Do "fat" people actually choose to be fat?

A couple of us here in the office have just read an article in one of Australia's leading women's magazines, "Womans Day", that we found interesting.  Interesting in that someone is actually putting forward theories that we've been saying for decades.   Being overweight, even a little or a lot, does not necessarily mean being lazing and eating too much!  


Yeaaay!    Dr John Dixon (Melbourne obesity "expert") recently said:  "Many people are overweight through genetic predisposition and/or environmental factors"   We'd also like to add here that "economic factors" combined with genetic predisposition, have something to do with it too!


But then Dr Dixon goes on, "Studies show that if you feed two people on a high-fat diet, some will get fat and others will not.  So certainly what we need here is understanding, not vilification."

How can we get "the powers that be" within the media, including advertisers, to see size as merely one aspect of a total human being, and to treat everyone fairly and equally within their pages?   What escapes a lot of people's common sense, and this particularly applies to advertisers, is that large people buy their products in the same quantities as slim people.   

They're doing a disservice to society at large, as well as to their own profit-lines by denying the plus-size to participate (by way of being included within advertisements as a positive representation of "customers" rather than being made fun of) as well as recognising that plus size people do their bit to keep those businesses going. 

The "movement" towards size acceptance continues to gain momentum

Women of size, all around the world, are discovering what it is to be in control of their lives and to face out-of-date attitudes.  Taking control is definitely NOT "losing" control though. Self confidence combined with self-assurance and the knowing that we really do know what is best for us, can empower us to tread lightly but firmly on the path of total self and size acceptance.

 

For some, it's a daily struggle to maintain a "positive" attitude in a society that feeds upon blame and guilt associated with those who are deemed plus-size.   The media is blatantly discriminatory but will never admit to it.  Excuses abound and you and I are no longer persuaded to see their point of view.   

 

Here in Victoria, Australia, which is the only State so far to have introduced legislation against physical discrimination, there have been 365 cases of discrimination on the basis of physical features (including those based on a person's weight) in the past five years.  ("Woman's Day, April 19, 2010).    This does not, of course, take into account the many thousands of cases that never come out into the open.

It is not legal to be turned away from a job, told you are too fat to shop in a particular outlet, denied a promotion, knocked back from a club or bar or suffer humiliation because you don't measure up to someone else's ideal of what you should look like (Victorian Equal Opportunity Rights Commissioner) 


But that doesn't make sense because in real life, people ARE turned away from jobs, they are MADE to feel out of place in specific shopping outlets, they ARE denied promotions, they ARE subjected to humiliation - by innuendo, jokes or straight out verbal abuse  (and they're not being over-sensitive in claiming that it's because of their weight).  It happens too often and to too many for it to be simple imagination!


There is bias in our society, and it's about time that we were judged less and understood more.


The first step is up to us.   To discover our own worth and value; to live by and with those values; and to believe in ourselves.  Then it's up to others to accept us as we are.  If they can't or don't want to, then that is their problem, not ours, and even though it might be hard to do, we may have to turn away from those people (even if they are family or so-called friends) and find other ways and means of handling our lives.


We should never become puppets to a society that dislikes the plus-size so much.

 

 

Size and Colour Do Matter!

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20-22 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

© 2010 Valerie F of Launceston Tasmania

Beyond the Curve!

I can recall as a youngster, that Grandmothers used to pat us on the head and say to one another, "Isn't she a bonny wee one". Aunts would chuck us under the chin and smile and say, "A lovely, chubby, cuddly one."

Was my family so different to others? Or was I fortunate in knowing that to all the important women in my family, I was seen as "one of them", albeit in miniature. To the other one person in the family, my Dad, to whom I passionately wanted to be seen as "precious", alas this was not to be as he could never tolerate anyone who was "fat".

But then I started to grow up and went to school. Lots of the other children used to poke fun at me, laugh about my lack of co-ordination in many things (particularly running and PE, which meant doing exercises - ooooh, the memories of those sports bloomers!), and tease me mercilessly about buttons that popped open as my breasts formed; knees that were fatter than theirs, and tummy and hips that wobbled and just sat there like a mound of jelly.

