Aging Outrageously! Another look at wrinkles! Part One

Following yesterday's blog, Zuzu has a few words she'd like to say, about aging. Zuzu only having a few words to say? What a laugh - she's usually got a lot to say, but we have to admit what she says makes a lot of sense!

It’s all in the mind dear, all in the mind!

Whether it’s “positive thinking” or determination, or a matter of downright stubbornness, there’s a lot to be said for living life outrageously, especially as we grow older!

Keeping focus

Let’s start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the “seasons” of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it’s difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Life-experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits including hobbies, and “retire”. When I think about it (and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago), “retire” is such a negative word! It’s really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn’t it better to “rest” when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we decide to?

As so often happens when a woman “retires” she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn’t it?

And what also happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to “want” to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university? Even buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring. Even, dare I say it, take a lover? Don’t get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It’s a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can’t make it, you can’t copy it, you can’t replace it. It’s a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

In my travels and dealings with women I have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have during most of the seasons of their life, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things).

Now this is not an un-natural or unusual occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ........ As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us. Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn’t have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about!); our partners may need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what’s going on with their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was “firm” and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we’ve fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deja vu. But now we’re older, and we’re much more tired.

Then the “woman in the mirror” tells us we’re no longer important. We’ve let ourselves go; we’ve lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we’re in a heap. Lines show in our face; our hair is thin and grey; our figure - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn’t it? So we’re worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

TGBTG

Packing Up and Making Tracks!

Because this blog is about all sorts of Plus Size Issues, and because plus size issues relate to every aspect of our life, I thought you'd like to read about a couple of plus-size girl friends who have re-invented themselves during recent months. Through necessity and through choice.

Starting afresh in a small caravan following a stressful divorce, Rhiann packed everything into a few cartons, had them sent to her cousin's address in another State, and walked out of her home -town with head held high. Losing her home and most of her possessions through unscrupulous dealings and behaviour from her former husband, Julie was determined to find the answer to all her needs under her own "steam". She travelled to Queensland and set up her van near to, but far enough away to be independent, her cousins' home in North Queensland. It didn't take long before Julie made friends and has established herself as a mobile hairdresser and nail technician . She is well on the way to becoming financially independent. Julie has a few more dreams to follow.

Pamela had a slightly different story. She was retrenched from her job in a major city; was going downhill financially; and decided to give a small country town a try. She did some sight-seeing around a town which she had visited many years earlier and had liked; met up with some business people she knew, and made the decision to move, lock, stock and barrel. A job that was offered to her on the spot meant that Pamela fitted into the community easily and quickly.

Jillie who lived in Melbourne, is an "growing-older" woman in her late 50s, and due to a series of "family disputes" found she was on the outer fringes. Her small circle of "friends" took sides with the family and Jillie became isolated. Accepting an invitation to attend a school reunion where she caught up with an old schoolmate, she was then invited to attend her "new-found old friend's" 60th birthday party in South Australia. While in Adelaide Jillie made a momentous decision to move away from everything she thought was safe and secure and has made her home in a small beachside town many miles from the nearest major city. She has happily started up her own small business and has built up a happy circle of friends, including a highly regarded and reputable business man. That's another story!

What these three women have done is to "minimalise" their lives. Each of them stepped out of her"current" situation" and has taken a step in a new direction. With little or no "trappings" from her previous life, each woman has been rewarded in many other ways.

The one thing in common all these woman have is size. They are all plus-sizers and proud of the fact.

I've heard it said, and I've been told many times over the years, that it's difficult for "plus-size" women to make new lives for themselves. It's too hard; they'll never fit in with new surroundings and new people. That's not true. Like the women I've quoted, it's important to have a realisation of your own self-worth. Even when disadvantaged, by, as with Rhiann a bad marriage, with Pamela a loss of a job and with Jillie a fallout with family members and friends. They've looked beyond the problem and pursued new goals. And their determination has meant a successful transition into new life-styles and new friends, and even new relationships. These women believe in themselves, and the fact they are plus-sizers simply has nothing to do with how they feel about themselves. Their self-esteem is steady and healthy.

A "new" Image!

It is always the RIGHT time to start anew! So often we allow opportunities to pass us by merely because we're hesitant, and in some cases afraid, to do or take on something new and different. But going out on a limb is half the fun.

Let's think serioulys about what we WANT from life; from one another; from our careers and from our families. But before we do that why don't we take a moment to sit down and think seriously about what we can GIVE to life, what we can GIVE to one another; what we can GIVE to our families and what we can GIVE to our careers.

So many of my friends and readers are going through a stage of "minimising" thus maximising their lives. Sometimes in our pursuit to "achieve" and "possess" we forget what is really important so it's refreshing to know that there are some who are listening to their hearts and looking towards great things.

Teens and older students want more than just being seen as kids attending school and not contributing to society. Young women want more from life than just being seen as "career climbers" or "empty headed spenders." Young Mums want more than just to be the family handy-person, chauffeur or someone who has opted out of "going to work" (especially as seen by other women). Older Mums and Grandmas want more than just to be seen as the "local bank". Older women want to be seen as being "alive" and flesh-and-blood- women, rather than just being an "old person". Each wants to be allowed to be themselves without being judged as "selfish" by others.

Quite often when we are allowed to be our own person, we find our capacity to GIVE to each other increases. Our feelings of self-worth increase with that knowledge. Does this make sense to you?

A personal "Can Do" List

1. I will let go of "negative" labels, such as lazy or bad or clumsy, that I have used to describe myself these long years, recognising that labels are inaccurate and destructive and that they stifle growth.

2. I will nurture myself by giving approving, reassuring messages to myself about me. I will be a friend to myself and offer myself the same understand I would offer to another in my place

3. I will release others from the responsibility of making me happy. I take the initiative to get what I need rather than waiting and hoping that somehow what I need will be brought to me by someone else.

4. I will share the vulnerable parts of myself with those I love.

5. I choose to be happy NOW - to celebrate all the small pleasures of life as they occur - instead of putting happiness off until I lose weight, get married (or divorced), make my first million, move house and so on.

6. I will expect that I will incur the disapproval of others. I recognise there is no way I can please all the people all the time.

7. I realise that some of my greatest learning has come from the mistakes I have made.

8. I embrace the position that I am an intrinsically valuable human being. I am a worthy person simply because I am.

......© 1991-2009 RoseMarys NoteBook - Australia. (By permission of the author.)