I wish my bust was .......

It doesn’t matter what age size, women are, we all need the same TLC as far as our emotions and feelings are concerned. We need to know, and to be told, that we are special human beings just as we are, right now. Not when we’ve shed a 100 lbs, or had a face-lift or regular botox applications or WLS or lapband surgery.

When women get together you can hear some strange things. When you have women of all ages, shapes and sizes, you hear some incredible and outlandish things. When women let their hair down (particularly the shy ones) and confide one to the other, you’re going to learn a lot of things about life, including sex. But occasionally you hear something that makes you stop and say, “hey, this is getting serious.”

Such was the case at a small group meeting of women the other day. The subject got around to sizes. No, not the sizes in clothing. But the sizes of busts.

It’s not uncommon for most of us to talk about our anatomy. We see our bodies in the mirror, we see them in the shop windows as we walk by, we sometimes “see” them in the eyes of our family and friends, when they mistakenly try to convince us that we’ve got to change and lose weight. We may be completely happy with the size we are; there may be some of us who would like to lose a little weight to feel more comfortable, and there may be women who want to lose lots. But discussions quite often go deeper than that. Of course I’ll not use real names but the stories are true, believe me.

Deb stood up at her table and said to all and sundry. “I wish my had bigger boobs. I look like a school boy. Neville’s always making comments, especially now I’m in my 50s.” Laughter went around the room. Glenda piped up: “so what are you going to do about it or them?” Deb smiled and said, “absolutely nothing. I’ll just spend more of Neville’s money and buy clothes that make me look sexy, just like the stick-thin models on the catwalk. Anyway I know Don likes me this way. He’s always suggesting we got for a midnight swim, in the bare.” Then Jenny stood up and said, “Deb you’re a fool - get some breast implants. Flaunt yourself.”

Then Emme took the flow. “Well, I don't know about everyone else, but I wish I had smaller breasts, in fact I wouldn’t mind not having any at all. They just get in the way. I’ve already had breast reductions and I’m waiting to have a further procedure.”

I wasn’t sure where this was leading, but I had a slight clue. My friend Helen, a beautiful young woman in her early 40s, who dresses elegantly and stylishly, then said quietly, “ I realise most of the talk about busts has been lighthearted, but why do women feel as though they’re not feminine if they’re small and boyish or big and heavy in the bust? If you’re healthy, and you see yourself as a lovely woman whether you’re small or big, then why not be truly satisfied.”

She went on, “is surgery really the answer? Because I’d like you to think about this. I have no breasts. They’ve been surgically and radically removed because of cancer. Implants aren't recommended, I don’t have an option of getting enhancements or of having reductions.. When I hear women complain about the size of their breasts and whether they’re drooping or sagging, or look like little boys, I think to myself if only .....”

Helen continued, “But when I stand in front of the mirror I no longer look the scars and think again of the the wishful dreams of having a sexy looking torso. I look at myself and say, 'I am everything a woman needs to be.' My husband agrees”.

She sat down to a stunning silence and then one after another of the woman started clapping their hands. They surrounded Helen asking all sorts of questions about her surgery and following treatment. They wanted to know how she coped with feelings of loss and what kept her going. They learned a lot that day.

It takes a moment of thought to focus on what we really want from life. Will we sacrifice aging and wrinkles, and sagging and droopy bodies, merely for the thrill of having a Barbie like appearance, when that is not reality at all? Wrinkles and aging lines and busts that have travelled lengthy journeys and carried us through all sorts of life-experiences should be acknowledged and seen to be unique possessions.

Second-Hand-Roses!

There's a lot to be said for having a wardrobe full of clothes. Yet if some of those clothes just sit there year after year, never being taken out and worn, then really what good are they to you?

For the plus size woman, this is a real problem. If she is fortunate enough to find something that looks good on her and she feels good wearing it, she will often try to buy two of the same garment. Not because she's greedy, but simply because she may not find anything else later on that will do the same for you and make her feel happy in having something special to wear.

