Comparing Yourself to Others

"Don't compare your life to others.
You have no idea what their journey is all about"

It's a negative emotion and a waste of energy and it's selfish.

We spend far too much time in comparing ourselves to others. Whether it's their looks, their size, their possessions, their career, their homes, their families, and even their holidays. There used to be an old saying "keeping up with the Jones'" and though most of us didn't fall into that trap, there are times when we could quite easily do so. It's called envy.

As with most things in life though, there are always allowable exceptions. To be envious that a woman has undergone cosmetic surgery and come out of it looking twenty years younger, with a figure that even Elle McPherson would pay squillions for, has to be ridiculous. If someone has the money, and the determination to do likewise under the surgeon's knife, then that's their decision, but we who are not so much concerned with being the same or copying what the first woman did, are probably much more contented with our lot. And this shows in our life-style, our behaviour (to others and to ourselves), and frankly in our facial looks.

We're told we should be beautiful - but story-book sketches are not what beauty is about. A lovely woman with a smutty tongue is not beautiful. Beauty has to be the whole woman, not just the bits you see. Look around you and carefully study older women - serene, no wrinkles, beautiful complexions, happy dispositions, and laughter. Yet, listen to their stories and you'll be surprised and inspired by stories of battles, wars, illnesses, losses, pain, suffering. And still they live, love and laugh.

Comparing your age, your looks, your size and your shape is counter-productive. The other person is the other person. You are you. And you need to come to terms with who "you" are, not waste time in trying to emulate another person, who's nature and personality will always be an unknown to you.

"Oh, she's got this, and she's got that". How often do you hear this, and have you even said it yourself? Turn this around and ask yourself, "what have I got?" And you'll be surprised at the list of positive things that will grow as you think about them.

Things are really getting out of hand!

It seems that governments are intent on dismissing the importance of human beings who are deemed to be "larger" than the accepted norm. Now what the norm is, or should be, is very debatable and no one seems inclined to actually face up to the problem and the discrimination that abounds within society as a whole.

Denying people the right to be healthy at whatever size they may be, by pressuring them to become thinner at whatever cost (whether financial, emotional or physical) is downright wrong. The larger person is becoming larger for many reasons, and certainly not all of those reasons relate to eating too much or even to not exercising enough. The controversy continues as to what is in the food that we are eating or being provided with, and until such time as someone with any nous does some serious research, then we'll be none the wiser.

But that doesn't get away from the fact that "serious" papers and scientific research are being published that really stretch the concept of common sense. The latest research deals with the alleged assumption that "fat" people are less intelligent than thin people. Some countries are extending this hatred towards "bigger" people to extremes.

The suggestion is that fat people will be charged more for: train/tram/bus fares (they already are made to abide by airline rules that two seats have to be purchased and paid for before a larger person can travel). We already have health agencies and hospitals refusing to treat or even admit people who are over a designed BMI (even though in many cases those BMIs were acceptable as recently as three months ago). Larger pregnant women are being refused admittance into local or nearby hospitals for the birth of their babies. There's more suggestions - fat people should pay more for food (in other words does this suggestion imply that "food police" will be on the staff of all supermarkets and will go through your trolley before you enter the cashier area, and they'll mark the items that have to have a special tax on them?). Larger people already pay a lot extra for clothes and shoes.

Then there are the restrictions being put upon children. A small 3 year old (confirmed by the Baby Welfare Sister as being well within the weight limits set, and certainly not fat) was recently ostracised at a childcare agency. The mother was asked to put the child on a diet, otherwise she would not be accepted at the centre. The mother took the case to the media, and with substantiated documentation from doctors, the welfare department and the health department in her hands, the mother took the child from the centre, and enrolled her in another in the same suburb. The publicity the initial centre received was certainly not good. But think about how the little 3 year felt - already being subjected to discrimination and unjustified hostility because of her chubbiness. In fact as a result of the media publicity the little one was chosen to become the "face" of children's wear for a leading Australian department store and appears in all their publicity modelling the babies/toddlers clothes.

School tuck shops have been warned that they must only sell food that the government decrees. "School police" (obviously teachers who will be chosen by the school principal) will check all the children's lunch boxes to see they don't have food that is not "on the list of acceptable food". Surely this is going too far?

Oh, my gosh!

I looked at my blog this morning, and was surprised to see that it's so long since I posted. Yet when I try to think back and work out what I've been doing, I can't work it out! I know I've been busy, but doing what?

