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Getting ready for the beach/pool

It's getting a bit warmer, well Spring is taking it's time in arriving, but the sun when it does come out gives us a fair indication that our Summer is going to be a hot one! Quite hot!

So perhaps it's about time we thought of how we see ourselves when it comes to dressing for the beach or the pool. Because too often we get all "het" up and talk ourselves out of enjoying summer as much as we could, all because we feel we have to hide behind voluminous garments that hide our figures.

In dressing appropriately for the beach or pool, is it too much to expect that we, the plus sizers, should be free to wear what we choose, within reason of course, without being subjected to all sorts of rude comments? It's not as though we go around pointing the finger at slimmer women and discriminating against them. So why should others do that to us?

You know, there's no reason whatsoever. It's about time we realised that it's not our problem, it's theirs!

The sooner we get to the point of being comfortable with our figures and size, and enjoying life which includes sunning ourselves as well as swimming during the warmer months, then the happier we'll be. And when we're happier, then we'll be more confident. It's a natural progression of steps in gaining self esteem.

...... © 2010, Jen A

First Spring Shopping Day!

The weather may not be quite as we would like it, but then Springtime is never known to be quite what it supposedly should be! The sun peeped out behind the clouds back on Father's Day (3rd September) only to hide again and since that time we've had plenty of Spring rains. Lovely for the gardens, and quite lovely for the opportunity of spending more time in the kitchen or the local coffee shop. Who needs an excuse to meet up with a girl friend or two and have coffee 'n cake?

Three of us ventured out last week to visit the local store/showroom of Kita Ku. Many of you will recall we've mentioned this lovely place a number of times through our newsletters. Well, we weren't disappointed in our visit this time either - they had lots (and we mean lots) of beautiful, wearable, trendy, affordable clothes. Many of last seasons were going out at "petty-cash" costs (such as $5). We all bought up for our "first Spring shopping spree of the year".

So why not visit Kita Ku's website yourself and see what they have. Also get onto their mailing list for news of their special sales and events. This is a beaut way of spending a lovely afternoon with friends. http://www.kitaku-australia.com/

Comfort food!

There's "comfort food" and then there's "comfort food". And all of us, from the Prime Minister down to the old gentleman who lives down the street, has our favourites. Even people like Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson.

One that comes to mind easily is Sausages and Mashed Potatoes, or as it is more commonly or popularly known, "Bangers and Mash". I see where it has become the all out favourite in Britain particularly during the economic down-turn.

And whatever you may think, (and I can hear some of you say, yuk when you look at the photos), it is a delicious and filling meal. That is, if it is cooked properly and if it is presented properly. Why even my dear old Mum was able to throw a couple of snags (sausages) on the plate with a dollop of mashed potato, and we kids would be straining at the bit ti get stuck into "dinner".

I can't think of when I've been disappointed at a serving. Until I had a spot of lunch at Stallions yesterday. There it was on the menu (for kids alas, but I've heard that anyone can ask for whatever's on the menu as an adult serving and expect to be served), so I figured, yes, it's bangers and mash for me today. Even if it's just a teeny tiny serve!

Well it fronted up, and if I'd served this to my kids, they would have thrown the plate at me. The above photos tell a story and even though the first four have come from the internet (with full acknowledgement to the owners of the photo copyrights) they also tell it how it is when it comes to serving up simple tucker like bangers and mash. Or how it should be. But take a good look at the fourth (bottom) photo - this is a photograph of the ACTUAL meal I was served. And before I go any further, please take note that this was an "ADULT" serving!

You'll see what I mean by "you don't always get what you expect" even though you pay for it. This meal cost me $12 - so what? There are local places and I'm certainly not talking about McDonalds or KFC where you can buy a good meal (even 2 course, either soup and mains or mains and sweets) for $12 in nice surroundings, accompanied by table linen, a house wine (on the house) for $12. Why didn't I go to one of those? Simply because it's nice to try out something new. But again back to the photo. You can even see the "grease"or "fat" that the sausages had been cooked in, smeared across the plate (to the right). This serving and plate presentation, did not endear me to the restaurant at all.

And what's this got to do with being a blog on a plus size site? Everything. Because all of us have to eat. It matters not that we are size zero or size 20. And sometimes we need a bit of "comfort food". But not greasy food (even the mash was sitting in grease!) thrown on a plate and served up as though it were part of King Henry VIII's banquet!

We think we'll regularly re-visit the subject of food and "comfort food" a bit more often within this blog. There's nothing quite as good as a bit of constructive criticism!

Bright and Flashy!

Strolling through the local shopping mall this morning I couldn't resist stopping and having a look at s rack of "inexpensive" jersey garments in all sizes. From what I've seen around the place, younger women are wearing these as part of a layered look - you know the sort of thing, pants, shirt or tee shirt and then the coloured short garment on top. Those that I saw this morning were sleeveless, with a deep round neck but a nice amount of fluid "give" in the garment itself (in other words it sits over the tummy rather than constricts it!). When I say short I mean if it were worn without the pants, then it would come above the knees.

But everyone seems to be wearing these garments at the moment. And I've got to say they're quite attractive. They're young at heart for the older woman, and she can get away with wearing them just as easily as her daughter or even grand-daughter. I think in the case of this mode of clothing that it's one style for all. No one looks out of place.

And that's good for us - the curavaceous girls/women of today's world. Feeling as though we're the same as other women.

Curves on the catwalk!

At last! There are some of us who thought it'd never happen. But it has - and where else but the Big Apple?

Last week New York hosted a fashion show! So what you might ask. Well, included in this fashion show were fabulous frocks, fripperies, fanciful feminine garments and everything in between, for the plus size woman. The major host OneStopPlus.com showed some of their beautiful garments on girls with curves.

A few examples above.

Now all we have to do it get the Australian fashion industry "on side" and realise that curvaceous women not only want beautiful fashion, but we deserve it!

LOVE without ATTACHMENT

A lot of my friends (and even casual acquaintances) tell me that even though they surround themselves with lots of "positive" messages about self-acceptance, and plenty of healthy self-talk, there are times when they feel "out of place" and not quite sure of themselves, especially when it concerns relationships.

This is a favourite piece I have repeated and reproduced over many years through my newsletters and small booklets. I hope you will find it encouraging in your personal life.

Love without attachment!