Then we come to the problem that many, if not most, plus size women find. They change shape as they grow older! It's not intentional, and often it just happens. (The consequences of surgery and certain medications have a lot to do with this as well.) So a woman who may have been "busty" in her youth finds to her dismay that most of that bountifulness moves "south" and sits around her tummy and hips. From an "hour-glass" figure, she becomes a "pear" shape, if not a "bell". As far as clothes go, then anything fitted becomes obsolete. On the other hand, she does not want to have to wear misshapen huge, concealing tents. She wants to look good, regardless of her shape.

I find countless women turn to a simple way of dressing while still retaining their own personal "style". Its not necessarily a disguise; it's using common sense and interesting tactics to achieve an acceptable end.

While many women resort to wearing tee shirts or shirts that sit on the hip, there are those brave enough to wear flowing, longer line tunics or jackets. These may not "cover" many sites of figure problems, but they certainly do give an illusion of slimness as far as the wearer is concerned. And that's the main thing. Because it doesn't really matter what other people think, if a plus size woman feels as though she looks good, then she feels good, and if she feels good, then her attitude and her self esteem are happy and healthy.

This where purchasing pre-loved clothes comes into it's own. Now I'm not exactly a fan of buying on eBay, although I can see the many advantages to hundreds of thousands of people. But I've heard of so many "bad" transactions. I'd like to be able to sell pre-loved garments direct, one person to another, with payment being a simple transfer of money to a bank account. Of course these would have to be based on a code of ethics and trust from both sides. But I'd appreciate your thoughts on this one. Take for instance the beautiful almost see-through calf length chiffony jacket pictured; it's never been worn. I'd like to find a new home for it. It deserves to be worn on special occasions by a special woman. Interested?

What is self esteem - the pressure to have WLS

This subject causes much debate and division between individuals and families and partners. When WLS is offered as a last resort to resolve your personal problems, by Specialists who you trust and have faith in, then of course you must follow your heart and your head. You, and only you, can make the decision to go ahead or not, and that responsibility cannot, and should not, be overridden by anyone else.

But I’m talking about people who use underhand tactics to undermine your self esteem by suggesting, and even demanding, that you should do something quite radical in order to meet THEIR criteria of acceptability.

Subtle and not so subtle references come out in conversations as to the benefits of Weight Loss Surgery. Once again the pressure emanates from all of the following - the medical and health and fitness industry; the media; family and (so-called) friends. Even strangers.

And then partners get their opinions in on the act. “Why don’t you get something done to your boobs or your fat tummy or your thick thighs and ankles; or your face.”

What is it they’re trying to do? With few exceptions (when it is through love and they’re concerned about your health) they’re all about seeking control. They want not only to manipulate your body but your mind as well. They’re not happy in allowing you to be you; they want to be seen as the Puppet Master.

They don’t look at the surgery and what it costs to a person (and I’m not talking about cost here!), but they want you to look like the model on the screen or in the magazine. Do they care whether the surgery does untold damage to your body, or to your mind? Do they care whether the surgery is the first step to multi-surgical applications? Do they care about your feelings or emotions as you try to comprehend what they want from you?

Do they care if in carrying out their wishes that you suddenly find yourself hospitalised for lengthy periods, apart from the surgery itself, for serious infections that attack not only your wound but can in fact mean you are incapacitated for lengthy periods, that may even repeat themselves over time.

No, it is not always as easy as it seems! And it most certainly is not as simple as it sounds!

What is self esteem? - The pressure of dieting

Pressure put upon plus-size people to diet in order to lose what others see as excessive weight, is terrible in its ferocity. It is constant and never lets up.

It’s not only GPs and other people within the medical profession; it’s the health and fitness clubs (but do they REALLY understand the subtle differences between ‘regular’ sized people and the plus-sized and the resultant issues pertaining to overtaxing the heart, other organs, and the body as a whole?); it’s the media - newspapers, magazines, television; it’s the entertainment industry - be like ..... from Desperate Housewives and be sexy at 40 kgs; - it’s films; it’s documentaries like “The Biggest Loser”; it’s “You’re killing yourself by eating too much” and so on.

Then there are family members who insist you’re not bothering about your weight and health; little innuendoes like if you changed your eating habits and only had two meals a day (and make them snacks!) you’d feel so-o-o-o much better (rather it’s that they’d feel so much better because you’d be doing what they tell you to do!). So-called friends also put in their piece of advice, and sometimes this becomes so insidious that the words play around in your head over and over again. “Why don’t you go to the Health Club - you’ll enjoy it! And you’ll lose weight as well!”