The subject currently on every body's lips (and hips) is "obesity". What an absolutely horrid word - degrading, disdainful, demeaning. I'm old enough to remember when people used such words as "homely", "natural", "chubby", "generously endowed", "well proportioned" and so on. I can even recall a Doctor back then trying to tell me, without offending me, that I was a "little overweight". And in among hundreds of other doctors and specialists that I've visited during the years in between, I've been called a lot of names, and "obese" is among those words. I do not like the word, in fact I loathe it. And I will not admit to being "obese" - I am a "fully-rounded" woman!

Blame is being piled on parents of beautifully formed and healthy children; they're being told their children are "obese" and they've got to do something about it - immediately! Just look at the media and the government pushing the idea of "food police" to check on children's lunch boxes; just look at parents being threatened with "abuse" if they don't feed their children food that the so-called experts (and the government departments involved) demand they have; putting children onto crash diets and extreme exercise regimes (all costing a lot of money to parents of course), and on it goes. Blame, blame, blame, and parents are taking upon themselves all sorts of guilt trips.

Yet I come back to the same argument I've been promoting for the past twenty years or more. Maybe it's NOT the food or the quantity of food that we're eating - maybe it's what's IN the food that we're eating.

On two separate shows last week, one the "Cook and the Chef" on the ABC which is a very entertaining, and informative and enjoyable show showing cooking tips and hints, with easy-medium-hard recipes, and the second "The Food Investigators" on SBS, this very subject was raised. And it justified what I've been saying (and what others of my kind have been saying) for decades.

For instance. Bread. Bread that is baked today no longer resembles the bread of "yesterday" - and I'm talking about 20-30-40 years ago. The ingredients are different - the quantities of salt and sugar are different - the additives are different; the food colourings and chemicals are different. You're beginning to see where I'm coming from?

Now we come to the nitty-gritty. Most of the grains that make up breads are genetically modified. OK, we're being told over and over again that there's nothing wrong with genetically modified foods (and in fact they're "good" for us - haaa). No one knows for sure. And no one will know for sure until at least another two generations. Because if we have food such as bread which is made to "look" fresh without being so, then something is happening and we're being drawn into the trap of believing something that is not true nor good for us.

What I mean by this is simple. We used to buy bread that if it became stale, we'd be aware of it. If it became mouldy, we'd be aware of it. If it started to "smell, we'd be aware of it. It usually went out to the chooks in the back yard, long before it even got to the mouldy stage. But today? Because of being genetically modified, it no longer goes stale, it no longer smells, it no longer goes mouldy. And anyone in the health and nutrition profession will tell you that eating bread that is mouldy is putting toxins into the body, which are not only harmful but deadly. Yet because we can't "see" or "smell" that the bread of going "off", we eat it merrily thinking that it is good for us! We're being "conned".

Oh yes another thing. We're told now that we shouldn't "freeze" bread. We should store it in a wooden (for preference) or plastic bread bin. Sounds like by Grandma talking!

The other items which were referred to in the Cook and the Chef were dairy products. Again, it is was pointed out that many of the natural ingredients of milk (and subsequently in cream, cheese and yoghurt) were removed from the milk, only to be replaced by additives, chemicals and colourings. So if the cows are eating grass in fields of genetically modified grasses, then who knows what's actually going into or happening to the milk. Oh, yes, another thing. Years ago, dairy farmers always washed their milking machines in an iodine wash - it acted as an antiseptic and cleanser, and would you believe it, because it then fitted over the cow's teats at milking time, that iodine found itself in the milk. And that was good for us! So what now? The farmers wash the milking machines with flouride, which means no more iodine. Now the government says, the farmer has to add iodine to the milk he's producing from his cows. Take something out, add something else, and then reconstitute food stuffs to suit the current "thought" of the day.

And a simple question. How do insects, birds and wildlife know they're in a genetically modified field, before travelling int into another which the farmer (or his neighbour) has done everything to maintain as genetically free. Do insects and birds and wildlife read little notices telling them - "Beware - this is a genetically modified field (or paddock) - tread carefully! And who translates for them?

This is a serious problem. And I believe it has a bearing on the so-called "obesity" epidemic. Every food that we eat has been tampered with. Even, if we plant seeds ourselves, we don't know what contaminants have been fed into the soil in our backyard, and we don't know whether the seeds have come from genetically modified parents or not.

