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Plus-Size!

You and I have been told, and been made to believe, that we are what is commonly and rudely termed - “plus size”. What that means exactly no one has been able to satisfactorily explain to me in a rational and intelligent way - if you know, then please enlighten me.

Being “plus size” has meant, for me, that I have had to combat bad manners and inappropriate attitudes from other people, since my childhood. It remains so today. For to too many people "plus-size" means being out of control and fat. Look around you, you'll see plenty of plus-size women who are NOT fat. They are perfectly proportioned regardless of their size.

I’m told that discrimination is no longer legal or acceptable. however no one has told the legislators that discrimination based on size has not even been confronted let alone dispensed with. It may not be legal but it certainly is allowed.

And by whom? You name it. Manufacturers, designers and retailers of clothing. The media - and this includes newspapers, magazines, and publishers of books - how many novels have you read lately with a buxom plus size female as it’s heroine? Editors and features writers, television current affairs anchor people as well as journalists, television drams and sit-coms take delight in making fun or being objectionable to people who do not have the "ideal" figure or looks. If the "worm turned", and suddenly thin or skeletal was considered to be "unacceptable" you'd be deafened by the screams of those thinner women. Yet, we're expected to accept their inappropriate and bad behaviour without a murmur.

Then we come to health professionals. Many GPs are fast coming to the notion that patients are people, thank goodness, and that fat people are just as worthy of respect as smaller people with the same needs and wants. It hasn’t always been so. But when it comes to health sports clubs or fitness centres, then the only way they will look at you is if you are a potential client eager to lose weight. Try and tell them that all you want to do is get fit, not necessarily lose weight, and they’ll give you a horrified look. They really don’t want to know you. Yet you'd think they'd be eager for you to join their clubs in order to prove that being healthy and fit is desirous. But no, they "see" the size and looks of the plus-sizer, and make their own assumptions. The sooner health clubs have classes at which plus-sizers are not only welcomed but sought, the sooner we'll find opportunities to enjoy better fitness without having to go through embarrassing moments in the presence of smaller and more petite women.

As plus-sizers, we deserve the right to enjoy life and that includes fitness, without being harrassed into undergoing weight loss within that goal.

Dressing to suit your Figure!

Wrap dresses are terrific for women with round tummies. The draping is attractive and the wrap dress allows you to define your waistline - even if you thought you didn't have one!

While colours give a lot of variation, black or solid colours will always be stand-outs.

Has anyone seen any Wrap dresses for the plus-size here in Australia - I've been looking around for a while now and I can't find any - so far.

While talking about flattering styles, I thoroughly recommend the Marilyn Convertible dress from Monif C (USA). This garment allows you to change the styling in countless ways, and Monif even has a number of videos on YouTube showing various ways of wearing this particular dress.

Visit Monif C on www.monifc.com

Reading - you never know what you'll learn

I love reading. Ever since I was a tiny tot. Before I could say the alphabet or knew what it meant, I would sit for hours looking at picture books (which were few and far between in those days - mostly handed down from cousins or other families) or the occasional "word" book. Even though I had no understanding that the dots on the page were actually words I would make up my own stories by turning over the pages like the grownups.

So I've grown up with books - they are my friends. Some I have had since childhood, others I've collected over the years.

You can gather from this therefore that I enjoy reading - a lot. I love the pictures that words conjure up in my mind. When I read I inhabit other worlds, both imaginary and real. I gain knowledge, I can easily fall in love with a hero or dislike intensely a rogue (even vice versa). I can laugh and I can cry.

At the moment I'm re-reading my series of Precious Ramotswe books. Written by Alexander McCall Smith who has a deep love and understanding of Botswana and it's people, Precious is a woman of our time. Independent, morally strong, valuing good manners, kindness, a love of her country (even though she recognises some faults in both the country and its people). Her intuition and instinctiveness to see behind untruths and pretenses reveals to us many of our own characteristics.

But what I love about Precious Ramotswe is her self-awareness. She is under no illusion that to be happy and to be a contented woman she has to be thin. Quite the opposite. She describes herself and is proud to be spoken of as being "traditionally built". She finds no reason to even think about her weight as a negative within her life. She is fat.

Let me quote from "Morality for Beautiful Girls".

"She finished her tea and then ate a large meat sandwich which Rose had prepared for her lunch. Mma Ramotswe had got out of the habit of a cooked lunch, except at weekends, and was happy with a snack or a glass of milk. She had a taste for sugar, however, and this meant that a doughnut or a cake might follow the sandwich.

She was a traditionally built lady, after all, and she did not have to worry about dress size, like those poor, neurotic people who were always looking in mirrors and thinking that they were too big. What was too big, anyway? Who was to tell another person what size they should be? It was a form of dictatorship, by the thin, and she was not having any of it. If these thin people became any more insistent, then the more generously sized people would just have to sit on them. Yes, that would teach them! Hah!"

I couldn't have said it better!

Even for a self confident woman, there are times ......

All the women in this group have been through times of anguish, despair, fear, rejection, emotional abuse, discrimination in all its forms. I'm glad to say that we've all "come through" these times, and we sit happily and healthily (in the main) quite aware of our sense of self, and confident in how we feel and how we look. We've accepted our bodies.

So it came as a bolt out of the blue the other day when one of our team went in for a cataract operation earlier this week. She has been on the "waiting list" for more than 4 years, so she was somewhat excited about the whole thing.

