A few things to remember!

Eleanor Roosevelt said some fine and pertinent things:

• You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.



• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.



• Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

In the Mirror!

Just what do we see when we look in the mirror? Do we see the woman we are, and delight in that reflection, or do we mourn the loss of youth? Do we see the lines around the eyes and mouth as part of growing older, and the wisdom that we’ve gained from experiences. Or do we contemplate cosmetic surgery to tighten the loosening skin, to erase the wrinkles, and to lift the sagging skin? As we take in the rest of our body from the neck down, do we turn away from our curves and tell ourselves we’re no longer attractive to anyone, even to ourselves.

Always yearning for that which is not practical, or sensible, or affordable, is a waste of precious time. What does “wishing” gain? Let’s start “accepting”, “being” and “doing”. Let’s have a more “positive” outlook.

See our curves (and added weight); the wrinkles, the greying hair, the gravitational changes that our bodies have undergone, as uniquely ours.

The years are a blessing, we have learned from them and in that learning we have the ability and the capability of mentoring younger women in the art of “acceptance”.

A little bit of this! And a bargain at the price.

Funny thing, the price of clothes quite often is beyond our means. Our financial means, that is. Yet we know we want something a bit different, but don't quite know where to get it.

I found a remnant piece of fabric today at the local fabric store. A large carton of off-cuts was sitting there, with a placard stating "50 cents a piece". I casually looked at the carton while walking through to store back to the office after lunch, and then stopped and went back.

Here was just what I wanted. A piece of material in a lovely silky taffeta. I unfolded it, and saw that it was ample for a number of projects. It could be used for a waistcoat; a cami; a cummerbund or even (and this is what I really wanted it for) a sarong.

The girls at the office had been talking all morning about what they were planning to wear at a Christmas get-together. Some had even put new clothes on lay-by and had been paying them off for months.

But me? I'm going to ask a girl friend who does alterations and sewing just to sew up the side seam and hem and make a waistband through which she can thread a drawstring, and I'll have a sarong to sing about!

For 50 cents!!!

.....Autumn Parry

The state of the weather!

I realised this morning that a few weeks have passed by since posting. I can't say I wasn't aware that our blog had been ignored for a little while, but certainly not this long.

I can't recall when I've heard so many people speaking about the one subject. Not only here but through our networks of women overseas. People are of course always concerned with the basics of life - the economic downturn; the health and welfare, the education and the safety of our peoples together with more personal things like the bills we have to pay; and more likely than not "the weather" comes in for some discussion.

During the past couple of months however, conversations have included the plight of those people in Asia (Vietnam and the Philippines and Indonesia) affected by the adverse flooding and tornadoes; then the tsunami which hit Samoa and American Samoa, Tonga and other islands in the Pacific. Those references haven't only been for a day or two, but they've continued.

Now this past week has brought a deluge (literally) of flooding to England, Scotland and Wales. "Inclimate weather" is how they describe it. On this side of the world, bushfires have already appeared and are still burning in three States. The fact that we haven't even begun our summer season seems irrelevant.

But young and old are talking about the "global warming" - as if coming to a conclusion will enable the powers-that-be to right the situation overnight. That's impossible. Making any one country (and it's people) feel guilty about the fact that the world is affected by global warming (and there's plenty of debate on this particular angle) isn't fair or warranted. You can't insist that one country putting into place guidelines and penalties for not only industry or big business but also the ordinary person (you and me) and to then sit back believing that the problem is solved. It's not that easy - it has to be a concerted effort by everyone.

Scientists are not all in agreement as to what is happening, nor why it is happening. If any reasonable person looks att history, they'll see that this sort of thing has been cuclic since ttime began. Many scientists are even claiming we're entering into an Ice Age and that the out of proportion heatwaves and droughts are merely attempts by the planet to set the situation right. And there are always "conspiracy theories".

But whatever, there is plenty of debate, and plenty of talk, and plenty of scare tactics, making people confused and unsure of what is going on around them and with their lives.

..... Leonie Stevens

Looking outside the Square!

There's a "trendy" saying at the moment to look outside the square! It doesn't take much to work out what this is saying - let's stop having tunnel vision particularly as it relates to age, size and shape, and to recognise everyone for who and what they are, not what they look like.

While we all agree on this point, Casey surprised us all by her suggestion that looking outside the square also applies to plus-size fashion.

Eagerly waiting for her to go on, she explained that she had just spent the day before visiting all the local Op Shops in the area nearest her home. In all she managed to go to seven, and because she had planned the day and allocated herself a budget to spend, she went with the attitude that if she saw something she liked and it fitted her, that she'd buy, without any guilt feelings. Apart from clothing, Casey had invested in a beautiful Queen Anne dressing table which cost her $50 as well as a Queen Anne china cabinet which cost $35. As you can tell she loves old-fashioned things and these two items especially will grace her house with pride.

So during a lull in the office, we gathered around Casey's desk while she opened up a number of bags and bought out among other things, some snazzy long-line summer dresses (ankle length) two of which were reversible giving her options in different colour schemes (what a great idea - why don't we see this idea more often?); slim pants, a number of silk shirts, and an exquisite jacket heavily embroidered, with purple lining. Each of the girls in the office expressed oohs and aahs when they saw these garments had top-brand labels still with price tags still attached.

It was almost impossible to believe that the clothes Casey had bought were new and had never been worn while those which were pre-loved were in excellent condition and would quite easily have passed as having just come off the production line.

What was incredible however was that not one piece of the clothing Casey bought cost her more than $10. No, not even the embroidered jacket.

There's been too much hype of "stigma" from many women who shout about the indignity of going into Op Shops to buy clothes - this is stupid because unless as Casey says, we look outside the square how can we find absolute bargains like this, at affordable prices? Casey had set herself a budget of $200 and she came home with change after buying furniture which she has been wanting for a long time and a new wardrobe of clothes that will see her set for her upcoming holidays, when it is thought she will be meeting her future in-laws! She'll certainly make a statement!

Sweet Violets!

It's a matter of fact that everyone associated with our group is not young, slim, trim and thin! We're individuals and we're all ages, shapes and sizes, and we delight in our uniqueness. From size 6 through to size 30! That gives you a fair idea of our differences. And that's good because we have a great respect for each other and can talk about all manner of things, without any undue feelings of treading on each other's feet or feelings! We all share an enjoyment in things of mutual pleasure, including food.

During a short break yesterday afternoon,we got talking about old-fashioned recipes. Not that we all potter around in the kitchen when we go home of an evening after hard days work on the keyboard, but most of us enjoy eating or drinking special meals and treats served up by those who do. Yes, we meet and mingle after hours too!

Autumn mentioned recipes containing flowers and this created a lot of interest with the younger members of the team who expressed surprise as they didn't know that flowers could be eaten or be ingredients in drinks and other confectionery as well as beauty preparations. There's a lot of trading of information going on among us. We all have a lot to learn from each other and enjoy doing so.

One of Autumn's favourite drinks is Violet Lemonade. Here's her recipe, passed down through her mother from her grandmother, and no doubt passed down to her from other women in the family.

Violet Lemonade

1 cup violets sugar to taste
juice of 6 lemons crushed ice and fresh violet flowers, to garnish
1-1/4 pints mineral water (750 mls)

Place violets in a china bowl, with lemon juice and put in the refrigerator overnight. Juice will become pink. Strain off the violets and add juice to jug of chilled sparkling mineral water. Add sugar (or more lemon juice) to taste, stir through crushed ice. Before serving, add a few violets on top.

As soon as lemonade was mentioned, Dawn suggested we begin a habit of making some simple old-fashioned recipes up to share with our morning/afternoon tea breaks. When Autumn was mentioning the name of the Violet Lemonade, Dawn raised her eyebrows and laughingly said she'd bring in some Lemonade Scones for tomorrow's treat.

Will let you know how these go down!!!

Good manners - are they disappearing too quickly?