I started to feel bad about myself. I told myself I'd never be any good at school, I'd never get a good job, I'd never find a boyfriend, I'd never get married, I'd never have children, and I'd grow old all by myself because no one would want me.

Many years passed and all of them were filled with guilt especially if I ate something that I really liked. People would look at me sideways and tell me that I shouldn't. I started at about ten years of age to seriously diet. That didn't do any good either, because I felt constantly hungry and worthless. All the time I put on more weight and grew fatter. The fact that I was growing taller as well didn't seem to occur to anyone! Coupled with that the fact that my Mum, Grandmas and Aunts were all fat too, didn't seem to connect with my lack of self-esteem.

It took me far too long to come to terms with the realisation that I was bigger than many others, but also I was much smaller than a lot of people, at the same age.

But it saddens me to see little girls of 5 years up, now thinking and talking about being "too fat" and that they should diet. I'm with those other women who are asking, hoping that someone will give us a rational answer, as to just where these little girls are getting this notion from?

Magazines and TV are two areas that I believe (with many others) should be made more responsible for their attitudes. They simply will not accept the fact that what they say and what they show, has an impact on the fertile minds of our young people. "No" they say, "readers or viewers can make up their own minds. We're not doing anything wrong." Excuse me!

Children are not getting this message from books they read or lessons they have at school. They certainly should not be getting the message from their Mums (though sadly this is often the case when Mum herself is in the body-self-loathing syndrome). We've got to stop this nonsense. Otherwise our children will suffer - not only physically but also emotionally.

Look at the film "Shrek". A fatter than ideal heroine, and a large, fat and to some, ungainly hero. But they accept each other as they are - not as they wish each other to be. They not only accept each other, but they love each other.

Isn't there a lesson here for all of us?

© 2010, Morgana

Having it All!

Having it All!

You'll often hear someone say this. Whether it's in conversation, or else in your favourite women's magazine. And they usually add, "and you too can have it all, all you have to do is ..........." The list is endless - you know the sort of thing. Lose weight. Do something with your hair. Why not have some liposuction? Botox, my dear, that's the answer. You shouldn't eat this particular food. You're not bringing your children up the right way. Do this, do that, and do everything we say, and then "you can have it all!"

Have you ever wondered whether these people know what they're saying? Or what they're telling us to do? And who are "they"? Have you ever met them? What gives "them" the right to tell us how to lead our lives, and what we do and how we do it?

Sub-consciously many of us have "listened" to these words that run around in our heads. We've agreed that we should do as "they" say, because then we WILL be accepted, we will be seen as being important or valuable, and we WILL have it all!

But do you truly believe that this is the answer? Why have we wasted time listening to propaganda that is based on untruths?

Let's start at the beginning. Most, if not all, the people who tell us what to do and how to live our lives are women. Right? Doesn't that strike you as strange? And when you think about it a little deeper, doesn't it make you wonder why women have this "thing" about telling other women where they're wrong? Are their own lives so perfect?

I'm one of many who foolishly "listened" to these apparent knowledgeable women, and journalists and features editors of women's magazines over the years, until ....... One day I realised that I'd probably had more experience than they had; I'd gained more knowledge on the same subjects that they tackled; and I'd learned how to cope and adapt to changing circumstances within my life, that they wouldn't even know about. And because of that I had insights and the ability to know what is best for me. Even to how I look, what I wear and what I eat.

What a discovery. From that day I've been able to read women's magazines and listen to women expounding on how everyone else should lead their lives, and wonder (and ask them when possible) have they successfully found contentment within themselves? Have they done everything they've been told to do by others? Have they not been true to themselves, but allowed others to manipulate them into being and living as someone who they are not?

The lesson for me was this. As a child I sought education. I used that education in the pursuit of knowledge. With the gaining of knowledge and experience, I can share with other women. I will not tell them that I what I know and what I have learned are the answers for them. But I can assure them that in sharing what I do know, I am allowing them the opportunity of searching for answers for themselves.