A lot of serious and intelligent discussion is required, by ordinary everyday people.

The BOLD Shoulder is back!

Do you recall your mother saying, "what goes around comes around?" She wasn't necessarily talking about the washing machine. Most likely it was in relation to fashion.

Yes, fashion. That "thing" that the media and the fashion industry tell us we must obey and wear what they say, when they say, where they say and how they say. And like good little girls, we take notice and as often as not take their demands as "advice" and follow the rules they set down.

Well the latest news is going to please some of us, and dismay others. Because whether you want to believe it or not, the shoulder pad is back! With a vengeance. It's bigger than even back in the 80s- who can remember "Dynasty" and sultry Joan Collins with her wardrobe of magnificent obsessional clothes?

In my humble opinion excessive shoulder pads can make a slim woman look totally top heavy. Because with shoulders that are wider than her hips and thighs combined, she's more like to topple over than to carry herself with grace and ease. (With we plus sizers can do, with style and panache.)

Am I being critical? I guess so. But as a plus size woman, with plenty of amplitude, spread proportionately (and in some places a little disproportionately) over and around my body, I've always loved shoulder pads.

I find that shoulder pads (not the tiny little things that look like a cotton wool face freshener, but a decent sized, padded pad) lift the garment nicely so that my bosoms and cleavage are displayed with more curvature than just plonked on. I'm talking about the garment being plonked on, not the cleavage!

Seriously though, if you tend to read the women's magazines and features pages as well as the odd page of "Style" in your local weekend newspaper, look at which is shown on the catwalk, and then get out some photos of your Mum (or even yourself if you liked the shoulder pads back in the 80s) and get ahold of some magazines or even books from the library depicting fashion where shoulder pads were worn, and see for yourself the many benefits and advantages and enhancements that are available with the humble shoulder pad. Don't necessarily go overboard, but have fun!

Reading - you never know what you'll learn

I love reading. Ever since I was a tiny tot. Before I could say the alphabet or knew what it meant, I would sit for hours looking at picture books (which were few and far between in those days - mostly handed down from cousins or other families) or the occasional "word" book. Even though I had no understanding that the dots on the page were actually words I would make up my own stories by turning over the pages like the grownups.

So I've grown up with books - they are my friends. Some I have had since childhood, others I've collected over the years.

You can gather from this therefore that I enjoy reading - a lot. I love the pictures that words conjure up in my mind. When I read I inhabit other worlds, both imaginary and real. I gain knowledge, I can easily fall in love with a hero or dislike intensely a rogue (even vice versa). I can laugh and I can cry.

At the moment I'm re-reading my series of Precious Ramotswe books. Written by Alexander McCall Smith who has a deep love and understanding of Botswana and it's people, Precious is a woman of our time. Independent, morally strong, valuing good manners, kindness, a love of her country (even though she recognises some faults in both the country and its people). Her intuition and instinctiveness to see behind untruths and pretenses reveals to us many of our own characteristics.

But what I love about Precious Ramotswe is her self-awareness. She is under no illusion that to be happy and to be a contented woman she has to be thin. Quite the opposite. She describes herself and is proud to be spoken of as being "traditionally built". She finds no reason to even think about her weight as a negative within her life. She is fat.

Let me quote from "Morality for Beautiful Girls".

"She finished her tea and then ate a large meat sandwich which Rose had prepared for her lunch. Mma Ramotswe had got out of the habit of a cooked lunch, except at weekends, and was happy with a snack or a glass of milk. She had a taste for sugar, however, and this meant that a doughnut or a cake might follow the sandwich.

She was a traditionally built lady, after all, and she did not have to worry about dress size, like those poor, neurotic people who were always looking in mirrors and thinking that they were too big. What was too big, anyway? Who was to tell another person what size they should be? It was a form of dictatorship, by the thin, and she was not having any of it. If these thin people became any more insistent, then the more generously sized people would just have to sit on them. Yes, that would teach them! Hah!"

I couldn't have said it better!

Discrimination!

Not only do we (collectively, in our group) have a file of upsetting experiences to describe what we've been through after having to go for medical tests and such thing, but we know of lots of women who have received even more appalling treatment than us.

While many of these women are of 'normal' weight and 'average' weight (whatever normal or average really means!), it is when speaking with women of size, that we discover time and time again episodes of petty discriminative attitudes in insensitive and arrogant people (mainly women it seems!). It is expected we should accept intolerable behaviour without question, merely because we're plus-size.