Leonie arrived back from her doctor's appointment for morning coffee with the team here. She was furious. Not because she was running late and not because she couldn't find a parking spot.

She sat down, ordered her favourite latté (the one that "bounces") and then told us about her appointment. Acknowledging the fact that doctors lists seem endless, and appointments have to be made at six weeks in advance, this in no way excused the treatment and attitude of the doctor when Leonie at last was called into his rooms, a matter of an hour and a half after when her appointment was scheduled.

Leonie is organised, so much so that everywhere she goes she writes herself lists and ensures that everything on that list is attended to before attending to other matters, like visiting the Body Shop and buying all sorts of lovely beauty treatments as a special treat (which she does quite often!), or doing some window-shopping or taking sandwiches down to the local park to watch the ducks on the lake.

So we were most surprised when she regaled what had happened this morning.

Let her explain: The Dr was in a bad mood and this was quite obvious from his first comments, "well what do you want today?" I had my short list and told him I needed a repeat prescription, as well as wanting to know the results of some blood tests he had arranged for me a fortnight ago. Yet it was the request for a referral document to a specialist that really got him going and following a tirade which lasted about 8 minutes, I was so stunned that I began to shake and was near to tears. I quickly quelled that feeling. His reason for the tirade? Completing the documents took him too long and he felt I was asking too much! When I explained that the specialist had asked for this paperwork, he mumbled and grumbled and slapped his keyboard in time with his deep and exasperated sighs.

I couldn't believe it when he asked me why I visited the specialist in the first place (it was at his own direction); and demanded to know why I was visiting him to do my paperwork and to get my BP reading as well as write out a new prescription for a tablet he put me on a matter of six months ago. He sat back in his chair and loudly said "I'm not your Doctor so why am I in the picture?"

It took me only 5 minutes to prove that he had accepted me as a patient more than 8 months ago, when another Dr at the same practice had left, and that I had been to see him every six weeks during that time (at his request) He went through the records and had to admit I was right.

I then said to him, "Dr, I know you're busy and by the same reasoning I know that I need a referral. You've made me feel a nuisance and I would hate to think that after all this time that it is not my size that is affecting your attitude towards me today. It's not something that bothers me usually, but this morning you've shown annoyance with me beyond just your being busy."

The doctor then stood up, opened the door and almost pushed me out into the corridor. I smiled sweetly and said, as I walked towards the exit, "I do hope you have a good day and are much nicer to your next patient".

This sort of story is repeated day in and day out, for countless thousands of women. Leonie doesn't jump to conclusions or make assumptions about people and their attitudes, but as she spoke this morning, each of us wondered whether size had come into the equation. Or was that simply imagination?

Why is everyone so intent on telling us ...........

If you're a "mad" collector of books, like me, then in amongst all your bookcase shelves, you're bound to have some cookery books. There'll be favourites that bear the imprint of spills and dogeared corners, and there'll be those that look as though they've just come home from your bookstore.

In my case those that still look new, even though some of them are more than 40 years old, are much more than a guide to creating and making special meals, whipping up a favourite cake or even just throwing some ingredients together to form a "comfort food" need. They have become favourite picture books that I take down from the bookshelves when I feel a little low in spirits, and I can quite happily become engrossed for hours on end, merely looking at the photos, appreciating the recipes themselves, and realising that the photos in themselves provide me with pleasure. I may wish that I will use the recipe to recreate what appears in the photo, and I may not. I find that indulging in day-dreaming is sometimes nice too.

Most of my "old" cookbooks don't have pictures though, and this is where imagination takes over, as well as memories of the fun and joy of cooking and baking for my family. A number of my books were published during and after the second world war, and while the ingredients were in many cases hard to find, the main staples formed the basis of much cooking. Surprisingly, one was able to easily change a basic recipe with a little forethought, and the usage and combination of many spices that gave flavours and textures to the food cooked and prepared that today seem boring and uninteresting. But this is where food retains its individuality and its appeal. I even remember I had a recipe book that gave 365 recipes for minced steak (when minced steak was almost the cheapest meat to buy), and they were all different. I know, for when things were tight during a recession back in the early 1960s, I made every one of those 365 recipes, and they were definitely not boring.

I've noticed lately that restaurants quite often include some of the "old-fashioned" meals. Take for instance - steak and kidney pie; lamb shanks; roast and yorkshire pudding. Then there's bread and butter custard; junket; golden syrup pudding served with custard. I even saw on the menu last week at a local "pub", brains. I've got to admit I've never eaten them, but it certainly looked as though a lot of people were eager to try.

But why is everyone so intent on telling us that we shouldn't eat this and shouldn't eat that? Food is something personal, and while I can accept the fact that "healthy" food is what we should be aiming for, this doesn't take away the fact that there are times when we need "comfort food". Just watch some of the Nigella Lawson tapes or DVD's and you'll see what I mean. Go back a bit further and watch the 2 Fat Ladies - well, yes, I have to agree that some of the meals prepared in duck fat and such wouldn't meet my own individual taste,but there were lots of recipes that I felt (and I'm sure other viewers felt as well) I'd like to taste. Go back further still to our very own Margaret Fulton who made, and continues to make, a big impression on our food and how we prepare and serve it.

But we don't need to go back to find recipes that fulfill all our expectations and needs. My favourite at the moment is David Herbert - he even quotes many of his recipes as being handed down from his mother, and aunts. I know there are countless cooks and chefs who write books that when published are big and heavy (and are priced accordingly), but sometimes I think it's the simple little newspaper cutting from the 1930s or 1940s that give me such pleasure in producing in my own kitchen.

And speaking of cookery books, I have two absolutely favourites. Both are scrapbooks - one which my mother started in the early 1930s, and my own which I began in the 1950s (and I have to admit I still add to it whenever I find a tempting recipe).

The Tongue Patch or should that be tongue in cheek?

Is the world going mad, or what?

I read today that "the award for the most ridiculous "weight loss treatment" goes to the Chugay Tongue Patch, a tiny patch of mesh surgically attached to the tongue to make eating painful, which is taking Southern California by storm." (From the Weekend Australian 10/11 Oct 2009).

Perhaps the reporter was actually talking with tongue in cheek?

Being Manipulated!

It comes as no surprise to plus-size women to realise that they are being "manipulated". Whether it is through the media, or the clothing that is for sale through the shops, or people who are supposed to be concerned with our health and our looks, or the marketing/advertising agencies. The thrust of this manipulation is simple - plus size people are out of control; you're a plus size person and therefore you must be punished.

This is crazy and is unwarranted and is discriminatory and it's downright wrong.

There's talk that plus-size people will be taxed a special "fat" tax on foods; on train/bus/tram travel; on travel bookings; on ambulance annual subscription premiums, insurance premiums, workplace insurances and more. There's already a tendency for many hospitals to refuse plus-size people (patients) who are above a certain BMI - has anyone taken the opportunity of figuring out exactly what this is all about - because everyone is different - height, width, bone structure; genetically and more. And is the BMI measurement system being updated as we grow taller and bigger - a known factor in today's populations? Will it get to the stage that if you have blue eyes, a Dr won't attend you? And what about plus-size doctors and nurses - hey, don't tell me they've all gone on the latest Jenny Craig diet and lost all their excess weight or had WLS and been a "success"! 'Cos there are still plenty of plus-size people in the health industry around - even if my little neck of the woods!

Children are in the firing line as well, being threatened with a "food police" management arrangement to ensure that they eat the "correct" foods (who makes the decision as to what is correct, I ask?); and parents are being threatened that they'll be charged with "abuse" if they don't toe the line about what they serve and feed their children. Where are parent's rights? Where are an individual's rights? Has anyone any rights any more?

A very insidious thing is occurring on our television screens again - plus-size people are being treated as idiots with almost a suggestion that they don't deserve to have their own space on this planet!