For we need to be the captains of our own ships. Women today, especially younger ones, have higher education and career opportunities than women of 50 years ago. Women in many areas of society are treated equally and expect to be independent including financially secure. But there are still many who are held back by the thought that they are not seen as being "equal" or "accepted" by other women.

I'm told that women have never had it so good. Why do I complain? Why don't I just sit still and accept the fact that things are as good as they'll get? I'll tell you why. Because women aren't getting as good as they deserve. Not at all. And unfortunately our worst enemies are more often than not, other women.

Why should we believe we're asking for more than we deserve? Surely every one of us deserves to be treated with utmost respect and courtesy, from everyone we come in contact with.

"Having it All" is a little too ambitious; it's probably impossible. Having "enough" is more to the point. Because then you're not striving to get more than you need, which in turn could make you pompous and arrogant. And anyway, "having it all" means that there's nothing to aim for, no goals to set, no dreams to be fulfilled. How boring!

© 2010 Morgana

Bare Arms!

Have you ever looked at a dress in a store window and said to yourself, "I'd love to be able to wear that!" It's not that it isn't available in your size, or in the colour you love, it's simply that it is "sleeveless".

And let's face it, the plus size (or curvaceous woman) doesn't really like to bare her arms too often, even in the summer months. Our arms, especially our upper arms (like a lot of other parts of our bodies) seem to do what they like, and often remind us of pelicans spreading their wings. They flop and flap away regardless of how much we try to keep them under control. And when a woman is entering the "growing older" phase then her arms become a limb that needs to be "hidden".

So we go without sleeveless dresses - afraid to take the risk because then we'll find ourselves not ever wearing that dress for fear of someone laughing at our arms.

Curvaceous women have a lot to contend with. And these feelings of, dare I say it, embarrassment because our bodies aren't trim and taut, affect our self confidence and in turn affect our lives. Because we go without such a lot, when we really needn't.

I like this particular dress from North Style - the styling is nice, the length is great and the flow of the dress is becoming and flattering. The only thing against it is, yes, it's sleeveless.

But wait a minute. Just because we're plus size, does that mean we can't do a little bit of disguising, if we want? Shrugs are not only for the tiny person, they're for all of us. For those who don't quite know what a shrug is, it's a sort of "bolero". And boleros are very attractive. Choose a colour co-ordinated shrug with the colour of your shoes and handbag, wear it over a jewel coloured dress, and you've got a great outfit.

I've seen "boleros" worn by women who are size 2, 6, 18, 24, and 30 and they all looked terrific.

We have to look outside the "blinkers" that we put in place, thinking that they will protect us, when in fact what they're doing is tieing us up in knots.

Aging Outrageously! - More on aches and pains, moans and groans

On the serious side though.

In many of my newsletters I push the idea that women of all ages should pamper themselves occasionally. I don’t think that aging makes any difference to this notion. Women love going to the hairdresser, having their nails polished, having a facial, and even a massage. Head massages are wonderful beauty treatments, and if you walk out of the therapists rooms feeling like a million dollars, then you have every right to do so.

I’ve heard of women being told by their families "why waste the money?" Well let me say to them - where’s the waste? And whose money is it, anyway? They’re most likely only jealous, when it comes down to it.

But what does a “growing older” woman do when she is told she has an unexplained lump somewhere on or in her body? What does she do when she’s told that a certain surgical procedure has high risks for her. Does she keep all this to herself, working herself up into a lather of worry and anxiety, because there’s no one to talk to?
Too often that’s exactly what happens. And that sort of situation is not good - not good at all. Worrying about things like this leads to deep anxiety, and deep anxiety can lead to depression. And depression can lead to a whole lot of other awful scenerios.

Women need women to talk to. And if your family or even friends don’t and won’t listen to you, why not ask someone at your local church or neighborhood house for a referral to a reputable person known to them who will act as a counsellor. Not everyone can afford to pay counsellors, but there’s always the chance of finding someone who does it at “no charge” (even professional counsellors). I speak from experience here.