All the preliminary tests had been carried out, including measurements for the eyes a few months ago. Those tests also included height, weight and other matters relating to any allergies, and a list of medications that she is on. The usual procedure in fact. She was told all she had to do was "front up" at the day surgery section at the hospital at a certain time on a certain day, and the operation would be performed.

Simple.

Oh, yes? No.

Because when she had undressed and given a hospital gown, processed through confirmation of details,re-weighed and her height confirmed, the nurse came out with the words, "sorry, we can't operate on you, your BMI is too high". How can this be, when she had even lost some weight between the initial visit and the day for admission?

Well, it seems the hospital had put in place "considerations" to reduce the BMI acceptable for any sort of operation a month ago. Without notifying scheduled patients for our out-patient procedures, this means that there would be many patients attending the hospital only to be told that their operations cannot be performed.

In this case, it wasn't the surgeon who refused to operate, and after all it was a local anaesthetic not a general one, but the hospital staff.

So this means the patient now has to be put onto a waiting list of another city hospital who MAY accept a higher BMI - what this means in anyone's guess.

So it is a little understandable that this patient felt disappointed. Because in amongst everything else, she was rudely reminded that "size" is still a no-no and that acceptance which is taking a long, long time, is most probably a long way off. (And we're not naturally pessimistic - usually!)

But as an aside, this means that this particular hospital (and there must be thousands that have similar policies) will not do cataract operations, colonoscopies or other procedures which up until this time were considered to fall within the acceptable operations performed on a regular basis if the BMI is above a certain figure. We wonder what the policy is with women are BELOW the acceptable BMI, because there's a lot of talk at the moment about women who are considered to be malnourished with BMI's in the vicinity of 15, but who the medias and the fashion industry think are "ideal".

Another aside too, we've since learned that the Victorian Government have decided to withdraw many of their subsidies for visiting specialists from Melbourne to outer country hospitals, which means patients will have to travel into Melbourne (one train a day), probably stay overnight (more expense), have a procedure, and then return. The costs and time involved will be high. Especially when it comes to the elderly.

Bullying and Abuse!

THE KNIVES ARE OUT ...... and it’s not nice

The Sun-Herald, Melbourne, Australia has had some very controversial articles in recent days. One in particular dealt with the inappropriate and unacceptable statements made by the judges in the "Australia's Next Top Model" contest.

One judge has been forced to apologise for his caustic and scathing comments about some of the contestants. Judges are supposedly chosen as they represent the top of their field and experts in fashion and modelling. But these judges, and sadly they included two women, were hypocritical and discriminatory. Let's face it, plus sizers have been fighting this type of "bad" behaviour by people in the press and the fashion industry - now they're turning their attention and anger towards the young and hopeful models of the future. Quite apart from the girls who are receiving a lot of flak due to their being "too skinny" (one lass has a BMI of 15.1 and weighs 49 kg), these other girls are what we would loosely term "typical" and "average' if not "normal". But judges such as these on the show are our (women's) worst enemies and appear to think they are a law unto themselves. They take their arrogance and criticisms far beyond the bounds of decency.

Here are a view of the comments made about the model contestants:

(1) ‘‘I'm loving her. Slightly psycho, slightly beauty pageant-looking. OK, she's like a murderous beauty-pageant queen.''

(2) ‘‘Eyes slightly too close together and could knife you in the back - she's good.''

(3) ‘‘She's got no top lip. She's got a blockhead.''

(4) ‘‘She's the one you said looked like Frankenstein.''

(5) ‘‘She looks like a wild pig. What a lump - a moose.''

(6) ‘‘You may be a bogan, but don't be a bogan on this show.''

Comments of encouragement are occasionally directed at the contestants, but Melbourne psychologist Dr Janet Hall worries about the impact of put-downs. Hall believes the experience of being dismissed and immediately sent home from a reality show has the potential to leave contestants feeling ‘‘depressed, used and invalidated''.

‘‘They are making hostile judgments based on superficial visuals,'' Hall says of some of the judges' comments.

‘‘I spend my life as a psychologist trying to build people's self-esteem after they have been criticised about their looks by their peers and even their parents - fathers in particular.''

As I said, it’s not nice. We’ve had a overwhelming dose of this type of discrimination based on our plus size, and now younger women are being bullied in the same way. And there's supposed to be a law against discrimination relating to size - surely that means ALL sizes?

How to Live with Yourself

Trying to change the unchangeable leads only to misery

Every year sizeable fortunes are made by people who peddle impossible dreams to millions of over-optimistic individuals.

Whenever people buy an anti-aging face cream, a slimming food, or a breast developer, they are falling for the con trick that they can use a gimmick to improve their appearance. They can't, yet people still try, because they just don't stop to think about the realities of their situation.

Learning how to know yourself takes a long time and most of us don't achieve such understanding until we're well on in life. The basic skill in such self-understanding is sorting out the changeable from the unchangeable and then deciding whether you want to put yourself through the effort of making such changes.

We can think of four main areas where people need to assess themselves and their abilities. Once they've done that, they can decide whether they want to alter anything that is susceptible to correction and then settle down contentedly with what's left. The real self ...