There's a lot of talk about the animal kingdom and the terrible loss of many species from the world as we know it. Every animal deserves its place and space. And we all deserve our space and place too. Because if the so-called experts have their way, the curvaceous, healthy, beautiful-bodied, fully rounded person could become an endangered species if we don't watch out.

dependence VERSUS interdependence

It’s my honest opinion, based on many decades of conversation and observation as well as counselling, that women very often do themselves a disservice by neglecting their female friends, once they enter into a relationship with a man. When that relationship becomes stable and long-term, too often excuses are made to even to even continue a close association with friends who most probably have proved themselves over and over again during the earlier years. This presents as the “couple” being two people solely caught up in their own personal world and time and space, which let me say here, can be absolutely beautiful. But let’s look at things rationally and sensibly here.

If you depend long-time upon your partner for EVERYTHING, and expect to spend every single second with him, and expect him to depend on you with the same intensity, then unless he is a “perfect man” then sadly, both of you are going to trip up and it won’t take too long to happen.

You’ll make excuses as to why you can’t meet up with your girl friends (even your parents and siblings) for a cup of coffee; to go to a show together; to spend a weekend together with other friends; to share an evening meal together; to go shopping together; to go for a drive together; to visit venues that cater to a shared taste such as art galleries, fashion parades, a beautician for manicure and pedicure. The list goes on and on.

Your man will demand all of your time, and you’ll willingly sacrifice your own personal space and time to meet those demands. This is not healthy.

Let me say here however that I am not talking about couples where one HAS to depend on the other for personal care and wellbeing. This is quite outside of the picture I’m presenting here. I’m talking about one personality losing themselves within their partner’s until such time as they no longer have any will of their own. Come the time that this relationship may break down or some other reason, the person left feels abandoned, adrift and alone. It’s very difficult to pick up the pieces of friendship with her previous girl-friends, because they’ve moved on and enhanced their own lives by extending their circle of female friends.

There’s another aspect here too. The number of times you’ll hear or read about a couple who “appear” to have a perfect relationship suddenly breaking down for no apparent reason, makes you wonder how this could happen. Believe me when I say it’s hard to accept that usually the man gets sick and tired of his partner being a “yes” person all the time (even though that is what he has demanded throughout the relationship) and moves on to another woman or women who have a bit more feistiness in them. It’s a contradiction but it’s a fact.

It comes down to a couple of things. Women may feel so grateful for a man’s attention that they’ll turn themselves inside out to be “there” and to “do” everything for their man, thinking this is what will keep him interested. A relationship must be built on more than being “grateful” someone takes an interest in you.

Another thing is that a woman often feels she HAS to have a man to be fulfilled as a woman. She’ll often choose the wrong man in this process, and becomes every more frustrated and unfilled. She’ll quite often become bitter and angry along the way too.

First Impressions!

Louise B was told about Francesca, an Italian lady, living in the Hills area. Francesca holds special, simple and basic Italian cooking classes, for both men and women.

Louise imagined Francesca's lifestyle, basing it on what she heard about Francesca's home, the car she drove, and other "gossip" that made its way around the local community. Taking into account the number of classes she took in a year. Louise's mind concentrated on the financial benefits and the fact that Francesca must be "well off".

She enrolled for a class herself. Upon meeting Francesca she was amazed at the beauty that radiated from this lady, a woman in her 50s with grey hair and many stories to tell from her lovely face. Francesca is also a big woman, well aware of her size, and completely aware of her own "self". Being paralysed from the waist down and in wheelchair, navigating around her kitchen as though it were a simple matter, Francesca is a fully rounded and self-accepting woman. Louise's opinion of Francesca changed from being envious of her and her "money", into admiration for a woman who rose above any pain and discomfort, and made life enjoyable and pleasant for other people.

Louise gained insights into "first impressions" following that class. I think we all need to step back at times and analyse just what our thoughts and assumptions may be, and whether they are fair and balanced.

Comparing Yourself to Others

"Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about"

It's a negative emotion and a waste of energy and it's selfish.

We spend far too much time in comparing ourselves to others. Whether it's their looks, their size, their possessions, their career, their homes, their families, and even their holidays. There used to be an old saying "keeping up with the Jones'" and though most of us didn't fall into that trap, there are times when we could quite easily do so. It's called envy.

As with most things in life though, there are always allowable exceptions. To be envious that a woman has undergone cosmetic surgery and come out of it looking twenty years younger, with a figure that even Elle McPherson would pay squillions for, has to be ridiculous. If someone has the money, and the determination to do likewise under the surgeon's knife, then that's their decision, but we who are not so much concerned with being the same or copying what the first woman did, are probably much more contented with our lot. And this shows in our life-style, our behaviour (to others and to ourselves), and frankly in our facial looks.

We're told we should be beautiful - but story-book sketches are not what beauty is about. A lovely woman with a smutty tongue is not beautiful. Beauty has to be the whole woman, not just the bits you see. Look around you and carefully study older women - serene, no wrinkles, beautiful complexions, happy dispositions, and laughter. Yet, listen to their stories and you'll be surprised and inspired by stories of battles, wars, illnesses, losses, pain, suffering. And still they live, love and laugh.

Comparing your age, your looks, your size and your shape is counter-productive. The other person is the other person. You are you. And you need to come to terms with who "you" are, not waste time in trying to emulate another person, who's nature and personality will always be an unknown to you.

"Oh, she's got this, and she's got that". How often do you hear this, and have you even said it yourself? Turn this around and ask yourself, "what have I got?" And you'll be surprised at the list of positive things that will grow as you think about them.

CLOTHES with a purpose!

Recently K Mart had a big sale of clothing - men’s, women’s and childrens. Katie D of Monbulk went shopping.

“There was a lot on sale, but nothing I really wanted. So I went through to the Men’s section, thinking I’d look for something for my boyfriend. I noticed a couple of racks of Big Mens Wear - lovely big over-shirts; sweaters; and underwear.

I chose three big shirts, not for my boyfriend but for me, because I do a lot of bushwalking and even find larger clothes more comfortable when sitting in the car driving long distances. I then bought three Bonds men’s singlets. They’re low in the neckline, and roomy and long in the trunk. Under the big shirts they look just like a woman’s cami. I’ve cold-dyed one a lovely bright red. I also splashed out and bought a great v neck merino wool jumper.

Even bearing in mind they were all on sale, I have no doubt I came out of the shop with a lot more money left in my wallet than had they been women’s clothes. The shirts each cost $12 and the singlets were $6.99 while the jumper was $15.

Having planned a camping trip down at Wilson’s Promontory which is starting to rejuvenate following the bad bushfires earlier in the year, I’ve got my entire wardrobe for around $72, and I know they’ll last a lot longer than women’s clothing.

Another thing. They are made much better than many clothes I’ve bought from the women’s section - the sewing is stronger and the seams more generous and importantly the underarms of the shirts are ample for my big arms.”

It's a matter of having an open mind - too often we miss out on real bargains because we tell ourselves men's clothing are only for me. Another friend Mel from Sydney actually buys men's shirts when they're on "special" at David Jones - she always has compliments and is asked where does she buy them from? She even combines them with smart men's ties and wears them with smart, well fitting pants and lovely leather boots. You'd never think she is in her 70s - she always looks at least 20 years younger. And she's never had any botox either!

Things are really getting out of hand!

It seems that governments are intent on dismissing the importance of human beings who are deemed to be "larger" than the accepted norm. Now what the norm is, or should be, is very debatable and no one seems inclined to actually face up to the problem and the discrimination that abounds within society as a whole.

Denying people the right to be healthy at whatever size they may be, by pressuring them to become thinner at whatever cost (whether financial, emotional or physical) is downright wrong. The larger person is becoming larger for many reasons, and certainly not all of those reasons relate to eating too much or even to not exercising enough. The controversy continues as to what is in the food that we are eating or being provided with, and until such time as someone with any nous does some serious research, then we'll be none the wiser.