Then there’s word of mouth. Come on girls, growing older does NOT mean that you hide behind a veil of timidity. You’ve got to step out and help yourself. Even if you’ve always been terribly shy, you’ve just got to step out of the background and ask questions. Networking is one of those things that women find essential over the years - the “growing older” years even moreso. And it’s surprising where you can find out about things - not just from the internet, but from a local point of view, just talking to someone in a coffee shop (share a table occasionally and you’ll get to know someone new as well as find out things!). Talk to one of the shop keepers, especially those that are not rushed about or trying to get you to buy something and to then leave the store. Think - your favourite bookshop proprietor- they know heaps about the local community and local people.

Whatever way you deal with your “growing older” aches and pains and moans and groans, I trust that you will experience the feeling that you are not alone, and that others understand with a personal knowledge, of what you’re going through.


© 2010 R.M.

Aging Outrageously! - Aches and Pains, Moans and Groans

It's not only the slim and trim woman who has health issues as she grows older. The plus size woman too, even has some issues that the slimmer woman doesn't. But here's what it's like growing older for young women to look forward to.

You get to around 70 and things start to fall apart. Bits and pieces you never even knew you had begin to hurt. You try and walk to the letter box and before you know it you’re huffing and puffing like a traction engine. Your face goes red; your varicose veins start throbbing and you’re sure you have a headache coming on.

The arthritis slows you down and before you know it, someone is suggesting that a walking stick might help, dear. There are times when I would willingly swipe someone over the head with my walking stick - they’re so damn patronising.

You have to get up almost every hour on the hour to go to the bathroom - then the Dr asks do you have interrupted sleep? What’s he talking about? I have ongoing interruptions, I hardly have any sleep! But if and when I do drop off, my damned restless legs take over and I’m throwing myself around the bed, tossing the duvet off because I’m overheated. The next minute I’m scrambling around trying to find that same duvet to pull up around me, because I’m shivering. Nobody told me that the hot flushes went on forever.

You get up early to take your morning pills, and by the time you’ve taken them you need to have another visit to the bathroom because there are so many pills that you have to drink half a gallon of water to get them down. I reckon I rattle when I walk - if not, then I hate to think what that is I hear every time I take a step.

If you’re unfortunate enough to go into hospital even for an ingrown toenail removal, they ask you what prosthetics you wear.Well to start off, there are the dentures; then the hearing aids. They tell you to remove the teeth, and you’re so gummy you can’t even make sense of what you’re saying let alone expect the nurses to know! Your tongue fills your mouth and you start salivating and you sound just like a baby learning to talk.Of course it doesn’t help having to remove your hearing aids either, because then you can’t hear what anyone is saying and you can’t even hear what you’re saying! They then remove your glasses and you can’t see a thing. What are you supposed to do? They ask you to sign the document and you can’t even see the flamin’ document, let alone know where to sign it.

The hospitals in Australia have limited administration staff in most departments. This means you’re expected to fill out your entire admission papers (usually anything up to 10 pages), and list (the most recent to the earliest) all the operations (big and little) you’ve had over the years. Yikes I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast, let alone the fact I had a haemorroidectomy, - oh, gosh when was that? The list of medications, including the dosage you’re on, the exact spelling of the tablet or capsule, and when you take it and how often, and more than an hour has gone by. And it doesn’t matter even if your visit to the hospital is a “repeat” visit - the same damn documents and the same damn lists.

You supply your pension card and medicare card and are told this is out of date, where’s your new one? Honestly, it’s enough to give you high blood pressure (that is, if you didn’t already have it!).

And these are only a few of the things that irritate you as you grow older. This is where things become really weird. People ask you how are you today? Do they really want to hear all about your aches and pains? Do they simply mouth the words, without ever intending to listen to you. Or are they just humouring you, giving you the impression they’re interested, when they really couldn’t care less.

It’s not only friends or neighbours who do this - it’s family too. Gosh, what is it about me that these people waste my time in even asking me? I decided some years ago that if they asked me, I’d look them in the eye and tell them “fine”. Even when I looked and felt lousy. I’m beginning to wonder if they really wanted to know how I was feeling in the first place. They didn’t notice how I looked, they just smiled and went on with what they were talking about. I started doing likewise to a lot of them, and they didn’t even notice I’d turned off and was talking about something else. They just went on raving about how they felt.