Two of these areas are:

SIZE

This is the area where vast numbers of people suffer a great deal of unnecessary misery. We are all bombarded constantly by advice on how to be thin and there is a widespread notion that to be thin is to be right, and to be anything else is to be ugly or shameful. So people who are normal spend much of their time obsessed with their size.

We are all born with basically different constitutions. Some of us are programmed to have small breasts, heavy thighs, long torsos or blue eyes, and to see such people falling for the blandishments of 'spot reduction' diets or 'permanent weight loss' diets is distressing. Particularly when they don't work, otherwise the world would be filled with slim, trim, beautifully toned bodies, and the "diet industry" wouldn't be needed any more, and they'd go out of business!

The hard fact is that for some people the only way they can fit into what is currently regarded as a fashionable size is by self-starvation, which brings with it constant hunger and reduced health. Another possibility is cosmetic surgery, which is usually costly and sometimes risky. In fact riskier than the so-called marketers and peddlers within this industry will admit. And even after it is done, many people remain dissatisfied with the results.

There's nothing quite as sad as seeing people we know (whether personally, or through television or even film) to suddenly appear as though their skin is perfect without any blemish or sign or fine wrinkles. That's usually the first step because within a couple of years, looking at their photos or even face to face, we'll begin to doubt whether they are the same person we remember. Their faces take on a plastic, immovable look and many unfortunately begin to look less human. Have they gone under the knife for health or medical reasons? Or have they done this to protect and deny aging. Sadly many become victims of amusement among the ordinary every-day person's perspective of how a person should deal with wrinkles and greying hair associated with aging.

and AGING


So we come to aging. Age is inescapable - and why should or would we want to deny it anyway? Of course the alternative doesn't hold any attraction at all. There are many societies around the world where wrinkles are revered, not despised.

Yet we in the 'sophisticated' West seem to have the extraordinary notion that the only worthwhile people are aged 22 or so, and admitting to any birthday after the 29th is social suicide.

To use light makeup to enhance the face you have or wear attractive clothes to make you look as agreeable as you want to look is perfectly reasonable. But to mourn because you don't look the same as you did 20-30 years ago can be self-destructive - and expensive.


(Photo - copyright Dove) Full permission from "Accentuate the Positive - Now" -an address to High School Students and Size 16 Plus Groups, WA, 2002 ©RP-B Australia

Leonie Stevens: Having a Sensible Doctor!

The newspapers scream "women are TOO fat". Television current affairs night after night show women to be scraggly or plump, but always with camera angles that are derogatory and demeaning!

Inevitably the anchorwoman of the show is a young and healthy, beautiful and slim woman who has the added advantage of flattering and expensive clothing and her hair and makeup carefully applied by, I suspect, television station beauticians. Well, after all, she does represent the television station and programme as well as portraying what all women should look and dress like! Well, that's the inference anyway! I accept that point.

But I get angry when special stories are promoted highlighting excessive weight losses by women, to the detriment of those of us who can't lose the weight we're told we should do, in order that we too might be seen to be acceptable. There were years when I was an avid "dieter" but I quickly came to the conclusion that I am UNABLE to shed the kilos and keep them off, without going to utmost extremes.

As far as my Dr and various Specialists I've attended over the years tell me, I am doing myself untold physical and emotional damage each time I abuse my body by stressing it out with "diets" and exercise regimes which are entirely inappropriate.

Now I am not for one moment saying I don't believe in "sensible" eating or regular light exercise, I do and am very disciplined in this regard. But I'm referring to those attending a gym every day and having a personal trainer who will take me through the steps and ensure that I come out the other end, fit, slim, slender, sexy and the whole bit. But who can afford a personal trainer anyway?

So when my Dr sat me down the other day and gave me a good talking to, I sat up and took notice. (That's not a contradiction, I did sit down and I did sit up!)

Would you believe it? He talked about things like hereditary body shape, things like comfort foods especially as they relate to our childhood and early years and times when we need to recall the feelings of "comfort"; things like stress (either work related or relationship related!); and the fact that, wait for it, some foods react differently to others depending upon a lot of chemical and psychological things within any one person's body. He added that because of medications many women take, we must never assume that they're not having some effect on our bodies or even the food we eat, or vice versa.

What he said newly blew my mind. I thought to myself. "So this is why my best girl friend Helga can eat ANYTHING she likes, in WHATEVER quantity she likes, WHENEVER she likes, prepared and cooked in WHATEVER way she likes, without adding a gram of weight". Sometimes when Helga is in her "creative" mood (she's an artist and artists are allowed to behave any way they like!), she will snack ALL DAY!

I broke down and cried when my Dr explained this to me. But then he added, "it's not so much what you put in your mouth or how much you're putting in your mouth, but perhaps it's the food itself!".

I'd heard this said before. Because I belong to a group of professional ladies all with interests in self-esteem motivation and the like, this suggestion had been spoken about many times over the years. Even today though there's not much research into what is IN the food we're eating, so hearing my Dr put forward the same theory, made me realise there's got to be something in the notion.

I'm shocked to find even in my small research into the subject, that there are already many problems with genetically modified foods; foods that have preservatives and additives, chemicals and colourings; and the unexplained dramatic increase in allergies, even in small children. There are too many excuses being made in this regard obviously by people who have a vested interest in the whole concept, but with no-one giving reliable and honest reasons or answers.