A woman (or anyone for that matter) being sent for tests of innumerable varieties - x-rays, mammograms, pap smears, colonoscopies, "pushes and prods" here there and everywhere, externally as well as internally, obviously is stressed to some degree before even entering the Dr's or pathology rooms. It come face to face with hostility, impatience, exasperation and downright rudeness is another "reminder" that our size is a problem! To them. Because they haven't come to terms with their own arrogance.

Anne Marie J of Ashfield, NSW, phoned into our office yesterday. We put her on open speaker (at her request). She had just arrived home shortly before calling us, embarrassed, humiliated, dejected, angry, unhappy and in tears of despair. She had attended a Specialist's rooms to be weighed and "talked at" (talked down to more like it), about her weight and possible problems associated with it, and more or less told "there's nothing we can do for you, unless you lose weight. It's your own responsibility." What that meant is anybody's guess, but it sounds a little like a threat of some sort.

She was then told to give an urine sample. No problem. But ...... She was handed a coffee mug. When Anne-Marie told us this, we couldn't help raising our eyebrows and had to stop from giggling - was she having us on? Definitely not! She'd asked the Nurse/Receptionist (of whatever title she goes under) why she wasn't given a small sterile container in a brown paper bag (like most rooms). No answer - merely "give sample and return to the desk". A coffee mug!!!!

Are these people for real or have we been blasted into a cyber "hole" where common sense no longer plays any part? Not to mention good manners.

You think that was bad enough? There was more to come. "While you're here, you can have some blood tests". "Yes, of course". Enter the "Path Nurse". Small bustling, busy, energetic, in-a-hurry. "Come on, come on". Anne-Marie tried to explain for blood tests it's best from inside elbow, left arm. "I''m not interested in what other people have told you," is the response. Jag, dig, jag, dig. What happened? The needle broke, that's what happened. Yes, it must have taken some force to do that.

She removed the broken needle - no apologies, then tried the other arm. No luck. "Look", said Anne-Marie, "I'll go to my usual place they never have any trouble". "I think you'd better because I can't waste any more time with you". Anne-Marie returned to her usual Path Lab Rooms, had the blood taken with no problems, and she went home.

This is where she fell in a heap. It wasn't only the coffee mug, it wasn't only the broken needle, it was the attitude of people. People who should be efficient and proficient at what they do; people who should have "people skills"; people who should have communication skills and who should have good manners.

Anne-Marie's husband arrived home a little later. Saw the condition of Anne-Marie's arm (from the broken needle), became incensed when he heard about the coffee mug and he immediately telephoned the Specialist's Rooms and complained. Received all sorts of blustery explanations but no apology. He has since taken this matter up with the Administrator of the Pathology Clinic Rooms.

What does this say to us? It says quite plainly that things are not as they should be. Discriminatory attitudes still play a big part in today's world. And it's about time that perpetrators understood the ramifications.

Because. In the national press as far back as September 2000, a small article appeared which stated: "A treaty to protect women from discrimination will become international law despite Australia's decision not to sign. as part of its protest at the United Nations' Committee system. Numerous countries ratified the protocol to the convention on the ELIMINATION OF ALL FORMS OF DISCRIMINATION AGAINST WOMEN, meaning it will pass into law. A new committee will hear the women's complaints." And this was back in 2000!!!! Has Australia seen fit to sign the treaty since that time? We wonder?

Surely, everyday forms of discrimination should come under the scrutiny of us all. And we have the power and the responsibility to make sure that blatant disregard for these laws are made known, not only to the organisations/people who display that disregard, but even people within the government. The old saying that the pen is mightier than the sword is still relevant today! It's up to us to remind those who treat individuals unfairly and with inappropriate behaviour and attitudes that they are breaking the law! And that we DO have rights!

Aging Outrageously! - Part II

Zuzu continues HER essay on "Aging Outrageously!"

"But wait a minute. Is it so hard to deal with all the changes that we see in the mirror, and feel in our body? Is it all impossible to overcome? Does it mean losing all sense of self and importance?

Even if alone, are there ways of getting back some sense of esteem and confidence. Can we see the silver lining in the dark clouds that block out our horizons?

Importantly, is there such a thing as “can’t do”?