The pressure never stops!

What is self esteem?

It’s many things. Here are some of them.

Self esteem is learning to like yourself (as you are!). Self esteem is learning to see yourself as a friend would see you, as a person worthy of respect. Self esteem is learning that it is not being selfish if you want things - perhaps you’d like to go to university; you’d like to have a top flight career; and you’d like to dress well.

Self esteem is learning that people from all sorts of walks of life should treat you with respect and courtesy. Self esteem is learning that your health and fitness should be seen as being of the same worth as a more petite and younger person. Self esteem is learning that your opinions should be respected. Self esteem is learning that your intelligence should never be questioned. Self esteem is learning that how you dress is your choice and that you shouldn’t be expected to accept derision or contempt. Self esteem is learning that you have a special place in this universe, and no one has the right to take this away from you.

Self esteem is learning that you have rights. Rights that may include being able to choose for yourself those things that will make you happy. Choosing for yourself those things that you don’t agree with. Choosing for yourself your own circle of friends. Choosing for yourself what you may eat and what you may choose not to eat.

Self esteem is learning that no one has the right to push you into doing things that you don’t want to do. Self esteem is learning that you can do what you want if you really want to. Self esteem is learning that you can wish for anything you want and then go out and make your wishes come true.

Self esteem is learning that you have a right to be loved. By others and by yourself. Self esteem is learning that no one has a right to belittle you, to put you down or to walk over you.

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to pursue a career, and that promotions are part and parcel of that career,

Self esteem is learning that you have the right to look for a partner and the right to be loved and respected by that person.

Fashion, Food and Advertising

I read a lot. Some for entertainment, and lots for the gaining of insights into how women perceive themselves to be in today's world.

This is what Caroline Buchanan and Sandra Sedgbeer said in their book "The Sensuous Slimmer":

Fashion, advertising and food manufacturing are multi-million dollar industries. We all have to eat and we all have to wear clothes, and on the back of these needs a whole advertising empire has sprung up specifically to tell us why we need to wear certain types of clothes and why we should eat one brand of food in favour of another.

And indirectly, it is us, the people who are being conditioned and indoctrinated to prefer brand X to brand Y who are paying through he nose for our own indoctrinations. Without us and our simple basic needs, these million pound empires would not flourish. If we are paying for the dubious privilege then we should certainly have some say in our own conditioning processes".

Am I biased?

I've been a champion, some say an obsessive advocate, for women of all ages, sizes and shapes, for more than 25 years. Probably if I'm honest it probably started a lot earlier than that, in seeing what and how people were treated unfairly and inappropriately. But let's say for 25 years and more.

It saddens me however, and at times I get frustrated - not at other people, but at my naivity, in thinking that plus size women particularly have every opportunity of making more of themselves, if only they took the time to do so.

That's not to say I don't understand (and I do because I've been in that "place" of insecurity and no self-confidence too many times not to have learned from the experiences), but why in this modern day and age, have so many just lost interest in themselves.

If you think I'm being judgemental and unfair myself, and a hypocrite, then that's your prerogative. But it's not the genuine woman who is suffering low self-esteem that I'm referring to. It's the woman who seems to be at the peak of her profession, whatever that is, confident in her intelligence, her abilities and capabilities in coping with everyday living, who doesn't seem to care too much.

Back in the 60s, or the "hippie" years, women embraced the idea of dressing how they chose. Many chose gypsy style clothing which suited them, and then they gradually expanded their preferences to take in other styles of clothing. Some have even remained with that style of clothing and it still suits them! Others have become less flambouyant and a little more conservative over the years. It comes back to most of us dressing how we like, knowing that we feel good and usually looking good in that style of dress.

It is my honest opinion that quite apart from today's world being obsessed with the young, slim, trim and sexy woman, that it is the woman in her late 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s and even beyond, who should be showing great imagination and panache in dressing to suit her age, her size and her personal preferences. Particularly if she can find clothing that suits her.

I went shopping this morning, and as usual I observe women as they go about their business. Walking to work; doing a bit of shopping; pushing prams; walking with toddlers; chatting with other women; small groups of older women catching up on yesterday's news and planning what to do today. All part of life.