But I've learned a valuable lesson. My curves are ME! They are bigger than some, and smaller than others. But my curves are NOT to be seen as evidence that I am out of control in any way. They merely show that I am fully-rounded like any self-respecting intelligent woman should be!

The fact that my partner sees my body as "pleasing" to him and who has NEVER caused me to think about my size, should have assured me, I know. But it took a caring Dr who took a few extra minutes of his time to explain things so that I could understand, from a medical standpoint, that have made me realise I had fallen into the habit of not reinforcing my own self-worth, but rather had been putting myself down!

No more.

© Leonie Stevens, 2009

Aging Outrageously!

I'm a "late bloomer". It's taken me more than half a century to realise I'm a delightful, delicious, sensual and sexy woman. The fact that I'm plus size, and the fact that I'm growing older, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with who I am, what I am, what I can become, my abilities, my capabilities, my strengths.

You see I grew up in an era where little girls were supposed to sit in a corner, to be quiet, and not to be loud or noisy, or a nuisance, or in fact to be anything other than a little mouse. I didn't always see "why" I should be like this, but I didn't dare open my mouth and question things.

Maybe I should have. Because there were lots of things that I needed to know. That I should have been taught and had explained to me. I grew up with much innocence, and with many thousands of other little girls, grew up in strict households, and didn't see anything wrong with that. Because we were all in the same situation.

So I think I was most fortunate in falling into a lot of deep holes as I grew up. Others did, and many never did scramble up out of those holes. Innocence can so easily so mistaken for ignorance, and ignorance can be disastrous if it occurs in changing of influencing a young girls life.

With never ending encouragement from my mother, and I see now much protection (from the world and what was in it) I soon came to the conclusion that I could do something with my life, if I applied myself, if I worked hard and smart, and never lost my focus. If I was always kind and sensitive to other people's feelings and listened to other people's opinions, but there was to be no yielding if I felt they were wrong. Yes, there were times when I told myself I would never get to where I wanted, and then the stubbornness would set in, and I'd push myself beyond what I thought were my limits. This worked so many times, that it became second nature.

This knowledge and experience I soon found could be shared. Women wanted to know HOW to achieve self confidence, HOW to bring about changes in their attitudes towards themselves, and HOW to live contented, although at times difficult, lives. It opened up yet another challenge for me in being able to share what I knew, what I had learned, and many of the hints and strategies that had helped and protected me during my growing up and maturing years.

You might think that I've become conceited in my older age. Not so. I've become more aware of myself. I've become confident. I've become my own "advocate" riding a white charger to fiercely take on anyone who does me wrong. I've become more pleased with how I think and how I live and how I act and interact with other people. I'm spontaneous but I'm genuine.

And I've met thousands of women just like me. Ordinary everyday women who because of many different circumstances never found the opportunity to discover themselves. Not until they were greying, and becoming wrinkled. And the liberation from feelings of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not intelligent enough" were life-changing.

We don't have to stay in the cocoon of self-doubt; we don't have to believe everything that people say about us to us and to outsiders; we are articulate, intelligent, unique human beings. We're able to feel secure in the knowledge that we know what is best, for us, without any interference from well-meaning but so often very wrong intentions of others. We don't tolerate inappropriate behaviours or attitudes. We know what's what, and we know what we need.

So if that means aging outrageously, because we have the audacity of saying what we think, and explaining what we need, then so be it.

It's a great adventure.

© Rose Davida, UK

The Way We Were!

Models and actresses in the 1950s and 1960s were, in the main, curvy and even voluptuous.

Even women sighed with a little touch of envy when Sophia Loren, Anna Magnani, Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell and Gina Lollobrigida graced the cinema screen. The men, of course, were almost panting and fainting with imaginations!

Busts were "in", bottoms were "in", hips were "in". Graceful figures, graceful women.

Even though we, as young women of the time knew that we would never, but never, meet the same "perfection" as we saw it expressed in these lovely women, we did however manager to feel like real women ourselves, because our figures were full, and rounded and curvaceous. It was a pleasure to dress our bodies, and if we didn't have the wardrobes of the current stars of the screen, then that didn't really upset us too much.

Of course there were always those people around us who made fun of us, who subjected us to ridicule, but on the whole we were satisfied were ourselves.

But then strange things started happening. All of a sudden it wasn't alright to have a bit of flesh, it wasn't OK to have big bosums and as far as hips and tummy were concerned, then we really missed the boat. We were no longer seen as being "feminine" let alone womanly. But did you notice that the those screen stars didn't adapt themselves to meet the media's demands? How often did we see (and still do) photos in our international women's magazines with rude and abusive texts devoted to decrying their expression of "womanhood" of Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, and dare I say it, if Marilyn Monroe were alive today, then she surely would be subjected to a tirade of ridicule and abuse. Let's look more recently and see how the media demanded that Kate Winslet and Drew Barrymore transform themselves.

And why? Because these women (and us too) have had the audacity and temerity to change shape and size over the years without their permission!

Without being biased and discriminatory about women who are naturally slim, even skinny, I wonder how it is that society as a whole has become so obsessed with not only shouting "down with curves", but actually denigrating and demeaning the plus size of this world? How have we allowed this to happen?