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul

And you learn that love does not mean leaning,
and company does not mean security

And you begin to learn that kisses are not contracts
and presents are not promises

And you begin to accept rejection
with your head up and your eyes clear

with the grace of an adult,
not the heartache of a child

And you learn to build you life on NOW
because tomorrow is too uncertain

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much

Plant your own garden and decorate your soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers

After a while you learn that you really have infinite worth.

...... Author unknown

Sunday afternoon 'n cake

"Interested in going to a cake tasting?" My girlfriend asked.

She must have known even without asking that I would be all for it! The fact that the funds were to go to two special charities was an added incentive.

So we drove up further into the lovely Dandenong Ranges hills (lovely one day and perfect the next! whatever the season) to a small hamlet called Kallista (the meaning of which is "most beautiful"). The small mechanics hall had a large sign outside "The Cake Committee". On entering we were greeted by lots of happy faces, a number of tables with pretty vases of spring flowers (camellias, daffodils and daphne) and ladies in the kitchen already to serve cups of tea and coffee - all in readiness for guests to sit and taste some of the lovely delights and enjoy a cuppa.

Interspersed along the major front trestle table were and interspersed with lots (and I mean lots) of the most delicious, cholesterol laden, cakes. Chocolate, lemon, tirimasu, banana, Black Forest, lemon curd, lemon meringue, strawberry roulade, and tiny bite sized strawberry meringue/macaroons. Ladies wielding sharp knives quickly set about cutting slices and guests very quickly took advantage of some of their favourites.

As my girl-friend said, "what a very sensible way to spend a Sunday afternoon!" I couldn't agree more.

Travelling in comfort for the plus-size person

I've just returned from a quick visit to Sydney. A surprise visit to share in my brother's birthday celebrations! I had a wonderful time, even though I only spent two days in Sydney. While I had left Melbourne having grey skies and rain, I arrived in Sydney to find even more grey skies, rain and bitterly cold. But that certainly didn't dampen my spirits!

But I thought you'd like to know something about air travel today. In the past even travelling by the more expensive airline Qantas I've had to request a seat belt extender. In fact a number of longer trips I've done to the West I was most uncomfortable with Qantas - it was almost as though the seating had shrunk from the previous time I'd flown with them!

But on other occasions I travelled with Virgin Blue and found the seating comfortable and the seat belts were sufficiently long enough to enfold my ample curves!

The same this time. I did request a seat belt extender as I entered the plane, but I found to my delight that when seated, the seat belt once again fitted! I was ecstatic!

I'm a great observer of people and situations, as you probably are aware by now, and I saw many business men of ample size and sort-of-ample sizes who fitted in comfortably to the Virgin Blue seats. Suffice to say I've heard from many other businessmen that they have had a few difficulties when travelling with Qantas over time too.

Is it that Virgin Blue have realised their seating is required for slightly wider, taller and heavier passengers these days? Whatever the answer, I have to say the trip to Sydney and back was great! (Even taking into account the fact we flew through storms both ways).

Photograph from Bug.co.uk, on the internet

Spring is here!

Spring is here the grass is 'ris
I wonders where the flowers is!
(a little rhyme that we used to sing when we were kids).

Today is the first day of our Spring (here in Australia). The gardens are a picture, with flaming blooms on camellias, magnolias, the Australian wattles (so many different ones). Cuddled into the soil and breaking forth are the hyacinths, the snowbells, the jonquils and daffodils and the absolutely lovely tulips of every colour. I see also where the clematis are trying valiantly to break their buds and burst forth (I don't know the colour of this creeper as yet as I only moved here earlier this year, entering into Winter) but it is enticing me. The prunus and early blossom trees are out and pronouncing that they are a force to contend with.

But Spring always and also reminds me that it's time for the plus-sizers or the curvaceous ones, to burst forth from their dreary and dull winter colours and to shout to the world, hey look at me, I'm beautiful too!

We claim the right to look as attractive as any other woman (of every other size), given that we can actually buy lovely coloured clothing, (or should I say that it is actually available). So come on suppliers of plus-size clothing, get with the colour palettes and give us some fantastic choices. Even if we wear them with basic black pants and jackets. Let the jewels shine!

Plus-size clothing for young-at-heart-women

Further to my most recent blog, I've discovered another Australian supplier of plus size clothing, and the clothing of this company WRAP goes up to 36!

This company is situated in Mentone, Victoria, and certainly seems to cover a wide variety of garments - just what we need!

Visit their site and see for yourselves. http://www.plussizedclothing.com.au/

Have you noticed?

What do you think about the design and variety of clothes for the plus size woman?

I'm particularly interested in the perspective from an Australian point of view. Each season my hopes build up that we're going to see some really good styles, good colours and good fabrics. And each year, I have to admit I experience disappointment. Not that everything on sale is bad, but the majority I have to say lacks imagination.

Even some of the better labels seem to be undergoing a shrinkage phase. By that I mean shirts and tops are no longer tunic length or knee length or even mid-thigh length. They're back up around the waist or four inches lower. Now these may look good in photos, especially when they're modelled by women who have a nice figure (and let's face it, many plus size women do have nice figures and even dare I say it, flat tummies). But for the rest of us, there comes a time when a "saddle" appears. It sits nicely between the waist and the thighs and it can range from being a "bit" to a darn LOT.

This means that the shirts and tops might sit nicely around the bustline and even the waist, but .............. The lower your eyes take in the reflection of the garment in a long mirror, it's obvious to all and sundry that this saddle is protruding under and beyond the shape of the top or shirt. How many plus size women look at the profile or side view in the dressing room mirrors at stores these days? How many plus size women look at the rear view reflection in the dressing room mirrors these days? Come on, be honest. A lot of women we know NEVER look at the side or rear view.

Not doing so has a couple of consequences. They don't see themselves as others see them. And they do a dis-service to themselves by not being aware of how the garment looks. Because I think it's about time we showed the courage of our convictions and made stores and retailers aware that we're NOT happy with garments that they sell, and which are NOT made according to most of our needs.

