SERENDIPITY - PART II

Tracey E continues her "Serendipity":

"Because my body was always inclined to be fully shaped, and then overly shaped as I entered puberty, I became more withdrawn and shy. I was fearful of going to places where there were people and I was terrified of spending my life unloved.

The thought of marriage and children were high in my hopes. I had left school in my early teens, and with a determination that surprised me, I set out on a learning expedition. My inclusion with girlfriends in outings and going to the films or dances was near enough to zero. I was the odd one out - overlooked by some of the family and certainly never shown any spontaneous affection from aunts and uncles. The pretty little blond cousins were adored, but the big, brown eyed girl was not. I never gave a thought to the possibility that there may have been other reasons over which I had no control whatsoever - it always seemed to me that it as because I was stupid and/or fat.

My low self-esteem, I have now discovered to my absolute delight, was based on nothing more than negative thoughts implanted in my fertile brain at a tender young age, by people around me, including some of my family.

As I grew older I started to look at how this same attitude had effected and impacted on other women within my family, forcing them to hide behind a veil of shyness and timidity, afraid to stand up for what they thought was right, and buckling under the hard rule of the supposed "adults".

This timidity however, once released, as these women became aware of how discriminatory the attitudes of many of the family were, showed the world what a tower of strength and resilience they had become. And in tearing through the veil, they showed me quite literally and clearly, how to do likewise!"