The media, and the fashion industry, I believe have a lot to answer for. Designers refuse to create flattering garments for women with curves and width; retailers and boutiques may carry a token number of garments for larger sizes, but nothing of any great value or quality. Yet the media particularly refuses to accept any blame for the lowering of self-esteem of their readers, girls, teens, young and older women. Having photos of garish, skeletal models strutting down the catwalks with scowls and glaring eyes, in garments that hardly seem to be holding together, does nothing for the real woman who wants clothing to make her look attractive. And for her to feel good when she is wearing those garments.

If today's media wants to carry on its "war against women" (that that's what it is if you think about it, because slim women are influenced as well), then let it go ahead. But don't for one minute imagine that the larger women of Australia and for that matter the smaller women too, are going to put up with it much longer. I can almost hear my counterparts in the USA and Europe saying: Neither are we!

Let me put this proposition to you. Women's magazines are supposedly for women - right? All women - right? Women of all ages - right? Women of all shapes and sizes - right. No. WRONG! Having a special page supplement of "what to wear when you're fat" is not the way to treat the plus size woman, and we should never have to feel "grateful" for such a supplement.

Women need "positive" pictures and photos; "positive" messages and "positive stories" about women who are women. Just like us, you and me. We don't need the so-called "experts" who don't really know what they are talking about, telling us that unless we're size 6-8 then we're not photogenic and certainly we should never expect to be taken seriously, about anything!

Editors, journalists, features writers, photographers, advertisers and the like need to know that they are displaying blatant discrimination in its rudest form, and it's about time they realised that there is no room for that sort of attitude today.

Let's go ahead, you and me, and the women in your family and groups of friends, and the woman next door, with ATTITUDE! No matter what our age, size or shape.

Beyond the Curve - FAT in a thin society ... Part II

At a time when we're increasingly sensitive about insulting other minorities, fat people are still fair game.

In the real world (our world) it seems that it's OK to discriminate against the fat (even though we are told that "discrimination is now illegal - oh, yes? just who is kidding who?)

Studies in USA, Europe and Australia have found that fat people earn less money than others. They are less likely to be hired or promoted. They routinely face ridicule from their doctors and health facilitators (still!)

We've invested weight with so many meanings
that numbers on the scale have become a shorthand for self-worth.

We're told that:

"slenderness is not just beautiful - it proclaims that you;re feminine, self-disciplined, well-adjusted and sexy" "fat, on the other hand, reveals that you're sloppy and self-indulgent, out of control and out of the running as a sexual being"

It's a disastrous combination. Our ideal of thinness is unrealistic for most of the population, yet we all buy the idea that there's something seriously wrong with us if we deviate from it.

There is however, another value that we attach to overweight that may be even more powerful than a sense of sin. We see fat as "low-class". Our culture equates slenderness with sexiness and even intelligence.

And who, in the main, keeps this body myth alive? Women, yes women. There seems to be a clear connection between the gains women have made in the outside world - bringing confusing and conflicting choices about roles - and our growing hysteria about our own bodies. It's as if keeping the body on a tight rein, or not letting our lapses show, is a way of re-assuring ourselves and the world that our desires aren't voracious, that our needs aren't bottomless, that despite our own uncertainty, we are in control.

However, it's not enough to understand this obsession intellectually. The battle for self acceptance involved unlearning a lot of entrenched ideas. It also involves a lot of pain.

If you've spent most of your life starving yourself without success, it hurts to recognise that all that deprivation was a waste.

That's why a lot of women cling to the promise that thin equals happy. In many cases they want dieting to be a magical way of becoming another person.

It takes great courage to accept yourself in a world that values thinness above all else. The miracle is, that some people manage it.

You can too. If that's really what you want to do.

© Rose Davida, UK

Beyond the Curve - FAT in a thin society ... Part I

Whether we like it or not society says, "if you're thin then you're sexy, self-disciplined and well-adjusted". On the other hand, "if you're fat, then you're out of control, sloppy and self-indulgent".

Let's confront this issue full on, and blast the myths dealing with size and our acceptance by society based on that size, out of the window, right now!

At least 50% of all women are obsessed with a real or imaginary 5-7-1/2 kilos of fat. For a woman who knows she is 20 kilos overweight if not more, then this can become not just an obsession but despair. But in many cases, they're the only ones who can even see that extra weight over and above what they think they should look like. Yet it can keep them from buying clothes, going for a swim, doing anything physical. An inner voice tells them they have to wait until they're thinner.

Women in past years have spent hours debating the "fors" and "againsts" the Scarsdale diet, the Atkins diet, appetite suppressants, carbohydrate diets, grapefruit diets, egg diets, the water, the pasta diets, the Israeli diet, the Mediterranean diet, and even the beer diet. Now we seem to be going through another tunnel of discovery (or denial,whichever) in that many women take pains to explain that they are no longer "hung-up" about weight, size and shape and that they've come to accept themselves as they are. And yet, these women are seen to be popping the latest "diet" shake or nibbling the diet-cracker and attending the gym for fast-loss fitness, or visiting weight-loss "weekends away" at health farms and resorts, including B&B's right around Australia (not to mention Europe and the USA).

In many ways our obsession with thinness has never made less sense than it does today. We know now that body weight has as much to do with heredity as willpower, that permanent weight loss is far more complicated than we once believed. We've learned that the old standards for our ideal weights were set unrealistically low and we know that the starvation diets of the past are counter productive and potentially dangerous.

But for many of us, the message hasn't sunk in. There seems to be a huge gap between what we know in our minds and how we actually feel about ourselves.