As a postscript to this post, I'd also like to add my comment relative to the fabric we see everywhere today. There's something called "mesh" which is being sold through the small discount outlets in shopping malls, and this fabric is seen in the much more expensive lines being sold through the major retailers. It's used as tops, and as a top layer in skirts and pants. It may well be a practical fabric, but it certainly is not an attractive fabric. It looks what it is - a second class stretchy fabric that pretends to be a good quality material. It really isn't. It stretches - sure. But it also goes out of shape. It also tears easily, and a number of women associated with our newsletters have complained that inadvertently they've managed to tear holes in this mesh fabric even by putting the garment on. I don't know where this fabric is "made" but it sure doesn't appear to be made locally. For a country known around the world as the grower and supplier of beautiful cottons, linens and fine wools, we're subjected to some mighty awful fabrics here.

I'd like to hear what ladies in other countries think.

© 2010 Autumn P of Victoria

Those dratted scales!

No I'm not talking about music scales,
but the dratted weighing machines

If you're anything like me, you've probably thrown out your bathroom scales years ago - they're certainly not our friends and will take great delight in belittling us and our "feelings".

But I'm talking about when you do to the Doctors, or even more importantly, if you have need to go to hospital for any reason. That might be from getting an eyelash taken from the corner of your eye, to major surgery. They will at some time during the admission process, weigh you.

Now, don't get me wrong. I realise they need to know your weight, if only for the reason of how much anaesthetic to give you, should you need surgery. But I don't like the way many nurses seem to find enjoyment in loudly repeating your weight as they take notes. It's not as though everyone in the hospital is deaf, surely.

I'm sure you can tell many stories about inconsiderate hospital staff. I've had nurses very quietly look at the scales and make a note, and I've had strident nurses bellow once if not twice my weight as they write it down. Do I sense a fiendish satisfaction in their faces as they do their best to embarrass me?

I've been caught up with the obnoxious BMI debate and I'll not go into that at the moment, but the way in which plus size women are treated by a lot of hospital and clinic staff is no longer tolerable, in my opinion. It's time for us to stand up for who and what we believe in - ourselves, and actually say what we think - without being militant or nasty, that is.

So I've composed a short letter - constructive criticism I call it - that I attach to my medical details whenever I have to change clinics, or attend hospitals for checkups and so forth. I set out the fact that I am an adult woman, larger than some and smaller than others, and that my weight is very personal. I point out that I have learned to live with my weight, and that should it be necessary for staff to check/recheck my weight, then could they please give me the courtesy of doing it quietly. That would prevent me becoming embarrassed, not by my weight but by their rudeness, and it would allow them to do their job competently and efficiently. They'd have the numbers or figures they need, and there'd be two happy people. Me and them (the nurse and the hospital).

Updating some of your favourite garments

For to our blog on getting your favourite clothes "altered" to fit your ever changing body shapes, here are a few tips.

1. Find someone who has expert knowledge and is competent in all aspects of sewing, not just hems and simple quick fix solutions.

2. Find clothes from within your own wardrobe that can be brought up to date by doing the hem, taking it in or re-shaping the shoulders. Subtle alterations can make clothes look more "fashionable".

3. Don't personally do complicated alterations unless you're confident in your skills. However even if you try and can't finish the work, hand it over to a professional.

4. Before you alter new cotton clothing or a pair of jeans, wash or dry-clean them first according to the label to allow for shrinkage.

5. When you hem, pin both legs as one leg can be shorter than the other. Get someone else to pin your clothes.

6. Look into getting something tailor made for your size and shape. It may not be as expensive as you think.

For those of us who ARE plus-size, the advice in point 6 is really wise. Too often we spend time and energy in searching for something that we have a good idea on what we really want, only to take on second best. And even then it may need alterations.

Therefore if you have nice fabric and even a pattern (not necessarily in your size), take it along and have a chat with someone who you've seen or heard recommended. Talk to them about what you'd like as far as a tailored garment to suit YOUR body and shape.

We know it sometimes takes a while to find someone who "understands" the more curvaceous figure, but a really good dressmaker is worth more than her weight in gold.

(Hints 1 through 6 copyright Knox Leader, July 20, 2010)

Fashion Make-Over

Do you have clothing in your wardrobe that you've grown out of? Or perhaps find some of them to be too big?

There's no doubt our bodies change shape over the years, and while we may not actually "lose" weight, often we will notice that our clothes don't quite fit the way they used to, or should do. Following pregnancy and the birth of a baby quite a few clothes need to be altered too, and this can help the budget especially when the garments are favourites.

While it's expensive to have your own personal dressmaker, a lot of women have taken up the challenge and now offer "alteration services". These range from sewing hems on jeans, pants, skirts as well as putting new elastic around the waistlines. However, a lot of these people actually do dressmaking and have found a valuable market in providing their services to the every-day woman who wants to upgrade her wardrobe without having to buy new clothes.

As a very proficient, qualified dressmaker said recently, "knowing someone's body and shape is the key to doing good alterations work". A good alteration expert can tell if the shoulder is dropped and the hip is high and remake garments taking into account all the important aspects of a good fitting garment.

Suggestions may range from changing a hemline by not merely following the fashion, but looking at the vertical line of their height and to judge according to the hemline, and that good tailoring makes it more fashionable. Adding darts can make all the difference from a dowdy looking garment to a smart, stylish fitted garment - even if you are plus size!

Above all, tailoring to YOUR body can better the look of the garment, making it appear superior in quality and cut.

"It doesn't have to be Chanel - it can be Target. But if it fits well, you look good and you feel good.", says Frances Le-Caria of Camberwell, Victoria.

Are there foods that turn fat into energy?

You may be surprised at some of the foods
that govern how quickly you turn calories into energy.

We know that our body uses energy and burns fat when we are doing physical activity and digesting your food, but do you also realise you continue to burn fat even while you're at rest? And there are a some foods that can actually speed up metabolism that have additional benefits.

* Grapefruit lowers insulin levels that trigger fat storage. It is also rich in fibre and your body burns extra calories breaking it down.

* Green tea contains a powerful antioxidant (EGCG) not present in black tea. It stimulates the brain and nervous system to burn more calories.

* Yoghurt contains high levels of protein and requires a lot of energy for processing.

* Almonds contain essential fatty acids which help metabolism - in moderation.

* Coffee has caffeine, which does give you a boost. Just ensure you don't exceed two or three cups a day, or you risk a host of side effects, including irritability and jitters.

* Turkey meat is protein rich, builds lean muscle and causes the body to burn extra calories.

* Apples are high in fibre, low in calories. Apples help you stay full for longer so you eat less.