I think asking about a person’s health should be relegated to the same “don’t do” file of mentioning religion, football or politics, unless it’s made plain to you that people really do want to know. Otherwise it only gets you into an argument, and I can get myself into one of those without the help of other people - thank you very much!

If you're growing older, and know from personal experience what it's all about - those aches and pains and moans and groans, why not write about them so we can share them by reprinting them? Come on - I bet you have some interesting stories.

© 2010 R.M.

The "growing older" plus size woman's wardrobe

I'm a great observer of women and how they dress. While I'd like to shop at some of the better boutiques, it's not always possible. And the same goes for many thousands of growing older women.

Spending budgets seem to shrink over the years for many women. And this is borne out by the clothing you see in your own local community worn by ladies of greying years. It's not that they're no longer adventurous when it comes to choosing clothing, it's just that for some reason they feel less confident in choosing things that won't make them look like "mutton dressed up as lamb."

Which is a shame really. Because if you look around the traps, at your local shopping mall, at your chain stores (such as K Mart, Target etc) and even some of the spicy little "younger" focussed fashion stores springing up, you're sure to find something that will look on you, regardless of your age. Very often the cost is affordable and if you choose wisely, that garment may well fit in with your life-style for many seasons, not just the one.

What seems to happen is that the clothes in the wardrobe "will do"; and quite often they will, but many times with a little bit of courage, the older woman can look twice as spectacular by extending her horizon beyond thinking that "I'm old, therefore I might as well wear old women's clothes".

And I question the idea of OLD women's clothes. There is no such thing. Just as there is no such thing as a 26 year old's dress, or a 42 year old's dress. Let's leave the number out of the equation and look at the clothing as women's clothing, nothing else.

When we can look at things in the right perspective, a whole new world opens up. Instead of just wearing well-loved and well-worn track suits when going shopping or even meeting up with the "girls", try a little flair. Wear your favourite pants or jeans but dress them up with something really lovely such as the shirt shown above. Tie a white or blue silk or chiffon scarf around your neck, choose a favourite matching tote bag and off you go. Enjoy your "growing older" years by enhancing your knowledge of what you will look good in and feel good in wearing. Age has nothing to do with enjoying life, just as being plus size is irrelevant.

(The above blue shirt is from North Style.com Have a look at their website).

Accessories - they're so versatile!

A lot of plus-size women (read - curvaceous) find it hard, for one reason or another, to stretch their budget when it comes to adding new clothes, unless they attend "sales" for plus size clothes. And this sort of sale doesn't come around often even then.

The feature on this season's fashion colours - bright jewel colours, brought quite a few responses.

Some of the ladies mentioned that they could ill afford to spend big money on keeping up with the trends, and wondered how they could add to their wardrobe, without going into debt!

The easiest way, and the most inexpensive way, is to accessorise. Purchase a length of fabric in your favourite, brightest colour - even satin and/or chiffon, and make a scarf. Long enough to go around your neck and hang to the length of your winter jacket. Long enough to wind around your neck a couple of times. If it's sheer enough, long enough to tie in a big pussycat bow that sits on your chest. We believe that if you are fortunate in having a chest, then promote your advantages! If you've a waist, then a length of brightly coloured satin will make a wonderful cummerbund, and brighten up a dark coloured garment. Even a length of the mock sequin fabric will make a fantastic "belt" - who says you have to have a tiny waist?

Then purchase a pair of handbag handles (i.e. cane) from your craft shop (Spotlight over here) and sew yourself a matching handbag. This is as easy as cutting two rectangles, sewing along the bottom and up the side; inserting the cane handles along the top and sewing (by hand) a seam enclosing the handles. There are lots of patterns around for simple projects like this, and they can make a difference to your wardrobe for little, and sometimes no cost. (Be like Jane in the previous post, who bought herself a beautiful emerald green satin evening gown from her local charity shop, and by using the full skirt was able to make herself a cocktail dress. All for the cost of a couple of cups of coffee!)