Believe it or not, but our preference for almost fleshless bodies is fairly rare in historical and cultural terms. Even in the recent past, large breasts and flaring hips padded with flesh were seem to be acceptable if not preferable. The Hollywood icon Marilyn Monroe would be considered fat and overweight today, yet she was seen to be the symbol of sensual and seductiveness in the mid 60s (and to some of us she remains that way). In no way can you compare her curves with today's models and actresses.

Plump women are prized in countries like Sierra Leone and many of the Pacific Islands. Chunky matrons carry themselves with a jaunty confidence in their own worth and desirability. On the other hand, today we regard fat with horror, similar to the attitude held by the Victorians in relation to "sex".

© Rose Davida, UK

Today is Easter Sunday

To all my Christian friends, I wish them all a very Happy Easter Day.

To all my friends from other faiths (and no faiths), I wish them all a safe, and fulfilling Easter Day.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part III

You've finished the quiz and beginning to wonder what it's all about. Well, here are the answers.

So what is your "Season"?

Mostly (a) Spring

You have all the beauty and healthy living ideas for a Spring Beauty. You're romantic, enthusiastic, outgoing, positive. To suit your nature-loving spirit, you need a look that goes well with the outdoor life.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (b) Summer

You're a sun-loving, fun-loving person who's in her element in summer. You enjoy easy, outdoor living - but preferably somewhere warm. You want to tan, but realise that too much sun can age the skin.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (c) Autumn

This is the season when you are most nostalgic - and beautiful. You have (or should have) a sensitive nature. Unfortunately your skin is so sensitive that it burns easily and you have to be careful about which makeup you use.

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

Mostly (d) Winter

Winter is when you look your best - however cold it may be outside. You cast a magic spell. You have sensitive skin, haunting eyes, and a fondness for sophisticated indoor pursuits like eating out, watching foreign films, tango-ing the night away at glitzy nightspots. (Given the chance!).

Check back to the make-up questions as well as favourite colours and you'll quickly see what REALLY suits YOU.

*A mixture of two? Read both seasonal beauty guides carefully because you'll find you can fit in and mix-match within both.

Given your favourite fragrances, makeup, and favourite colours you can quickly see that often you will gravitate naturally to your own seasonal colours. It's a matter of focussing and then defining your own natural instincts.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part II

I hope you didn't give up with the first part of this Quiz. Because it's fun and it's well worth finishing. So we're now at:

6. Which of these cars would you love to own?

(c) Racy Red Ferrari
(a) Old Bentley
(d) White Rolls Royce
(b) Land Rover or beach buggy

7. Which of these fragrances do you prefer?

(a) Chanel No 5
(b) Opium by YSL
(d) Poison by Christian Dior
(b) White Linen by Estee Lauder

8. What kind of makeup do you prefer?

(d) Dramatic, with well defined lips, stunning eyes, pale complexion
(a) Natural, with pale pink lips, the merest trace of eye makeup and natural roses in your cheeks
(b) Sunny, with glowing gold and yellows to play up a tan, lip gloss, green or blue eye colour
(c) Glowing, with peach or red lips, beige foundation, greenish golds and blues on your eyelids

9. Some makeup items are simply indispensable - which is your most vital cosmetic aid?

(b) Waterproof mascara
(c) Lipstick
(d) Face powder or compact
(a) Fresh air

10. If these four TV programmes were all being screened at the same time, which would you choose to watch (no videoing allowed)

(d) CSI
(a) CSI Miami
(b) Close to Home
(c) The Closure

11. What's your favourite fashion standby?

(a) Your classic jacket
(c) Classic coat or slacks
(b) Blue jeans
(d) Sexy underwear

12. What are your favourite colours?

(b) White and dazzling brights like yellow, green, orange
(a) Florals and earthy browns, leafy greens
(c) Gold, berry reds, orangey browns, beige, cream
(d) Black with primaries like red, purple, emerald, blue for contrast.

12A. Which meal would give you the most pleasure, socially as well as on the tastebuds?

(b) A beach BBQ cooked over charcoal, wonderful salads, local wine or beer
(c) A candlelit dinner at home with an aromatic roast, lively conversation and lots of laughs
(d) An elegant dinner for two, perfect cuisine and a suave escort
(a) Lunch at a country pub, home-made pate, superb cheese, fresh fruit tart, lashings of cream.

So what is YOUR "Season"?

Coming up on the next post.

Find your own "Beauty Season" - Part I

A little bit of fun
and you'll learn something about yourself at the same time!

If you have a problem working out what your "colours" are, this is a great little way of finding out. You'll also find out a lot more about yourself that maybe you didn't already know.

Answer each question by nominating (a), (b), (c) or (d) - then check your Beauty Season.

1. Which of the following lines of poetry do you find most evocative?

(c) "Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness ..."
(b) "Strawberries swimming in the cream, and schoolboys playing in the stream"
(d) "When icicles hang by the wall, and Dick the shepherd calls his sheep"
(a) "Lambs frisk and play, the shepherds pipe all day ..."

