Being Manipulated!

It comes as no surprise to plus-size women to realise that they are being "manipulated". Whether it is through the media, or the clothing that is for sale through the shops, or people who are supposed to be concerned with our health and our looks, or the marketing/advertising agencies. The thrust of this manipulation is simple - plus size people are out of control; you're a plus size person and therefore you must be punished.

This is crazy and is unwarranted and is discriminatory and it's downright wrong.

There's talk that plus-size people will be taxed a special "fat" tax on foods; on train/bus/tram travel; on travel bookings; on ambulance annual subscription premiums, insurance premiums, workplace insurances and more. There's already a tendency for many hospitals to refuse plus-size people (patients) who are above a certain BMI - has anyone taken the opportunity of figuring out exactly what this is all about - because everyone is different - height, width, bone structure; genetically and more. And is the BMI measurement system being updated as we grow taller and bigger - a known factor in today's populations? Will it get to the stage that if you have blue eyes, a Dr won't attend you? And what about plus-size doctors and nurses - hey, don't tell me they've all gone on the latest Jenny Craig diet and lost all their excess weight or had WLS and been a "success"! 'Cos there are still plenty of plus-size people in the health industry around - even if my little neck of the woods!

Children are in the firing line as well, being threatened with a "food police" management arrangement to ensure that they eat the "correct" foods (who makes the decision as to what is correct, I ask?); and parents are being threatened that they'll be charged with "abuse" if they don't toe the line about what they serve and feed their children. Where are parent's rights? Where are an individual's rights? Has anyone any rights any more?

A very insidious thing is occurring on our television screens again - plus-size people are being treated as idiots with almost a suggestion that they don't deserve to have their own space on this planet!

There's a lot of talk about the animal kingdom and the terrible loss of many species from the world as we know it. Every animal deserves its place and space. And we all deserve our space and place too. Because if the so-called experts have their way, the curvaceous, healthy, beautiful-bodied, fully rounded person could become an endangered species if we don't watch out.

dependence VERSUS interdependence

It’s my honest opinion, based on many decades of conversation and observation as well as counselling, that women very often do themselves a disservice by neglecting their female friends, once they enter into a relationship with a man. When that relationship becomes stable and long-term, too often excuses are made to even to even continue a close association with friends who most probably have proved themselves over and over again during the earlier years. This presents as the “couple” being two people solely caught up in their own personal world and time and space, which let me say here, can be absolutely beautiful. But let’s look at things rationally and sensibly here.

If you depend long-time upon your partner for EVERYTHING, and expect to spend every single second with him, and expect him to depend on you with the same intensity, then unless he is a “perfect man” then sadly, both of you are going to trip up and it won’t take too long to happen.

You’ll make excuses as to why you can’t meet up with your girl friends (even your parents and siblings) for a cup of coffee; to go to a show together; to spend a weekend together with other friends; to share an evening meal together; to go shopping together; to go for a drive together; to visit venues that cater to a shared taste such as art galleries, fashion parades, a beautician for manicure and pedicure. The list goes on and on.

Your man will demand all of your time, and you’ll willingly sacrifice your own personal space and time to meet those demands. This is not healthy.

Let me say here however that I am not talking about couples where one HAS to depend on the other for personal care and wellbeing. This is quite outside of the picture I’m presenting here. I’m talking about one personality losing themselves within their partner’s until such time as they no longer have any will of their own. Come the time that this relationship may break down or some other reason, the person left feels abandoned, adrift and alone. It’s very difficult to pick up the pieces of friendship with her previous girl-friends, because they’ve moved on and enhanced their own lives by extending their circle of female friends.

There’s another aspect here too. The number of times you’ll hear or read about a couple who “appear” to have a perfect relationship suddenly breaking down for no apparent reason, makes you wonder how this could happen. Believe me when I say it’s hard to accept that usually the man gets sick and tired of his partner being a “yes” person all the time (even though that is what he has demanded throughout the relationship) and moves on to another woman or women who have a bit more feistiness in them. It’s a contradiction but it’s a fact.

It comes down to a couple of things. Women may feel so grateful for a man’s attention that they’ll turn themselves inside out to be “there” and to “do” everything for their man, thinking this is what will keep him interested. A relationship must be built on more than being “grateful” someone takes an interest in you.

Another thing is that a woman often feels she HAS to have a man to be fulfilled as a woman. She’ll often choose the wrong man in this process, and becomes every more frustrated and unfilled. She’ll quite often become bitter and angry along the way too.

First Impressions!

Louise B was told about Francesca, an Italian lady, living in the Hills area. Francesca holds special, simple and basic Italian cooking classes, for both men and women.

Louise imagined Francesca's lifestyle, basing it on what she heard about Francesca's home, the car she drove, and other "gossip" that made its way around the local community. Taking into account the number of classes she took in a year. Louise's mind concentrated on the financial benefits and the fact that Francesca must be "well off".

She enrolled for a class herself. Upon meeting Francesca she was amazed at the beauty that radiated from this lady, a woman in her 50s with grey hair and many stories to tell from her lovely face. Francesca is also a big woman, well aware of her size, and completely aware of her own "self". Being paralysed from the waist down and in wheelchair, navigating around her kitchen as though it were a simple matter, Francesca is a fully rounded and self-accepting woman. Louise's opinion of Francesca changed from being envious of her and her "money", into admiration for a woman who rose above any pain and discomfort, and made life enjoyable and pleasant for other people.

Louise gained insights into "first impressions" following that class. I think we all need to step back at times and analyse just what our thoughts and assumptions may be, and whether they are fair and balanced.