But that doesn't get away from the fact that "serious" papers and scientific research are being published that really stretch the concept of common sense. The latest research deals with the alleged assumption that "fat" people are less intelligent than thin people. Some countries are extending this hatred towards "bigger" people to extremes.

The suggestion is that fat people will be charged more for: train/tram/bus fares (they already are made to abide by airline rules that two seats have to be purchased and paid for before a larger person can travel). We already have health agencies and hospitals refusing to treat or even admit people who are over a designed BMI (even though in many cases those BMIs were acceptable as recently as three months ago). Larger pregnant women are being refused admittance into local or nearby hospitals for the birth of their babies. There's more suggestions - fat people should pay more for food (in other words does this suggestion imply that "food police" will be on the staff of all supermarkets and will go through your trolley before you enter the cashier area, and they'll mark the items that have to have a special tax on them?). Larger people already pay a lot extra for clothes and shoes.

Then there are the restrictions being put upon children. A small 3 year old (confirmed by the Baby Welfare Sister as being well within the weight limits set, and certainly not fat) was recently ostracised at a childcare agency. The mother was asked to put the child on a diet, otherwise she would not be accepted at the centre. The mother took the case to the media, and with substantiated documentation from doctors, the welfare department and the health department in her hands, the mother took the child from the centre, and enrolled her in another in the same suburb. The publicity the initial centre received was certainly not good. But think about how the little 3 year felt - already being subjected to discrimination and unjustified hostility because of her chubbiness. In fact as a result of the media publicity the little one was chosen to become the "face" of children's wear for a leading Australian department store and appears in all their publicity modelling the babies/toddlers clothes.

School tuck shops have been warned that they must only sell food that the government decrees. "School police" (obviously teachers who will be chosen by the school principal) will check all the children's lunch boxes to see they don't have food that is not "on the list of acceptable food". Surely this is going too far?

Food, food, glorious food

When I visited a favourite little cafe in Guildford recently, I chose some venison skewers served on 'cos lettuce and with pita bread, a small vegetable sausage cut in two, a small bowl of low fat yoghurt and some spicy no-sugar chutney. I reckon I did well. This was my main meal for the day, and apart from a small breakfast serving, I ate fruit throughout the day, with plenty of water.

With all the publicity about "obesity" and being told we're eating the wrong food and eating too much of the wrong food, it comes as a little bit of a surprise to hear that in a recent survey here in Australia, it's been found that one in five households are eating what everyone tells us we SHOULD be eating. That doesn't sound too different to people's choices of a decade or so ago, when you think about it.

Going further into the survey, meat and three vegetables is still the favourite meal. Well, we're told we should be eating more vegies but doesn't this contradict the theory that none of us are eating the preferred requirements?

Salads or vegetables are served as an accompaniment to meat, fish and chicken dishes. Salads go with lasagna and pasta meals. Stir frys are a regular weekly event and spaghetti bolognaise join stir frys as favourites. Many families eat fish at least three times a week. Chicken at least two.

Am I reading this all wrong or what? Because to me this sounds like what we should be eating.

Across the board however, the survey, carried out by Westinghouse (Australia?), found the following:

Top 10 home-cooked meals


1. Steak or chops with vegetables or salad
2. Roast/baked dinner
3. Spaghetti Bolognaise
4. Stir Fry
5. Seafood with vegetables or salad
6. Chicken pieces pan fried with sauce
7. Casserole
8. Barbeque
9. Schnitzel
10. Ready-made meals.

What the survey doesn't say, is that number 10 - ready-made meals are very often meals prepared by the person doing the cooking in the home (usually Mum) at the weekend in preparation of the week, and frozen in readiness to re-heat.
Quite often too, the ready-made meals are actually the remainders of the other meals, when too much has been cooked, and then frozen.

The re-emergency of home-cooking is taking everyone by storm. And it doesn't take much to see that people, even when pressed for time, and pressed for money (with the economic downturn) will return to their mothers and grand-mothers cooking books and hints and tips.

Another thing that I'm hearing all the time is this. Most people have taken note of the "obesity" obsession with the media and the government and done something positive about their own sizings of meals. The number of women I've spoken to who have willingly reduced the plate size from a "mains" to a side plate, have to be taken seriously. Yet, as they, and I've found, this has no effect on body weight (by this I mean losing weight). In other words people are NOT over-eating, and they're eating what they consider to be good food, and what the experts tell us we should be eating.

I can't remember when I last heard anyone saying they had "sweets" or "desserts" following their main meal of the day. People have cut these out. The sales of fruit confirm this, as almost everyone now has bowls of fruit readily available for both the kids and adults.

Oh, my gosh!

I looked at my blog this morning, and was surprised to see that it's so long since I posted. Yet when I try to think back and work out what I've been doing, I can't work it out! I know I've been busy, but doing what?

The subject currently on every body's lips (and hips) is "obesity". What an absolutely horrid word - degrading, disdainful, demeaning. I'm old enough to remember when people used such words as "homely", "natural", "chubby", "generously endowed", "well proportioned" and so on. I can even recall a Doctor back then trying to tell me, without offending me, that I was a "little overweight". And in among hundreds of other doctors and specialists that I've visited during the years in between, I've been called a lot of names, and "obese" is among those words. I do not like the word, in fact I loathe it. And I will not admit to being "obese" - I am a "fully-rounded" woman!

Blame is being piled on parents of beautifully formed and healthy children; they're being told their children are "obese" and they've got to do something about it - immediately! Just look at the media and the government pushing the idea of "food police" to check on children's lunch boxes; just look at parents being threatened with "abuse" if they don't feed their children food that the so-called experts (and the government departments involved) demand they have; putting children onto crash diets and extreme exercise regimes (all costing a lot of money to parents of course), and on it goes. Blame, blame, blame, and parents are taking upon themselves all sorts of guilt trips.

Yet I come back to the same argument I've been promoting for the past twenty years or more. Maybe it's NOT the food or the quantity of food that we're eating - maybe it's what's IN the food that we're eating.

On two separate shows last week, one the "Cook and the Chef" on the ABC which is a very entertaining, and informative and enjoyable show showing cooking tips and hints, with easy-medium-hard recipes, and the second "The Food Investigators" on SBS, this very subject was raised. And it justified what I've been saying (and what others of my kind have been saying) for decades.

For instance. Bread. Bread that is baked today no longer resembles the bread of "yesterday" - and I'm talking about 20-30-40 years ago. The ingredients are different - the quantities of salt and sugar are different - the additives are different; the food colourings and chemicals are different. You're beginning to see where I'm coming from?

Now we come to the nitty-gritty. Most of the grains that make up breads are genetically modified. OK, we're being told over and over again that there's nothing wrong with genetically modified foods (and in fact they're "good" for us - haaa). No one knows for sure. And no one will know for sure until at least another two generations. Because if we have food such as bread which is made to "look" fresh without being so, then something is happening and we're being drawn into the trap of believing something that is not true nor good for us.

What I mean by this is simple. We used to buy bread that if it became stale, we'd be aware of it. If it became mouldy, we'd be aware of it. If it started to "smell, we'd be aware of it. It usually went out to the chooks in the back yard, long before it even got to the mouldy stage. But today? Because of being genetically modified, it no longer goes stale, it no longer smells, it no longer goes mouldy. And anyone in the health and nutrition profession will tell you that eating bread that is mouldy is putting toxins into the body, which are not only harmful but deadly. Yet because we can't "see" or "smell" that the bread of going "off", we eat it merrily thinking that it is good for us! We're being "conned".

Oh yes another thing. We're told now that we shouldn't "freeze" bread. We should store it in a wooden (for preference) or plastic bread bin. Sounds like by Grandma talking!