2. How would you describe your skin?

(b) Well-behaved, although a bit oily sometimes, tans easily
(a) Clear, but sensitive, with the occasional spot
(c) Fine, delicate, perhaps freckled, reacts badly to some products, burns easily
(d) Dry, flaky, although clear looking and needs lots of moisturiser

3. What's your favourite kind of leisure activity?

(b) Swimming, water-skiing, surfing, lazing on a beach - anything so long as it's outdoors in sunshine
(d) Skiing, ice-skating or playing back-gammon in a cosy mountain chalet
(a) Exploring the countryside with a favourite friend, dog or horse
(c) Watching a team of husky men play rugby, soccer or football, then retiring to the pub with the winners

4. What's your favourite hair colour?

(d) Dark brown, black or greying
(c) Red or auburn, or brown with reddish highlights
(a) Blonde or mouse
(b) Light Brown

5. If you could pack your suitcase and fly away, which of the following holidays would you choose?

(b) Three weeks of sunning and beach-combing in the Maldives
(a) A month in the country staying in an old farmhouse, with kids, bicycles and rustic food
(d) A two-week shopping and sight seeing trip to New York
(c) A late-summer break on an island - just you, your partner and a pile of books

More of the quiz next posting!

This is a re-print from "Big Solutions", written by the same author. Copyright asserted.

Trinny and Susannah

Well folks, they've landed in Australia. Together with their sometimes embarrassingly candid comments about women's bodies and clothing styles. But you've got to admit it, most of the time, even though they say what they think and we sometimes cringe, it's usually spot on!

I've watched their TV shows over a number of years, I've read a lot about what they think, and their advice to women to dress more in line with their body shapes. They've had responses ranging from absolute ecstasy to tears and tantrums. But you've got to give it to them, they say what they mean, and what they say makes sense - most of the time.

But there's one aspect of their philosophy that I come back to again and again and again. Both Sussanah and Trinny are obsessed with the fact that women don't wear the correct bras for their shape or their size. I agree wholeheartedly. In fact I'll stand up on their soapbox with them, because I've been saying this same thing for decades. But this is where the whole thing unravels.

You see, here in Australia at any rate, a plus-size woman does NOT have the same options of beautiful bras and cami sets that we see on television in make-overs - whether it be Susannah and Trinny or Carson Kressley or any other make-over specialist. The selection is sparse to say the least. We now have bras that go up to H fitting, but only in small sizes! What a contradiction. Women with small breasts seem to have deeper breasts nowdays. And their market must be catered to. But honestly, why are the big breasted women still waiting for beautiful bras and cami sets to be made available here? I recall Intimate Attitudes lingerie, of which I purchased a great many through Australian agents, but I can't even find anyone here in Australia who still deals with this brand. They used to go up to size 4X which was a generous sizing in any one's language. Anyone know of a local agent?

But back to the point. When I speak about plus size, I am not only speaking of size 14-16 (Aust size) which according to the media and fashion industry is "large"; I'm referring to the woman who is size 24, 26 28. She can, with the help of a good dressmaker or by buying clothing from overseas, look stunning. But her bra lets her down. Literally.

Heavy, restrictive, bulky contraptions made from fabric which should have gone out of fashion decades ago. Nothing lacy, ribbony, embroidered, satiny, velevety even. Oh no, they're for the small and trim and slim. Please don't get me wrong, they deserve to have beautiful bras. But then so do we. Fair's fair after all, and aren't we supposed to be equal?

For those of you interested in some of the "Rules" of dressing (according to Trinny and Susannah) go to their website at www.trinnyandsusannah.com.rules

I wish my bust was .......

It doesn’t matter what age size, women are, we all need the same TLC as far as our emotions and feelings are concerned. We need to know, and to be told, that we are special human beings just as we are, right now. Not when we’ve shed a 100 lbs, or had a face-lift or regular botox applications or WLS or lapband surgery.

When women get together you can hear some strange things. When you have women of all ages, shapes and sizes, you hear some incredible and outlandish things. When women let their hair down (particularly the shy ones) and confide one to the other, you’re going to learn a lot of things about life, including sex. But occasionally you hear something that makes you stop and say, “hey, this is getting serious.”

Such was the case at a small group meeting of women the other day. The subject got around to sizes. No, not the sizes in clothing. But the sizes of busts.

It’s not uncommon for most of us to talk about our anatomy. We see our bodies in the mirror, we see them in the shop windows as we walk by, we sometimes “see” them in the eyes of our family and friends, when they mistakenly try to convince us that we’ve got to change and lose weight. We may be completely happy with the size we are; there may be some of us who would like to lose a little weight to feel more comfortable, and there may be women who want to lose lots. But discussions quite often go deeper than that. Of course I’ll not use real names but the stories are true, believe me.

Deb stood up at her table and said to all and sundry. “I wish my had bigger boobs. I look like a school boy. Neville’s always making comments, especially now I’m in my 50s.” Laughter went around the room. Glenda piped up: “so what are you going to do about it or them?” Deb smiled and said, “absolutely nothing. I’ll just spend more of Neville’s money and buy clothes that make me look sexy, just like the stick-thin models on the catwalk. Anyway I know Don likes me this way. He’s always suggesting we got for a midnight swim, in the bare.” Then Jenny stood up and said, “Deb you’re a fool - get some breast implants. Flaunt yourself.”

Then Emme took the flow. “Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I wish I had smaller breasts, in fact I wouldn’t mind not having any at all. They just get in the way. I’ve already had breast reductions and I’m waiting to have a further procedure.”