But I am dismayed when I realise that the majority of women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, walk and sit around as though they've just come inside from working the garden. Dirty hands, a cigarette hanging from the corner of their mouths. Grubby clothes do not make a woman look feminine. Misshapen tee shirts, torn jeans, down at heel shoes and thongs (which were invented to be worn at the beach but somehow are now worn everywhere!). Have women given up?

I'm old fashioned. I'll admit it. My circle of girl friends all love dressing up - even with budget constraints. The local Op shops around our major cities and suburbs and even out in rural areas, have a steady customer base with me and my friends. Beautiful brand names bought for a song, and we pride ourselves in our ability to find a bargain to make the others a little bit envious! That's part of the game. We even wear hats whenever we can! I can almost hear and feel the sounds of shock and horror at those ladies reading this blog - hats? Yes, beautiful hats. Of course we make every effort to hold special little coffee mornings or luncheon dates where we dress up and make an impression, but again it's a wonderful and fun game.

I wonder if the women I saw this morning have such fun. I wonder if they look in the mirror sometimes and ask themselves where their youth and dressing styles have gone. For many of them are wearing the same style and sort of clothes that they wore in their late teens. You may say again that I am being hypocritcal here, but I realise that many women can't afford to spend much on clothes. With the down-turn inthe economy and many womenj havinv to face further constraints in their budget as well as pensioners having to go without so many things, there are still ways and means of improving your wardrobe. I wonder whether many of these women even have a mirror in their home? I suspect not.

But there's more to "dressing up" than wearing your very best clothing. Just getting in the car and going shopping should be a celebration so why not dress accordingly? Look in your wardrobe and see what I mean. Have you "around-the-house-and-garden" clothes? Have you "picking-up-the-kids-from-school" and "going shopping" clothes? Have you "nightclub", "after-work" and "Sunday" clothing? You don't have to have a wardrobe full of clothes you know. You can use one category of clothes and dress up or dress down to meet the need. This is where accessories come into their own.

Am I being biased? There have been times when I thought - yes. But the more I think about it, and the more I look around, I think I'm right.

When does a suggestion become bullying?

Beth phoned me late last year, all teary and full of guilt. No, she hadn't hit her husband over the head with the heavy copper frying pan. She's just been subjected to yet another tirade of "why don't you lose some weight, you stupid woman." And who had said this to her? Yes, you've guessed it, the husband she hadn't hit over the head with the copper frying pan.

No, seriously. This is not a funny story. It's quite (in fact very) serious. And it's happening to someone every single second of the day. Even someone you probably know.

And why was Beth feeling guilt? She was feeling guilty - again - because she hadn't lost any weight, even though she'd been doing all she could to do so. She followed EVERY diet he demanded she try. Poor Beth, not only her body was being abused by all these diets, but her emotions and mind were being abused too.

I asked Beth, "why do you put up with this bullying?" She answered me and said, "oh, no he never bullies me, he just tells me I should lose weight. And he's right you know. How can he love me if I'm fat?". You obviously see where I'm leading here? If not, then please read on.

"And then what does he threaten you with, Beth?" "Oh, no he doesn't threaten me". I said to Beth, "I'm not talking about physically threatening you Beth, I'm talking about inferring that he'll do things and they'll be all your fault". "Oh," she replied, "nothing much. Just that he gets embarrassed when he looks at me, or when I'm with him and that's why he never takes me out to any of his work functions. In fact he's told me not to visit his mother because she's embarrassed by me too. Oh yes," she went on, "he's made plans to go off on holidays in a fortnights time all by himself to have a bit of time to think about things because he says I'm sending him mad. In fact he says that if ever anything happens to him it will be my fault because I've made him ill."

This is much worse than I had at first thought. Beth can't see the wood for the trees, because what her husband is doing is nothing less than extreme bullying. He is belittling her; he is destroying what self-esteem she may have and he is trying to break her spirit. That bullying is then going deeper and becoming threats. And those threats that seem quite innocuous, will become more demanding and more dangerous as time goes on. I guess you think it doesn't sound so bad that he told Beth she was an embarrassment to him? Or to his mother, as well? But going into the area of making her "pay" or responsible for his future actions (that of going off on holidays by himself), he took the whole situation into one of "threat". Making her believe she was responsible for how he behaved or acted, is unfair and irresponsible.