* Spinach is a great source of antioxidants, magnesium, potassium, iron and vitamin C.

* Beans, low in fat and packed with protein and fibre, keep you full for ages.

* Capsicums and peppers contain capsaicin which causes the body to burn calories for hours after ingestion, pepping up the heart rate and metabolism.

* Broccoli contains a highly effective metabolism boosting team of nutrients; calcium and vitamin C.

* Oatmeal fibre takes a long time to break down, lowers your body's insulin level and speeds up your metabolism as a result.

* Soy milk is loaded with calcium, which helps boost your metabolism. (Stay away from the sweetened varieties though).

* Curry like capsicum, increases the amount of calories your body burns.

* Cinnamon helps your body metabolise sugars more effectively and maintain steadier blood sugar levels. It can also help lower your cholesterol.

This information has been provided by Nutrition Australia (www.nutritionaustralia.org)

Dressing to suit the season

OK, it's sometimes difficult to find clothes for the plus-size and shoes/boots for the wider foot.

One source of clothing that quite often gets missed is that of direct marketing. One of my personal favourites is Innovations at www.innovations.com.au


The latest catalogue has a couple of items that might take your eye. They've certainly appealed to me.

First of all, a lovely reversible cape.

The next item are warm cuddly shower proof boots.

Visit their website and have a look through their catalogue.

So just what does size zero really mean?

http://www.pro-thinspo.com/size0.html

If you've been wondering like me, just what size zero is, then I've found the answer (well half an answer) - from a reputable source.

A US size zero model is equivalent to a UK size 4. This is where things get a bit "iffy" though - some think that the UK size 4 is equivalent to a size 6 in Australia while others disagree?

Have you got any ideas?

Aiming for "perfection"!!

When is thin TOO thin!

According to Australian psychologist Professor Jane Usher, women's health expert from the University of Western Sydney, women should stop striving for so-called physical perfection because even those who have it, aren't happy.

56 models and 53 non-models were questioned by London's City University. The results showed that models felt their lives were out of their control, and that their bodies were there only aspect they have power over. This resulted in unhealthy physical obsessions and low self-esteem.

Professor Usher said, "they suffer incredible anxiety because they can't stop trying to control their bodies with dieting exercise and purging."

So here's the rub. Most of us think that models feel really good themselves. That doesn't seem to be the case after all.

(Photograph from the Internet)

Curb your cravings

The advertisement reads: "Purchase the Hoodia Weight Loss Patch" Lose your tummy in four weeks! Four weeks? Four WEEKS?

Yoiks. I'm very fond of my tummy, thank you very much. Losing it would be as Oscar Wilde said in the Importance of Being Earnest", "to lose a (tummy) may be regarded as a misfortune". (With apologies to Oscar).

These advertisements use words indiscriminately. Losing a tummy is not as simple as it sounds. There are people who unfortunately have lost theirs, through surgery or illness or as a result of accidents. This is just not funny!

And whoever thought up a weight loss patch has to be dreaming. Obviously there's a huge (excuse the pun!) lot of money to be made from gullible people buying these patches.

Then there the other ad: Lose 2-24 inches in ONE HOUR 100% satisfaction guaranteed! Free special report reveals all! Do they really think we're stupid?

Lose 2 to 14 INCHES in one hour! Obviously there's a lot more to this ad than meets the eye, but they've got you "hooked" immediately decide to go into the site and read the "revealing report"!

These people are NOT ethical! They're out to make money and that's it.

Fat Jibes

I read with interest an article dealing with "fat jibes", by authors Rebecca Puhl and Kelly Brownell, both from Yale.

It seems research has found that making people feel bad about their size and/or weight is not the way to go. It's counter-productive. There is a wide-spread belief that making people feel bad about themselves (i.e. attaching your fat photograph on the frig) is an acceptable and effective form of motivation. It isn't.

Victimisation (for that's what it is) amongst youngster creates a no-win situation for them. This type of stigma doesn't work, and most of us know some of the consequences of being treated this way.

I bet most of us can confirm derogatory comments whether in the family, amongst our (so-called) friends and at work. Think of job discrimination. Do we get the promotion without having to undergo rigorous processes when many younger and slimmer people get into the short-list quickly and easily and it's NOT always that they're better at the job. Oh no! Even physical aggression. now, this is one of those "hidden" things that go on, but most of us again, will confirm that we've been subjected to this sort of treatment. We know all this because most of us have gone through this sort of unreasonable behaviour by others.

But the article quoted: "the personal stories we've collected in our studies are heartbreaking; a mother joking in a crowded room that she takes her child to a tentmaker to buy back-to-school clothes; a doctor telling a patient that she is too fat to interest her husband sexually; a teacher announcing to a classroom that an absent child 'probably stayed home to eat'".

These stories reflect a viciousness long ago shunned in matters of race or gender. Here, though, is a perverse twist. People inflicting the stigma are often convinced they are actually helping the victim.

The authors say, "We all need to change and the first step is simple. We must recognise that weight stigma is harmful, that it may well be contributing to obesity, and that it is not legitimate."

Health care professionals including doctors and nurses, dietitians and nutritionists and others within the health arena are very often the perpetrators of this stigma.

What I found of particular interest in this article was the statement, If even the health care system is unwelcoming, where can the obese turn for help?"

Where? Well a lot of us find help and encouragement (in verbal terms) from other people who are in the same predicament as us. It's by joining forces that we can find companionship and understanding.

Honestly!

Having to do a spot of shopping, a couple of us stopped and enjoyed a cup of tea (Earl Grey of course!) at a nice little coffee/tea shop in one of the arcades that are sprinkled around our small town.

We do this regularly - it not only keeps us up to date with all our gossip, but it also enables us to share a gripe or two, while at the same time indulging in a chosen special cake to accompany our tea. We're all big girls, so there's never any problem of one or two of them attacking any of the others for spoiling ourselves with a cream cake occasionally.

Why was this morning any different? I stood at the counter casually deciding which cake to choose, when a very small, smartly dressed woman came and stood beside me. I turned and smiled. She glowered at me and said, "you shouldn't even be thinking of eating anything like that - you're so fat. You should be using your willpower"

So I did what any well-mannered, well-balanced plus-size lady would do. I looked down at my ample bust, leaned over and looked at my tummy, and turned back to her and said "Yes, you're right, I believe I AM fat. But I'm not rude to people I don't know. And might I say I certainly don't need any will power. Perhaps occasionally I might need a little bit of "wont-power" but not today. Which cake do you think I should choose? Ah yes, that beautiful fresh cream French slice. Don't you agree". She glared at me as though I had just flown in from Mars, mumbled and trotted off to a far table.