The other items which were referred to in the Cook and the Chef were dairy products. Again, it is was pointed out that many of the natural ingredients of milk (and subsequently in cream, cheese and yoghurt) were removed from the milk, only to be replaced by additives, chemicals and colourings. So if the cows are eating grass in fields of genetically modified grasses, then who knows what's actually going into or happening to the milk. Oh, yes, another thing. Years ago, dairy farmers always washed their milking machines in an iodine wash - it acted as an antiseptic and cleanser, and would you believe it, because it then fitted over the cow's teats at milking time, that iodine found itself in the milk. And that was good for us! So what now? The farmers wash the milking machines with flouride, which means no more iodine. Now the government says, the farmer has to add iodine to the milk he's producing from his cows. Take something out, add something else, and then reconstitute food stuffs to suit the current "thought" of the day.

And a simple question. How do insects, birds and wildlife know they're in a genetically modified field, before travelling int into another which the farmer (or his neighbour) has done everything to maintain as genetically free. Do insects and birds and wildlife read little notices telling them - "Beware - this is a genetically modified field (or paddock) - tread carefully! And who translates for them?

This is a serious problem. And I believe it has a bearing on the so-called "obesity" epidemic. Every food that we eat has been tampered with. Even, if we plant seeds ourselves, we don't know what contaminants have been fed into the soil in our backyard, and we don't know whether the seeds have come from genetically modified parents or not.

A lot of serious and intelligent discussion is required, by ordinary everyday people.

Plus-price for plus-size and Plus-sized jeans - plus-sized price?

Plus-sized clothing has been getting more than its fair share of press lately - and here's another piece of plus-sized news.

UK chain store New Look is under fire for charging £2 more for its range of plus-sized jeans (size 18 and above). The store explained its price rise, saying that while it normally absorbed the extra cost, occasionally it had to pass on the cost to consumers. The price increase echoes that of Marks and Spencer, another UK store, which last month agreed to waive a £2 surcharge for DD bras.

Our comments:

Let’s get things into perspective. Why do these retail/chain stores feel they have the right to charge women who are beyond a certain size range, more for their garments? I’ve heard every sort of excuse for more than a quarter of a century, and I still don’t believe them.

ALL women need clothes - the tiny slim and pert young woman KNOWS she can get all manner of garments to fit at low and reasonable prices, because of the huge turnover (claimed by retailers). The plus size has been persuaded over the years that she should pay extra. And she has paid extra for decade after decade. Yet the quality of her garment, the design and style of her garment, the colours available in her garments, and the workmanship of her garment is NOTHING in comparison to the young, hip, trendy and faddish garment.

Simple question. Why not amortise (the word is freely and loosely used, but you get the idea) the costs of designing and making up and retailing womens clothing across the whole size range? Use the best quality fabric; the best and flattering styles, and then charge the same price for the same/similar garment to all women, of all ages, and all shapes and sizes.

Don’t treat me, a plus sizer, as a person who must and should be discriminated against and charged extra because of who and what I am.

Would the commercial/retail world consider charging small and slim women an extra charge, because they’re too small? Let’s confront the issue, not hide behind all sorts of excuses. The world is made up of all kinds of shapes and sizes, and the sooner we come to terms with the fact that women’s fashion should be for ALL women (just as all women’s magazines should be for ALL women), then the sooner self-acceptance will become a fact of life.

The fashion industry and the media are playing games with us, and with our minds. They should be brought to task.

How do we see ourselves?

Look at yourself!

We do. Many times a day when passing a mirror or the reflections in shop windows. So often though we shy away from actually "looking" at ourselves because we fear being reminded that we are not exactly perfect or meet society's perception of what is ideal.

But if we are serious about changing attitudes, and perceptions, we have to make ourselves vulnerable to our own inspections. We have to expose our real personality and character from behind all those layers of protection we wear. Many of these layers are quite invisible and forgotten but have to be shed just as though they were fabric.

Next time you shower or bathe, take time out and actually look at yourself in the mirror. The whole you. Don't just look at the double chin, the drooping boobs, the fat sloppy tummy, the thick thighs, the bulging knees, and the thick ankles. Ankles? you ask - do I have any? Yes, they're there just as you have a waistline, and just as you have a decollete.

Take note of what you see. Thrust away any ideas of comparisons. In other words when you do look at yourself, don't see a fat and ungainly edition of Angelina Jolie or Nicole Kidman. See and appreciate the special limited edition of you! There is no other. You cannot be copied, or cloned. You are you, and you are unique. Even if you are a large, economy size!

And don't make excuses and don't feel guilty. Your body has a certain shape and size for very good reasons. Only one of those reasons MAY be because of the wrong diet or lack of moderation. We have to throw out these archaic ideas that just because we are taller, heavier, wider and broader than the so-called "ideal" women (who are after all in the main genetic freaks - not my words but womens clothing manufacturers. commentators and even some fashion writers), then it is because we over-eat. That's what we've been told for far too long, and unfortunately that's what we come to believe.

Stuff and nonsense! Let's get things into perspective. There are very good reasons why we sometimes eat food that is supposed to be bad for us. There are very good reasons why sometimes we eat too large meal or snack. But those reasons are not because we are undisciplined, it is because our body and yes our mind, tell us that this is the way we can handle situations, or people, and it gives us comfort combined with the incentive to move on from those particular situations and people. Psychologists give us all sorts of technical and chemical reasons, but we know what happens when we feel down, stressed, out of sorts, when we feel sad, and/or feel unloved or unappreciated. "Professional" people treat the chemical person, we live as a physical and spiritual person.

There's a lot of discussion recently about whether a fat person does in fact eat too much! This subject crops up every decade or so, and nothing ever changes in the attitudes of society or people who could make a difference in the public's perception and acceptance of the plus size (such as journalists, editors of women's magazines, as well as the fashion industry itself). And why don't things change? Because it's too darned easy to blame someone for their inappropriate attitude - they'd have to change policies within their industries and that wouldn't do. It wouldn't do at all! Because as a consequence they'd have to admit they were wrong.

Learn to like what you see. Let the female form be seen for what it is - it was created for procreation, and it was created for pleasure. Not lustful pleasure but personal pride. Something which is uniquely yours, and which you can enhance in so many wondrous ways - particularly if your imagination allows you the freedom to do so.

Taking control!

Focussing on "positive" and "feel-good" feelings means having to direct one's thoughts constantly from the negative. Because the negative comes upon us when least expected and can make for a very bad day.

Let's aspire to setting our own goals and dreams; choosing the path we want to follow. We don't have to follow the crowd; we don't have to be the same as everyone else; we don't have to look like everyone else and we can have fun in pursuing whatever it is we want to pursue (whether a career, a hob by, or even a man if that's the way you want to go!).

We have the choice to do things at our own pace and in our own space.

We don't have to make excuses; we don't have to accept feelings of guilt (gee, you have put on weight, haven't you?); we don't have to accept discrimination or indifference or ignorance or arrogance.

Being fat could be helpful for heart patients?

This news item caught our attention.

In a review in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, it was suggested that being fat can be useful for heart patients.

Overweight heart attack victims should stay fat as they are more likely to live longer, say the researchers. The controversial claim goes against conventional advice to patients that they should lose weight.

"Obese patients with heart disease respond well to treatment and have paradoxically better outcomes and survival than thinner patients," said author Dr Carl Lavie, medical director of Cardiac Rehabilitation and Prevention at the Ochsner medical Centre.

Dr Lavie said it was possible extra weight might help because patients had more reserves to fight disease.

.....© Melbourne Sun-Herald, 20th May 2009

Plus-Size!

You and I have been told, and been made to believe, that we are what is commonly and rudely termed - “plus size”. What that means exactly no one has been able to satisfactorily explain to me in a rational and intelligent way - if you know, then please enlighten me.

Being “plus size” has meant, for me, that I have had to combat bad manners and inappropriate attitudes from other people, since my childhood. It remains so today. For to too many people "plus-size" means being out of control and fat. Look around you, you'll see plenty of plus-size women who are NOT fat. They are perfectly proportioned regardless of their size.