The colours of Autumn/Winter

It's a funny old world. As the temperatures drop, why is it that for some reason we start wearing dull and bland coloured clothes? It's not only overcoats or pant/skirt suits, it's also shirts and tops. There seem to be two distinct "uniforms" these days - jeans and tee shirts or everything in black. Now the girls in our group all love black, we all have many pieces in our wardrobes that are black, which we use as a basic to "dress up". But as the weather turns colder, we're like hibernating animals in shrugging ourselves into our blacks, dark browns and dark navy blues. Is it because we want to hide or are we perhaps a bit too timid to let our hair down and dazzle everyone around us with bright, blinding, vivid, intense colour.

Colour that shouts, "hey look at me." Colour that says, "don't ignore me 'cos I'm making a statement." Colour that says, "ignore me at your peril!"

This season is a season of fashion colour. Jewel colours - the deep lush greens, the dazzling ruby reds, the fascinating sapphire blues, the amazing amethyst mauves/purples. And embellishing beautiful blacks and charcoal greys, we have sequins and lurex.

Honestly, if you don't join in and get yourself something outrageous and wear it with aplomb and panache, then you'll be missing out on a lot of fireworks.

Just because many of us are deemed to be curvaceous beyond the thin catwalk waif, don't be afraid to highlight those curves and to express your femininity with lots of razzle-dazzle.

Jane is part of our group - a brunette with lovely dark cascading hair. She has the most exquisite green eyes and is the envy of many. Jane visited a local charity shop last week and bought herself a 1950s luscious emerald green satin evening gown. The skirt of the gown was a double full circle. Jane has made herself a cocktail dress, calf length, with a plunging neckline and is the talk of the town - her town!

It only takes a little imagination.

Going shopping!

I went shopping with a girl-friend on Thursday. So what, I hear you ask? Well, it's been a while between spending sprees - I think you'll get the idea.

We drove to a place in Clarice Road, Box Hill South (Victoria) by the name of Kita Ku (visit their website at www.kitaku.com.au). The shop we visited had a sale going on, and we both blew our budgets! And what a great deal of pleasure we had in doing it.

Now I've been known to complain about the dullness and boring-ness of plus-size garments here in Australia, for a long time. But I had to eat my words when I saw what Kita Ku had to offer. Their garments are absolutely beautiful.

I just called in to say hello to my girl-friend and she's wearing a stunning multi-coloured greenish/black top, decorated here and there with a tiny sequin, and a geometric/assymetrical style, that she purchased from Kita Ku. She looks fantastic.

"Slinky" Leggings!

What is it with women that they think they'll look terrific in every new fad that comes along. Come on girls, if we're serious (those of us who are deemed plus-size) about looking as good as we possibly can, then surely some "fad" items don't even warrant a second though.

This latest fad of slinky shiny tight tights/leggings (think Olivia Newton John in "Grease") is enough to upset even a novice in fashion watching.

When it comes to girls sizes 24-30 and beyond strutting their stuff in shopping malls in the tightest slinkies then I start to wonder - where will it all end?

Because it's obvious even if these women check their reflections in the bathroom mirror (head and chest) and the shop windows (side view), they certainly can't check the lower front or"back-views". Even my grand-daughter about a size 8 won't even contemplate wearing these things - "Nan - they show 'everything' - you may as well be naked!"

Well, yes, my friends, that's what a lot of big girls should be aware of - we've curves and our bodies may be firm but not as taut as slinkies demand. Not from the front view - under the saddle - or the back view - our bottoms!

If you're going to wear them though, whatever I and others might say, then cover them a little, somehow. (See "Woman of Substance - Woman of Distinction"- sewing hints May 2010 - for an idea or two. This is an interesting little newsletter that covers a multitude of topics for the plus-size woman of today. Contact rosemarypb@aapt.net.au to add your name to the mailing list.

Mother's Day

Yes, it was Mother's Day yesterday (Sunday 9th May) here in Australia.

I came across this "Stages of Motherhood" (author unknown) and thought I'd share it. Maybe you've seen it before, with some different words here and there, but we can all relate to it, I'm sure.