I’m reminded time & time again of a little story we were told as children. The story of the little red train, trying to reach the top of the hill. She (I think of him as “she”), felt failure, she wasn’t sure of herself, she’d lost all confidence and thought she’d never, ever ever, reach the top. But something inside her told her that she had the capacity to do anything she wanted to do, or even that she had to do, if she really wanted to. Her sense of “can’t do” became “I can do”. I often use the words myself when self-doubt attacks me: “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. In fact I know I can” The more she thought about it, the more determined she became, until she actually huffed and puffed and pulled herself to the top of the hill.

We’re like that. There are times when we feel defeated. When we just “can’t” reach the top of the hill. When everything around us is negative. And even our inner thoughts about ourselves are negative and we can’t “see” that we have the power to turn the “can’t” into a “can do”.

I’m not saying it’s easy. Because it darn well isn’t. And it takes a lot of determination and mindset to turn the tide. Is it worth it in the long run? Definitely.

It means learning to “keep focus”. Focus on what’s important in the whole picture. You, and me, and our life, and how we see it and how we want to live it, for us as well as our family. No excuses to others who want to have a piece of us and who are determined that we don’t know best. No guilt feelings acquired from past experiences and carried through to “now”. No wasting time!

The here and now is what it’s about. YOURS and MINE. Here and now. We know we are accountable for our actions and our responsibilities to others. We also know that overcoming what seems to be insurmountable does more for our confidence than almost anything else. We KNOW that we’ll be a better person once we have overcome the negativity.

And the woman in the mirror will be grateful too. A new light will flash in her eyes; she will smile more often; she will let us see our “good” points more easily. She will enjoy herself, and in so doing, we’ll enjoy ourselves too!

Because to age gracefully & graciously is something we all aim for; to age outrageously is something we want to do and look forward to doing.

© 2009 Zuzu

Aging Outrageously! Another look at wrinkles! Part One

Following yesterday's blog, Zuzu has a few words she'd like to say, about aging. Zuzu only having a few words to say? What a laugh - she's usually got a lot to say, but we have to admit what she says makes a lot of sense!

It’s all in the mind dear, all in the mind!

Whether it’s “positive thinking” or determination, or a matter of downright stubbornness, there’s a lot to be said for living life outrageously, especially as we grow older!

Keeping focus

Let’s start off with the obvious. A woman goes through many phases as she grows from childhood through to a teenager, an adult and then an older woman. These changes influence & impact upon her life at all those particular points in time and travel with her into the future, sometimes bringing with them emotional reminders, both good and bad. These she either confronts & deals with or carries as baggage.

But for the majority of us all the “seasons” of womanhood are exciting, filled with promise and challenges plus a few pitfalls which we manage to struggle through and rise above when it’s difficult but which we mainly sail happily through.

Then one day the face in the mirror that looks back at us, is unrecognisable. Life-experience, joys, hardship, worry, anxiety, the ups and downs of surviving in a world that may present hurdles and difficulties, show in our face and in our body. Gravity wears away at our looks and figures, and for some reason our mind undergoes a similar change. Not always for the better I might add. Yet it forms the opinion that the person in the mirror no longer deserves to be pampered or bothered about. Even as far as saying that the person no longer deserves respect.

With that decision, many subtle and not so subtle changes become habit. We take less care of our complexion, our hair, our hands and feet. We take less trouble in choosing clothing. Anything that fits (whether it suits us or not) will do! Many women even give up on their favourite past-times or leisure pursuits including hobbies, and “retire”. When I think about it (and I decided not to think about it too often a long time ago), “retire” is such a negative word! It’s really not worth my attention, because by definition it means, to sit in a corner and rusticate! Isn’t it better to “rest” when we need to, and to bustle around doing things when we decide to?

As so often happens when a woman “retires” she loses her sense of being important, if not to others, then quite often to herself. Silly, isn’t it?

And what also happens is that women no longer see themselves as intelligent, articulate women deserving of having their opinions heard and respected. We also forget, far TOO often, that we are still sensual beings.

Is it wrong for us to “want” to wear makeup, to dress nicely, do things we want to do, go where we want to go, travel, undertake courses at TAFE or university? Even buy a new car, leave a failed and/or broken relationship, especially if that relationship has become violent and uncaring. Even, dare I say it, take a lover? Don’t get me wrong - I have strong principles and ethics that direct my personal standards, but life is short, and it needs to be treated with the utmost respect, humility and affection.