I’m told that discrimination is no longer legal or acceptable. however no one has told the legislators that discrimination based on size has not even been confronted let alone dispensed with. It may not be legal but it certainly is allowed.

And by whom? You name it. Manufacturers, designers and retailers of clothing. The media - and this includes newspapers, magazines, and publishers of books - how many novels have you read lately with a buxom plus size female as it’s heroine? Editors and features writers, television current affairs anchor people as well as journalists, television drams and sit-coms take delight in making fun or being objectionable to people who do not have the "ideal" figure or looks. If the "worm turned", and suddenly thin or skeletal was considered to be "unacceptable" you'd be deafened by the screams of those thinner women. Yet, we're expected to accept their inappropriate and bad behaviour without a murmur.

Then we come to health professionals. Many GPs are fast coming to the notion that patients are people, thank goodness, and that fat people are just as worthy of respect as smaller people with the same needs and wants. It hasn’t always been so. But when it comes to health sports clubs or fitness centres, then the only way they will look at you is if you are a potential client eager to lose weight. Try and tell them that all you want to do is get fit, not necessarily lose weight, and they’ll give you a horrified look. They really don’t want to know you. Yet you'd think they'd be eager for you to join their clubs in order to prove that being healthy and fit is desirous. But no, they "see" the size and looks of the plus-sizer, and make their own assumptions. The sooner health clubs have classes at which plus-sizers are not only welcomed but sought, the sooner we'll find opportunities to enjoy better fitness without having to go through embarrassing moments in the presence of smaller and more petite women.

As plus-sizers, we deserve the right to enjoy life and that includes fitness, without being harrassed into undergoing weight loss within that goal.

Dressing to suit your Figure!

Wrap dresses are terrific for women with round tummies. The draping is attractive and the wrap dress allows you to define your waistline - even if you thought you didn't have one!

While colours give a lot of variation, black or solid colours will always be stand-outs.

Has anyone seen any Wrap dresses for the plus-size here in Australia - I've been looking around for a while now and I can't find any - so far.

While talking about flattering styles, I thoroughly recommend the Marilyn Convertible dress from Monif C (USA). This garment allows you to change the styling in countless ways, and Monif even has a number of videos on YouTube showing various ways of wearing this particular dress.

Visit Monif C on www.monifc.com

The BOLD Shoulder is back!

Do you recall your mother saying, "what goes around comes around?" She wasn't necessarily talking about the washing machine. Most likely it was in relation to fashion.

Yes, fashion. That "thing" that the media and the fashion industry tell us we must obey and wear what they say, when they say, where they say and how they say. And like good little girls, we take notice and as often as not take their demands as "advice" and follow the rules they set down.

Well the latest news is going to please some of us, and dismay others. Because whether you want to believe it or not, the shoulder pad is back! With a vengeance. It's bigger than even back in the 80s- who can remember "Dynasty" and sultry Joan Collins with her wardrobe of magnificent obsessional clothes?

In my humble opinion excessive shoulder pads can make a slim woman look totally top heavy. Because with shoulders that are wider than her hips and thighs combined, she's more like to topple over than to carry herself with grace and ease. (With we plus sizers can do, with style and panache.)

Am I being critical? I guess so. But as a plus size woman, with plenty of amplitude, spread proportionately (and in some places a little disproportionately) over and around my body, I've always loved shoulder pads.

I find that shoulder pads (not the tiny little things that look like a cotton wool face freshener, but a decent sized, padded pad) lift the garment nicely so that my bosoms and cleavage are displayed with more curvature than just plonked on. I'm talking about the garment being plonked on, not the cleavage!

Seriously though, if you tend to read the women's magazines and features pages as well as the odd page of "Style" in your local weekend newspaper, look at which is shown on the catwalk, and then get out some photos of your Mum (or even yourself if you liked the shoulder pads back in the 80s) and get ahold of some magazines or even books from the library depicting fashion where shoulder pads were worn, and see for yourself the many benefits and advantages and enhancements that are available with the humble shoulder pad. Don't necessarily go overboard, but have fun!

Contradictions!

An article in the Melbourne Sun-Herald on May 20th was headed: Fat Patients Thrive

Gosh - I had to read that one. Most news items in the newspapers, magazines and television current affairs all deal with the fact that being "fat" is a bad thing. Here's one that goes against conventional advice.

I'll quote the article:

"Overweight heart attack victims should stay fat as they are more likely to live longer, say researchers. The controversial claim goes against conventional advice to patients that they should lose weight.

Evidence from a review in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology suggests being fat can be useful for heart patients.

"Obese patients with heart disease respond well to treatment and have paradoxically better outcomes and survival than thinner patients," said author Dr Carl Lavie, medical director of Cardiac Rehabilitation and Prevention at the Ochsner Medical Centre.

Dr Lavie said it was possible extra weight might help because patients had more reserves to fight disease."

.....© 20/5/2009, Melbourne Sun-Herald.

Reading - you never know what you'll learn

I love reading. Ever since I was a tiny tot. Before I could say the alphabet or knew what it meant, I would sit for hours looking at picture books (which were few and far between in those days - mostly handed down from cousins or other families) or the occasional "word" book. Even though I had no understanding that the dots on the page were actually words I would make up my own stories by turning over the pages like the grownups.

So I've grown up with books - they are my friends. Some I have had since childhood, others I've collected over the years.

You can gather from this therefore that I enjoy reading - a lot. I love the pictures that words conjure up in my mind. When I read I inhabit other worlds, both imaginary and real. I gain knowledge, I can easily fall in love with a hero or dislike intensely a rogue (even vice versa). I can laugh and I can cry.

At the moment I'm re-reading my series of Precious Ramotswe books. Written by Alexander McCall Smith who has a deep love and understanding of Botswana and it's people, Precious is a woman of our time. Independent, morally strong, valuing good manners, kindness, a love of her country (even though she recognises some faults in both the country and its people). Her intuition and instinctiveness to see behind untruths and pretenses reveals to us many of our own characteristics.

But what I love about Precious Ramotswe is her self-awareness. She is under no illusion that to be happy and to be a contented woman she has to be thin. Quite the opposite. She describes herself and is proud to be spoken of as being "traditionally built". She finds no reason to even think about her weight as a negative within her life. She is fat.

Let me quote from "Morality for Beautiful Girls".

"She finished her tea and then ate a large meat sandwich which Rose had prepared for her lunch. Mma Ramotswe had got out of the habit of a cooked lunch, except at weekends, and was happy with a snack or a glass of milk. She had a taste for sugar, however, and this meant that a doughnut or a cake might follow the sandwich.

She was a traditionally built lady, after all, and she did not have to worry about dress size, like those poor, neurotic people who were always looking in mirrors and thinking that they were too big. What was too big, anyway? Who was to tell another person what size they should be? It was a form of dictatorship, by the thin, and she was not having any of it. If these thin people became any more insistent, then the more generously sized people would just have to sit on them. Yes, that would teach them! Hah!"

I couldn't have said it better!

Even for a self confident woman, there are times ......

All the women in this group have been through times of anguish, despair, fear, rejection, emotional abuse, discrimination in all its forms. I'm glad to say that we've all "come through" these times, and we sit happily and healthily (in the main) quite aware of our sense of self, and confident in how we feel and how we look. We've accepted our bodies.

So it came as a bolt out of the blue the other day when one of our team went in for a cataract operation earlier this week. She has been on the "waiting list" for more than 4 years, so she was somewhat excited about the whole thing.

All the preliminary tests had been carried out, including measurements for the eyes a few months ago. Those tests also included height, weight and other matters relating to any allergies, and a list of medications that she is on. The usual procedure in fact. She was told all she had to do was "front up" at the day surgery section at the hospital at a certain time on a certain day, and the operation would be performed.

Simple.

Oh, yes? No.