4 years of age - my Mummy can do anything
8 years of age - my Mum knows a lot
12 years of age - my Mother doesn't really know quite everything
14 years of age - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either
16 years of age - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned
18 years of age - That old woman? She's way out of date
25 years of age - Well, she might know a bit about it
35 years of age - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion
45 years of age - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it
65 years of age - Wish I could talk it over with Mum.

Inappropriate attitudes!

Adele Horin wrote in the Sydney Morning Herald this week "Love Handle with care: the danger of being a meaty miss".

We think of journalists as being ethical (most of the time!) Over the years I've come to doubt this somewhat; most of the time they're not 100% respectful either.

Reading the article it would seem Adele Horin has some issues (as does her so-called friend who she mentions in the first line) relative to size. It's this sort of journalism that does very little to improve the inappropriate attitudes of women towards their sisters.

Some of what Adele Horin says could be seen as being "positive" but, without being sensitive about it, I can't see she is any different to any other journalist who attempts to put-down women who have more weight than the journalist herself.

To begin with - how is a title "Love Handle with care: the danger of being a meaty miss" presenting us in the right light? Then her statement, "we are two thin women, careful to a fault about food and exercise. We've just eaten fish for dinner, no dessert, and with our herbal tea are treating ourselves to an almond biscuit". Whoa, back up a bit, Adele. Thousands upon thousands of larger women eat fish for dinner, no dessert and drink herbal tea, and who don't even go to the luxury of having an almond biscuit. Their diet is seen to be extremely healthy. And this isn't just a one-day event - they eat sensibly all the time. And surprise, surprise, they exercise regularly too.

Adele Horin then goes on to say she sees "big girls everywhere". In Sydney? Then obviously she and her friend are looking through skewed spectacles. She's focussing on big girls rather than seeing the real world around her. Does she take umbrage about the fact that many of Sydney's young women are killing themselves with eating disorders?

As far as I can ascertain Naomi Wolf's presence in Sydney was to attend the Happiness Conference and while body image and obesity might fall under that category as far as self-esteem is concerned, I don't believe she is concentrating only on size!

Expressions by Horin such as "danger of being a meaty miss" as well as "hefty thighs" and "flaunting the flesh" is demeaning to any woman, not only larger women.

I am offended by any journalist jumping on the bandwagon and putting women down based on their size and looks, when the attitudes of those same journalists are based on prejudice and bias which needs to be confronted and explained. Personally I, and many of my friends in the media, will not stoop to denigrate and demean women of any size, and I include very thin women here. We need to bolster self-esteem in our sisters - not tear each other down. I really got riled up about this one!!!

What is personal fashion "style"?

So many women have a natural ability to create their own distinctive style without too much fuss and bother. It's almost as though they were born with the knowledge.

Others, like me, take years to discover the basics of good dressing. It like a light goes on in our head, and we yell, yes, as though we've just discovered gold at the end of the rainbow.

And finding that you have the intelligence to formulate your own style comes as another surprise, because if you're like me, people have laughed at you and told you you don't even know the first thing about dressing properly.

I find it increasingly annoying that it is women who make these remarks, it's almost as though they enjoy seeing you cringe. And if we're told often enough that we don't know the first thing about mixing and matching or co-ordinating, that we begin to believe them. And that's a foolish thing to do, because they then think their opinion is better than ours. And that's not the case, because from what I've learned over the years, we already have the knowledge sitting in the deep recesses of the mind, and it's only a matter of reading, studying and then applying what seems to make a lot of sense to the way we dress and choose our clothes, for us to find our own personal "style".

Following a number of requests, I'm drawing up a small supplement, "50 Classic Fashion Items" for the readers of RoseMary's NoteBook© This together with the supplement "Making Fashion Work for You", will give you a great basis towards finding your personal style.

......© Rosemary Parry-Brock

Fantastic Women!

I'm privileged to know some absolutely fantastic women. Women who are at the top of their fields in their career, their profession and indeed their personal and community lives.

Today I'd like to say a little about my friend Valerie Parv. A romance writer of excellence. Read what Valerie's webpage (profile) says about her and then visit her site. Check out her book list page and get to know her better.