You see, if Beth's husband was asked if he bullied or threatened Beth, he'd say no. Even though he knew he was doing these things. If he were asked why he bullied and threatened her, he'd say well, he didn't really mean it.

But that's a lie. He did mean it. He thought it, the words formed in his head. Those words then were expressed out of his mouth. He meant it, and there's no way he can deny it.

Beth's had this trouble with her husband for a number of years now. In fact since she got married, she confessed to me one time. She's been to counselling, she's followed most diet programmes honestly and stringently. But she hasn't lost weight. And she's blaming herself. She took on all the guilt and had told herself that it is because she's "fat". But this is another instance where the problem has been insidious and certainly not because of her weight or size.

Back in January Beth phoned me again. She sounded a bit lost and lonely, but there was something in her voice that told me she was in control. "I've left him, " she said. Just like that. I waited for her to say something else. "He arrived home from his holidays, walked in the door, sneered at me and said, "well hello hippo, you still here?" I looked at him, and I thought, why do I put up with this sort of treatment? I have as much right to being treated nicely as he has."

So Beth, who had already in her own mind, decided that she would do something extraordinary, went into the spare room, picked up her packed suit case, and said to her husband, "See you sometime. The carrier's coming in half an hour to pick up all my furniture and cartons, and you can get on with your own life." "And don't even think about doing any damage to any of my things. The carrier has done all the packing and they've got a complete list of everything. Oh, yes, you can pick up the car at the airport tomorrow." She said she'd never seen such a look of horror or surprise all rolled up in one.

Beth has gone interstate - she's even changed her surname. She is determined to shrug off the old, and take on the new. She doesn't diet, and she's made lots of new friends. One thing she wanted to tell me when she phoned me last night was this. "You told me so many times that if I didn't have all that emotional stress going on, that my body would find it's own size and weight. I've lost some weight, without even trying. It wasn't a lot, but it has certainly shown me that my body knows what is best for me, not a husband who tried to bully and threaten me into being and doing what he demanded all the time."

When people tell us they're only "suggesting" we should lose weight, and these suggestions go on and on, and then step into other areas of our lives, we've got to realise that this is bullying. So many women don't understand or recognise bullying for what it is.

Because bullying is not only something that happens when we're kids or at school - it can happen to us throughout our adult life. Be aware of what it is and confront it with confidence.

Packing Up and Making Tracks!

Because this blog is about all sorts of Plus Size Issues, and because plus size issues relate to every aspect of our life, I thought you'd like to read about a couple of plus-size girl friends who have re-invented themselves during recent months. Through necessity and through choice.

Starting afresh in a small caravan following a stressful divorce, Rhiann packed everything into a few cartons, had them sent to her cousin's address in another State, and walked out of her home -town with head held high. Losing her home and most of her possessions through unscrupulous dealings and behaviour from her former husband, Julie was determined to find the answer to all her needs under her own "steam". She travelled to Queensland and set up her van near to, but far enough away to be independent, her cousins' home in North Queensland. It didn't take long before Julie made friends and has established herself as a mobile hairdresser and nail technician . She is well on the way to becoming financially independent. Julie has a few more dreams to follow.

Pamela had a slightly different story. She was retrenched from her job in a major city; was going downhill financially; and decided to give a small country town a try. She did some sight-seeing around a town which she had visited many years earlier and had liked; met up with some business people she knew, and made the decision to move, lock, stock and barrel. A job that was offered to her on the spot meant that Pamela fitted into the community easily and quickly.

Jillie who lived in Melbourne, is an "growing-older" woman in her late 50s, and due to a series of "family disputes" found she was on the outer fringes. Her small circle of "friends" took sides with the family and Jillie became isolated. Accepting an invitation to attend a school reunion where she caught up with an old schoolmate, she was then invited to attend her "new-found old friend's" 60th birthday party in South Australia. While in Adelaide Jillie made a momentous decision to move away from everything she thought was safe and secure and has made her home in a small beachside town many miles from the nearest major city. She has happily started up her own small business and has built up a happy circle of friends, including a highly regarded and reputable business man. That's another story!