Because when she had undressed and given a hospital gown, processed through confirmation of details,re-weighed and her height confirmed, the nurse came out with the words, "sorry, we can't operate on you, your BMI is too high". How can this be, when she had even lost some weight between the initial visit and the day for admission?

Well, it seems the hospital had put in place "considerations" to reduce the BMI acceptable for any sort of operation a month ago. Without notifying scheduled patients for our out-patient procedures, this means that there would be many patients attending the hospital only to be told that their operations cannot be performed.

In this case, it wasn't the surgeon who refused to operate, and after all it was a local anaesthetic not a general one, but the hospital staff.

So this means the patient now has to be put onto a waiting list of another city hospital who MAY accept a higher BMI - what this means in anyone's guess.

So it is a little understandable that this patient felt disappointed. Because in amongst everything else, she was rudely reminded that "size" is still a no-no and that acceptance which is taking a long, long time, is most probably a long way off. (And we're not naturally pessimistic - usually!)

But as an aside, this means that this particular hospital (and there must be thousands that have similar policies) will not do cataract operations, colonoscopies or other procedures which up until this time were considered to fall within the acceptable operations performed on a regular basis if the BMI is above a certain figure. We wonder what the policy is with women are BELOW the acceptable BMI, because there's a lot of talk at the moment about women who are considered to be malnourished with BMI's in the vicinity of 15, but who the medias and the fashion industry think are "ideal".

Another aside too, we've since learned that the Victorian Government have decided to withdraw many of their subsidies for visiting specialists from Melbourne to outer country hospitals, which means patients will have to travel into Melbourne (one train a day), probably stay overnight (more expense), have a procedure, and then return. The costs and time involved will be high. Especially when it comes to the elderly.

Bullying and Abuse!

THE KNIVES ARE OUT ...... and it’s not nice

The Sun-Herald, Melbourne, Australia has had some very controversial articles in recent days. One in particular dealt with the inappropriate and unacceptable statements made by the judges in the "Australia's Next Top Model" contest.

One judge has been forced to apologise for his caustic and scathing comments about some of the contestants. Judges are supposedly chosen as they represent the top of their field and experts in fashion and modelling. But these judges, and sadly they included two women, were hypocritical and discriminatory. Let's face it, plus sizers have been fighting this type of "bad" behaviour by people in the press and the fashion industry - now they're turning their attention and anger towards the young and hopeful models of the future. Quite apart from the girls who are receiving a lot of flak due to their being "too skinny" (one lass has a BMI of 15.1 and weighs 49 kg), these other girls are what we would loosely term "typical" and "average' if not "normal". But judges such as these on the show are our (women's) worst enemies and appear to think they are a law unto themselves. They take their arrogance and criticisms far beyond the bounds of decency.

Here are a view of the comments made about the model contestants:

(1) ‘‘I'm loving her. Slightly psycho, slightly beauty pageant-looking. OK, she's like a murderous beauty-pageant queen.''

(2) ‘‘Eyes slightly too close together and could knife you in the back - she's good.''

(3) ‘‘She's got no top lip. She's got a blockhead.''

(4) ‘‘She's the one you said looked like Frankenstein.''

(5) ‘‘She looks like a wild pig. What a lump - a moose.''

(6) ‘‘You may be a bogan, but don't be a bogan on this show.''

Comments of encouragement are occasionally directed at the contestants, but Melbourne psychologist Dr Janet Hall worries about the impact of put-downs. Hall believes the experience of being dismissed and immediately sent home from a reality show has the potential to leave contestants feeling ‘‘depressed, used and invalidated''.

‘‘They are making hostile judgments based on superficial visuals,'' Hall says of some of the judges' comments.

‘‘I spend my life as a psychologist trying to build people's self-esteem after they have been criticised about their looks by their peers and even their parents - fathers in particular.''

As I said, it’s not nice. We’ve had a overwhelming dose of this type of discrimination based on our plus size, and now younger women are being bullied in the same way. And there's supposed to be a law against discrimination relating to size - surely that means ALL sizes?

How to Live with Yourself

Trying to change the unchangeable leads only to misery

Every year sizeable fortunes are made by people who peddle impossible dreams to millions of over-optimistic individuals.

Whenever people buy an anti-aging face cream, a slimming food, or a breast developer, they are falling for the con trick that they can use a gimmick to improve their appearance. They can't, yet people still try, because they just don't stop to think about the realities of their situation.

Learning how to know yourself takes a long time and most of us don't achieve such understanding until we're well on in life. The basic skill in such self-understanding is sorting out the changeable from the unchangeable and then deciding whether you want to put yourself through the effort of making such changes.

We can think of four main areas where people need to assess themselves and their abilities. Once they've done that, they can decide whether they want to alter anything that is susceptible to correction and then settle down contentedly with what's left. The real self ...

Two of these areas are:

SIZE

This is the area where vast numbers of people suffer a great deal of unnecessary misery. We are all bombarded constantly by advice on how to be thin and there is a widespread notion that to be thin is to be right, and to be anything else is to be ugly or shameful. So people who are normal spend much of their time obsessed with their size.

We are all born with basically different constitutions. Some of us are programmed to have small breasts, heavy thighs, long torsos or blue eyes, and to see such people falling for the blandishments of 'spot reduction' diets or 'permanent weight loss' diets is distressing. Particularly when they don't work, otherwise the world would be filled with slim, trim, beautifully toned bodies, and the "diet industry" wouldn't be needed any more, and they'd go out of business!

The hard fact is that for some people the only way they can fit into what is currently regarded as a fashionable size is by self-starvation, which brings with it constant hunger and reduced health. Another possibility is cosmetic surgery, which is usually costly and sometimes risky. In fact riskier than the so-called marketers and peddlers within this industry will admit. And even after it is done, many people remain dissatisfied with the results.

There's nothing quite as sad as seeing people we know (whether personally, or through television or even film) to suddenly appear as though their skin is perfect without any blemish or sign or fine wrinkles. That's usually the first step because within a couple of years, looking at their photos or even face to face, we'll begin to doubt whether they are the same person we remember. Their faces take on a plastic, immovable look and many unfortunately begin to look less human. Have they gone under the knife for health or medical reasons? Or have they done this to protect and deny aging. Sadly many become victims of amusement among the ordinary every-day person's perspective of how a person should deal with wrinkles and greying hair associated with aging.

and AGING


So we come to aging. Age is inescapable - and why should or would we want to deny it anyway? Of course the alternative doesn't hold any attraction at all. There are many societies around the world where wrinkles are revered, not despised.

Yet we in the 'sophisticated' West seem to have the extraordinary notion that the only worthwhile people are aged 22 or so, and admitting to any birthday after the 29th is social suicide.

To use light makeup to enhance the face you have or wear attractive clothes to make you look as agreeable as you want to look is perfectly reasonable. But to mourn because you don't look the same as you did 20-30 years ago can be self-destructive - and expensive.


(Photo - copyright Dove) Full permission from "Accentuate the Positive - Now" -an address to High School Students and Size 16 Plus Groups, WA, 2002 ©RP-B Australia

Discrimination!

Not only do we (collectively, in our group) have a file of upsetting experiences to describe what we've been through after having to go for medical tests and such thing, but we know of lots of women who have received even more appalling treatment than us.

While many of these women are of 'normal' weight and 'average' weight (whatever normal or average really means!), it is when speaking with women of size, that we discover time and time again episodes of petty discriminative attitudes in insensitive and arrogant people (mainly women it seems!). It is expected we should accept intolerable behaviour without question, merely because we're plus-size.

A woman (or anyone for that matter) being sent for tests of innumerable varieties - x-rays, mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, "pushes and prods" here there and everywhere, externally as well as internally, obviously is stressed to some degree before even entering the Dr's or pathology rooms. It come face to face with hostility, impatience, exasperation and downright rudeness is another "reminder" that our size is a problem! To them. Because they haven't come to terms with their own arrogance.