The rest of my group were seated by this time, waiting for their morning tea to arrive. The girls behind the counter were trying to hide their laughs and were in quite a twitter. After the snobby lady had left, the proprietor came across to me and said, "you know, that woman upsets so many of our customers with her rudeness and we've never been game to say anything. Thanks for saying what we've often thought and felt. You've made our day."

And yes, we all enjoyed our morning tea - VERY MUCH.

When it comes to walking down the aisle

Don't you find it astonishing that providers of plus-size clothing don't always live up to that claim?

I recently contacted a Bridal store (no, I'm not getting married! ha), but I wanted to see for myself what was being offered to young women who were planning to walk down the aisle. Their advertisements (in large print) throughout local and national newspapers and magazines said, "Are you a plus-size planning to get married?" Further in the ads I read that the collection designed by an award winning UK designer, goes from sizes 18-30.

But when I actually got to the point of asking to "see" some of the bridal gowns, I was given a beautifully presented colour brochure. Sorry, I can't imagine what a garment will look like on a curvaceous young girl/woman or even an older woman. What I want to see are some actual examples of bridal wear.

How frustrating and disappointing for the young women who eagerly walk through the doors of this boutique store in the hope they'll be able to touch and see some lovely bridal gowns, only to be given a brochure.

Is this good enough?

Did you realise?

According to the Australia Koala Foundation, www.empowher.com, 1 in 3 teenage girls have starved themselves or refused to eat in an effort to shed kilos.

It's bad enough the discrimination shown towards adults, but it's wrong, wrong, wrong, that our teens feel they HAVE to be slim, if not downright skinny, to meet the media's expectations.

In today's world when it is (supposedly) illegal to discriminate against gender, culture, faith, and disability, why is it still permitted to discriminate against the plus-size and the aging. No-one seems to be bothered about confronting this, except of course for the plus-size and the aging. And when we do say something, we're told we're whinging and whining and complaining.

I say, let's complain loudly and often. Perhaps someone with clout will stand up for us, and with us, and be counted!

* And I question this ridiculous measurement of "plus-size" or overweight or "obese" (a hateful word and should never be used against another person - it's soul destroying). None of us are identical in height, weight, width, and shape, and yet we're all supposed to fit into an "ideal". Who was it that worked out what "ideal" is? Obviously someone who thought they were the perfection upon which we should all aspire to. What nonsense.

Plus-size garments

Garments should flow over and around the body
rather than restrict and suffocate it

SERENDIPITY - PART II

Tracey E continues her "Serendipity":

"Because my body was always inclined to be fully shaped, and then overly shaped as I entered puberty, I became more withdrawn and shy. I was fearful of going to places where there were people and I was terrified of spending my life unloved.

The thought of marriage and children were high in my hopes. I had left school in my early teens, and with a determination that surprised me, I set out on a learning expedition. My inclusion with girlfriends in outings and going to the films or dances was near enough to zero. I was the odd one out - overlooked by some of the family and certainly never shown any spontaneous affection from aunts and uncles. The pretty little blond cousins were adored, but the big, brown eyed girl was not. I never gave a thought to the possibility that there may have been other reasons over which I had no control whatsoever - it always seemed to me that it as because I was stupid and/or fat.

My low self-esteem, I have now discovered to my absolute delight, was based on nothing more than negative thoughts implanted in my fertile brain at a tender young age, by people around me, including some of my family.

As I grew older I started to look at how this same attitude had effected and impacted on other women within my family, forcing them to hide behind a veil of shyness and timidity, afraid to stand up for what they thought was right, and buckling under the hard rule of the supposed "adults".

This timidity however, once released, as these women became aware of how discriminatory the attitudes of many of the family were, showed the world what a tower of strength and resilience they had become. And in tearing through the veil, they showed me quite literally and clearly, how to do likewise!"

SERENDIPITY - Part I

Tracey E writes:

"There's no doubt that women everywhere suffer from varying degrees of low self-esteem. It doesn't matter if you are an African tribeswoman or a member of the European upper-crust; if you're an up and coming Olympian swimmer or just the kid around the corner, low self-esteem will hit you at sometimes. And for the Australian woman it is no different. She may be financially independent, she may be holding down a satisfying and well rewarding job, she may be young, she may be older, she may even be thin or fat. Low self-esteem will impact upon her life, and influence how she feels about herself and how she sees herself in the big picture. As a woman well endowed with size and shape, I had for many years foolishly thought my low self-esteem was because I was: (a) stupid and (b) I was fat. I questioned myself for years, and I still came to the conclusion that I must be stupid because I hadn't any friends. As an adult and based on a more adult perspective of life, this belief lived with me and was reinforced in my self feelings. "I must be stupid because I had a bad marriage, and I must be stupid because I'm not happy." I tended to be a "loner" mainly because people overlooked me or treated me as a bit of a puzzle or even a joke."

.....© 2010 Tracey E, Australia

To be continued ....

What was it that Pavarotti said?

"The reason fat people are happy is because their nerves are protected!"

SARONG (SAR-wrong?) SAR-right!

What is the one piece of clothing most backpackers carry when they travel? If you guessed a sarong, you're right.

What is so useful about a piece of rectangular fabric? For the uninitiated, the sarong has many uses.

As a piece of clothing, it is versatile. As a dress, simply tie it at the front and above the chest. As a skirt, it can be fastened around the waist. It is especially convenient as a cover when returning from the beach or as a bathrobe when going to or from a shower. For those with some skill, the sarong can be converted into a pair of shorts and a top.

Even if you are not wearing the sarong during a day's sightseeing, keep it in your bag. Many religious sites require visitors to cover their arms/legs. Simply pull it out of your bag, wrap it around the body, and you will save any embarrassment for yourself and the officials of the religious site.

Travellers have been finding many other practical uses for the sarong. One is to use it as a towel. (Not that I'd suggest you use one if you are travelling or visiting the snowfields!) They are a great replacement for towels on the beach or even in general showering. Normal towels are heavy, take a long while to dry, and take up precious space in a pack.