What these three women have done is to "minimalise" their lives. Each of them stepped out of her"current" situation" and has taken a step in a new direction. With little or no "trappings" from her previous life, each woman has been rewarded in many other ways.

The one thing in common all these woman have is size. They are all plus-sizers and proud of the fact.

I've heard it said, and I've been told many times over the years, that it's difficult for "plus-size" women to make new lives for themselves. It's too hard; they'll never fit in with new surroundings and new people. That's not true. Like the women I've quoted, it's important to have a realisation of your own self-worth. Even when disadvantaged, by, as with Rhiann a bad marriage, with Pamela a loss of a job and with Jillie a fallout with family members and friends. They've looked beyond the problem and pursued new goals. And their determination has meant a successful transition into new life-styles and new friends, and even new relationships. These women believe in themselves, and the fact they are plus-sizers simply has nothing to do with how they feel about themselves. Their self-esteem is steady and healthy.

A "new" Image!

It is always the RIGHT time to start anew! So often we allow opportunities to pass us by merely because we're hesitant, and in some cases afraid, to do or take on something new and different. But going out on a limb is half the fun.

Let's think serioulys about what we WANT from life; from one another; from our careers and from our families. But before we do that why don't we take a moment to sit down and think seriously about what we can GIVE to life, what we can GIVE to one another; what we can GIVE to our families and what we can GIVE to our careers.

So many of my friends and readers are going through a stage of "minimising" thus maximising their lives. Sometimes in our pursuit to "achieve" and "possess" we forget what is really important so it's refreshing to know that there are some who are listening to their hearts and looking towards great things.

Teens and older students want more than just being seen as kids attending school and not contributing to society. Young women want more from life than just being seen as "career climbers" or "empty headed spenders." Young Mums want more than just to be the family handy-person, chauffeur or someone who has opted out of "going to work" (especially as seen by other women). Older Mums and Grandmas want more than just to be seen as the "local bank". Older women want to be seen as being "alive" and flesh-and-blood- women, rather than just being an "old person". Each wants to be allowed to be themselves without being judged as "selfish" by others.

Quite often when we are allowed to be our own person, we find our capacity to GIVE to each other increases. Our feelings of self-worth increase with that knowledge. Does this make sense to you?

Fashion's Big Leap?

The small promo (to whet our appetite, no doubt) on the front page of our major daily newspaper promised "A BIG WIN for FASHION" (page 7).

I didn't bother reading pages 1 through 6, I jumped to page 7. Anything to do with "big" and "fashion" in the one sentence has to take my interest right NOW - not until I've read the front pages of the newspaper!

I find a half page article, under the title "Fashion's big leap". Now this HAS to be news. Doesn't it?

Sub-title then goes: Younger size 16s a target

I'm still "caught" like a fish on the line, until I read the following paragraphs. It's all about "fashion finally widening their ranges for young women who don't fit the size 6 to 14 mould".

I'm mesmerised so I have to go on reading. It seems Sportsgirl (Australia) has introduced a size 16 on most styles in its stores! Forever New (a newcomer to the young fashion scene) is offering sizes 6-16 on its fashion range. And Myer (the so-called "grand lady" of Melbourne fashion stores reports that three plus-size youth labels it introduced late last year are already regarded as high performers.

And Myer has done something else to accommodate the younger shopper by luring them to the Miss Myer Shop (for the young, trendy and fad follower rather than the mature shopper). Their decision is based on them "realising" that someone aged between 18 and 34 doesn't necessarily want to shop in the older women's plus-size area".

Excuse me! Look, I'd like to say a thing or two on this subject.

1. Where's the "big leap"? Going from size 14 to size 16 is NOT a leap, it's not even a jump, it's a tiny wiggle! Size 16 is NOT a new size for the young. It's a normal size for the young. Back in the 60s and 70s (even during the years of Twiggy and the mini skirt) size 16 and 18 were normal and typical for the young woman and were found in amongst all sizes, in the majority of shops selling clothing. Don't tell me otherwise, because I know!