Anne Marie J of Ashfield, NSW, phoned into our office yesterday. We put her on open speaker (at her request). She had just arrived home shortly before calling us, embarrassed, humiliated, dejected, angry, unhappy and in tears of despair. She had attended a Specialist's rooms to be weighed and "talked at" (talked down to more like it), about her weight and possible problems associated with it, and more or less told "there's nothing we can do for you, unless you lose weight. It's your own responsibility." What that meant is anybody's guess, but it sounds a little like a threat of some sort.

She was then told to give an urine sample. No problem. But ...... She was handed a coffee mug. When Anne-Marie told us this, we couldn't help raising our eyebrows and had to stop from giggling - was she having us on? Definitely not! She'd asked the Nurse/Receptionist (of whatever title she goes under) why she wasn't given a small sterile container in a brown paper bag (like most rooms). No answer - merely "give sample and return to the desk". A coffee mug!!!!

Are these people for real or have we been blasted into a cyber "hole" where common sense no longer plays any part? Not to mention good manners.

You think that was bad enough? There was more to come. "While you're here, you can have some blood tests". "Yes, of course". Enter the "Path Nurse". Small bustling, busy, energetic, in-a-hurry. "Come on, come on". Anne-Marie tried to explain for blood tests it's best from inside elbow, left arm. "I''m not interested in what other people have told you," is the response. Jag, dig, jag, dig. What happened? The needle broke, that's what happened. Yes, it must have taken some force to do that.

She removed the broken needle - no apologies, then tried the other arm. No luck. "Look", said Anne-Marie, "I'll go to my usual place they never have any trouble". "I think you'd better because I can't waste any more time with you". Anne-Marie returned to her usual Path Lab Rooms, had the blood taken with no problems, and she went home.

This is where she fell in a heap. It wasn't only the coffee mug, it wasn't only the broken needle, it was the attitude of people. People who should be efficient and proficient at what they do; people who should have "people skills"; people who should have communication skills and who should have good manners.

Anne-Marie's husband arrived home a little later. Saw the condition of Anne-Marie's arm (from the broken needle), became incensed when he heard about the coffee mug and he immediately telephoned the Specialist's Rooms and complained. Received all sorts of blustery explanations but no apology. He has since taken this matter up with the Administrator of the Pathology Clinic Rooms.

What does this say to us? It says quite plainly that things are not as they should be. Discriminatory attitudes still play a big part in today's world. And it's about time that perpetrators understood the ramifications.

Because. In the national press as far back as September 2000, a small article appeared which stated: "A treaty to protect women from discrimination will become international law despite Australia's decision not to sign. as part of its protest at the United Nations' Committee system. Numerous countries ratified the protocol to the convention on the ELIMINATION OF ALL FORMS OF DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN, meaning it will pass into law. A new committee will hear the women's complaints." And this was back in 2000!!!! Has Australia seen fit to sign the treaty since that time? We wonder?

Surely, everyday forms of discrimination should come under the scrutiny of us all. And we have the power and the responsibility to make sure that blatant disregard for these laws are made known, not only to the organisations/people who display that disregard, but even people within the government. The old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword is still relevant today! It's up to us to remind those who treat individuals unfairly and with inappropriate behaviour and attitudes that they are breaking the law! And that we DO have rights!

Aging Outrageously! - Part II

Zuzu continues HER essay on "Aging Outrageously!"

"But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with all the changes that we see in the mirror, and feel in our body? Is it all impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if alone, are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence. Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as “can’t do”?

I’m reminded time & time again of a little story we were told as children. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (I think of him as “she”), felt failure, she wasn’t sure of herself, she’d lost all confidence and thought she’d never, ever ever, reach the top. But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of “can’t do” became “I can do”. I often use the words myself when self-doubt attacks me: “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I know I can” The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed and pulled herself to the top of the hill.

We’re like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just “can’t” reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can’t “see” that we have the power to turn the “can’t” into a “can do”.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Because it darn well isn’t. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to “keep focus”. Focus on what’s important in the whole picture. You, and me, and our life, and how we see it and how we want to live it, for us as well as our family. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don’t know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to “now”. No wasting time!

The here and now is what it’s about. YOURS and MINE. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence than almost anything else. We KNOW that we’ll be a better person once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes; she will smile more often; she will let us see our “good” points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we’ll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully & graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

© 2009 Zuzu

Leonie Stevens: Having a Sensible Doctor!

The newspapers scream "women are TOO fat". Television current affairs night after night show women to be scraggly or plump, but always with camera angles that are derogatory and demeaning!

Inevitably the anchorwoman of the show is a young and healthy, beautiful and slim woman who has the added advantage of flattering and expensive clothing and her hair and makeup carefully applied by, I suspect, television station beauticians. Well, after all, she does represent the television station and programme as well as portraying what all women should look and dress like! Well, that's the inference anyway! I accept that point.

But I get angry when special stories are promoted highlighting excessive weight losses by women, to the detriment of those of us who can't lose the weight we're told we should do, in order that we too might be seen to be acceptable. There were years when I was an avid "dieter" but I quickly came to the conclusion that I am UNABLE to shed the kilos and keep them off, without going to utmost extremes.

As far as my Dr and various Specialists I've attended over the years tell me, I am doing myself untold physical and emotional damage each time I abuse my body by stressing it out with "diets" and exercise regimes which are entirely inappropriate.

Now I am not for one moment saying I don't believe in "sensible" eating or regular light exercise, I do and am very disciplined in this regard. But I'm referring to those attending a gym every day and having a personal trainer who will take me through the steps and ensure that I come out the other end, fit, slim, slender, sexy and the whole bit. But who can afford a personal trainer anyway?

So when my Dr sat me down the other day and gave me a good talking to, I sat up and took notice. (That's not a contradiction, I did sit down and I did sit up!)

Would you believe it? He talked about things like hereditary body shape, things like comfort foods especially as they relate to our childhood and early years and times when we need to recall the feelings of "comfort"; things like stress (either work related or relationship related!); and the fact that, wait for it, some foods react differently to others depending upon a lot of chemical and psychological things within any one person's body. He added that because of medications many women take, we must never assume that they're not having some effect on our bodies or even the food we eat, or vice versa.

What he said newly blew my mind. I thought to myself. "So this is why my best girl friend Helga can eat ANYTHING she likes, in WHATEVER quantity she likes, WHENEVER she likes, prepared and cooked in WHATEVER way she likes, without adding a gram of weight". Sometimes when Helga is in her "creative" mood (she's an artist and artists are allowed to behave any way they like!), she will snack ALL DAY!

I broke down and cried when my Dr explained this to me. But then he added, "it's not so much what you put in your mouth or how much you're putting in your mouth, but perhaps it's the food itself!".

I'd heard this said before. Because I belong to a group of professional ladies all with interests in self-esteem motivation and the like, this suggestion had been spoken about many times over the years. Even today though there's not much research into what is IN the food we're eating, so hearing my Dr put forward the same theory, made me realise there's got to be something in the notion.

I'm shocked to find even in my small research into the subject, that there are already many problems with genetically modified foods; foods that have preservatives and additives, chemicals and colourings; and the unexplained dramatic increase in allergies, even in small children. There are too many excuses being made in this regard obviously by people who have a vested interest in the whole concept, but with no-one giving reliable and honest reasons or answers.

But I've learned a valuable lesson. My curves are ME! They are bigger than some, and smaller than others. But my curves are NOT to be seen as evidence that I am out of control in any way. They merely show that I am fully-rounded like any self-respecting intelligent woman should be!

The fact that my partner sees my body as "pleasing" to him and who has NEVER caused me to think about my size, should have assured me, I know. But it took a caring Dr who took a few extra minutes of his time to explain things so that I could understand, from a medical standpoint, that have made me realise I had fallen into the habit of not reinforcing my own self-worth, but rather had been putting myself down!

No more.

© Leonie Stevens, 2009