The sarong is lightweight, dries in a short time and can be rolled down into a tiny bundle.

The sarong is great for the beach as it also acts as a sun protector. I tend to use it as a shawl when my shoulders start to get pink from the sun. It's light fabric protects from the harsh rays but allows your skin to breathe.

As an item to be used in your bedroom, the sarong has myriad uses. Put a sarong over a window to block out the morning sun or the lights shining on. If you are visiting, and have to spend a night on a sofa, the sarong makes a great sheet.

Other practical uses include that of tablecloth, picnic rug or a makeshift bag. A little creativity on your part will most probably come up with some additional uses in an emergency.

This simple piece of clothing, which can be bought for a few dollars (after all it is only a straight length of fabric!) is one of travellings essential items. Don't leave without it.

Sarongs are one of the most under-rated garments for the size 6 plus. It's practical, it's comfortable, it looks good, it can be worn dressed up or dressed down. If you want a garment to "disguise" your body, it's perfect, if you want to show off your figure, it's just as perfect.

It's an all season garment - NOT merely for the warmer months. If you haven't tried one, then do so, and you'll most certainly be hooked.

© Autumn Parry, Australia

daydreaming .......

I'm at long last finding time to spend by myself and I'm being surprised every day with the knowledge there are times when I like solitude.

Let me hasten to say though, that in no way do I enjoy being "lonely" and sometimes it happens - but I mean choosing to be "alone" is quite nice when you want it to be.

For those of you who know me a little through my various columns, you will already know that my career curve has taken another one - curve I mean! I'm loving the freedom that this choice is giving me, in doing the things that I want to do, when I want to do them, and with who I want to do them. And I'm saying nothing further in that regard - well, not at the moment anyway.

This morning has been one of those bleak cold and grey mornings, and while sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee - with cream! - I found that I was suddenly transported away on imaginings and my thoughts were falling all over each other in their scramble to form a sensible pattern. I realised that I was day-dreaming, and when I thought more seriously about it, I realised I hadn't had time to daydream for years, being heavily committed to business activities and travelling, and then having to run the home as well before my CDC - "career direction change".

I remembered as a child - especially in the classroom, when I would dabble in daydreaming - of course neither the teacher nor my parents found it amusing, and told me I was wasting valuable time and expense in doing so.

But you know, I've found in my adulthood that being able to daydream occasionally rounds off some of the harsh edges that life creates for us. Being able to put day-0dreams into action plays a big part in our abilities to take on new challenges, to set new goals and to undertake new adventures.

I don't know about you, but I find daydreams very valuable stuff - without them I think that life would be sadly lacking in some of the romance and fantasy areas that we all need at some time during our lives.

That's not to say that we should spend the whole day daydreaming but occasionally it can do us good. As a matter of fact just like chocolates - did you read the other day that chocolates can be VERY good for us, if eaten sensibly and moderately?

That's great, because I've decided to take advantage of daydreaming when I want to and enjoying chocolates when I want to. Perhaps I can combine the two together!

Because I reckon I'll be all the happier - knowing that there's no suggestion of "having to go without" because that to me, WOULD be a waste of time.

.....© Leonie Stevens

Shortened days - longer nights!

Officially it's Winter.  Chillier mornings and evenings.   It gets darker earlier of an evening - street lights come on in anticipation of the greyness that embraces everything.   Here we're experiencing some early fogs, and most of us are rummaging around in our wardrobe to find the warmest, the favourite winter woolie.   It may be coat, jacket, jumper, sweater, vest, tunic, pants, long skirt, and/or fleecy lined boots (if you're fortunate enough to be able to buy them to fit!), and around the house our well-worn but worn--well snuggly slippers to keep our toes warm together with faux fur rug to tug in around our legs finds it way to our sofa. 

Some of us in this group have even found out our knitting needs and crochet hooks ready for the cooler nights.   Watching TV (who can resist Jethro Gibbs? - please don't tell us he's leaving NCIS!) and the upcoming Poirot/Miss Marple series about to start soon on the ABC, there's nothing better (and easier to do) than to sit and knit.   What a wonderful array of knitting yarns there are about these days - chenille, feather, ribbon, fuzzy, bubbly, bobbly - and so many more.   We've found these textured yarns don't even need to be done in plain and purl - just plain!   'Cos the end result is what you're seeking in the long run, anyway.


Why can't we buy nice, attractive garments in wool for the winter months?   There are plenty of fleecy lined garments (made in China - where else?) but it's almost impossible to find knitted or woven garments that are flattering to the plus-size woman.   Yet just today we saw some "felted" garments - vests - short and long=line, which are attractive in multi colours, as well as some lovely tunics in light wool.   


Something not many of us do in the colder months (or the warmer seasons either for that matter) is to "layer".   Is it because we've come to the conclusion that it's because most "winter" clothes are bulky and therefore we look more like a fuzzy bear all bundled up, rather than an attractive plus-size women wearing sensible and flattering clothing.   So if you have favourite light-wight clothing in your wardrobe, get them out and have a think about co-ordinating and "layering".    Quite honestly you might be surprised at how effective light-weight clothing can be in keeping you warm!

Do "fat" people actually choose to be fat?

A couple of us here in the office have just read an article in one of Australia's leading women's magazines, "Womans Day", that we found interesting.  Interesting in that someone is actually putting forward theories that we've been saying for decades.   Being overweight, even a little or a lot, does not necessarily mean being lazing and eating too much!  


Yeaaay!    Dr John Dixon (Melbourne obesity "expert") recently said:  "Many people are overweight through genetic predisposition and/or environmental factors"   We'd also like to add here that "economic factors" combined with genetic predisposition, have something to do with it too!


But then Dr Dixon goes on, "Studies show that if you feed two people on a high-fat diet, some will get fat and others will not.  So certainly what we need here is understanding, not vilification."

How can we get "the powers that be" within the media, including advertisers, to see size as merely one aspect of a total human being, and to treat everyone fairly and equally within their pages?   What escapes a lot of people's common sense, and this particularly applies to advertisers, is that large people buy their products in the same quantities as slim people.   

They're doing a disservice to society at large, as well as to their own profit-lines by denying the plus-size to participate (by way of being included within advertisements as a positive representation of "customers" rather than being made fun of) as well as recognising that plus size people do their bit to keep those businesses going. 