I wasn’t sure where this was leading, but I had a slight clue. My friend Helen, a beautiful young woman in her early 40s, who dresses elegantly and stylishly, then said quietly, “ I realise most of the talk about busts has been lighthearted, but why do women feel as though they’re not feminine if they’re small and boyish or big and heavy in the bust? If you’re healthy, and you see yourself as a lovely woman whether you’re small or big, then why not be truly satisfied.”

She went on, “is surgery really the answer? Because I’d like you to think about this. I have no breasts. They’ve been surgically and radically removed because of cancer. Implants aren't recommended, I don’t have an option of getting enhancements or of having reductions.. When I hear women complain about the size of their breasts and whether they’re drooping or sagging, or look like little boys, I think to myself if only .....”

Helen continued, “But when I stand in front of the mirror I no longer look the scars and think again of the the wishful dreams of having a sexy looking torso. I look at myself and say, 'I am everything a woman needs to be.' My husband agrees”.

She sat down to a stunning silence and then one after another of the woman started clapping their hands. They surrounded Helen asking all sorts of questions about her surgery and following treatment. They wanted to know how she coped with feelings of loss and what kept her going. They learned a lot that day.

It takes a moment of thought to focus on what we really want from life. Will we sacrifice aging and wrinkles, and sagging and droopy bodies, merely for the thrill of having a Barbie like appearance, when that is not reality at all? Wrinkles and aging lines and busts that have travelled lengthy journeys and carried us through all sorts of life-experiences should be acknowledged and seen to be unique possessions.

Second-Hand-Roses!

There's a lot to be said for having a wardrobe full of clothes. Yet if some of those clothes just sit there year after year, never being taken out and worn, then really what good are they to you?

For the plus size woman, this is a real problem. If she is fortunate enough to find something that looks good on her and she feels good wearing it, she will often try to buy two of the same garment. Not because she's greedy, but simply because she may not find anything else later on that will do the same for you and make her feel happy in having something special to wear.

Then we come to the problem that many, if not most, plus size women find. They change shape as they grow older! It's not intentional, and often it just happens. (The consequences of surgery and certain medications have a lot to do with this as well.) So a woman who may have been "busty" in her youth finds to her dismay that most of that bountifulness moves "south" and sits around her tummy and hips. From an "hour-glass" figure, she becomes a "pear" shape, if not a "bell". As far as clothes go, then anything fitted becomes obsolete. On the other hand, she does not want to have to wear misshapen huge, concealing tents. She wants to look good, regardless of her shape.

I find countless women turn to a simple way of dressing while still retaining their own personal "style". Its not necessarily a disguise; it's using common sense and interesting tactics to achieve an acceptable end.

While many women resort to wearing tee shirts or shirts that sit on the hip, there are those brave enough to wear flowing, longer line tunics or jackets. These may not "cover" many sites of figure problems, but they certainly do give an illusion of slimness as far as the wearer is concerned. And that's the main thing. Because it doesn't really matter what other people think, if a plus size woman feels as though she looks good, then she feels good, and if she feels good, then her attitude and her self esteem are happy and healthy.

This where purchasing pre-loved clothes comes into it's own. Now I'm not exactly a fan of buying on eBay, although I can see the many advantages to hundreds of thousands of people. But I've heard of so many "bad" transactions. I'd like to be able to sell pre-loved garments direct, one person to another, with payment being a simple transfer of money to a bank account. Of course these would have to be based on a code of ethics and trust from both sides. But I'd appreciate your thoughts on this one. Take for instance the beautiful almost see-through calf length chiffony jacket pictured; it's never been worn. I'd like to find a new home for it. It deserves to be worn on special occasions by a special woman. Interested?

What is self esteem - the pressure to have WLS

This subject causes much debate and division between individuals and families and partners. When WLS is offered as a last resort to resolve your personal problems, by Specialists who you trust and have faith in, then of course you must follow your heart and your head. You, and only you, can make the decision to go ahead or not, and that responsibility cannot, and should not, be overridden by anyone else.

But I’m talking about people who use underhand tactics to undermine your self esteem by suggesting, and even demanding, that you should do something quite radical in order to meet THEIR criteria of acceptability.

Subtle and not so subtle references come out in conversations as to the benefits of Weight Loss Surgery. Once again the pressure emanates from all of the following - the medical and health and fitness industry; the media; family and (so-called) friends. Even strangers.

And then partners get their opinions in on the act. “Why don’t you get something done to your boobs or your fat tummy or your thick thighs and ankles; or your face.”

What is it they’re trying to do? With few exceptions (when it is through love and they’re concerned about your health) they’re all about seeking control. They want not only to manipulate your body but your mind as well. They’re not happy in allowing you to be you; they want to be seen as the Puppet Master.

They don’t look at the surgery and what it costs to a person (and I’m not talking about cost here!), but they want you to look like the model on the screen or in the magazine. Do they care whether the surgery does untold damage to your body, or to your mind? Do they care whether the surgery is the first step to multi-surgical applications? Do they care about your feelings or emotions as you try to comprehend what they want from you?

Do they care if in carrying out their wishes that you suddenly find yourself hospitalised for lengthy periods, apart from the surgery itself, for serious infections that attack not only your wound but can in fact mean you are incapacitated for lengthy periods, that may even repeat themselves over time.

No, it is not always as easy as it seems! And it most certainly is not as simple as it sounds!