VALERIE PARV
romancebookswritingnonfictionpresenterideas


With 25 million copies of her books sold internationally, including many Waldenbooks bestsellers, it’s no wonder Valerie Parv is known as Australia’s queen of romance and is recognised as the media spokesperson for all things romantic.

Already a successful writer of non-fiction, Valerie has made love and romance a career, with over 60 novels to her name.

Valerie’s short fiction is also regularly featured in national magazines

A qualified trainer and counsellor, Valerie conducts seminars and workshops on creativity and all aspects of the writing craft based on her best-selling guides for writers: Heart and Craft, (Allen & Unwin, 2009) How do I Love Thee (Valerie Parv editor, Allen & Unwin, December 2009) , The Art of Romance Writing (Allen & Unwin 1993, 2004) and The Idea Factory (Allen & Unwin 1995).

Valerie held Australia’s first romance writing workshop in 1988, which led to the founding of Romance Writers of Australia, and she has been a member ever since.

In 1994 the State Library of New South Wales, Australia, began to acquire Valerie’s papers for their collection and continues to acquire material from her.

"These papers detail the author’s career as one of Australia’s most successful writers in the romance genre and include manuscripts of her works and correspondence." [The State Library Collection, Annual Report]

Valerie lives in Australia's capital city, Canberra, where she is a volunteer guide at the National Zoo & Aquarium. She draws on this and other aspects of her life for many of her novels, having spent almost 38 years happily married to her romantic hero, Paul, a former crocodile hunter in Australia’s tropical north, later a cartoonist and illustrator of many of Valerie's nonfiction books

Valerie continues to write her page-turning novels because they affirm her belief in love and happy endings. As she says ...

"Love gives you wings, romance helps you fly".

© Valerie Parv, www.valerieparv.com/

A change in direction!

Just as a change in direction is important in life, so sometimes is a change of location. Maybe that particular change is a result of getting a promotion in your job; wanting to be nearer family - either parents or family; just choosing to go somewhere you've fallen in love with; or maybe even you've fallen in love with someone who lives somewhere other than where you are!

It can be challenging, and it can be hectic and it can be fun, and it can be tiring.

I've just done another "house-move". Renting a home means a lot of things, and apart from settling into new surroundings, making new (or reconnecting with old) friends, and establishing a new daily routine, it also means lots of costs - those quite obvious and those that are hidden!

Even though I've done a fair few house-moves over the past few decades, I still find it all so exciting. And being able to work out what I really need and what I don't need means that I'm constantly cleaning out! Which is good, not only because I find new ways of enjoying my life, but also the Charity shops win out too!

Spending time wisely!

Everyone tells us that we should be doing this, doing that or the other. They even tell us how we should be doing this, that or the other, and we should be doing this, that or the other.

Quite frankly it seems some people want me to become their puppet and to do as I'm told, when I'm told and how I'm told as though I were a small child and not able to think for myself.

Even as a child I had the cheek to sometimes question what adults were telling me to do, especially if I didn't feel comfortable in doing it, and more especially if it didn't feel right. If they explained the reasons and I could sense their concern for my safety or my wellbeing, then I'd fit in with what they said.

When we're adults we feel much more in control. And so it goes - the decades pass and suddenly, we're staring "growing older" in the face. And what happens? Yep, you've guessed it - people start telling us what to do, when to do it and how to do it.

This is the time when we have to stand up for ourselves. To state what we want, and how we intend to achieve it, and when we want to do it.

I took my adult children aside last week, sat them down and told them exactly how their demands and insistance on how I behave and live my life, make me feel superfluous. You should have seen their faces and listened to their excuses.

It seems they hadn't even thought about how I feel about things. What they saw was the fact that yes, I'm growing older, and they felt threatened by the fact they'd have to become more responsible for and to me. I've been independent for many decades, but there's always the possibility and probability that I'll have to call on them for more assistance as time goes by. But should that really impact upon my importance not only to them but to me too?

And should that mean I have to lose my ability to decide what to do, how to do it and when to do it? Definitely not!

.....© 2010 Morgana