The "movement" towards size acceptance continues to gain momentum

Women of size, all around the world, are discovering what it is to be in control of their lives and to face out-of-date attitudes.  Taking control is definitely NOT "losing" control though. Self confidence combined with self-assurance and the knowing that we really do know what is best for us, can empower us to tread lightly but firmly on the path of total self and size acceptance.

 

For some, it's a daily struggle to maintain a "positive" attitude in a society that feeds upon blame and guilt associated with those who are deemed plus-size.   The media is blatantly discriminatory but will never admit to it.  Excuses abound and you and I are no longer persuaded to see their point of view.   

 

Here in Victoria, Australia, which is the only State so far to have introduced legislation against physical discrimination, there have been 365 cases of discrimination on the basis of physical features (including those based on a person's weight) in the past five years.  ("Woman's Day, April 19, 2010).    This does not, of course, take into account the many thousands of cases that never come out into the open.

It is not legal to be turned away from a job, told you are too fat to shop in a particular outlet, denied a promotion, knocked back from a club or bar or suffer humiliation because you don't measure up to someone else's ideal of what you should look like (Victorian Equal Opportunity Rights Commissioner) 


But that doesn't make sense because in real life, people ARE turned away from jobs, they are MADE to feel out of place in specific shopping outlets, they ARE denied promotions, they ARE subjected to humiliation - by innuendo, jokes or straight out verbal abuse  (and they're not being over-sensitive in claiming that it's because of their weight).  It happens too often and to too many for it to be simple imagination!


There is bias in our society, and it's about time that we were judged less and understood more.


The first step is up to us.   To discover our own worth and value; to live by and with those values; and to believe in ourselves.  Then it's up to others to accept us as we are.  If they can't or don't want to, then that is their problem, not ours, and even though it might be hard to do, we may have to turn away from those people (even if they are family or so-called friends) and find other ways and means of handling our lives.


We should never become puppets to a society that dislikes the plus-size so much.

 

 

Size and Colour Do Matter!

"Living, as I do, in the smallest State of Australia, I've grown up being told that we're the little bit added to the mainland. Well let me tell you, most of us Taswegians consider that's a fallacy - we're the Mainland, and the rest of Australia just happens to be north of us on the world map!

But getting back to size and colour. Were you ever told you shouldn't wear such and such a colour, because "well quite frankly dear, you're too fat!"

Or have you been told that because you're a size 20-22 then why do you expect to be able to buy a choice of clothes that fit you?

These comments have been made to me, and about me, too often.

I used to feel miserable because I couldn't buy anything to fit, and as for expecting to get anything sexy or colourful, well forget it, sister.

Over the years too I've managed to read some excellent books by women from around the world on how to increase self esteem, and many of them even gave examples of how I could dress to make the most of myself. For others, there's no doubt these books would have achieved what they set out to do. But for some reason they didn't work for me.

My cousin in South Australia sent me an old copy of an Australian newsletter dealing with plus-size self esteem issues. This newsletter presented news and advice on how to increase knowledge about yourself and knowledge of where to buy larger size clothes here in Australia. There's a lot available overseas, but we can't all afford to buy from overseas. And there's a lot of confusion about the safety/security of buying from places like eBay.

For some reason I kept that small newsletter. I put it away in my small bedside table drawer, and forgot about it.

Until. My partner walked out on me. I was plus-size when we met, and I hadn't gained weight all the time we were together. But suddenly I was thrown into turmoil and had to clean out the flat we had shared for more than 8 years. I had to face the fact that he no longer saw me as someone he'd like to spend his life with. Added to that of course I started along the route of self pity and self hate - if I wasn't so fat he wouldn't have left me - if I wasn't so fat he would still love me - if I wasn't so fat ..... Maybe if I lost the weight he'd come back. He won't, whatever I do. And quite honestly I don't him to.

I cleaned up the flat. I packed my cases and with a few small items of furniture I moved into a flat I could call my own. And one evening while feeling really sorry for myself, I rummaged through the bedside table looking for perhaps a block of chocolate that maybe I'd hidden there, and I pulled out that old newsletter.

I couldn't believe it. It was opened at a small article written by the editor to some of her friends who had all, without exception, experienced the same thing as I had. Their husbands/partners had recently walked out.

And this small article went on to say that we should never, ever, tell ourselves that it was because we were fat that this had happened; because these relationships would probably have broken down even if we were slender like Elle McPherson or Jennifer Hawkins.

If it was because we were fat, then why didn't the same thing occur with men? Women don't usually leave their husbands because they get fat, or get thin. The reason is usually much deeper than that.

You know, I needed to read that article. I needed to be told that I was me, and that I was important, if not to somebody else at the time, then definitely to me.

So I took the next step. I looked at my size and decided that I WOULD wear colours that I wanted to. I would search for clothes that make me feel good about myself. If I couldn't buy them anywhere, I'd sew them for myself

I decided I would turn the world around, so that MY size and colour WILL MATTER. What have I learned from all this? I've learned that I matter - to myself.

And as a footnote I'd like to say I've come to realise that I am just like thousands of other women. The fact that I'm bigger than "ideal" has nothing to do with me, as a person."

© 2010 Valerie F of Launceston Tasmania

Beyond the Curve!

I can recall as a youngster, that Grandmothers used to pat us on the head and say to one another, "Isn't she a bonny wee one". Aunts would chuck us under the chin and smile and say, "A lovely, chubby, cuddly one."

Was my family so different to others? Or was I fortunate in knowing that to all the important women in my family, I was seen as "one of them", albeit in miniature. To the other one person in the family, my Dad, to whom I passionately wanted to be seen as "precious", alas this was not to be as he could never tolerate anyone who was "fat".

But then I started to grow up and went to school. Lots of the other children used to poke fun at me, laugh about my lack of co-ordination in many things (particularly running and PE, which meant doing exercises - ooooh, the memories of those sports bloomers!), and tease me mercilessly about buttons that popped open as my breasts formed; knees that were fatter than theirs, and tummy and hips that wobbled and just sat there like a mound of jelly.

I started to feel bad about myself. I told myself I'd never be any good at school, I'd never get a good job, I'd never find a boyfriend, I'd never get married, I'd never have children, and I'd grow old all by myself because no one would want me.