2. And I'm getting tired of the manufacturers, and the retailers telling me that this is a step forward. It's not. It's merely an illusion. For there are many more young women of size 18 and 20 around who now feel isolated, because suddenly the news is that size 16 is being included in the ranges, as though it is the "top" size that should be treated as a young size.

3. Even older plus-size women don't want to have to go into a designed area that says, "Plus-Size" (with the inference "here's what we're offering you, plus-sizers - you either take it or leave it, but don't complain any more that there's nothing for you").

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why all sizes can't be accommodated on one floor, even if they have their own racks. If they want departments then let the brand-name "labels" have their own departments, but don't departmentalise women! I just "hate"being directed to an area (usually) at the back of the store or down the side out of the way, for plus-size garments, because they don't want me looking at all the luscious, glamorous, stylish, beautiful garments they have for the size 6 to 14 woman! Oh no, "be satisfied with dull, boring, unimaginative clothing, and be quiet about it".

This is all so hypocritical, and the newspapers and women's magazines, and the fashion industry, and the retailers should be ashamed of themselves. Yes, it's good to see that today young size 16 have some "fashion" choices, but they should have had them all the time.

And I've been caught in the trap - again - of believing that fashion, be it manufacturers, suppliers and retailers, really have our interests covered. They're "conning" us again, and because we're so desparate to find lovely clothing for our sizes, we fall for the old 'lie' again and again. It's not good enough, and it's not right.

Want to stay "young at heart"?

I've got a file full of newspaper cuttings and bits 'n pieces, collected over - well, let's say a few decades. I don't have the heart to take them out of the filing cabinet and throw them away. I'm one of those people who keep things "just in case". I tell myself that they'll come in handy, but who am I really kidding?

But girls, I found this list of suggestions, and decided I had to share it with you. I hope you're not becoming bored with "motivational" suggestions on how to enjoy your life, but I take the attitude that there is nothing boring in or with life. If a person is bored, it is because they are boring!! And it does us good to be reminded about some of the more simple but meaningful things about life.

1. Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why we "pay" them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches only pull you down. And if you're nice and round and tubby like me, you'll have difficulty in getting back up if you're pull down to the ground, so why bother with them?

3. Keep leearning. Learn more about the computer (I admit I have heaps to learn in this department); crafts (keeps the little grey cells working); gardening, whatever. Never let the brain be idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop". And the devil's name is Alzheimers!

4. Enjoy the simple things. Even a nice glass of water.

5. Laugh often, long and loud until you gasp for breath.

6. Tears happen. Endure, grieve and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourself. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. Whatever, treat it and your body with respect.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even interstate, another country, but NOT where guilt is.

10. Tell people that you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

LIFE IS NOT MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF BREATHS WE TAKE,
BUT BY THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE OUR BREATH AWAY.

A few simple things!

Let's start off right.

1. Remember compliments and forget insults

2. Enjoy your body

3. Dance (even allowing for arthritis, you can sway to the music!)

4. Don't read beauty magazines - they'll only make you feel frustrated. Recognise and realise they've all been digitally enhanced anyway! Whereas you're beautiful as you are, right now!

5. The older you get, keep your old friends

6. But keep a watch out for new friends - they can arrive, unexpectedly

7. Don't mess too much with your hair.

That's all for today, girls.

A personal "Can Do" List

1. I will let go of "negative" labels, such as lazy or bad or clumsy, that I have used to describe myself these long years, recognising that labels are inaccurate and destructive and that they stifle growth.

2. I will nurture myself by giving approving, reassuring messages to myself about me. I will be a friend to myself and offer myself the same understand I would offer to another in my place

3. I will release others from the responsibility of making me happy. I take the initiative to get what I need rather than waiting and hoping that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else.

4. I will share the vulnerable parts of myself with those I love.

5. I choose to be happy NOW - to celebrate all the small pleasures of life as they occur - instead of putting happiness off until I lose weight, get married (or divorced), make my first million, move house and so on.

6. I will expect that I will incur the disapproval of others. I recognise there is no way I can please all the people all the time.

7. I realise that some of my greatest learning has come from the mistakes I have made.

8. I embrace the position that I am an intrinsically valuable human being. I am a worthy person simply because I am.

......© 1991-2009 RoseMarys NoteBook - Australia. (By permission of the author.)