Affection for life? Of course. It’s a wonderful and unique thing - life. You can’t make it, you can’t copy it, you can’t replace it. It’s a gift to you and I believe, passionately, that because it is a gift, it should be treated with gentleness and total and unconditional love and respect.

In my travels and dealings with women I have come to the conclusion that most older women (of course there are exceptions to the rule) have during most of the seasons of their life, given to others excessively even to the point of sacrifice and neglect to themselves and their personal needs (of time, money, opportunities and lots of other things).

Now this is not an un-natural or unusual occurrence. As a child we defer to our parents and honor them for being who and what they are. Whether we like them (as well as love them) is sometimes debatable, but ........ As a growing teenager, we suddenly discover we can do lots of things outside of our parents rule-book (whether they know about it or not is another matter!), but we grow and learn and discover lots of new things, and sensations. As an adult we can quite often find ourselves responsible for other people, including parents, children, other family members, indeed even friends. We take on all these responsibilities with sensitivity and regard them as being privileges.

Then one morning we wake up, and life has changed - drastically and dramatically for us. Our children (those of us who have them, bless their little hearts) have moved out, married and started their own families; our parents may have an even greater need of our attention and our love and care (and even though we get tired at the end of the day, we really wouldn’t have it any other way, because the alternative is too horrid to think about!); our partners may need not only more emotional care and support but also physical; and friends have a far greater need and call upon us to offer the shoulder more often plus a few tissues to help them through all of what’s going on with their lives.

Some of us even find that what we thought was “firm” and long-standing, no longer is. Financial circumstances can set off all sorts of alarm bells in our feelings of independence and security. Health problems rear their nasty little heads and cause us lots of sleepless nights. Marriages or relationships break down and so often we find we are beset with all sorts of problems never before imagined. We may find ourselves adrift without any support or encouragement from those people who are supposed to care - even family and friends. We may face the prospect of having to fight battles without the energy or resilience of youth. We set out to do what we must do because we’ve fought these same battles time and time again throughout our younger years. A case of deja vu. But now we’re older, and we’re much more tired.

Then the “woman in the mirror” tells us we’re no longer important. We’ve let ourselves go; we’ve lost whatever attraction we may have had, and we’re in a heap. Lines show in our face; our hair is thin and grey; our figure - well! Gravity has had a grand time, hasn’t it? So we’re worn out - physically, emotionally and spiritually.

TGBTG

Aging Outrageously!

I'm a "late bloomer". It's taken me more than half a century to realise I'm a delightful, delicious, sensual and sexy woman. The fact that I'm plus size, and the fact that I'm growing older, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with who I am, what I am, what I can become, my abilities, my capabilities, my strengths.

You see I grew up in an era where little girls were supposed to sit in a corner, to be quiet, and not to be loud or noisy, or a nuisance, or in fact to be anything other than a little mouse. I didn't always see "why" I should be like this, but I didn't dare open my mouth and question things.

Maybe I should have. Because there were lots of things that I needed to know. That I should have been taught and had explained to me. I grew up with much innocence, and with many thousands of other little girls, grew up in strict households, and didn't see anything wrong with that. Because we were all in the same situation.

So I think I was most fortunate in falling into a lot of deep holes as I grew up. Others did, and many never did scramble up out of those holes. Innocence can so easily so mistaken for ignorance, and ignorance can be disastrous if it occurs in changing of influencing a young girls life.

With never ending encouragement from my mother, and I see now much protection (from the world and what was in it) I soon came to the conclusion that I could do something with my life, if I applied myself, if I worked hard and smart, and never lost my focus. If I was always kind and sensitive to other people's feelings and listened to other people's opinions, but there was to be no yielding if I felt they were wrong. Yes, there were times when I told myself I would never get to where I wanted, and then the stubbornness would set in, and I'd push myself beyond what I thought were my limits. This worked so many times, that it became second nature.

This knowledge and experience I soon found could be shared. Women wanted to know HOW to achieve self confidence, HOW to bring about changes in their attitudes towards themselves, and HOW to live contented, although at times difficult, lives. It opened up yet another challenge for me in being able to share what I knew, what I had learned, and many of the hints and strategies that had helped and protected me during my growing up and maturing years.

You might think that I've become conceited in my older age. Not so. I've become more aware of myself. I've become confident. I've become my own "advocate" riding a white charger to fiercely take on anyone who does me wrong. I've become more pleased with how I think and how I live and how I act and interact with other people. I'm spontaneous but I'm genuine.