Many years passed and all of them were filled with guilt especially if I ate something that I really liked. People would look at me sideways and tell me that I shouldn't. I started at about ten years of age to seriously diet. That didn't do any good either, because I felt constantly hungry and worthless. All the time I put on more weight and grew fatter. The fact that I was growing taller as well didn't seem to occur to anyone! Coupled with that the fact that my Mum, Grandmas and Aunts were all fat too, didn't seem to connect with my lack of self-esteem.

It took me far too long to come to terms with the realisation that I was bigger than many others, but also I was much smaller than a lot of people, at the same age.

But it saddens me to see little girls of 5 years up, now thinking and talking about being "too fat" and that they should diet. I'm with those other women who are asking, hoping that someone will give us a rational answer, as to just where these little girls are getting this notion from?

Magazines and TV are two areas that I believe (with many others) should be made more responsible for their attitudes. They simply will not accept the fact that what they say and what they show, has an impact on the fertile minds of our young people. "No" they say, "readers or viewers can make up their own minds. We're not doing anything wrong." Excuse me!

Children are not getting this message from books they read or lessons they have at school. They certainly should not be getting the message from their Mums (though sadly this is often the case when Mum herself is in the body-self-loathing syndrome). We've got to stop this nonsense. Otherwise our children will suffer - not only physically but also emotionally.

Look at the film "Shrek". A fatter than ideal heroine, and a large, fat and to some, ungainly hero. But they accept each other as they are - not as they wish each other to be. They not only accept each other, but they love each other.

Isn't there a lesson here for all of us?

© 2010, Morgana

Having it All!

Having it All!

You'll often hear someone say this. Whether it's in conversation, or else in your favourite women's magazine. And they usually add, "and you too can have it all, all you have to do is ..........." The list is endless - you know the sort of thing. Lose weight. Do something with your hair. Why not have some liposuction? Botox, my dear, that's the answer. You shouldn't eat this particular food. You're not bringing your children up the right way. Do this, do that, and do everything we say, and then "you can have it all!"

Have you ever wondered whether these people know what they're saying? Or what they're telling us to do? And who are "they"? Have you ever met them? What gives "them" the right to tell us how to lead our lives, and what we do and how we do it?

Sub-consciously many of us have "listened" to these words that run around in our heads. We've agreed that we should do as "they" say, because then we WILL be accepted, we will be seen as being important or valuable, and we WILL have it all!

But do you truly believe that this is the answer? Why have we wasted time listening to propaganda that is based on untruths?

Let's start at the beginning. Most, if not all, the people who tell us what to do and how to live our lives are women. Right? Doesn't that strike you as strange? And when you think about it a little deeper, doesn't it make you wonder why women have this "thing" about telling other women where they're wrong? Are their own lives so perfect?

I'm one of many who foolishly "listened" to these apparent knowledgeable women, and journalists and features editors of women's magazines over the years, until ....... One day I realised that I'd probably had more experience than they had; I'd gained more knowledge on the same subjects that they tackled; and I'd learned how to cope and adapt to changing circumstances within my life, that they wouldn't even know about. And because of that I had insights and the ability to know what is best for me. Even to how I look, what I wear and what I eat.

What a discovery. From that day I've been able to read women's magazines and listen to women expounding on how everyone else should lead their lives, and wonder (and ask them when possible) have they successfully found contentment within themselves? Have they done everything they've been told to do by others? Have they not been true to themselves, but allowed others to manipulate them into being and living as someone who they are not?

The lesson for me was this. As a child I sought education. I used that education in the pursuit of knowledge. With the gaining of knowledge and experience, I can share with other women. I will not tell them that I what I know and what I have learned are the answers for them. But I can assure them that in sharing what I do know, I am allowing them the opportunity of searching for answers for themselves.

For we need to be the captains of our own ships. Women today, especially younger ones, have higher education and career opportunities than women of 50 years ago. Women in many areas of society are treated equally and expect to be independent including financially secure. But there are still many who are held back by the thought that they are not seen as being "equal" or "accepted" by other women.

I'm told that women have never had it so good. Why do I complain? Why don't I just sit still and accept the fact that things are as good as they'll get? I'll tell you why. Because women aren't getting as good as they deserve. Not at all. And unfortunately our worst enemies are more often than not, other women.

Why should we believe we're asking for more than we deserve? Surely every one of us deserves to be treated with utmost respect and courtesy, from everyone we come in contact with.

"Having it All" is a little too ambitious; it's probably impossible. Having "enough" is more to the point. Because then you're not striving to get more than you need, which in turn could make you pompous and arrogant. And anyway, "having it all" means that there's nothing to aim for, no goals to set, no dreams to be fulfilled. How boring!

© 2010 Morgana

Bare Arms!

Have you ever looked at a dress in a store window and said to yourself, "I'd love to be able to wear that!" It's not that it isn't available in your size, or in the colour you love, it's simply that it is "sleeveless".

And let's face it, the plus size (or curvaceous woman) doesn't really like to bare her arms too often, even in the summer months. Our arms, especially our upper arms (like a lot of other parts of our bodies) seem to do what they like, and often remind us of pelicans spreading their wings. They flop and flap away regardless of how much we try to keep them under control. And when a woman is entering the "growing older" phase then her arms become a limb that needs to be "hidden".

So we go without sleeveless dresses - afraid to take the risk because then we'll find ourselves not ever wearing that dress for fear of someone laughing at our arms.

Curvaceous women have a lot to contend with. And these feelings of, dare I say it, embarrassment because our bodies aren't trim and taut, affect our self confidence and in turn affect our lives. Because we go without such a lot, when we really needn't.

I like this particular dress from North Style - the styling is nice, the length is great and the flow of the dress is becoming and flattering. The only thing against it is, yes, it's sleeveless.

But wait a minute. Just because we're plus size, does that mean we can't do a little bit of disguising, if we want? Shrugs are not only for the tiny person, they're for all of us. For those who don't quite know what a shrug is, it's a sort of "bolero". And boleros are very attractive. Choose a colour co-ordinated shrug with the colour of your shoes and handbag, wear it over a jewel coloured dress, and you've got a great outfit.

I've seen "boleros" worn by women who are size 2, 6, 18, 24, and 30 and they all looked terrific.

We have to look outside the "blinkers" that we put in place, thinking that they will protect us, when in fact what they're doing is tieing us up in knots.