once again the pressure emanates from all of the following - the medical and health and fitness industry; the media; family and (so-called) friends. Even strangers.

And then partners get their opinions in on the act. “Why don’t you get something done to your boobs or your fat tummy or your thick thighs and ankles; or your face.”

What is it they’re trying to do? With few exceptions (when it is through love and they’re concerned about your health) they’re all about seeking control. They want not only to manipulate your body but your mind as well. They’re not happy in allowing you to be you; they want to be seen as the Puppet Master.

They don’t look at the surgery and what it costs to a person (and I’m not talking about cost here!), but they want you to look like the model on the screen or in the magazine. Do they care whether the surgery does untold damage to your body, or to your mind? Do they care whether the surgery is the first step to multi-surgical applications? Do they care about your feelings or emotions as you try to comprehend what they want from you?

Do they care if in carrying out their wishes that you suddenly find yourself hospitalised for lengthy periods, apart from the surgery itself, for serious infections that attack not only your wound but can in fact mean you are incapacitated for lengthy periods, that may even repeat themselves over time.

No, it is not always as easy as it seems! And it most certainly is not as simple as it sounds!

What is self esteem? - The pressure of dieting

2009-03-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

Pressure put upon plus-size people to diet in order to lose what others see as excessive weight, is terrible in its ferocity. It is constant and never lets up.

It’s not only GPs and other people within the medical profession; it’s the health and fitness clubs (but do they REALLY understand the subtle differences between ‘regular’ sized people and the plus-sized and the resultant issues pertaining to overtaxing the heart, other organs, and the body as a whole?); it’s the media - newspapers, magazines, television; it’s the entertainment industry - be like ..... from Desperate Housewives and be sexy at 40 kgs; - it’s films; it’s documentaries like “The Biggest Loser”; it’s “You’re killing yourself by eating too much” and so on.

Then there are family members who insist you’re not bothering about your weight and health; little innuendoes like if you changed your eating habits and only had two meals a day (and make them snacks!) you’d feel so-o-o-o much better (rather it’s that they’d feel so much better because you’d be doing what they tell you to do!). So-called friends also put in their piece of advice, and sometimes this becomes so insidious that the words play around in your head over and over again. “Why don’t you go to the Health Club - you’ll enjoy it! And you’ll lose weight as well!”

The pressure never stops!