And I've met thousands of women just like me. Ordinary everyday women who because of many different circumstances never found the opportunity to discover themselves. Not until they were greying, and becoming wrinkled. And the liberation from feelings of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not intelligent enough" were life-changing.

We don't have to stay in the cocoon of self-doubt; we don't have to believe everything that people say about us to us and to outsiders; we are articulate, intelligent, unique human beings. We're able to feel secure in the knowledge that we know what is best, for us, without any interference from well-meaning but so often very wrong intentions of others. We don't tolerate inappropriate behaviours or attitudes. We know what's what, and we know what we need.

So if that means aging outrageously, because we have the audacity of saying what we think, and explaining what we need, then so be it.

It's a great adventure.

© Rose Davida, UK

The Way We Were!

Models and actresses in the 1950s and 1960s were, in the main, curvy and even voluptuous.

Even women sighed with a little touch of envy when Sophia Loren, Anna Magnani, Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell and Gina Lollobrigida graced the cinema screen. The men, of course, were almost panting and fainting with imaginations!

Busts were "in", bottoms were "in", hips were "in". Graceful figures, graceful women.

Even though we, as young women of the time knew that we would never, but never, meet the same "perfection" as we saw it expressed in these lovely women, we did however manager to feel like real women ourselves, because our figures were full, and rounded and curvaceous. It was a pleasure to dress our bodies, and if we didn't have the wardrobes of the current stars of the screen, then that didn't really upset us too much.

Of course there were always those people around us who made fun of us, who subjected us to ridicule, but on the whole we were satisfied were ourselves.

But then strange things started happening. All of a sudden it wasn't alright to have a bit of flesh, it wasn't OK to have big bosums and as far as hips and tummy were concerned, then we really missed the boat. We were no longer seen as being "feminine" let alone womanly. But did you notice that the those screen stars didn't adapt themselves to meet the media's demands? How often did we see (and still do) photos in our international women's magazines with rude and abusive texts devoted to decrying their expression of "womanhood" of Elizabeth Taylor, Liza Minelli, and dare I say it, if Marilyn Monroe were alive today, then she surely would be subjected to a tirade of ridicule and abuse. Let's look more recently and see how the media demanded that Kate Winslet and Drew Barrymore transform themselves.

And why? Because these women (and us too) have had the audacity and temerity to change shape and size over the years without their permission!

Without being biased and discriminatory about women who are naturally slim, even skinny, I wonder how it is that society as a whole has become so obsessed with not only shouting "down with curves", but actually denigrating and demeaning the plus size of this world? How have we allowed this to happen?

The media, and the fashion industry, I believe have a lot to answer for. Designers refuse to create flattering garments for women with curves and width; retailers and boutiques may carry a token number of garments for larger sizes, but nothing of any great value or quality. Yet the media particularly refuses to accept any blame for the lowering of self-esteem of their readers, girls, teens, young and older women. Having photos of garish, skeletal models strutting down the catwalks with scowls and glaring eyes, in garments that hardly seem to be holding together, does nothing for the real woman who wants clothing to make her look attractive. And for her to feel good when she is wearing those garments.

If today's media wants to carry on its "war against women" (that that's what it is if you think about it, because slim women are influenced as well), then let it go ahead. But don't for one minute imagine that the larger women of Australia and for that matter the smaller women too, are going to put up with it much longer. I can almost hear my counterparts in the USA and Europe saying: Neither are we!

Let me put this proposition to you. Women's magazines are supposedly for women - right? All women - right? Women of all ages - right? Women of all shapes and sizes - right. No. WRONG! Having a special page supplement of "what to wear when you're fat" is not the way to treat the plus size woman, and we should never have to feel "grateful" for such a supplement.

Women need "positive" pictures and photos; "positive" messages and "positive stories" about women who are women. Just like us, you and me. We don't need the so-called "experts" who don't really know what they are talking about, telling us that unless we're size 6-8 then we're not photogenic and certainly we should never expect to be taken seriously, about anything!

Editors, journalists, features writers, photographers, advertisers and the like need to know that they are displaying blatant discrimination in its rudest form, and it's about time they realised that there is no room for that sort of attitude today.

Let's go ahead, you and me, and the women in your family and groups of friends, and the woman next door, with ATTITUDE! No matter what our age, size or shape.